Sam LaPortas Burner
@Sirdabpen
Followers
723
Following
242
Media
93
Statuses
861
Professional sports handicapper | Elite ball knower | Known to be Freaky | 1st person to out pizza the hut | $CMG
The 313
Joined January 2024
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Kendrick
• 357343 Tweets
Super Bowl
• 297098 Tweets
Taylor
• 289522 Tweets
NYFW24 WITH GEMINI FOURTH
• 284963 Tweets
JISOO AT NYFW WITH TOMMY
• 158298 Tweets
Wayne
• 125409 Tweets
PONDPHUWIN NYFW2025
• 124194 Tweets
Browns
• 102551 Tweets
Cowboys
• 96424 Tweets
Watson
• 81132 Tweets
Lions
• 73571 Tweets
Raiders
• 57467 Tweets
重陽の節句
• 56518 Tweets
Chargers
• 54784 Tweets
Baker
• 41369 Tweets
ON CH3 iQIYI JACK JOKER
• 38300 Tweets
#JACKANDJOKER1stEP
• 37481 Tweets
Broncos
• 37102 Tweets
Cleveland
• 33279 Tweets
Tom Brady
• 29014 Tweets
Rams
• 27144 Tweets
#ZEEgotoNYFWwithCOS
• 26595 Tweets
ラヴィット
• 21114 Tweets
Alex Morgan
• 19317 Tweets
チャウヌ
• 19031 Tweets
もちづきさん
• 16890 Tweets
Bo Nix
• 14560 Tweets
#OnePride
• 13788 Tweets
ZEE x COS
• 11068 Tweets
ふっかさん
• 10396 Tweets
看護倫理学会
• 10296 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
Watching your boys celebrate after sneaking an extra leg into the lay
11
247
8K
Top 3 days in Burnerverse history
1. Lily Lang
2. Scotties arrest
3. The JP Staples incident
28
27
2K
Idea - Burnerverse Meetup
Dress Code
- Wear a white shirt with a photo of your profile picture on it
- Wear a ski mask to cover your identity
Rules
- BYOE
- No Girls
- Must show proof of burner at door
Thoughts??? Thanks.
- Sam
83
59
1K
5:00 - get home from work
5:05 - smoke a J
5:15 - Gym
6:30 - smoke another J then eat
7:00 - pickup a 6er, kick the feet up, and watch 2 old heads go at it.
Happy Debate Day
Cheers
- Sam
10
4
307
Sometimes I think about how cool it would be if the BV all moved to a small midwestern town and literally just created our own civilization funded by our dads credit cards
5
4
152
@DongDangler12
Thank u for leaving the number uncensored, just reached out myself. See u in the fall
1
0
119
4 years ago I guarded this guy in AAU and now I have to root for him?? He’s fucking garbage - I can tell u first hand, he couldn’t score on a Bum like me and now he has to score in the NBA?
Fuck Detroit and fuck the pistons, this guys so ass and so is our franchise.
FUCK!
6
0
77
The only guy who could restore peace to the world. We need you back, sir.
6
0
66
Long day in the office, think imma just start with the 12
1
0
32
Mom asked me if I’ve been making friends this summer
“Yes, well no, kinda - so like we’re all on Twitter. But idk any of them, but I feel like I know them mom. It’s more than just a screen name and tweets, they’re friends I promise”
0
1
27
No going back now!
#Level
🆙
Do I restore peace or level up in the douche world? I hold power here. Not sure what to do
7
1
23
6
1
25
Chat I got my fucking get back. Shot well and ran those old heads for 130$
Spent it all on Vuse pods, time for a minimal house filled drive back to Chicago.
Cheers everybody, happy Sunday.
- Sam
2
0
25
Praying football season saves the Burnerverse from what we fear it will become.
3
0
24
things I’m addicted to
- bogeying 18
- getting really high before a shower and then absolutely cranking shmeat in that shower
- menthol 5% vuse pods
- scrolling the BV
- telling my boys “they don’t know ball” after I drill a correct sports prediction
1
0
26
Do I restore peace or level up in the douche world? I hold power here. Not sure what to do
7
1
23
Tyler Childers and a blunt by the lake would go so hard rn
3
1
23
just accidentally tweeted on my real account
“been around the homeless too much, I’m starting to think black n milds smell good”
It was up for a good hour, hope all the old coaches and parents got a laugh at it 😅
2
0
20
If you see this and you’re on a burner, it means you were raised right.
So go tell your dad Happy Fathers Day
- Sam
0
0
19
Sometimes I just look at this and wonder if any of them could be important, oh well.
1
0
20
@percadonciic
Lil more than 6 weeks but yes fairly new to the Burnerverse - learning alot of history and realizing I have missed some big events. Cant edit without premium so oh well
1
0
18
Lotta commotion these last few days, think we all just need to clear our heads and get some fresh air.
Hope everyone had a great Tuesday, and here’s to an even better Wednesday.
Cheers
- Sam
3
0
16
@TheWife_Left_Me
Diesel, this is why your on the board. Fucking great idea. Always sharp and quick, well done. We will have to hop on a Microsoft teams sometime and start to process the next step. Pleasure as always, Sam.
0
0
16
@xanadianragweed
For a second I thought u broke into my house and took this photo. Makes me feel good seeing someone else do the same.
0
0
14
Chat I got sandbagged by a 56 year old.
Dad’s buddy made me give him 6 strokes (3 a side) then he proceeded to beat me straight up.
I will get him back tmrw, Sam is not taking this lightly, believe DAT.
- Sam
0
0
13
Top 6 best times to hit the pen
1. Right before eating chipper
2. Within 5 minutes of waking up
3. In an elevator alone
4. Long drives (bonus if alone)
5. Before a boring class
6. Airplane bathroom
HM: Post bar & when in nature — those feel more like times for a joint imo
5
0
12
Josh Giddey when he realizes 16 year olds in Chicago can fight back
1
2
11
Leaving early tmrw morning for a golf trip, taking this Friday easy.
200mg, good music, and a relaxing walk will do. Beautiful evening, hope everyone makes the most of tonight.
Cheers
- Sam
3
0
12
Gas stations should sell juuls for 80$ just to give us a trip down memory lane.
4
0
10
SlaPortasBurners Sunday
- Played the LIV championship course
- Made a literal fuck ton of money on Morikawa n Hideki
- Hit 4 Bryson outright tickets
- Opened a new cart
Happy Sunday to Bryson and to the BV, hope everyone had a great day.
- Sam
0
0
12
1
0
11
Twitter I present to you…..
The Ladder Challenge
Ludvig Top 5
Collin Top 10
Henley Top 20
Harman Top 30
Conners Top 40
169$ to win 5,100$
Happy Gambling
- Sam
4
0
10
Just gave a partner swing tips in the elevator, basically just the golf intern at this point. No complaints.
0
0
9
@WaylonIv3796
Yeah question here in the back left, names Sam.
First off, great spread - nicely done and I hope you enjoy this food.
But my question is, did u really need that big of ranch? Not hating, just curious.
- Sam
1
0
10
@SkeeterDingle
They think us youngings don’t know the OG tricks. Let em think that Skeeter, let em think that.
0
0
10
Bout to make my DEBUT in the Chicago bar scene, can’t wait to cause havoc on the train home.
Wemby, Bedard, SlaPortasBurner.
2
0
9
We did top 6 times to hit the pen, so now…
Top 6 Times to Smoke a J
1) 11:50am (CT) on NFL Sunday
2) After the bars
3) In a beautiful nature spot
4) Any form of hotbox (bonus for car)
5) Before going to a fire dinner
6) Before going to a 3D RealD movie
lmk what I forgot
6
1
8
Ncaa25 BV Connected dynasty????
32 teams. Xbox only.
Commissioner SlaPortasBurner is ready to organize it, yall just say the word.
2
0
7
Sitting here enjoying a numba 1 w a peach milkshake and the guy 2 booths over literally just sparked a blunt inside. Not mad, but man is Chicago a wild place.
2
0
8
Goodnight to the following
Khamzat
Scottie
Carlos A
@gr8g0oglymo0gly
P Gasso
@fairnessfactory
@ballhazeme18
All Vapers
My HS drug dealer
My MS drug dealer
@dookie_jackson1
D Burke
SVP
Trump
Dana W
@larrydavidburn
And a special goodnight to
@cigarettequeeen
- Sam
4
1
8
Tryna pop a dab pen when it’s clogged and won’t hit could be an Olympic sport
0
0
7
watching golf all day got to me so I impulse booked a tee time at the course where they’re hosting the LIV Championship.
Happy Saturday everyone
- Sam
2
0
7
Woke up to this in my notes, I was speaking the truth last night.
1
0
6
Got the thumbs up from my Boss to go golfing with a business partner tmrw morning 😫 As an intern!!!!!????? God this is getting kinda fun
#ChicagoChronicles
2
0
7
My intern task of the day is to walk around the office and provide US Open updates every 15 minutes. Finally something I’m good at.
0
0
7
It’s always “let’s go to happy hour” “I love happy hour” “woohooo happy hour”
But when was the last time you checked if Hour was actually happy?
Selfish pricks.
- Sam
1
0
7
@BockoCocko
“Social Media Leader”
- Inspired and laid a foundation for over 750 young men looking to learn. Was able to impact and serve my community, whilst making a difference in the lives of others.
0
0
6
Girth Brooks = Elly De La Booze
#crackeroftheday
I know for a fact this will turn some of my white boys on. Don’t even gotta ask
43
43
2K
0
0
5
Are we still doing this? If we’re done someone lmk I’m sorry don’t kill me.
If we’re still doing this, then the tweet starts here: wore this into the office today. Lick my nuts Nancy P 😮💨
#WeekendTime
0
0
3
@11kmrn
All these horny fucks giving u fake answers - newsflash, Sam doesn’t cut anyone slack.
The beer is fine if you’re a 55 year old man who is trying to cut weight but doesn’t wanna work out (my dad drinks those)
Get a Mich Ultra next time, Cheers
- Sam
2
0
6
Carlos Alcaraz: 21 years old making tennis history
SLaPortasBurner: 21 years old getting stoned at 7:30am on a Sunday and gambling his paychecks on Carlos Alcaraz
To each its own.
1
0
6
FUCKING WIN CARLOS, CMONNNNN CARLOS, YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT.
* featuring my everyday breakfast for abt the last 2.3 years
2
0
6
Craziest part - he’s like halfway done and they haven’t kicked him out yet
Sitting here enjoying a numba 1 w a peach milkshake and the guy 2 booths over literally just sparked a blunt inside. Not mad, but man is Chicago a wild place.
2
0
8
0
0
6
Just changed my @ to “Sirdabpen”
Just my @ not my name - I’m still Sam LaPortas Burner.
Not sure why I’d had StephenABayles before but I like the change. Gotta embrace what I love.
Night
- Sam
0
0
6
I feel like Hunter Biden would be a booze drinking, blow doing, whore fucking, proud white racist republican if he wasn’t born into the mess known as the Biden Family.
3
2
5
Goodnight to the following
Alex Pereira
Jon Jones
Larry David
@larrylovespot
Dana White
@DimeJerry75312
Rafael Devers
Si Woo Kim
Shane Lowry
Bruce Buffer
@stoolpresidente
@DavePoorboy
Ida B Wells
Huckleberry & Finn
@gr8g0oglymo0gly
Sleep tight you guys.
2
0
5
Gonna make an app that’s a CRM for dudes to keep their biddies organized
1
0
6
I hope the following sleep beautifully tonight (no order)
Dave Portnoy
Larry David
Connor McDavid
My boss (tmrws Monday)
@BockoCocko
@PhilMaCrack00
@WaymoMVP
Derek from Betr media
Tyrese Halliburton
Herb Dean
CEO of Chipotle
CEO of Peter Millar
goodnight to yall
4
0
5
@remember31_0
Only cuz I left out being a corporate little bitch for 8 hours. Rough day today Carpe, rough day.
1
0
5
@CPA_Doug69
I’ve come to the realization that when I compete in Paris I will essentially be Doxxing myself, but hey, it’s a hell of a way to introduce myself.
1
0
3
The office is gonna trumble in their boots when I walk up with this and vest over it. Goodnight Chicago.
1
0
5
Jrue Holiday plays like he’s at LA Fitness and there’s a bunch of girls watching
0
0
4
Me and the boys if they gave out Penalty Minutes for striking out with chicks at the bar.
0
0
5
Anyone else just been spamming their buddies with those reels that say “-1 trillion aura if sent this” ??
*if ur one of the ppl who I send them too, they ain’t stopping.
1
0
3
@larrylovespot
@cigarettequeeen
Larry got the blue check and forgot how to act, plz forgive him Hannah - he’s with me.
1
0
5
@tarheelpete
All it takes is one weekend where that 66-68 come b2b. It’ll happen Pete, keep grinding - and no matter what, Keep smoking.
- Sam
0
0
4
Apple employees were giving out free Peter Millar pullovers in the office today.
Hey Android fucks? Yall ever gotten that!? Pussies
1
0
5
Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
1
0
4
1
0
5
Day 1 of my internship, would be a shame if I got caught laying wood on an employee in the office bathroom.
#JustSayin
2
0
5
My dad came in my room today and said he’d buy me ncaa25, for old times sake.
Thanks big man, was gonna use ur credit card anyway though!
0
0
5