Moo Deng Pilled leafy
@leafylane16
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Aoife 🇮🇪🇦🇺 Leafs always, but endeared by the pens and flyers. 28. I rescue guinea pigs and write things for @offsidenewsco
Meanjin, Queensland
Joined January 2023
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Pinned Tweet
Look I did my part and had this ready a week ago. You think we’re just gonna let it sit in the drafts because he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain? After my hours on the NHL stats site?? Absolutely not 💅🏻
"That’s right, this week Auston Matthews did what he’s been threatening to do all season and scored his 69th goal of the season. Trust us, it’s funnier this way."
Read our breakdown of
#LeafsForever
Auston Matthews' (almost) 70-goal career year, and how he shapes up against
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I need everyone else to know about the New Zealand national men’s hockey team because a) they’re called the Ice Blacks and b) they do the Haka ON ICE and it goes extremely hard
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clearly we didn’t raise enough awareness last season
Another year, another rookie phenom experiencing shaken baby syndrome
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McDavid and Draisaitl at centre ice if the oilers win the cup
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this is the most insane hockey graphic I’ve seen on a Leafs broadcast in a minute
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Primetime for the NHL to go mainstream
we are entering another golden era for dudes who look a little funky. if youre a white guy who looks a little weird with it, its your time to shine
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Another year, another rookie phenom experiencing shaken baby syndrome
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I will buy the jersey of whatever NHL player is the first to do this
Duke guard Jared McCain has signed an NIL deal with beauty and nail polish brand Sally Hansen.
"Sorry if that offends any of you guys."
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People in the replies talking about all the blondes as if the problem isn’t accounts named shit like AndrewTateIsRight or TheWokePlague or WomenAreEvilSeductresses89
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We should have tried this with the leafs powerplay unit
After a German football team failed to score in five straight matches, their fans decided to get clever and use giant neon arrows to remind their players where the goal was.
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I support you all in this hour of your grieving
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NHL players be like “he’s a good guy” and it’s a guy who was once ordered by the courts to have no contact with the woman who he allegedly group sexually assaulted
Montour: “I’m just paying respect to a good friend of mine who I think the media is giving a little heat to this year. … I’m just paying my respects to a good player and a good guy.”
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In sad news, Auston the guinea pig turned out to be a girl and so we had to separate her and Mitch at 3 weeks lest Mitch get Auston pregnant 😭 Mitch has instead been put with a pair of our boys who are roughly 4 times his size, and he is delighted about it. Very on brand!
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“Is the sun important to you” remains an all time Toronto media question
made me think of all the sun/eclipse questions noted college guy joseph woll is fielding from mitch today
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@cheetowafflez
@seaglummm
Seems like a your friend group problem because none of the women in my life speak like that about other women and I certainly wouldn’t keep them in my life if they did
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I’m crying why does this quora preview make it look like Quinn Hughes had an affair with Prince Harry and/or Meghan Markle??
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@N0tst3in
@JeanGreige
the same in return?? My friend was broke between paydays so I shouted tickets to a hockey game and bought us both food and beers, I help my friends with packing/unpacking when they move, I pet-sit, I’m there when they’re going through shit. Why is friendship confusing for you??
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@KingBobIIV
@ollyw1ll
@andreajenkyns
And when that loving partner unknowingly infects them with HPV because there’s no test for men and they’re diagnosed with cervical cancer?
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Imagine arriving in a foreign country after 22 hours of travel and instead of a nap, Danny Briere drags u to New Jersey to parade you around like it’s Show and Tell, sticks you on a stationary bike, and introduces you to a coworker named Bonky with a straight face
Matvei Michkov has officially arrived in Philadelphia as fans followed his 22-hour journey. After a warm reception from the Flyers' front office, the young star's welcome is not yet over.
@Haleytsimon
|
@MetroPhilly
|
#LetsGoFlyers
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@daily_romania
@kindl_197
@cyberdogalex
shooting at the Olympics literally was mixed until Zhang Shan won gold in 1992 and the men were so pissed that women were banned from the event next Olympics and there was no women’s shooting event for several years
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“Is the sun important to you?”
okay in ur opinion what was the funniest/most unserious moment of the 23-24 season
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I have once again been visited by the middle aged woman on Reddit whose entire account is dedicated to searching for old comments on r/hockey about Sid just to declare that man a FRUIT 🍒
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@KeljarMoatis
@momma_jem
@KatyMontgomerie
Sam, Rory, Ashley, Kelly, Alex, Blake, Charlie, Jordan, Ryan <- just some of the names that are very much gender neutral.
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Slutty behaviour in front of Steve dangle?????
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@Acaydiya
@Ms_LilShadow
I went to twelve years of catholic school and never once was that a message I was ever told. That is not a Catholic message
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Inspired by the recent videos of Brad Marchand choosing Mitch ‘Hamster Hands’ Marner as his biggest opp. End the rodent on rodent crime 😔
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It’s actually important for the natural biome of ur hockey twt to be oomfs with fans of every team. If you just follow fans of your team you’re stifling it, and missing out on the wonderful diversity of memes and emotional support 4th liners that is on offer
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Sidney Crosby ‘Guess’ fancam but it’s just shots of his ancient decrepit jockstrap
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The Brisbane lightning are sponsored by City Fertility which means this is their jerseys when they’re bent over for a face off 💀
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@LeaMaric
@AutumnTweets
@sihirbazkhan_55
Based on the no high fives thing I’d say it’s more likely someone very immunocompromised who is reasonably terrified of getting covid
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@prexdoz
@Ihateyara
it is almost certainly full of pthalates that’ll leach into ur body and can cause serious health issues like cancer or infertility. It’s also probably porous making it impossible to sanitise so it’ll be full of bacteria and potentially mold.
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Logically I know Benny was on the ducks but photos of him with the piss and sunset serenade brothers are still a real jump scare
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Close enough, welcome back Hobey Baker!!
.
@kelteralev
former
#NCAAHockey
&
#NCAASoccer
player competed for
@TeamUSA
and won Bronze for
@USARugby
in rugby sevens. 🏒⚽️🏉
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@Sarah_Haar_
@ERN_Malleyscrub
That’s incredible, I thought he’d be like that possum who broke into a bakery and ate so many pastries he couldn’t move
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@JanuaryDoNoHarm
@FlyHel2
@SuperOfMyHome
Your child absolutely does not trust you and clearly for good reason
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Fascinating stuff going on in the comments that sums up exactly what Elliotte Friedman was talking about yesterday. Players aren’t turning down Toronto because of Mitch, they’re turning us down because of the way the fans and media treat him!
Chris Johnston on TCJS says Leafs talked to Jeff Skinner, pitched him on the idea of playing next to Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner, ultimately he chose Edmonton.
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@amybrownminger
Kyle and Jackie O are obviously horrific but holy shit the mother knew about the rape before putting her daughter through that?! It was bad enough even if she didn’t know
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After a leafs win I like to go to the guinea pig room and tell Mitch and Auston how their human counterparts did. Mitch is bummed about his high ankle sprain but Auston is delighted by her goals (she doesn’t think the play was offside, it was a hat trick in her eyes)
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God I hope they know about Mitch and Auston the guinea pigs
And your best material is prob getting screenshot and passed around a group chat.
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Who was it who said you can tell where you are in ur cycle based on how attracted you are to bertuzzi because they were right
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It’s come to my attention that some of you haven’t seen the greatest video in hockey history yet. Snippet below but full vid features bi-panic if it was a human Tyson Barrie, Jimmy Vesey and Brady Skjei bed sharing, and full on the mouth kiss between Brandon Tanev and Adam Lowry
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@DavidNorrish
@human_clickbait
I know you’re probs joking but every industrialised nation has a minimum annual leave requirement, except the US. It’s 16-20 days in most of Europe, not including paid public holidays, sick leave, or parental leave. And yet businesses are still raking in the profits worldwide
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@MelReneeStyles
I was drunk on New Year’s Eve in my city and there was a guy unconscious in a puddle of vomit and everyone just walked past. There was a cop 10m away writing parking tickets. We rolled him on his side and waited for the ambos but it was so shit seeing how many ppl ignored him
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Auston Matthews and Co. can secure a spot in the 2024
#StanleyCup
Playoffs tonight. The
@MapleLeafs
have qualified for the postseason every year since Matthews and Mitch Marner entered the League.
#NHLStats
:
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Rumours on the TL that the Leafs could sign Laurent Brossoit, and let me be the first to say assez s'il vous plaît Brad 🙏🏻
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Nah Xhekaj is a dangerously loose cannon at this point. It’s the preseason, get a grip. This shit is what happens when you feel immune from consequences because you get a fine for punching someone repeatedly in the back of the head
Arber Xhekaj received a major and a game misconduct for this hit on Tim Stützle
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@malkinmoth
They were straight up just trying to kill that boy for like his first 5 years in the league, I would be using my rookie money to find out how to hex a player’s entire bloodline.
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@gwinglemove
@archaicinternet
This whole thread feels so perfectly old Twitter, I’m nostalgic. There’s such a lack of bots and everyone’s actually replying to the content of the tweet and not just meaningless nonsense.
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@duder_45
@WOlookingitup
Politician uses teleprompter for her speech like literally every politician and event speaker does, more at 6!
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@DawgGabriel
@BigMeanInternet
If they’re literally holding a land action of stolen land, yes absolutely!
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Well well well, if it isn’t the brick boys
Joseph Woll and Matthew Knies also known as Brick Woll and Brick (Baby?)
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@SpaghettiJesus
@sarahthekitty7
What does this have to do with muscle lesbians lmao?? Muscles ≠ veins so big and bulging it looks like there are snakes under your skin
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This is one of the incredible programs that Arizona will likely lose if they’re relocated. What a bummer.
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A reminder for the anti vaxxers cropping up over this: covid is a vascular disease. You’re at an increased risk of serious blood clots for 6 months post infection. You are far more at risk from even a mild case of covid than from the vaccines. 1/3
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@bear_nic_
@KatyMontgomerie
Girl that’s what my body looks like in a bikini and I’m a cis woman. I’ve got broad shoulders and a wide waist. I’m pretty straight up and down. Our bodies come in all shapes and sizes. This is just misogyny
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@catherinesclaws
One of the creators of the most prominent reunification camp program is right here on Twitter if anyone is interested in that information
@RichardWarshak
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Cards on the table they are ranked like 36th globally but in their defence they literally only got a national league in 2005 😭 and it’s still amateur! Also the juniors team does it as well! Video is from here, it wouldn’t embed for some reason
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@barca_watch
@Kdagod4444
@MisterMiracle14
Buddy, what movie?? It’s a stage production of a play. They cast based on stage talent
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Playoffs truly are like being stuck in a truly toxic timeloop. Everyday I wake up and we’re playing the Boston bruins
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@SibneyCrombsy
Just sitting there in silence is killing me who let this toddler have screen time so late at night?! 😭
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Me when it hits 9pm and all my beloved hockey friends and oomfs start to wake up
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@CRYDAM0UR3
This YouTube commenter 🤝 the random Reddit woman who comments on every post about sid calling him a closet case
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Please keep Mitch (the guinea pig) in your thoughts today. He’s fine, he just has to get desexed because he keeps biting the other boys
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Anyway now is the perfect time to write in Arturs Silovs for goalie who most deserves a gun
🏆🏒 Forget the NHL Awards, the staff here at Offside News is dedicated to uplifting the integrity of the game and rewarding true success in this sport. Vote for your favourite moments and stars of the year here:
Read more:
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I am simply not immune to little Pastina
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How it feels to have known this was the likely outcome all along
🗣️ Darren Dreger via
@FirstUp1050
:
"I think Treliving would rather extend Marner than trade him”
#leafsforever
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It’s so funny living in the opposite time zone to most of hockey twt because I wake up to vague tweets and I just have to keep scrolling back and piece together what it is everyone’s yelling at each other about today. Save some drama for August guys, the off-season is long
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@hangukhiphop
@Hezbolsonaro
It’s also done when women are having non gynaecological surgeries. Imagine going in for an appendectomy and being given a non consensual prostate exam?
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@zeta_globin
I think it’s pretty sad that wearing perfume or heels is cause for everyone to hate you in your workplace. Women don’t need to wear make up or heels to work but they can also put effort into their appearance and it doesn’t make them any less professional or intelligent.
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@offsidenewsco
And please donate to any of the gofundme’s below if you’re able! Or to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund here:
everyone is active so here is a thread of gofundme and links to help palestine, congo, and sudan.
a lot of these links have not yet reached their goal so please share and donate if you can ‼️
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@mmirandyy
Life truly imitates art. And wait til you see the text I got from my mother while I was at a musical lmao, I swear I nearly choked
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I find it extremely funny when Mitch hate comments like the ones in the replies sound like they were written by Mitch girlies. “He’s checking his tiktok” or “he’s watching cartoons” — weird bitter middle aged men you are just like us fr
Mitch Marner looks things over for a while as the rest of the team leaves the ice for the first intermission.
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@jennyoun
@laurenancona
@CeeEyes
when did they say shit about Biden or trump?? What is your problem? Nowhere did they say they’re against Meals on wheels, just that the majority of disabled people are ineligible for it purely by age limits so it’s stupid to suggest it as a gotcha
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Hello would anyone like to meet 1634 in guinea pig form? The little one on the left is Mitchy and the one with the adorable rather large head on the right is Auston. They’re 3 hours old here
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LFG Peepaw!! Oldest player in the league two years running babyy; hair and youth just slow you down
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Absolutely reeling to find out not only are Calle Jarnkrok and Elias Lindholm cousins, they and Jacob Markstrom are all very good childhood friends because they all grew up in the town in Sweden with the giant Christmas goat that gets set on fire or destroyed every year!!
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Mother penguin surrounded by smaller baby penguins
They made sure to take this picture in the order they sit in the room
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please. shave. this is miles worse than ANYTHING mitch marner has ever attempted
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Stoppable force meets movable object
Can't believe we're getting "the team that can't win a Game 7" vs. "the team that can't hold a 3-1 series lead", winner takes all. The dream meme matchup.
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@SibneyCrombsy
He is the only one in the entire league 😭 gonna be a long time before we produce another, they’re like the avatar
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@matbarzys
Oh. ashamed to say I’d crumble at this tbh, that admin is stronger than the marines
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@ElevatedType11
@ElaineWITV
I’d give this a listen instead before I turned into the kind of person who accused a traumatised family of faking the worst night of their lives.
@AramintaMooncr1
@ElaineWITV
If anyone is interested in a complete debunk of Richard's claims by two former conspiracy theorists, one of which was a frequent guest on Hall's show. Listen here.
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