Lou Seale
@homo_placidus
Followers
227
Following
476
Media
658
Statuses
2,287
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Sant RampalJi Se Maafi Maango
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Medvedev
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STRAY KIDS ATE TEASER 4
• 18470 Tweets
DIVE INTO TWICE
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ブランキー
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HYUNJIN PRINCE OF MILAN
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Alcaraz
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Pinned Tweet
@AndyRichter
That was the year it was my turn to hold down the Swedish German, bad times. This one old prospector was really concerned that I not tell anyone about it.
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@katiedimartin
I had a teacher who always ended it “with liberty and justice for a few rich people.” Miss him.
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@madisontayt_
Good but you know what would go great with that coffee? Some pancakes. I love pancakes
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@lxeagle17
“I would love you but I am concerned it might reinforce the femme labor paradigm”
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@LRH_Superfan
Even if it reaches 100%, who cares, every marriage will be a Nguyen-Nguyen situation
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@MikeDrucker
What makes this especially funny is it totally confirms that his lawyers told him he absolutely should not testify because it would result in him committing perjury, but they tried to soften it by saying it would be true of anyone, and he bought that
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@itsNickBoland
@lilsamsquanch66
Exactly what we all have been referring to for the last 28 years as if it happens all the time, good find
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@GoodReddit
One of my favorite second-hand stories is of a guy who got kicked out a strip club yelling "this isn't a gentlemen's club anyway, none of you are gentlemen, you don't even own any land"
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@AriWRees
I have never wondered more what someone meant by “and everything”
Like, no, sir, we’re going to need those details, we don’t just know intuitively what sort of things a vagrant might do with a severed leg besides eating it and banging it against a wall
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@alexmercuri
“Bro it got me thinking. I would never drop a bomb on you. Seriously, bro.”
“You just did, bro.”
“Bro.”
“Bro.”
[hugging and crying]
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@PleaseBeGneiss
“I like to get something in the mail that I know had been licked by a person” - Letterman
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@BigTucsonDad
The country that had a child singer perform backstage at the Olympics while a more attractive child pretended to be the one singing on tv would never
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@Rainmaker1973
“There’s a fire at the edge of the lake, we need someone to put it out with a speedb—-
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@poisonjr
He has pointed out many times that it was a relatively* affluent drug addict
* relative to most people
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@AutoPap
@Jeffers_2068
@SteveMadras
“In the land where you sue if you suffer serious injury as the result of another’s negligence” fixed it for ya
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@theliamnissan
I looked up the lyrics to Tears in Heaven to make a joke about him but ended up crying instead, this sucks
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@murderxbryan
“Nah just one slice”
“What?”
“Like, 1/8 of a pizza, you know”
“Huh?”
“Can I get an eighth?”
“Oh ok yeah see you soon”
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361
@tombomp
Sounds like someone learned things about Britain and its history
Imagine the look of the faces of the looters
“Look at these beautiful objects, we will put them on display for the pride of all Britons!”
[700 years later]
“Wot’s all this, then?”
“Buncha stolen foreign crap.”
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@Bonecondor
“So, you get to play out the fantasy of being a professional athlete?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then what is the fantasy about?”
“Owning them. The athletes.”
“…”
“Also we trade them to other owners.”
“I’m going to go sit over there”
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@B4horry
@InternetH0F
@internethos
Had one in my English class, very good writer. Never missed a period
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@KilValmer
@rdmetz
@mythicalpizza
@bobby
Damn dude you are really upset about not being his therapist
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@SmallPutrk
Also there is an alternate cut in which Cillian Murphy breaks the fourth wall in every scene to say “this is bad, actually”
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@poisonjr
True story, I learned the word CHILAXN from a license plate
It was a purple Geo Tracker with gold wheels
The four occupants appeared to outweigh the vehicle
They had a wolf-whistle horn which was deployed at my gf
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@DevinCow
I mean, do the kids these days even say “but I can still see the ball” when asked to come inside?
Do they go outside?
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@SiddhantAdlakha
We’re all gonna be shocked when it turns out the plot of Barbie is an alternate history in which Ken negotiates the peaceful surrender of the Japanese Empire
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@JCSchwartzProf
@lawlibertarian
The entire doctrine is based on the notion that police officers read appellate decisions which is insane
Like that case really held the police could not be held liable for theft because there was no prior appellate decision specifically telling them that cops shouldn’t steal
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@evemmore
[Is pregnant]
“Oh no how will we raise our baby without a house in the suburbs”
“Hey guys it turns out a meteorite fell on my grandfather’s farm in Iowa and it’s worth $5 million so he’s buying me a house”
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@czarmitch
“Doctor, I feel helpless to change the problems I see in the world”
“Have you tried not trying to do anything about it and not caring?”
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@fesshole
If this happens to you, dear reader, report it to appropriate law enforcement authorities and send a copy of your report to HR, they will fire you and easy money will follow as long as you are patient
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@LibrarianPoster
I was the foreman on a murder trial and had to come down on someone for saying “those people,” it was very awkward
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@TomCokeIsABlunt
I’ve been puzzled by this also and all I can come up with is that the trigger is “women who don’t want to have sex with me”
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@fesshole
Wife: “We don’t really have to do this, I already have the love of The West Wing in my heart”
Husband: “But how can I be sure of that?”
W: “Faith is the true shibboleth”
H: [head explodes]
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@punished_cait
🎶 Went soft in my girl the other day
Then I got back on my knees, to pra-a-ay
Got a guest who has extended their stay
Just want to sit back and jack all of my troubles away 🎶
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@ben_rosen
“But you have to have romance, that’s why my wife and I decided to go to the movies every time we have sex. I finally got to see Oppenheimer, my wife already knew all the lines by heart”
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@fesshole
[Zipping up pants] “So anyway it seems there’s been a slight misunderstanding, I’m not actually…”
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@mrsballs69
I was so ready to defend this nice lagoon before learning it cost $70k
That’s Morgan Plus Four money
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@InternetH0F
@HelpingChads
This guy found a picture of a guy petting a cat on a train in the winter. He did a fake caption and it began to get likes & shares again
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@CantRNthisNow
@pot8um
@brainyisnewsexy
NPRB is federal, state law cannot preempt it
Risk is if you have a whistleblower claim involving anything NLRB-adjacent it can get removed to federal court (though I assume in many states this might not be a bad thing)
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@quidditch424
It shouldn’t be that way, IVF is healthcare, it should be accessible to those who need it
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@notdylm
I think there should be a room at the library where we can all go watch 30 Rock together any time
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@itsNickBoland
@WillyDiBa7
@lilsamsquanch66
Yes but I think the first one you posted was what created the legend for anyone who was a kid at that time
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@thereisnojayjay
[Returning from bathroom] “Hey what happened?”
“Oh you’re dead now and we took all your stuff, I was like ‘I’m gonna stab him and take all his stuff’ and you didn’t say anything”
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Trebek was so damn good at this
I don’t think they should do a pop culture version of Jeopardy. One of the best things about Jeopardy is seeing poindexters who know way too much about quantum physics not know who Michael Jordan is
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@alexjb24
I think we need to take away the explainers, artists have become way too reliant on them
This piece in no way attempts to communicate its content organically/internally, no one would ever know what it’s about without the caption
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@AndreaAHarris1
@RachelConnoll14
True story, worked on a shoplifting case where the report said this kid got away (temporarily) by pointing and telling the loss prevention officer “hey, look over there” then running in the opposite direction
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@VoxPrudentia
Beautifully written
Indeed much of the soul of country music is the pain of struggle to survive
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@aromantic_romeo
Obvious answer is when dude threw a bunch of knives into the walls because people would always ask “what’s with the knives” but my fav was when horse-porn guy (one of the Cursed Room renters) woke up in someone’s front lawn on their gate which he had torn off to use as a bed
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@RealLuisFonsi
@PunishedFredda
This is a good description of how Christianity supplanted paganism
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@fesshole
Bad news, the student actually suffered a perforated bowel from the pressure, leading to sepsis (terribly painful) and numerous corrective operations, after which he was unable to process solid food and permanently dependent on a colostomy bag
Nah I’m just kidding, he’s dead
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@Shamir90M
@Connispiracy
@WomenPostingLs
Bro just say men should be able to beat their wives if that’s what you believe
Don’t dance around the point, it makes you look weak
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@capybaroness
TVs should come with little motorized curtains at each end to open for widescreen when it’s movie time
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@saywhatagain
Yeah I remember this artist that shot three people who came to his exhibition, their families are still mad about it 20 years later lol
Really sparked a lot of discussions about what art even means!
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@isaacfeldberg
Was considering a flick for this weekend and I couldn’t decide which of these sounded more ridiculous
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@Papapishu
Yeah nowadays when people ask “how’s your wife” and I say “38-28-40” they get really confused
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@danielleweisber
There’s a place called Pretend City that has a tiny Trader Joe’s inside where they can do this
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@UberFacts
Price is Right is not so careful, but I saw one where a contestant in the row guessed something ending in 69 each time. So the producers punked him by offering up a product ending in 68. He was a dollar over.
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