John Cartwright
@JohnLoony
Followers
792
Following
173
Media
4,434
Statuses
93,814
Croydon, London, gay, autistic, poet, surrealist, formerly Official Monster Raving Loony Party (1996-2013), now Conservative. All my own opinions.
Croydon
Joined April 2011
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ドラフト
• 414603 Tweets
BA WIN PRADA SOUND
• 161253 Tweets
#빛나는_리노의_YOUTH
• 94080 Tweets
#るぅとくん誕生祭2024
• 92654 Tweets
#PrideOfKpopLeeKnow
• 90979 Tweets
CONSTRUCT A NEW DREAMSCAPE
• 84332 Tweets
#わたしの宝物
• 80994 Tweets
#หนึ่งในร้อยEP11
• 80142 Tweets
Baakhabar Sant Rampal Ji
• 80073 Tweets
Errejón
• 74152 Tweets
ILL BE THERE TODAY
• 60520 Tweets
青春18きっぷ
• 55165 Tweets
#HAPPYSHODAY
• 52231 Tweets
Rio de Janeiro
• 46510 Tweets
#與那城奨を沖縄から世界へ
• 43667 Tweets
FURIA EN BONDI
• 39295 Tweets
Sumar
• 31946 Tweets
#松田好花ANNX
• 18522 Tweets
GALA X DESPIERTA
• 16061 Tweets
まっすー
• 15516 Tweets
もやしもん
• 14516 Tweets
冬月くん
• 12223 Tweets
ヌーハラ
• 10448 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
Exciting news! the "Yellow Book Of Poems Volume 2" (by me) is now available from only £4.85 + p&p for 149 pages. Everybody should buy it, although it's not as good as my first book.
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@Spudstar1
@adrianbliss
Don’t be ridiculous. Of course they did. Didn’t you watch the CCTV footage in the tweet?
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@Richard_Spoor
I have never got drunk and "mooned" someone, nor set fire to a police car, nor driven while drunk. If I were to do so, I would expect to be punished accordingly. I wouldn't expect a mad person on Twitter to make ridiculous excuses as if it's only trivial
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Liam Payne is like a strawberry in a microwave oven
sweet & hot
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This does not diminish my opinion of Gavin Williamson at all. Gavin Williamson is an obnoxious pathetic nauseating arrogant adolescent who is already at the lowest level of the gutters of Hell. It is a disgrace that he ever became a government minister.
EXCLUSIVE: Christian Wakeford says Gavin Williamson is the MP who threatened to cancel a new school in his constituency if he voted against govt on free school meals
He's categorical: "It was Gavin Williamson" — then education secretary.
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These children are actually rubbish at singing. They shouldn’t be given extra credit just because of the job their parents do.
#BGT
#BritainsGotTalent
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In the entire history of the NHS, every Conservative government in every single year has increased expenditure on the NHS. The only government to cut spending on the NHS in real terms was the Labour government in the 1970s.
#VoteConservative
!
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@piersmorgan
@BenedictMPWhite
You are not being criticised for interviewing him. You are being criticised for shouting him down and constantly interrupting him.
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@redditships
Keep the book as evidence. The issue is more important than just the price of purchasing it.
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@thequentinletts
@AlasdairIS
Most of my fellow Conservatives that I've interacted with in recent weeks say the same thing. Better to vote Brexit than to spoil the ballot paper, or to boycott the election.
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Compare and contrast
@JakeFoushee
and Vermeer
#SeventeenthCenturyMasterpieces
http://t.co/RpZCrX5SJJ
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@liamsolodebut
@LiamPayne
Top 3 reasons why
@LiamPayne
is the nicest 1D member:
1. He has the deepest voice
2. He is the most handsome
3. He wrote me a nice letter
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@chrisdeerin
I can't speak for other Brexiteers, but I'm not barking with jingoism. I'm an internationalist, rejoicing in opening up to the whole world.
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@BeckettUnite
No it wasn’t. It was a loving son assisting his frail elderly mother. It was also a method of enabling him to enter the Abbey without everyone having to watch him parading along from the western entrance.
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Just think: every day closer to
@TomDaley1994
competing in the FINA diving competition in Beijing is a day closer to
@DLanceBlack
jumping off the 10 metre board 👏🇬🇧🇺🇸🇨🇳
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@adrianbliss
I normally really like these sketches, but I don’t understand the last bit. Who are the “let’s get out of here” characters?
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The main clear impression that I got from
#InsideEurope
#TenYearsOfTurmoil
is that it has always been difficult to get other EU countries to agree to even modest concessions. The UK should be able to make its own laws, without needing to negotiate with EU. Confirms my Leave vote.
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Surrey East candidates
@thomasbowell
(Labour) and
@GreenKnight2010
(Green) in 2015 and in 2024
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It should be against the law for people to think that Justin Bieber is more beautiful than Liam Payne.
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@QueerlyNiamh
If you think that’s an appropriate way for people to demonstrate or protest about the circumstances of someone’s death, then you have to understand that it is also subject to criticism by those who think that such behaviour is not appropriate. Freedom of speech works both ways.
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#TheMissingChildren
If the government of the Republic of Ireland wants the world to think that Ireland is a modern civilised country, it must fully open the archives, allow the adoptees to have full access to their identities, and have a full forensic investigation of the bodies
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One of the reasons I’m glad we have the professional British police in the UK instead of the trigger-happy psychos they have in American police forces
#24hoursinpolicecustody
If this was American they would have took him out with a sniper as soon as he emerged onto the balcony😂
#24hoursinpolicecustody
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@brendanjharkin
We should invade the USA and not allow them to become independent again until they learn to say "aluminium" properly
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@rchrisleigh
Then UKIP would have got 20% of the votes in 2015, the pro-Brexit vote would have been split, and Ed Miliband would have been PM under a Labour government.
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@AlexPetrovnia
"...They are ancients, elders, witnesses to half a billion years of life coming and going. To be tall is not a virtue. To be small is not a sin. The Appalachians are eroding under the weight of time, slowly shrinking and returning to the Earth from which they sprang.” (2/2)
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@MartinDaubney
Diane Abbott did not “block the extradition of” anyone, because she doesn’t have the authority to do so. It was the courts which did that, because the courts were upholding the law.
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Dylan Mynett was brilligtastic as Joey in this week’s episode of
#CallTheMidwife
. He has great potential for the future.
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@theandydurrant
@thestorybeast
Why didn't he just take a small sip first, normally and properly, to taste it, instead of gulping a whole lot in one go?
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#MurderInTheOutback
on C4 about the murder of Peter
#Falconio
was interesting so far, but I'm still waiting for the doubters and skeptics to explain
(if they think Bradley Murdoch is innocent)
how his DNA got onto Joanne Lees' shirt.
Will I still be waiting after 3 more episodes?
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It is horrendous that the parents are casually saying "it's tradition" and "we've always done it" as if that's a rational excuse for mutilating non-consenting children without medical necessity
#ACutTooFar
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According to various people on Twitter
(and of course Twitter is always 100% reliable),
Princess Eugenie
(a) was in labour 3 days ago
(b) gave birth to a girl yesterday
(c) gave birth to a boy today
I predict that she will give birth next week to octuplets
(5 boys & 4 girls).
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@AlexPetrovnia
“The Rockies are new, young and virile and fresh from the Laramide orogeny, tall and lanky teenagers on the geological scale. The Appalachian mountains are old, formed hundreds of millions of years ago before the dinosaurs walked the Earth. ..." (1/2)
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@dbuzz6589
@RevRichardColes
What a pity that the excellent piano playing was spoiled by the noise of an insane lunatic squawking and shouting all the way through
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This afternoon, for the first time in my life, I went into a ward represented by Green Party councillors in Croydon 👏🟩🇬🇧 Congratulations to
@CroydonEsther
and
@Ria__Patel
and commiserations to
@GreenPeterU
, who would have been an excellent councillor
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Soldiers who are deployed to maintain security in tense situations do not suddenly forget that it is illegal to shoot and kill unarmed unresisting civilians in the back.
#MassacreAtBallymurphy
Any Paras who committed those murders, and who can be identified, must be prosecuted.
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@HarryMaxwell
I blame Meghan, not Harry. She has a track record of falling out with people. When she dumps Harry, he can get a divorce and be rescued.
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@LabourSJ
If you want to be taken seriously, you need to compare like with like:
Rape/ statues
Maximum: life/ 10 years
Average: 5 years/ few months
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#Corrie
#CoronationStreet
Leanne is really annoying me. She's completely deluded and unrealistic. I want Oliver to wake up, become a serial killer, kill her (and kill Geoff as a bonus) and then slip back into a coma.
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This woman singing “Abide With Me” is awfully out of tune.
#FestivalOfRemembrance
#RoyalBritishLegion
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@JodieWantsPizza
No it isn't. The picture on the left is Esther Phillips (1935-1984), and the one on the right is a Ukrainian model called Olya. The real Esther Jones died or disappeared in c.1934 and no known photos of her as an adult exist.
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There isn't any law which says that victims of crime have to be articulate, or have perfect memory of all details, or be charismatic or likeable, or have to emote and cry constantly, or gave to give media interviews, in order to be believed.
#MurderInTheOutback
#Falconio
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@DannyHackett
@BenKentish
The 72-year-old wasn’t jailed for selling mice pies. He was jailed for perverting the course of justice (trying to delete the CCTV evidence of the mince pie selling).
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I wonder if Dennis Skinner is at home, watching the State Opening of Parliament, heckling at the TV
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@PeterTatchell
If you ask my opinion, the original rainbow flag should suffice for everybody. The ugly flags are the multiple variations with added circles, triangles, pink / brown / grey stripes, chevrons etc. which are divisive and break us up into ever more microcategories.
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@milehigherjoel
"The Rockies are new, young and virile and fresh from the Laramide orogeny, tall and lanky teenagers on the geological scale. The Appalachian mountains are old, formed hundreds of millions of years ago before the dinosaurs walked the Earth. They are ancients, elders,..." (1 of 2)
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@foxacheUK
@qikipedia
The road is a road, but the road sign is not a road, therefore the sign can legitimately claim not to be a road.
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@milehigherjoel
"They are ancients, elders, witnesses to half a billion years of life coming and going. To be tall is not a virtue. To be small is not a sin. The Appalachians are eroding under the weight of time, slowly shrinking and returning to the Earth from which they sprang.” (2 of 2)
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The insurance fraud by Dr Anthony McGrath is the most entertaining, most interesting, and most hilarious episode of
#24HoursInPoliceCustody
that there has ever been. I’m glad that
@Channel4
is repeating it so often.
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@antisemitism
Why is the PC’s face blurred out? NW377 should be named and shamed, not just the Met Commissioner.
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@geohenleyreal
@emmhi0
It is scientifically impossible for anybody to hate Skandar. He is one of the most beautiful men in the world. Anybody who suggests otherwise is obviously insane.
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@LackingSaint
Capitalism is the thing which has lifted humans out of absolute poverty and prevented those numbers from being higher. Those causes of death have been the norm for humans for tens of thousands of years.
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@actuallyashleyp
Liam Payne has been my favourite member of One Direction since two years before One Direction was formed
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@PaulBlack2022
@BBCAfrica
The headline doesn’t say “hero”; it says “fallen hero” i.e. that he WAS (past tense) a hero BEFORE he started murdering people
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Favourite bits:
1. Dave next to the fireplace
2. Viscount biscuits
3. McGrath can’t stop talking
#24HoursInPoliceCustody
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#SteeltownMurders
keeps alternating between 1973 and 2002. It would be easier to follow if they had the 1973 bits in sepia/beige tone, and the 2002 bits in bright colours. But they are both in the same beige colours without any differentiation.
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.
@DLanceBlack
You made me cry. A lot. Or at least, your Mom did. Or God did. Or whoever. I read your book (in 3 days) and just now I watched the tribute film from her funeral. By the end of the 3 minutes 26 seconds I was blubbing. RIP Anne Bisch, RIP Marcus, RIP Iz Kamakawiwo'ole
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@toryboypierce
Nothing ridiculous about protecting children from violence. I've never understand why it is somehow OK to assault a child but not an adult.
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R.I.P. My father, Roland Cartwright (21st July 1926 - 27th October 2022). We are all lucky to have had him for so long, and in good health until only a year ago. He always liked being 3 months younger than the Queen, and was interested to see one more Prime Minister than she did.
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@TitaniaMcGrath
Our modern prosperous peaceful progressive tolerant democratic society will never be truly happy until all our citizens are consumed by a frenzy of hatred and rage towards those who try to undermine our tranquillity and harmony by peddling their divisive dogma of open-mindedness.
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@Branquita4
@qikipedia
Sub-atomic particles randomly pop in and out of existence, in pairs, out of empty space, and then annihilate each other again. If it happens near to the event horizon, one half can fall in to the black hole and the other half can escape. It takes light energy with it.
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@JimReaper11
They would be amazed and delighted at how rich the people of Ireland have become, and how modern technology has transformed people’s lives for the better. Plumbing electricity internet television radio roads trains hospitals, clean water supply, gay marriage, legal abortion
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Minor psephological factoid: all the Parliamentary by-elections in this Parliament were won by women.
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@TitaniaMcGrath
You already do. You "earn" your money because people willingly pay for your product. Bankers (especially male ones) acquire their money by hierarchicalistic expropriation of excess value from the toiling masses and from imperialist colonialist plunder. It is scavenged, not earnt.
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@HalifaxBank
Going out of your way to alienate and insult your customers, and telling them to take their custom to other providers, might not necessarily be a good business strategy.
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@JoaquimCampa
@citnaj
Fascinating! Lots of people who died in WW1 or WW2. People who died in the Spanish Flu of 1918. People who died of old age in the 1950s & 60s. And almost everybody, everywhere, of all ages, and of both sexes, is wearing a hat! Hats are universal.
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@4m4r_1
No it is not what most UK people feel. Most people don’t going around referring to Israel as “The Jews”, and most people recognise that Israel has the legitimate right of self-defence against the Hamas terrorists.
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What next after Partygate?
Harrogate: lying about going to public school
Southgate: lying about coming from the Home Counties
Highgate: lying about taking hallucinogenic drugs
Stansgate: lying about supporting Tony Benn for leader
Postgate: a series of clangers
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@cosmicsziam
The utterly gorgeous handsome lean athletic masculine deep-voiced Liam Payne has had an amazing voice for 10 years
#deep
#masculine
😍❤️😍
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HOW TWITTER WORKS:
1. "Alan Bennett" is trending
2. Me: Has Alan Bennett died?
3. Link says: "Alan Bennett admits double murder in Teesside"
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#BGT
Trey Braine: 5 minutes of hyped-up intro, and then 1 minute of chaotic rubbish moving. Not dancing, just rubbish.
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#MadeInKorea
#TheKPopExperience
Why are they being forced to struggle with such a high-pitched song when they have naturally much deeper speaking voices?
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Moving article by
@TomDaley1994
talking about his Dad who died almost a year ago
http://t.co/om3KsYhn
:( RIP Rob Daley
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All 12 episodes of
#TheYoungOnes
(1982-1984) are available to watch on BBC i-Player. Everybody who hasn’t watched it yet should watch it, because it’s really cool and heavy, man.
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@alexlowe51
@NickFerrariLBC
Well obviously the reason why Peter will be in the middle, between William and Harry, is to stop them fighting. It can't possibly be anything to do with being the oldest grandchild or anything
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@FionaLichfield
If it was your 40th birthday, you ought to remember the date more precisely than just "circa 2004" 😄
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Asking a Remoaner to grow a backbone is like asking a snail to design a high-speed magnetic levitation transport system
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#FakeOrFortune
I say get rid of the white. The Gorky Foundation is a load of nincompoops if they think that the white paint is part of the work.
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@ElectoralCommUK
Ridiculous idea. Deposit of £500 indicates that a candidate has resources for a proper campaign. Should be increased and/or index-linked.
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Exciting news! My new book
YELLOW BOOK OF POEMS
written by me
is now available for everybody to buy from
Only £4.80 + postage for 200 pages.
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@jessicaelgot
@jason_manc
The good thing is that it's not up to him. Abortion laws depend on what a majority in Parliament thinks, not what the PM says.
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#Coma
Theory:
Jordan’s father will find out that Jordan has been blackmailing Simon
He won’t believe that Simon attacked Jordan
He will be angry with Jordan not with Simon
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Yesterday I went to see "Endgame" at the Old Vic, starring Daniel Radcliffe and Alan Cumming. Afterwards I gave Daniel a copy of my Yellow Book of Poems, and did a selfie with him (slightly more successfully than in 2013).
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@mrJamesGraham
I read your tweet and thought it was going to be a joke about politicians using your script as a guide for real life.
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@Ferng6Ferng
You asked about why someone would want to read stories to children. The clothing of the person reading the story is irrelevant, and therefore not a relevant part of the question.
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