ParkinScrotes
@parkinscroat
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Pinned Tweet
Have you heard the rumour that Puff Daddy paid to have Tupac killed?
Did he?
Sorry, have you heard the rumour that Diddy paid to have Tupac killed?
- The Harlem Two Ronnies
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Coming back from a year in Africa without a tan is more impressive than the jogging.
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Gormless Cole Palmer is the key to our success because whatever Southgate tells him goes in one ear and straight out the other.
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0-1 pints: No
2-6 pints: Yes
7+ pints: No
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Deliveroo drivers trying to get a 10pc Bargain Bucket to a family of four in Southend.
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First time I've ever seen footage of a Ligue 1 team playing in daylight.
WHAT A FINISH 🤩
Denis Zakaria puts Monaco into a Champions League spot with a peach 🔥
#Ligue1
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Maybe he's dressed as a lamppost near the site of a deadly road traffic accident.
Piccadilly Station. Lad waiting for his girlfriend’s train to arrive. Romantic bastard!
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I bet 90% of spoiled ballots look like something you'd find written in faeces on the walls of a lunatic asylum.
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Bowser when he finds out Mario has destroyed another one of his castles.
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I'd completely lost interest. He was circling the drain, his time was up. Then out of nowhere he hits me with this absolute haymaker. I'm fucking pissing myself here.
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A Cruyff Turn is about the worst thing you could possibly do when someone shouts man on.
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The last thing Cycling Mikey ever sees after catching me playing New Star Soccer at a zebra crossing.
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They should be granted automatic and immediate promotion to the Barclays for this.
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Fat Dyslexic Italians:
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Properly in tears at Neville's weirdness freaking Wrighty out.
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Me when the Year 7 history teacher said Vikings didn't actually have horns on their helmets.
Ridley Scott on historians having criticisms about ‘NAPOLEON’.
“When I have issues with historians, I ask: ‘Excuse me, mate, were you there? No? Well, shut the fuck up then.’”
(Source: )
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The circle on that map is where I think every League Two club is located.
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Wonder how many times a day he hears "haha look who it is". Just the worst tier of famous. Absolutely everyone knows who you are but nobody really cares. It's like seeing a three-legged dog or something.
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Has any actor had three roles within five years that are as iconic as Han Solo, Indiana Jones, and Rick Deckard?
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In bits at that this being the Barclays debut for that jabroni that replaced Casemiro. Like a fireman's first day being 9/11.
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Chippy is supposedly bad for your health yet it's always full of people who have lived to at least 80. Something doesn't add up here.
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A little glimpse into my dark, twisted sense of humour 😈
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We'd all rather eat skittles than vegetables but at some point you have to grow up son.
I won’t ever hear people who claim a Beer is more enjoyable than a Cocktail. You’re lying to yourself and you’re lying to your tastebuds.
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Imagine having to go round to a big family dinner in November and just 4 weeks later having to do it all over again. And to top it all off your family are Americans.
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i am losing my mind, the sub that went missing was controlled with a shitty logitech controller from like 2005
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@Naja_Hough
@earthvessquotes
@CloeCouture
If I listen to music for 5 minutes I hear Yanny. If I don't listen to anything for a while I hear Laurel. I think it's your brain adjusting to frequencies.
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Guy who was known as "Ginger Bollocks" all throughout school when asked if he has a nickname by his new mates at Jogging Club: "yeah actually I do, it's The Hardest Geezer"
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Crying. It's Limmy's BBC Scotland voice.
Top this result off by the fact Sméagol himself was commentating on the Livescore app.
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Bootlegger has to be on your 2024 Deathpool. Drinks 50 pints a week, seemingly only eats red meat and could fall off a roof at any moment. Great odds as well, he's like 50+ points.
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Postecoglou: "If you're going by social media then 99% of them will [want Spurs to lose] but please don't tell me that's your world. If it is you need counselling. I understand rivalry but I'll never understand anyone wanting their own team to lose."
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🌍 𝗧𝗶𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗧𝗼𝘂𝗿 ✈️
Hull City Members have another exclusive opportunity to win an incredible trip to Türkiye during the upcoming March international break with the first-team squad! 🇹🇷
#hcafc
|
@Corendon_Air
| Anex Tour
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Seinfeld episode where George plays for Spurs who get thrashed 6-1 and the players have to reimburse the fans but George didn't come on until the 85th minute and refuses to pay.
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Picking Turkey as my Dark Horse now that all the Ball Knowledge mob have pivoted to Hungary.
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Did Gary Lineker just say "when Georgia met Turkey... that sounds like a date!" A date between a woman and a turkey?
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Me and the lads trying to think of a type of bureaucrat to get in on the number grab.
Has a man ever looked more ran through than Daniel Craig wearing these glasses
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Watched an Italia 90 thing yesterday and John Barnes pulled out his phone and played Peter Beardsley's attempt at the World In Motion rap. Had tears in my eyes. He sounds like he has cerebral palsy.
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Remember when Joe Kinnear called Charles N'Zogbia "Charlie Insomnia"?
A Top 5 Barclays Moment for me. I laugh out loud whenever I think about it.
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Crying at the guy who follows up and twats the ball at the goalie on the floor.
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Killer dogs being owned exclusively by the thickest, most mental people in the country is just really funny, there's no two ways about it. It's like the premise of a B-Movie.
"What happened to innocent until proven guilty?!"
"There's rapists and murderers and paedophiles roaming the streets and nothing's quickly done.
Hundreds of furious XL bully owners protested the potential ban of the breed in central London- but didn't bring the dogs with them.
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I'm all for gormless twats/Americans getting walloped but I can't wait till one of these jabronis does this to a nutter and gets battered.
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I hope one day it comes out that all these are true and he's just been filming his really shit life.
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70% of throw-ins are foul throws these days and they just let play on. They just let them play on like nothing happened.
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When you see a fat guy eating a Rotisserie Chicken every day for 40 days.
Not to kill the mood but imagining the very different response there'd be if Rotisserie Chicken Guy was fat
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Look at this guy's TL.
@_georgina666
It’s called 6Music, not Radio 6, and I bet every one of those centrist dads earn more than you ever will. Keep appreciating those strikes, you worthless waste of space.
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@SkyFootball
Get somebody who knows how to get a result at Rothermham's New York Stadium?
We literally hired Rotherman's manager, and he was shite.
It was you Steve. You was shite.
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No that is a niche tweet. You need to be a real music buff to get this one 😏
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Axel Disasi, Malo Gusto, Carney Chukwuemeka, Nicolas Jackson. It's like I'm looking at a Watford lineup. Who the hell are these people?
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London's Air Ambulance performed donuts with an injured pensioner in support of health care workers on the front line of the COVID-19 pandemic.
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They wouldn't be in this position with footballers gambling if the FA had nipped it in the bud and executed this pig the following day.
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‘Guehi’s actually looked quite comfortable to be fair’ yeah well it’s almost as if he’s been one of the best CBs in the prem for the last 3 years you fucking idiot, if any of you watched any football outside the top 6
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We'll never see this again. They're not allowed to look like the pub simpleton with a peasant farmer's haircut anymore.
Newcastle United striker Peter Beardsley pictured in his Greenalls Beers sponsored Umbro Black and White Home kit at St James' Park ahead of the 1986/87 season in Newcastle Upon-Tyne, England (1986)
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@irishloubega
In tears at him walking into the woods with the flag on his back after losing his life savings.
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It's so funny that Just Stop Oil's weapon of choice has always been orange paint or powder, except for a Captain Tom memorial, where they decided it needed to be human diarroeah.
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Stick to chatting on the internet to the unemployed in your ex wife's spare bedroom you jock prick!
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The reason America has so many mass shootings isn't guns, it's cos they don't have CEX. All our mass shooters have a purpose, they have a job at CEX. In America they all stay at home listening to Jordan Peterson podcasts and make videos like this. This bloke will kill.
he really thought he snapped making this advice video for women
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Funny seeing people hoping some Serbian or German Ultras turn up and batter them. They essentially want some Neo-Nazis to come and defend the honour of the Luftwaffe.
No trouble here in Dusseldorf but our German hosts are being treated to this
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To be a truly successful manager at one of the Big Barclays Institutions you need star power and charisma. The It Factor. De Zerbi doesn't have it. Moyes didn't have it. Pochettino doesn't have it. Ten Haag pretends he has it but he doesn't have it. Arteta doesn't have it.
Brighton fear disgruntled Roberto De Zerbi will leave this summer
Head coach, who has been linked with Barcelona, Chelsea and Liverpool, again hints at unhappiness with squad depth before Europa League second leg against Roma
Tap for the full story ⬇️
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You have to be a generational simpleton to get sacked from McDonalds due to a lack of ability.
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The House Of Saud doing highly successful sportswashing despite being a worse regime and then casually strolling into Qatar’s disastrous attempt at sportswashing and immediately becoming everyone favorite team is very funny.
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Deal or No Deal is one of the worst gameshow concepts in history. You need a real nutter running the show, someone who genuinely believes it's not 100% luck.
It’s back! 🎉
Join new host
@StephenMulhern
for the return of Deal or No Deal!
Starts Monday 20th November at 4pm on ITV1 and ITVX
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Zero club colours and proper moody, how every away end in the country should look.
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I haven't really played it since MW2 in 2010. Why is it so fast now? I play computer games to relax and possibly even have a laugh, not recreate the effects of amphetamines.
Your 22 kill streak can end by a person sitting in a stairwell silent as a rat with God level artificial reaction time and tracking that can only be comparable to aimbot lmao. I love it
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Scotland with their 200 year headstart vs everyone else in Europe.
Another reason why it wouldn’t be “coming home” even if the worst happens on Sunday 🙃😉
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Crying at this. They’ve made Online Joe sound like a massive loser. Simply by typing out and printing a story on something that he actually did and things he said.
@JoeStephenson96
Spent 40 minutes schlepping around York in the rain and still can’t escape your massive media presence
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This is exactly the sort of company that should be sponsoring the lower leagues trophy. Not that yank takeaway nonsense.
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Mad how there are a load of accounts who've sprung up on here the last few years who either deal in nostalgia or banter, get big platforms and then suddenly start amplifying far-right voices, memes and talking points
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Imagine getting murdered. You must just think "I can't believe this".
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That's your evolution boxed off. That's a given. But will he play the rest of his hits? Fat people, transgenders, cancel culture and reciting arguments he's had with a 14 year olds on X (formerly known as Twitter)?
Here's your first look at
@rickygervais
' brand new comedy special, Ricky Gervais: Armageddon – coming to Netflix on Christmas Day. Obviously. 🎄🎅
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There are people out there looking at a Barclays with AFC Bournemouth in it, a Barclays which is losing Leeds United and possibly Everton, they're looking at this Barclays, and they're thinking "this Barclays needs Luton Town".
If they hate this country so much they should leave
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Guglielmo Vicario, Micky Van de Ven, Destiny Udogie, Pape Matar Sarr. It's like I'm looking at a Watford lineup. Who the hell are these people?
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Just realised there's two circles on that map but you know what I mean.
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Pep Guardiola had a thick, full head of hair with a strong hairline until the age of 34. A year later it was fucked.
You make it to 34 with a full head of hair, you surely must think you’re in the clear.
It must have been devastating haha.
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Doesn't work. Makes zero sense in the context of that clip, or at all really. Have your thousands of likes anyway. It doesn't matter. Nothing does!
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I was stood at the urinal with my cocktail and some old boy told me to "put the daiquiri down and have a proper piss up".
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The 'Pep/Xg Mob has ruined our beautiful game' patter has been done now. It doesn't need to be done after every game or goal. The numbers were there to be grabbed, congratulations to those who did, to those who didn't, the window has closed. Thank you.
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Turns my stomach when people say "picky tea" or "picky bits". Speak properly you cretin.
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They don't make lunatic fanbases like they used to. Taylor Swift fans are disowning her cos she's got a problematic boyfriend. Michael Jackson fans were out there defending him for having Macaulay Culkin as a boyfriend.
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