Derrick Mclennon ©
@mv_mclennon
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Following
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I am an all-rounder person and I combine different qualities inside my personality. A Great sense of humor!
Joined February 2018
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Last Seen Profiles
@HumansNoContext
When my girlfriend got pregnant everything changed
My address, my phone number..
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@HumansNoContext
In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator".
I guess we're just raised differently.
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@MAstronomers
This pyramid is made of black stone, but it is not an ordinary stone, because all its components do not exist on Earth. Black ironstone is found only in space, in meteorites, and here another mystery emerges because it is a very hard stone, difficult to shape and drill.
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@gunsnrosesgirl3
Looked down and saw $80 on the sidewalk. Being the good person that I am, I thought, what would Jesus do?
So I went to the liquor store and turned it into wine.
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31
953
@gunsnrosesgirl3
Whosoever invented "dentures" missed out on calling them ...
"Substitooths".
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23
884
@gunsnrosesgirl3
A burglar broke into a home…
He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search.
Again, "Jesus is watching you."
He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.
He asked the parrot if he was the one
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57
501
@s8n
Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Immanuel." Matt. 1:23
2
9
360
@gunsnrosesgirl3
What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major?
The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless.
6
9
340
@wiseconnector
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best-looking women
He said the ATM outside.
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311
@gunsnrosesgirl3
"We all know that the speed of light is significantly faster than the speed of sound. That's why certain people appear bright until you hear them speak."
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@ShitpostGate
In exactly 3027 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and there's a chance things could be really bad
I guess it will be 5050
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@MAstronomers
Why haven’t aliens visited our planet recently?
They looked at the reviews… only 1 star!
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271
@gunsnrosesgirl3
My wife of 61 years said let's go upstairs and make love.
I told her "Choose one, I can't do both."
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@jkiggins
@UOW
The Sun spends 23 days at 23 degrees of declination each year. more than a coincidence that the 23rd degree of declination is the Sun’s degree. The times when the Sun reaches the limits of its path of declination are known as the solstices. the furthest point of the Sun’s reach.
4
23
201
@elonmuskusaaaaa
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and a farmer shoots one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
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140
@MAstronomers
The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.
However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.
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5
142
@il0venostalgia
Jesus drove a Honda but never spoke of it.
"For I speak not of my own Accord" - John 12:49
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@aviationbrk
What’s worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
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121
@s8n
In heaven, the Brits are the police, the Germans are mechanics and the French are cooks.
In hell, the Germans are the police, the French are the mechanics, and the Brits are the cooks.
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@MAstronomers
Did you know that every planet in our solar system is named after a god?
Except Earth...which is named after all that stuff on the ground.
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@TomorrowsWar
Matthew 13:55
55 “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas?
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@MAstronomers
The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.
However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.
5
1
92
@NASASun
Know your eclipses.
Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.
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@YoungAtheist0
I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now
they are a non-prophet organization
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2
84
@s8n
Satan: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in
Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma
Satanl: You understand this is why you're here, right?
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@father_rmv
Jesus wants you to give him your soul
Whereas satan is willing to buy it off you.
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@WallStreetSilv
Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false
1. Pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled
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2
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@earthcurated
@cee_explorer
The Great Pyramid of Giza actually has 8 sides. Only at sunrise and sunset on the spring and autumn equinoxes is this visible.
Oh, and you have to be up in the air.
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14
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@JackPosobiec
Revelation 12:9 And the great dragon was cast out — that serpent of old called the Devil and Satan, who deceiveth the whole world. He was cast out onto the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
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@uhd2020
* Sirius, the dog star, is moving closer to Earth at a rate of nine miles per second."
This means someday we could be in Sirius trouble.
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@DustinBenge
Seven "I am" declarations made by Jesus;
-John 6:35 “I am the bread of life"
-John 8:12 “I am the light of the world"
-John 10:9 " I am the door"
-John 10:11 'I am the good shepherd"
-John 11:25 “I am the resurrection and the life"
-John 14:6 “I am the way and the truth
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@elonmuskADO
The power of prayer
A ship is sinking, the captain turns to the people on the ship and asks, "does anyone here know how to pray?"
The priest on boards says he can pray.
Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."
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@EssentialMastry
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
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@wiseconnector
Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist...
but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
4
0
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@s8n
Satan's first day on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
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0
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@wiseconnector
A wise man once said:
If you understand why pizza is made round, packed into a square box, and eaten as a triangle
Then, my friend, you’ll understand people.
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@gunsnrosesgirl3
What's the best part of old age?
It doesn't last very long.
70% of your buddies disappear after you turn 70.
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@MentalUnleash
A wise man once said “it’s better to say nothing at all”
An even wiser man didn’t say that
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0
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@il0venostalgia
In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.
4
4
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@Lilith_Atheist
An atheist walks into a bar with Jesus, Allah, and Zeus.
The barman turns to serve him and said,
"Drinking alone again, I see..."
0
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@introvertsmemes
Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist...
but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
3
1
62
@MAstronomers
We belong to the constellation of the Pleiades, of which our Sun is the 7th. Our Sun rotates around the centre of the Pleiades, whose Central Sun is called Alcyone.
8
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@Mcnet16035380
@MAstronomers
Narrated from ancient texts is that the special energy of this black stone's composition enjoys such an electromagnetic transmission in its environment that those who approach it feel a sense of spiritual comfort, extreme serenity, and energy, and erase everything.
It is in Cairo
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@ML_Philosophy
Lust. Love. Marriage.
LUST:
Tearing her panties off.
LOVE:
Sliding them down, gently.
MARRIAGE:
Folding them regularly.
2
1
56
@father_rmv
Satan's first Sunday on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
2
10
54
@JoshuaTCharles
John 6:58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”
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@volcaholic1
What’s worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
2
1
55
@elonmuskADO
I hope Elong Tusk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out.
9
4
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@YoungAtheist0
I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now
they are a non-prophet organization
3
1
46
@denny_zhou
Son asks his father why does he speak so lightly at home? Father replies because there is artificial intelligence that listens to everything we say.
Son laughs, the dad laughs, Alexa laughs
1
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49
@triana160
Satan's first month on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
2
5
47
@zafar_mirzo
Entropy is responsible for the expansion of the universe. entropy is very different from macroscopic Messines, for something to happen entropy needs to increase energy needs to spread, to move, to change, this may be the ultimate fate of the universe Thermodynamic equilibrium,
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@stats_feed
Judas: Hey Jesus, you coming to the last supper?
Jesus: the what?
Judas: the supper…I mean are you coming to the supper?
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@YoungAtheist0
An atheist a priest and a rabbit walk into a 'chat-room'.'
And the rabbit says: Guys, I'm pretty sure I'm a typo.
1
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@fasc1nate
The great pyramid of Giza actually has 8 sides. Only at sunrise and sunset on the spring and autumn equinoxes are this visible.
Oh, and you have to be up in the air.
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@PhysInHistory
Did Schrodinger have an open Glass-casket funeral? You know, just to be sure?
'Remains to be seen".
So I said to Schrodinger, Think outside the box.
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@MentallyNathan
My atheist friend failed algebra class because he couldn’t calculate exponents
He doesn’t believe in a higher power.
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@creation247
A wise man once said...
"If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether.
3
0
40
@xyco_twt
I saw my ex girlfriend at the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello.
There was too much history between us.
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@Sachinettiyil
MATTHEW 23
Jesus Criticizes the Religious Leaders
5 “Everything they do is for show. On their arms, they wear extra wide prayer boxes with Scripture verses inside, and they wear robes with extra long tassels. 6 And they love to sit at the head table at banquets and in the seats
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@wiseconnector
A wise man once said:
If you understand why pizza is made round, packed into a square box, and eaten as a triangle
Then, my friend, you’ll understand people.
6
2
38
@juliethardt
A wise man once said...
"If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether.
0
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31
Cat eats marijuana plant gets so stoned forgets how many legs it has
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@IAmSteveHarvey
Three things Christ promises he will never do
He won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3);
Won't reject you (John 6:37)
And won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and
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@mellooowni
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
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@Anita_art5
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
0
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@ThePlanetaryGuy
The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.
However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.
2
2
33
@Tifstanley
When a woman looks at you for seven seconds at first, she's telling you she wants to sleep with you.
"If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether.
2
0
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@s8n
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
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@BishStrickland
John 15:22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin.
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@sscjusa
Satan's first day on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
2
3
34
@gunsnrosesgirl3
Adam spoke to God in the Garden of Eden
"I am lonely," said Adam. "I need someone around for company."
"Very well," said God. "I will create a companion for you. One who will obey your every word, do all your chores along with cooking and cleaning for you."
"Wonderful!" said
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@clickin_damouse
@HumansNoContext
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down.
1
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@redditSpacePorn
If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long-distance,
she'd be your....
Space x.
0
1
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@JnezFinesse
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best-looking women
He said the ATM outside
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0
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