4 yrs ago I did a TedX talk. Not my finest 15 minutes; far too much anxiety! But the message is important. Rupture & repair is an essential element of healthy development. "Good enough" parenting remains important for children post parental separation ...
Male privilege? I am currently looking at my family history. This photograph of miners in 1900 touched me and spoke volumes. I am conscious that my Twitter feed may be somewhat skewed - but frankly I feel quite pissed off at the way so many devalue and discount men.
I have worked with refugees & war survivors, men & women. Important to recognise both men & women are subject to sexual violence in war & conflict. Men's experience is often systemically under reported, denied & not acknowledged ...
Spreading some joy. Meet Jacob, born 28/03 9:35am-a few weeks early. 5lb 15oz. My first grandchild. Now Granny Sue 😍 Overrun with emotion - joy, relief, love & just a tinge of sadness at not being able to give everyone a big hug. Challenging times-but so much to look forward to
@katherin_thom
This really disappoints me. There is no "they". Every individual's experience is unique. Whether statistics bear out your assertions is not relevant. For any individual to be pre-judged & have assumptions made due to their sex or gender is unjust.
Who'd be a man? In an article calling men lazy, & headline about reduced time on "non-routine" housework, it also reports dads increasing time with their kids & workng longer hours than mums. How come the headline isn't "Men work longer hours yet still manage time with the kids?"
I do not feel hated for being a woman - no daily battle with misogyny. I have never felt the need to change my route home because of fear - well not since I was 14, and then it was bullying girls I feared. I do not feel oppressed, discriminated against or harassed.
I didn't "celebrate"
#InternationalMensDay
day either. I spent the day reflecting on male suicide, male cancers, trauma of boys & young men dismissed & ignored, men experiencing DVA disbelieved, & all those little boys told again & again - YOU are the problem; you were born male
This is abuse: child sexual abuse. Let's call it what it is. This is not "seduction". This woman did not "have sex with" two children. She manipulated, coerced and abused them. Time we accurately reported abuse by male AND female perpetrators.
This 2011
@guardian
article: 80% concentration-camp inmates in Sarajevo reported being raped; El Salvador - 76% male political prisoners described at least one incidence of sexual torture; 21% Sri Lankan in treatment reported sexual abuse in detention.
90% men in conflict countries cannot be identified as victims of sexual violence; 62 countries only recognize female victims of rape - 67 criminalize men who report abuse. Legal frameworks = insurmountable obstacles in delivering justice to male survivors.
"Men don't need refuge"... clearly you have no experience of working with male victims of DV, trapped in abusive relationships, unable to leave because leaving will inevitably mean losing their children.
@LoganMcCree777
@weathagirl
@JeanHatchet
@MrsBertBibby
@ProfLizYardley
Set up your own refuges- there are funders falling over themselves to support ‘men’, despite the fact men don’t need refuge as they aren’t systematically raped and murdered by their female partners. Most homeless men have substance abuse problems - this does not make them bad.
Appalled by this thread. As someone who works with men, & women, whose lives have been torn apart by false & fabricated allegations of abuse of children & former partners, these are not "rare". Open up Family Court, publish all judgements ... the scale of issue will be unveiled.
"Out of all homicide victims killed by intimate partners
or other family members in 2022, approximately 53% were women and girls"
And the remaining 47% were .... ??
Estimated 133 women & girls AND 118 men & boys killed globally-every day-by intimate partner or family member.
🚨 OUT NOW: FEMICIDE REPORT 2023 🚨
Every day of 2022, more than 133 women and girls were murdered by an intimate partner or family member.
Learn more in our latest report:
Today is
#ParentalAlienation
Awareness Day. My thoughts are with every child & adult child who has been prevented from enjoying a relationship with a good enough loving parent; who has been taught to fear & hate; who has been coerced into choosing one parent over the other ...
Dickless, feckless, lounge lizard, knobhead, tosser, wanker. Never heard a woman described in these terms have you? The denigration of men permeates our language and norms. You’re probably not even aware of it.
@katherin_thom
As I said Katherine, I acknowledge my feed is somewhat skewed. And yes - men are IMO unjustifiably demonised, devalued and dismissed for no othe reason than they are men. "Masculine traits" seem to be viewed negatively.
"Men are consistently framed as aggressors & perpetrators of sexual violence. This denies men their victimhood & further alienates them from any possible interventions. Even organisations specifically working on SV often exclude men from their work."
In 2013 men & boys were named as victims of SV in conflicts for the first time in a UN Security Council resolution (2106).
"... privately, U.N. officials say many states still refuse to acknowledge the possibility of male victims of sexual violence."
Unfortunatley, I see far too much of this in my work. Too often good loving, caring, supportive dads are erased from their child's life through out dated gendered views & a failure to grasp the evidence - dads play an important role in child development.
How can I, as an ethical practitioner, refer men to services where they are discriminated against based solely on their gender? How can you - my colleagues? Why are so few of those who work in psychology, social care, health, therapy outraged by this discrimination?
"The creation of organizations dedicated solely to assisting female survivors, for all of the incredibly important work they do, has led to male survivors feeling like they have no one to whom they can tell their stories."
Hello again
@guardian
- As previously requested, please can you provide a source or link to this reported date - specifically "61% of male victims were victims of men." This is not my experience in working with male victims of domestic violence ...
Please can you provide a source or link to this reported data "From 2014-17, 73% of victims of domestic violence were female and 61% of male victims were victims of men."
@guardian
Domestic abuse is perpetrated, & experienced, by women & men. It is about behaviour - not sex characteristics. This has nothing to do with so called male power & control. Policy, services & funding should be evidence-informed not based on ideology.
Time we acknowledged that both women and men inflict harm & abuse - and oh yeah, time we validated & acknowledged these men's experiences by NOT recording them as violence against women & girls!
"Sexual violence is one of the most horrific weapons of war used against women. And men are also becoming subjects of this horrendous human rights violation which, at times, reaches endemic proportions in wartime and conflicts."
So I did a TEDx! I was, unusually for me, very nervous. My Valentine's message to mums & dads "When you fall out of love with the parent of your child–remember you loved them once; that you created this special, wonderful, unique human being out of love."
The 2021 update to AEI’s For Every 100 girls/women chart shows that, in many ways, boys and men are faring worse than girls and women. I believe, if we do more for our boys and men, life would be better for us all... including girls and women!
False allegations, legal & administrative abuse, lawyers making lots of money - and a 3 yr old child denied a relationship with a parent for more than 2 years ...
SP v DM [2023] EWHC 2089 (Fam) (17 August 2023)
Appeal by mother against child arrangements order, claiming procedural irregularities. Appeal dismissed. Full report: . See also costs judgment, here:
Fathers do not need to be encouraged to be involved in children's lives. The dads I meet love their children unconditionally & are desperate to be involved. Maybe this Q should be "What policies will you pursue to DISCOURAGE removal of dads from their children's lives?"
#IMD2019
Unfortunately, social services often fail to include birth fathers with parental responsibility in their assessments. IMO they neglect to do so, on occasion, due to stereotypical gendered assumptions and/or taking narrative of mother as fact, on face value, without exploration.
Logan's father Ben is now fighting for Logan's law which will give estranged parents the right to know if their children are at risk and known to social services.
Social services attempted to visit Logan before his death but were told Logan had Covid. His father was never told.
"... boys at risk of sexual abuse were often invisible because of ‘cultural barriers’. [...] even professionals are so programmed into the stereotypical view of female victims, male perpetrators, that they are blind to the plight of boys at risk of harm"
If
@NickFletcherMP
was talking about mothers ... this would be all over Twitter with labels of Emotional Abuse, Litigation Abuse, Economic Abuse, Post Separation Coercive Control ... this is the reality for many dads, and it has harmful consequences for their children.
Imagine you are a 6 yr old child. Your mum and dad have separated. You are confused; you don’t understand what is going on. You love your mum – and you love your dad. You just want to give them both a hug. (1)
Time & time again empirical studies suggest the wide reaching impact of family breakdown. We need to have this conversation. Part of that conversation is the many good-enough fathers who are pushed out of their children's lives.
Far too much shittiness on Twitter in last couple of weeks. This is what we need more of:
My dad (78) & grandson (2). Let's celebrate the role of men in family life. My life, the life of my children & now grandchildren has been enriched by his love, generosity & playfulness ...
Criticising a woman's behaviour or opinion is not of itself misogynistic or selling out our "sisters" ... we must be able to call out poor behaviour, criticise, challenge & offer alternative opinions while refraining from ad hominem & personal attacks.
I couldn't let this one go
@LBC
. I have been blocked by
@DrProudman
; it seems to be a pattern when anyone challenges her unfounded assertions. It is unethical & harmful to peddle these lies. For every one woman/girl homicide victim, there are 3 men/boys.
Hello
@guardian
Thank you for printing your correction & clarifying that significant number of perpetrators of abuse on male victims are female. My understanding is this is a significant majority. Given you have said this is evidenced based - please can you direct to the evidence
Hello again
@guardian
- As previously requested, please can you provide a source or link to this reported date - specifically "61% of male victims were victims of men." This is not my experience in working with male victims of domestic violence ...
10 years after I began my research, parental alienation is now “out there.” Unfortunately it is oft positioned as a tool of abusive fathers - denying the experience of many children & parents. I've made my thesis available on-line - please take a look
I feel privileged to know these women and acknowledge the amazing work they do. We need to stop seeing the world through a gendered lens; stop the men v women battle. Thank you
@AliBushell
@erin_pizzey
@SShaljean
@bbhippopotamus
There we have it - we need to "fix" boys so we can "fix" girls, & the "culture of fatherhood" just isn't there ...
Such claptrap! Perhaps try not "what is wrong with you" but "what happened to you" and the role of societal structure & boy bashing that starts in primary school...
“I think sport was invented because men didn’t give birth.”
“That’s the theory behind war as well”.
@caitlinmoran
reveals whether she thinks its harder to be a man or a woman today.
#TimesRadio
This thread. IMO we vastly under estimate harm of removing a child from a loving parent. On the whole, if we offered resources & support to parents for a child to remain, we would reduce costs in terms of psychological harm & in economic terms, for child, parent & state.
Should there be statutory regulation of counsellors & psychotherapists? IMO - yes. This would at least ensure minimum standards, ethical practice & some recourse when things go wrong.
BBC News - Can anyone call themself a therapist or a counsellor?
Men by virtue of their sex are deemed a danger to children. This ingrained, gendered assumption, at best means children miss out on wonderful, fulfilling life experiences; at worst it causes children irrevocable harm.
Heart breaking - but all too common. The distress dads experience when they are prevented from being a dad impacts on all aspects of their life. Despair, depression, suicidal thoughts, plans & attempts to end their life. via
@MetroUK
Challenging myths that men don't talk or men don't seek help.
Quite frankly a load of b******s!
How about we start providing what men need: services for men, shaped by men & tailored to their needs-rather than blaming men for being men ...
Thank you
@andysmanclubuk
There have been a number of cases in recent months where women have abused men, harmed children and - like here - made false allegations. It is highly unusual to see them reported, at all, in major print media & tv. About time
@BBCBreaking
....
Post separation abuse as experienced by men - less physical abuse but continuation of harassment, manipulation, parental alienation, weaponising of children & false allegations
#maledomesticabuseconf
@DrLizBates
Increasingly aware when I was teaching, interpretation of boys' behaviour was being "naughty" or beligerent, when underlying causes were likely same as girls who presented withdrawn, anxious or self harmed. We need to get to grips with presenting behaviours of childhood distress.
Boys are around three times more likely to be excluded than girls. This is a gender issue for boys, could the fact this BBC article ignores this be relevant to why there is lack of concern for these excluded children?
"The men's fear of being judged negatively by others was often not unfounded. Negative help-seeking experiences included being treated with suspicion and contempt."
Men do not come forward; do not disclose; do not seek support; do not leave abusive relationships BECAUSE they fear they will not be believed. And they are not. At point of contact
@RespectUK
toolkit is used ... asking victims if they are, in fact, perpetrators.
#bbctbq
@MartinDaubney
- fatherlessness - not all fathers choose not be invlved in their child's life. Men are removed from their children's life .... I work everyday with men in distress because they are prevented from being a dad.
"I have never said that before. It is normally men that say that ..." What sexist fantasy planet do you live on
#victoriaderbyshire
? Perhaps you need to spend some time in the real world ...
Women & men are victims of domestic abuse. Children are equally fatally injured by mums & dads. Children are harmed by exposure to domestic abuse, false allegations & behaviours which prevent relationship with good enough parent
One of the most intrusive powers the state has is making decisions about where children live. There is growing evidence the system is biased against abused women and children, not fathers as is often claimed - me in
@guardian
"... the longer a case drags on with parental alienation being neither acknowledged nor addressed the more it works against the best interests of the child into adulthood, long after the judges have gone home and the solicitors have closed the file."
Facts matter! Nearly 50% of "traumatised 4000+ women" in this tweet are in fact men. Report available from
Greatest rise in cases, largest category, is sextortion; victims overwhelmingly men.
Sharing of image victims remained static 75% female 25% male
Sadly, not an uncommon situation found in my work with young people & adults. We need to be alert to how some people may respond to abandonment or rejection, & acknowledge propensity for false allegations when projecting blame & seeking redress.
I've looked at most major media links now - all seem to be the same. No headline, no narrative indicating ALL these tragic deaths are not just "teens" but teenage boys & men. I can only wonder what headlines (& outcry) if they were teenage girls & women...
Well - I've arrived in Manchester. Have to admit there were times over last few weeks I doubted I would get here - but here I am! Looking forward to sharing my views (& the evidence!) on why children benefit from safe, healthy relationships with both parents
@FNF_Media
conference
“In the present study, higher pathological narcissism was associated with greater involvement in feminist activism" One explanation may be feminist activism is attractive because it provides opportunities to gain social status, displays of moral superiority, domination of others.
A study finds narcissists may join feminist activism to satisfy personal grandiosity, not just for societal change. This behavior can potentially undermine the success and integrity of the feminist movement, and reflects a broader pattern of using…
Sick of arguments & bashing about terminology. What I see is children harmed by the behaviour of a parent - often unconscious; sometimes as a pattern of coercive control.
Here's a thought ... this has always been so! It has bugger all to do with men named Gardner or Stark...
Report after report after report in Family Proceedings, I see analysis of risk to a child of having "contact"; I see "contact" stopped, on precautionary principle - "just in case" - or while investigations take place. Very rarely have I seen an analysis of risk of "no contact."
All those who work with children and families need a good understanding of coercive and controlling behaviours, domestic violence and parental alienation. The majority do not. Today is
#ParentalAlienation
Awareness Day. Please make yourself aware
Unfortunately people do make malicious allegations-often believed by DVA services & police. This case was resolved quickly; not so some I have been involved with (also prosecutions for perverting justice) depriving children of safe parent for several yrs
This - from a family law barrister.
No court appointed,or treating, psychologist can "know" what occurred. We can be compassionate, seek to understand based on self report, psychometric tools & perhaps recorded evidence or collateral accounts - but only JD & AH "know"
@Maz_Idriss
Nothing new here for those who have always approached their work through an evidence based, non-ideological, non-gendered lens. Many blocked ... leaving them cosy, free from challenge, in their echo chambers & bubbles.
In my experience working with dads prevented from seeing their children, there is often a huge impact on mental health & emotional well-being. Suicidal thoughts are common, accompanying feelings of hopelessness & powerlessness. Children are not only victims of
#ParentalAlienation
I'm no lawyer . . But there IS no presumption of contact for ANY parent in law. The presumption is that involvement in a child's life will further child welfare UNLESS there is evidence that it won't ... Need to be clearer about what the law is, and its (mis)application.
The presumption of contact for abusive parents should not be law in this country, but many violent perpetrators and sexual abusers continue to access their children due to rulings in the Family Courts.
The Govt must act now to protect our children, what are they waiting for?
Thank you
@BBCRadio4
@Philippa_Perry
for outlining the reality of
#parentalalienation
- the impact on child mental health, the false allegations, the need for appropriate, tailored therapy and the fact that sometimes there IS smoke without fire
I cannot imagine any of my colleagues referring an abused woman to a provider who first asked her if she was a perpetrator. Discrimination is not ok. We need to change the narrative. 1/3 of DV victims are men. They & their children are at risk due to discriminatory practice.
Please confirm what male victims can expect when they call you. Will they be screened using your
@RespectUK
toolkit, asking them if they have perpetrated abuse? Or, like women victims, will their experience as a victim be validated?
We’ve received over 31,000 calls to the Men’s Advice Line from 2014 to 2019 and now we’re extending our opening hours to offer support for more
#malevictims
of
#domesticabuse
. From the 22nd of July our
#MensAdviceLine
will be open from 9am to 8pm on Mondays and Wednesdays.
That is 23 boys. If girls, it would be reported as girls. 23 boys have been sexually abused by this man ... there are likely to be more boys. Boys are less likely to disclose, not helped by a highly gendered narrative around victims of
#csa
and
#cse
. It affects boys & girls.
Former Southampton Football Club youth coach, Bob Higgins, has been found guilty of sexually abusing 23 youngsters, the vast majority of them footballers.
#SaintsFC
#Higgins
@BBCSouthNews
@BBCNews
@DrJessTaylor
This is incorrect. While most people I work with have relational or trauma influences on their functioning & well-being, some do not ... including notably those with hormonal imbalances, organic brain change & some with postpartum psychosis.
I had this exact conversation with my son on weekend. In therapy, I hear similar experiences from men & women. Women more usually label experience as abuse; men do not. Similarly women talk to friends about their experiences ... there is a shared understanding. Not so with men.
@jeffreyketland
@weathagirl
@IdiotTracker
@drsue2014
Women in this survey were also more than twice as likely as men to report DV.
Most likely explanation is that men who experience non-injury DV are much less likely to mention it in a survey because they don't think of it as DV.
Toxic masculinity? These images pricked tears in me this morning. These proud Welsh men ... physically strong, gritty, determined, hard working, committed, focused, dependable, sensitive, caring, protective, gentle, loving. Family men, dads, team mates.
Report states men are disproportionately victims of homicide. Of all men killed - 12% are killed by a partner or other family member. 53% of those killed by a partner or other family member are women, 47% men. 66% of victims of intimate partner homicide are women - 34% are men.
This is clearly not representative of the report findings. The statement makes clear 'or other family members' meaning that if a father murders his boys it will fall under this category. This targeted attacks falls under GBV. The report states that 12% of men are killed in IPV.
@DrJessTaylor
Adrenal, thyroid & sex hormones all associated with psychosis, as well as many other physical disorders, conditions, infections, illnesses. Far, far too many studies to quote - but very easy to find reputable studies.
This from
@MyCafcass
Open Board Meeting. The child's needs are paramount,delay is damaging: 15k children in proceedings for over a yr; 3.5k for 2 yrs. Many of these children will not be seeing safe parents. Where is media's outcry on this? Why is the
@ChildrensComm
not raging?
CEO ptesentstion - active cases +12.7% on pre-covid, despite 12.6% fewer new cases. 15k children in ptoceedings over a year. 10k in private law, 3.5k over 100 weeks!
The family court process encourages & exacerbates conflict and further enables abusive and harmful conduct ...
Men and women engage in harmful, abusive behaviours. Women and men experience abuse and harm. Sometimes - there is no single "perpetrator" and no single "victim" ...
Riddle
If you have a small qualitative study of 44 mothers saying they’ve been abused in the family court system by fathers
And I have a small qualitative study of 130 fathers saying they’ve been abused in the family court system and by mothers
What’s the conclusion? 🤔
I do not welcome the assumption that my experience is that of every other person of my sex. I am shaped by my experiences in life - the entirety of those experiences. I hope that I seek out the subjective, lived experience of those I work with - without assumption or prejudice.
Disappointing, but sadly not surprising, to see wilful misrepresentation of
@ProfHine
post by this account. As Ben states - there is large body of evidence which suggests positive benefits & outcomes for children who have safe, healthy, nurturing relationships with both parents
We need to consider all evidence re: who is a risk to children.While the outrage of
@LouHaigh
&
@VictoriaLIVE
targeted unlawful killing of children in the care of fathers, children are equally at risk of being killed by mothers. Please take note
@MoJGovUK
Nearly 12% of separated parents admit to telling their child that their other parent does not love them; or make them feel guilty about their relationship with the other parent – even re-write history to distort a child’s memory of their relationship. (5)
The latest domestic abuse data from
@ONS
came up on my feed. While I was aware that 1 in 3-4 victims of DA is male, I wasn't aware that 40% of domestic homicide victims were men.
"Often when a couple separate, the resident parent may struggle with their own overwhelming emotions. [...] They may withdraw contact as a form of retaliation, wanting the other parent to suffer as they have.”
Again & again. Failure to address the needs of male victims of DV leave them & their children at risk of harm. It is a well peddled fallacy that men, because they ARE men, have greater access to financial resources negating the need for male refuges. Not my experience....
I do not feel I live in a world in which being a woman is the worst thing I can be. I HAVE been treated like shit, but not often - by men & women. I have been assaulted by women & by two men, when I was a child. I hope I challenge disrespect of men & of women, by men & by women.
Today is a good day; one of the best! Lots of good news including clear test results, but heartfelt farewells too. Looking forward to 3 month window filled with new projects, friends, bit of travel, laughter, making most of life's simple pleasures. Feeling great
#livingwithcancer
More evidence that women, as well as men, perpetrate sexual abuse.
We need to continue to challenge the gendered stereotypical ideologies & narratives which are heavily promulgated & shape policy & practice.
I do not know background to this case. We do not know background, or facts, in most family cases as they aren't held in public. What I do know is often parents break child arrangement orders with apparent impunity. So sad to hear about another loss of life