Assoc Prof Sonja Ayeb-Karlsson, SFHEA
@s_ayebkarlsson
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Associate Professor in #Policy and #Intersectionality @UCL #violence #children #law #humanrights #wellbeing #immobility #migration #climatechange #trafficking
University College London
Joined July 2009
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Pinned Tweet
OUT NOW: Our
@ucl
and
@ECPATUK
study is the first to conclude that
#children
were at “increased risk of
#trafficking
. The report’s lead author and principal investigator,
@s_ayebkarlsson
, said: “This is a national scandal which must not be repeated.”
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11
23
False allegations of
#DomesticAbuse
and/or
#rape
are extremely rare. We know this from the existing body of research but also anyone working in this sector will be aware of the courage it takes coming forward and the harrowing treatment victim-survivors face after speaking up.(1)
2
141
444
MP Jess Phillips (
@jessphillips
): "We must stop blaming the victims of abuse and start blaming the abusers…" via
@Sunday_Post
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71
391
#16DaysofActivism
Ruma was 29 when she was strangled to death by her abusive husband, in 2011. During a
#custody
hearing over the pair's
#children
, a
#judge
had earlier told Ruma how she was being a "silly woman" for fearing he might kill her.
#familycourt
10
195
361
Do not be fooled by people who try to tell you that no child is removed from a mother unless she has done something terrible. Child removal is a form of state-led violence that has been around for centuries and always impact those in more marginalized positions of our societies.
1
151
371
Mothers sometimes contact us just after stepping out of
#familycourt
hearings in tears unable to speak. Something that has stayed with me is the ‘I feel like I have been raped, the level of violation is that brutal’ - that shows that something is incredibly wrong with our system.
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75
262
I watched the Gabby Petito documentary a few months ago, the other week I saw ‘Victim / Suspect’. It should be mandatory viewing to anyone spending their days on Twitter spreading statistics of how many women file false allegations reports against men and all the women abuse men.
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228
A common tactic of abuse by perpetrators of
#coercivecontrol
is to ruin special occasions and events. Traditions and celebrations are important to human beings - it’s a way to connect with family and loved ones, create memories together and celebrate developments. /1
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49
219
First academic research in the UK to find a very close link between domestic violence and suicidal ideation among women – either having suicidal thoughts or making an attempt to end their life.
#DomesticAbuse
#GenderBasedViolence
#SuicidePrevention
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89
178
Today I want to send a thought to all the
#mothers
who have had their
#children
unjustly
#removed
from their care. Let us raise awareness about the fact that this is happening all around us and often times this is about deep rooted structural
#violence
rather than her
#mothering
.
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179
Yesterday, a 'Fake doctor who worked in NHS for 20 years practising as psychiatrist without necessary qualifications was found guilty of fraud'. This raises important questions related to the debate on unregulated
#ParentalAlienation
'experts' in the UK.
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151
“My story started with my daughter disclosing abuse by her father, and finished with me losing her and being told to seek treatment for
#ParentalAlienation
.” (
@womensaid
2022: 10)
#TwoYearsTooLong
#HarmPanelReview
#DomesticAbuse
#FamilyCourt
#PolicyChangeNow
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44
136
'the Cafcass lady says “just trick the child into thinking she’s going somewhere else, then bring her to the centre”. Mum arrives with children who are absolutely heaving and screaming...absolutely traumatised by the whole thing and now blames mother' (
@MoJ
2020: 155)
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30
135
This is a brilliantly written and so delicately worded article by
@DrEmmaKatz
outlining 10 🚩🚩🚩 of
#DomesticAbuse
/
#Coercive
and
#Controlling
#Behaviour
.
Everyone should put a moment aside to read this.
#OrangeTheWorld
#16Days
#16DaysOfActivism
#GBV
10 Signs of Domestic Violence and Abuse
Important red flags to watch out for
dremmakatz.substack.com
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80
135
'Another mother I represented was told by a judge that if she continued with her allegations of
#rape
,
#domesticabuse
and
#coercivecontrol
, she could have her child put into foster care and adopted...Lifting the lid on the family courts is long overdue.'
@DrProudman
#familycourt
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38
133
I often hear assumptions from people (including policymakers, legal representatives and courts) who seem to struggle to acknowledge and understand the harm caused by
#coercivecontol
. They see harm and impact from
#DomesticAbuse
as something equal to blood and broken bones. /1
15
32
121
In a distant future, not long from now, today's children who have had their voices silenced by the family courts will be demanding answers and accountability. They will ask why nobody stood up for them, they will ask where you were at the time. We must all think about our answer.
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41
111
Mothers with no previous bad record are being stripped of all contact with their children, having been accused of “
#parentalalienation
”. "What is going on is one of the most scandalous things I’ve ever come across” - chair of the ACP-UK board of director.
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100
A good way to spot a perpetrator of
#coercivecontrol
is to look out for the sense of 'ownership' that they proclaim over their victims. All human beings are entitled to certain rights and freedoms throughout their life but this is not how the perpetrator perceives the world. /1
5
33
99
“Children are neglected, teeth not brushed, not bathed, not fed or improperly fed, have their sleep routines disrupted (during contact with an abusive parent) & come home, tired, upset, manipulated, abused (including physically), frustrated & lash out at mother." (MoJ 2020: 151)
6
26
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Most victim-survivors will have gone through a long internal battle contemplating the risks and whether it will be worth it in the end to come forward, go to the
#police
, or raise allegations of
#DomesticAbuse
in the
#familycourt
. (2)
1
17
93
Are you looking to better understand the dynamics behind
#CoerciveControl
/
#CoerciveControllingBehaviour
?
#IJustKilledMyDad
is a new Netflix documentary series on the topic. I personally found this very interesting and useful for the following reasons:
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47
98
Mayas mother committed suicide after years of malpractice. She had her daughter removed due to false allegations of munchausen by proxy / fabricated or induced illness. Maya won her case but lost her mother. The children of the family courts will bring similar demands soon.
#MayaKowalski
weeps in court as the jury's delivers the verdict in the
#TakeCareOfMaya
case.
#JohnHopkins
All Children's Hospital found
#liable
on all claims, including false imprisonment and wrongful death awarding the family more than $200M.
#CourtTV
Is
#justice
served? ⚖️👇
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474
2K
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In the documentary ‘Victim / Suspect’ we see how young women going to the police to report rape, often with some evidence and severely traumatized, are coerced, intimidated, bullied and tricked into withdrawing their allegations and ‘confirm’ that they ‘lied’.
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21
83
After a long process we are very excited to see this out:
Correlating
#heatwaves
and relative
#humidity
with
#suicide
(fatal intentional self‑harm):
@IlanKelman
@DrChambersJD
@UNUEHS
@LancetCountdown
@UCLIRDR
@SussexUniPress
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39
94
I will end this thread by reconfirming the statement of its start: False Allegations of
#DomesticAbuse
are incredibly rare.
Putting this in context it’s clear that victim-survivors often have little to ‘win’ for speaking up and sadly so much to lose.
I want to change this.(9)
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18
85
“Children’s emotional
#health
suffers greatly when being forced to see someone who has
#hurt
them
#physically
and
#emotionally
and they don’t want to go. My child became scared of the contact area as she related it to having to see her dad.” (
@MoJGovUK
2020: 155)
@SheraFamily
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19
80
Strategies of
#coercivecontrol
can be a mix of or go through periods that heavily lean on cold abuse (hot vs cold abuse) also sometimes described as passive or silent abuse. Sadly our societies struggle to comprehend the harm and invisible chains coming out of such behaviours. /1
2
30
86
Today
@BarnettAdrienne
and I presented our work on the interrelations between
#ParentalResponsibility
, the
#Presumption
of
#Parental
#Involvement
and so-called
#ParentalAlienation
at the
@SLSA_UK
#familylaw
and
#policy
panel. A small but important stepping stone - more to come!
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We must work against harmful narratives such as that ‘child removal by the
#familycourt
is extremely rare, takes years of proceedings and only occurs when the mother has done something terrible’. The research disagrees and these discourses isolate those living through this now.
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29
88
"My attorneys kept telling me not to talk about the history of
#domesticviolence
...not to talk about all the mental, emotional abuse... So, time after time after time, when I wanted to disclose, I was told that would be basically used against you."
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30
78
@jadewelshy
@lsrjustice3
@SheraFamily
@DrEmmaKatz
@BarnettAdrienne
I am yet to meet a perpetrator who admit to being a perpetrator and does not claim to be the ‘true’ victim. That includes those with findings made against them, those convicted or even in prison. Important to keep in mind when entering the sphere of potential ‘false allegations’.
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77
In this decision making process, they will consider facts such as that only 1% of
#rapes
and
#sexual
assaults in England and Wales result in a conviction. They will be aware of the presumption of
#contactatallcosts
in the
#familycourts
. (3)
1
17
74
“People think that
#coercivecontrol
is just about isolating you from your friends and family. He did that, but he also used our children. As a well-spoken,
#manipulative
man, he worked hard to position me as a wailing banshee of a woman.” (
@womensaid
2022: 30) 1/3
#DomesticAbuse
1
20
75
In the context of
#DomesticAbuse
mediation will not protect children. It will play into the advantage of the perpetrator. A free card to swiftly get what they are after while harming children and victims. There are many other ways to cut delays and wasted
#familycourt
resources.
We want family court to be a last resort for separating families. Mediation could help up to 19,000 families resolve issues away from court & protect their children’s wellbeing. It also ensures faster access for families who need it most.
Have your say:
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Many victim-survivors live in constant fear of doing the wrong thing and facing the perpetrators wrath. They live a life holding their breath, in panic, with anxiety, tense, a nervous system on high alerts wanting to run, hide, fight or escape at all times. / 3
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11
74
Well done
@CommissionerDA
for the recommendation to include repeated
#familycourt
applications as an indicator of
#coercivecontrol
- a common strategy to threaten, exhaust financial resources, continue control after separation and put fear in victims/survivors of
#DomesticAbuse
.
The guidance on the Controlling + Coercive Behaviour Offence must advise that all
#DomesticAbuse
investigations (criminal + wider) should include an examination of CCB.
Pls read my response to the Govts consultation on the stat guidance for CCB offence
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“We were girls in there, not women, just children really, and the girls in there cried every day. It was a prison...We were told we were there because we were bad people. Some of the girls had been raped at home and not believed.”
RIP Sinead 🌻
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30
77
“The sad irony is, that after all he’s put us though, he’s now starting to reduce the contact he has with my son. For him it was all about
#winning
in court. Now he isn’t getting any
#power
from it, because I don’t see him & we only communicate through an app.”(
@womensaid
22) 1/2
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17
71
'I believe the court/Cafcass have damaged my children for life due to their continued beliefs that children’s wishes & feelings are less important than parental involvement and they therefore ordered forced contact without any support to change father’s behaviours' (MoJ 2020:156)
10
21
70
Victim-survivors will also be aware that even when facts of
#DomesticAbuse
are found by the
#familycourt
during a daunting fact finding hearing they are unlikely to lead to extensive (or any)
#mitigating
circumstances in the final
#child
arrangement order. (5)
1
14
74
This was taken just about exactly three years ago today. It doesn’t perhaps look like it, but I had a lot to upcoming battles and life struggles up against me then. Today I celebrate having reached where I am today 🥳
6
1
76
Victim-survivors will know that raising
#DomesticAbuse
in the
#familycourts
can both lead to counter allegations of
#ParentalAlienation
, change of residence and/or punishment related to the final contact decision. (4)
1
16
70
When a child asks for no contact due to physical, emotional or even sexual abuse the
#familycourts
appear to do all they can to enable and maintain contact with an abusive parent that the child begs not to see. When
#ParentalAlienation
is alleged everyone gets behind no contact.
3
33
75
“The
#courts
have not only allowed our abuser to continue to abuse us, they have actively participated in our
#abuse
for the past three years.” (
@MoJGovUK
2022: 149)
No victim of
#DomesticAbuse
is truly safe until protection measues are incoroprated into the
#FamilyCourt
system!
3
30
68
Some of these women went to prison, others faced criminal charges / proceedings. All police districts got their ‘rape’ occurrences, investigations and numbers down.
There are your statistics, we must be incredibly cautious with numbers and the argument that they are hard facts.
0
13
65
If the
#DomesticAbuse
relates to
#CoerciveControl
, victim-survivors (and their
#legal
representatives) will know that the chance of determining facts in the
#familycourt
is low. (6)
1
12
67
For all these reasons, solicitors and barristers / legal representatives are more likely to discourage victim-survivors to raise allegations of
#DomesticAbuse
in
#familycourt
or ensure that they are fully briefed on the journey that they are in for. (7)
1
14
66
Many victim-survivors will decide not to follow through or withdraw allegations of
#DomesticAbuse
out of
#fear
for the reaction or the experienced post separation abuse of their
#perpetrators
. Some will remember the public
#shaming
,
#punishment
and treatment of
#AmberHeard
. (8)
1
14
65
Some find it impossible to make even the simplest decisions for a long after - what to wear, to eat, where to go. Some feel as if they have forgotten what they were like before the
#DomesticTerrorism
- what they used to enjoy, do, wear, how they kept their hair - all erased. / 9
4
12
63
Imagine falling ill, you seek medical attention and is told as you enter the hospital doors that you can never talk about your experiences in there. If you do, you may end up in prison. You walk out harmed for life. The surgeon claims to have followed protocols but you disagree..
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63
For anyone who isn’t aware, the police stopped Gabby Petito and her ‘partner’ at the time after a witness reported having seen her being physically abused. The police separated the two after catching up with them and came to the conclusion that ‘he’ was the victim.
1
5
63
A little reminder to the
#familycourts
across the world - the CRC includes the right of the
#child
to be protected from
#violence
(19) and
#childsexualabuse
(34)
Everyone must know children’s rights (42).
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33
67
Often when it is revealed that a famous or in many ways seemingly decent man is a child / sexual predator people go ‘but he has a wife and children - why would he throw all that away?’
That expression bothers me tremendously and misunderstands perpetrator dynamics. /1
4
11
63
We must better acknowledge that MVAWG/C goes way beyond physical violence. This violence exists in the way that masculinity is being framed to include the minimization, humiliation, intimidation, and control of women and children.
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21
62
It was a true honour to open the conference on the 'Use of the Pseudo-concept of “
#ParentalAlienation
” and its
#Gender
Bias in the
#Justice
System' today.
Watch it here:
@UNSRVAW
11.50-49min
@s_ayebkarlsson
49min-1h46min
@BarnettAdrienne
1h46min-2h48min
2
31
67
#OrangeTheWorld
- A thread on reproductive control, coercion and entrapment 🧵
As a
#trapped
populations scholar, I have lately spent a lot of time thinking about reproductive
#coercion
,
#control
and
#entrapment
. (i)
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62
The police encouraged ‘him’ to report ‘her’ abuse, she was issued with a warning and it was explained to her that physical assault is a crime.
Days later she was missing and soon after found murdered, by him, who later committed suicide.
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5
59
@SheraFamily
@jadapsmith
@RedTableTalk
@profjoanmeier
@DrEmmaKatz
@BarnettAdrienne
@danielle2u
@MollyDragiewicz
@davidgmandel
@survivorstrong3
@custodypeace
@UNSRVAW
@forlittlekeira
@nfvlcgwu
@NataliePage31
@onemomsbattle
...through their fantastic and life saving work with
#Kayden
's Law. In case you missed it, here is a great summarising interview by
@tvkatesnow
@NBCNews
and of course the powerful remarks of Jolie during the
#VAWA
conference ....(3)
"The ugly truth is that violence in homes is normalized in our country."
WATCH: Complete remarks from Angelina Jolie at news conference on Violence Against Women Act.
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5K
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They cannot sleep, or have nightmares, they cannot eat or overeat. They start doubting all that they do, say, think, feel - everything that they are, all that they live for strategically erased. They lose their safety, identify, and love. / 4
#coercivecontrol
#DomesticAbuse
1
9
61
“I said I wanted third party handovers as I didn’t feel
#safe
. The Cafcass guardian said ‘No I think
#mother
needs to move beyond that.’ They didn’t care about my safety moving onwards.” (
@womensaid
2022: 29)
#TwoYearsTooLong
#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth
@SheraFamily
0
15
58
'I have been diagnosed with PTSD & dissociative disorder, had a mental breakdown, all this since him starting the family court process & I am under the MH team who will not start my recovery therapy until the process is over as he is still being allowed to abuse me'(MoJ 2020:161)
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I encourage you to put time aside for this brilliant and moving documentary. The mother had her 3 children removed from her care in the Netherlands. Her oldest daughter was handcuffed when running away to see her. She has not seen her youngest for 3 years!
#FamilyCourtReformNow
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29
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50
66
Hopefully a 🧵 that shines light on some of the ways that perpetrators of
#coercivecontrol
harm their victim. This besides all the mental and physical health impacts, or even death, that is widely reported. Please remember this before you minimize or disregard someone’s pain! /10
3
6
61
Hundreds of
#suicides
a year could be linked to
#domesticabuse
at home. Experts want to collect better data to bring about real
#change
.
Suicide by
#domesticviolence
: call to count the hidden toll of women’s lives:
@JMoncktonSmith
5
34
62
Susan says she is scared and sick from stress. "I've lost my family, friends and so much money. But if I'd stayed in England, I'd be dead and my kids would be in care."
4
33
62
This can continue for years after the separation. Even if the perpetrator entirely disappears, these scars and the trauma live on. Victim-survivors sometimes describe sleeping for days after escaping, or how they continue a life in panic and fear long after leaving. / 8
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10
58
I stand with
@DrProudman
💙
My Twitter posts are filled with intimidating and abusive attacks. This is not the way to make the world a safer place.
As a female barrister advocating on behalf of victims of male violence, I've faced misogyny & threats from barristers.
From being called a c*** to attempts to disbar me, they've thrown dozens of complaints my way.
I won't be silenced.
I am speaking up to advocate for change 🪡
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0
16
61
After last week’s presentation in the family law and policy panel a GAL who was attending stood up and asked a very honest question. She said ‘how do you know you got it right?’ /1
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28
58
“I remain stunned by the...
#courts
which valorizes the rights & supposed roles of fathers to the exclusion of everything & everyone else no matter how provably abusive & harmful they are. Until this stops, harms to women/children will remain dangerous & profound.” (MoJ 2020: 160)
2
17
57
Three-quarters of
#survivors
of sexual violence told a survey their
#mentalhealth
worsened because of how the police investigated their report. Some said the perpetrator continued to
#harm
them because
#police
did not take their report seriously.
1
31
60
...The only person you are allowed to raise your complaint with is part of the same system as the doctor who harmed you and is even more powerful.
Welcome to
#FamilyCourt
- a system having to operate behind closed doors will forever feel like a system that has something to hide.
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10
56
Look at the whole context, behaviours and identify the power imbalances if you are uncertain. It is very unlikely that a person screaming ‘victim’ from an established position of power is the victim when pointing finger at someone in a marginalized social position. /9
2
9
54
Elements such as age, gender/sex, migration status, race, access to social, financial and environmental resources, health, disabilities, employment, education all matter.
Look for dynamics of dependency and control which will reproduce power and enable structural violence. /10
6
4
57
None of this is about the victim-survivor themselves, it’s a strategically introduced cyclical process by the perpetrator of
#coercivecontol
to gain full control and power over their victims. / 5
1
7
54
Today is a sad sad day that will lead to serious consequences and further
#silencing
of
#DomesticAbuse
#victims
but I also cannot stop hoping that this will be the final drop that opens up the floodgates of
#women
demanding immediate worldwide
#change
.
@SheraFamily
1
10
49
Some describe this as a life walking on eggshells, as holding their breath under water, or as trying to make themselves smaller in a box that is constantly shrinking. The detrimental impact of
#coercivecontrol
is often about it being longer term constant fear, panic, anxiety. / 6
2
9
53
A perpetrator of
#coercivecontrol
will most likely never admit to have engaged in abusive behaviour just like they are likely to tell their victim that ‘it never happened’, ‘they have just misunderstood’ or ‘they are being sensitive’ or even ‘crazy’. /5
1
7
50
Elsevier, a Dutch company that claims to publish 25% of the world’s scientific papers, reported a 10% increase in its revenue to £2.9bn last year. But it’s the profit margins, nearing 40%, according to its 2019 accounts, which anger academics most.
2
19
53
If you weren’t aware, MRAs tend to online harassment to exhaust and silence those demanding greater protection for victims from VAWC and increased accountability for perpetrators of violence. /1
1
19
54
This is a hugely important article - we must understand forced
#childremoval
as never ending grief. I’m currently working on something very similar to this context related to child removal, loss and grief and overwhelming feelings of entrapment - out soon.
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35
54
If I could give one piece of advice to family court professionals who find themselves in this situation, it would be take a step back and reflect. All structural violence including
#DomesticViolence
and
#CoerciveControl
will take place in a system of power and control. /8
3
8
49
“The European Parliament stressed that intimate partners often use litigation to heighten their control and power over victims, but also to extend the intimidation and feeling of fear.”
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19
47
Many perpetrators of
#coercivecontrol
will already begin to put pressure on or introduce the idea of a child during the early love bombing phase. (iii)
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12
52
They often present themselves to professionals as calm, charming, funny, pleasant, responsible, at ease and almost too good of a parent to be true, while the victim will struggle with these interactions as the abuse may have placed them in a constant confused state of terror. /7
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8
48
Imagine living a life where you feel as if you are constantly about to die, the same fear, panic, and desperation, but never crossing over to a life after death or being saved and feeling secure. Many describe the exhaustion or the hypertension that comes with this life. / 7
2
8
49
I’m working on a
@SheraFamily
article on Brazilian mothers experiences with the
#ParentalAlienation
Law in the context of
#DomesticViolence
. Utterly heartbreaking accounts. This is dedicated to the remarkable women in celebration of their strength - from when Brazil was my home.
3
14
53
As seen in this documentary perpetrator fathers of
#coercive
and
#controlling
behavior are well aware of how easy it is to turn the
#familycourt
system into a
#legal
#weapon
against their victims. ‘All I need to do is scream ‘mad’ and the system will continue the
#abuse
for me’.
I encourage you to put time aside for this brilliant and moving documentary. The mother had her 3 children removed from her care in the Netherlands. Her oldest daughter was handcuffed when running away to see her. She has not seen her youngest for 3 years!
#FamilyCourtReformNow
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50
66
0
26
52
How do
#gender
roles influence people's
#immobility
/
#mobility
during
#disaster
strikes? New
@RiskClimate
article out now 'When the Disaster Strikes: Gendered (im)mobility in Bangladesh' ()
@UNUEHS
@BSMSMedSchool
@GlobHealth_BSMS
@SussexGlobal
@SussexGeog
2
27
49
They become masters in rewriting the narrative and will be very convincing in how they deliver their ‘truth’. They are also more than likely to present themselves as the ‘actual victim’ (DARVO) and often make sure that their story is the first to reach the professionals. /6
2
6
46
This is so important that I will retweet it again - why are we not speaking more about the long term inter generational
#trauma
and mental
#health
damages (and the
#costs
of these - as this seems to be the main priority of many politicians) that
#child
#removals
are causing?
@s_ayebkarlsson
@SheraFamily
@womensaid
Why aren't more Psychiatrists and Psychologists speaking out about the life long harm caused by the removal of children from their primary carer since birth?
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If we take the time to observe and sit with most herds or settlements of animals, we notice that the golden rule of the collective is to never separate the offspring from its caretaker(s). /1
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Women are increasingly being hunted down (even criminally convicted) for terminating pregnancies by their own choice. Meanwhile, men who attempt to coercive women into terminating pregnancies against their will are met in court with open arms when later seeking custody/residence.
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#LitigationAbuse
was also brought up in the round table sessions that informed the new DA Commissioner Report.
It is about time that we acknowledge that some parents turn to (and are allowed to) harass, stalk and intimidate through repeated
#FamilyCourt
applications.
This is also what legal post-separation abuse looks like when perpetrators of coercive and controlling behaviours attempt to use family courts applications as weapons of harm. In that sense, highly gendered and still makes perfect sense.
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What role does structural
#racism
play in our
#familycourt
systems?
We hear little about
#migrant
mothers experiences of family courts and perpetrators of
#coercivecontrol
.
If you feel comfortable sharing, please do or email me.
#DomesticAbuse
#migration
#LegalEntrapment
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Did you know that this is the same Dr William Bernet as the one who currently is pushing for
#ParentalAlienation
to be incorporated into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of 'Mental Disorders' (DSM-5-TR)?
#SpeakUp
#SetThingsRight
#ChildHumanRights
dr
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