Kermit Andrews
@cvrdnoil
Followers
1,058
Following
392
Media
464
Statuses
1,276
Making oilfield degeneracy great again. #EFT #OFS
Texas, USA
Joined May 2023
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Me: What do you do for a living?
Girl on Bumble: I do excel for an oil company.
I initially winced at how dumb the answer was and then later realized that I was just mad that she could so accurately describe so much of my career in so few words.
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2K
If your boardroom table isn’t held up by oil rig derricks, are you even in oil and gas?
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How many grams of mushrooms can you take in the Four Seasons lobby before you start believing the things the landmen tell you?
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Jokingly invited my oldest son’s teacher to go to Colorado with me next weekend to get away from the heat and she gave me her phone number and said let’s start with a date first. Definitely was not trying to make that happen. This school year might get weird.
#meettheteacher
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Training the next generation of oil and gas professionals. Now that the basics of finding oil are out of the way, I will be teaching an advanced workshop on gas station nutrition and how to choose the right attorney for their first divorce.
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Coked up dude at the airport is lecturing me on the scrap iron market. The first 10 minutes were interesting. The last 30 were not.
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@GreyHairOpsGuy
I used to have 80+ service hands traveling internationally. At least a couple times a year, one of them would go AWOL and I’d get a call from a mad wife. I’d always cover, but those hands knew they weren’t allowed to turn down jobs in the future.
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Celebrating Friday Night EFT Roll Call by getting rid of this garbage. In a moment of weakness, I let a woman bring this poison into my house, and I allowed it to share a space in my refrigerator with my beloved Shiner Bock. Never again.
🥃FRIDAY NIGHT EFT ROLL CALL!🥃
Welcome to the “Twitter Rager” -CNBC
Who’s on tonight? Check in below!
Enjoy the video and look for your favorite FinTwit accounts featured this week!
Retweet to share the love—LFG!
#EFT
#RollCall
Hope it’s warmer in Cuba
@EnronChairman
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My 4 y/o is by far the best date. Good conversation, orders the cheapest thing on the menu, and is always happy to listen to Texas country music on the way home in my truck.
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I’ve been having problems staying connected to my wireless printer lately. Looks like it’s because one of my neighbors is also connected to it. Just had a picture of ground beef pop out of the printer during the middle of a conference call.
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When I said that I wanted to be able to buy a frac spread one day, I was hoping that the possibility arose because I was rich and not because the price of horsepower had plummeted to nothing.
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I’ve learned a lot over the last 2 days about how AI will be replacing oilfield geologists. While I do understand the negative effects that this step closer to the singularity will have on the mail order bride industry, I look forward to the improved customer service at GameStop.
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BRV has not put out any quality content ever since his gray sweatpants pic. Art has been dispensing his oilfield expertise since Spindletop. His knowledge, experience, and flexibility are why I was one of first subscribers on OnlyFans.
I see why you only show that to a few
@willrayvalentin
The real question is why anyone would pay to see that.
Especially compared to real data that I showed in my last response.
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Just got reinstated into my MBA program. Shoutout to my finance professor who thought my politics and world views in 2021 were “borderline extreme” and “not applicable to the discussion post topics”. I’ve only gotten worse.
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El Tiempo putting water on my table like I have any use for it.
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I lowered the minimum age on my dating apps from 34 to 28.
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Just ate “breakfast sushi” from a food truck in central Texas. In the imminent event of my passing from this world to the next, I am willing my X (formerly Twitter) account to
@Albertagarbage
.
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Me: Is the heater on upstairs? I swear I could see my breath when I woke up this morning.
Dad: No.
Me: Why not?
Dad: Because I don’t sleep upstairs.
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My 8 y/o is making beats today. My worst fears were that he would one day end up in OFS sales or petroleum engineering. Now I have to worry about him potentially becoming a DJ. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart.
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Hard to believe that the cork in this premium bottle of wine broke in half while I was tripping out. Thankfully I was able to run a spear and get the fish. Big thanks to
@BuckQuivas
for recommending his fave to me.
🚨FRIDAY NIGHT ROLL CALL!🚨
Who’s on X tonight?! Check in below!
GIF responses encouraged👇🏻
Share—LFG!
#EFT
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BlackRock just gave me $600 mil to install a direct air capture plant next to the volcano. It will be powered primarily with renewables. The remaining 98% of the power needed will come from organic coal.
DYK - this volcano is pumping more pollutants in to the atmosphere than the totality of humanity could ever do
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I got signed up to read to my son’s class this Friday so I figured this would be more age appropriate than excerpts from Industrial Society and Its Future by Theodore Kaczynski.
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Headed to a date with a stranger that I met online yesterday. Googled her name and found her mugshot. High hopes.
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Some people get their protein from powder. I get my protein the way that the Creator intended.
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It’s finally fall in Houston y’all!
I wouldn’t say that I directly stole this look from
@pickeringenergy
, but he definitely inspired it.
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Discovered this morning that my hotel is hosting the Texas Equine Veterinary Association’s summer symposium.
❤️ So many horse girls❤️
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Classing up the skies with square toes. Wardrobe provided by Ariat.
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I was told by God in a dream last night that he would blackout the Sun today unless I could find one mildly ethical and legitimately profitable OFS company.
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Apparently I’m the only person in this state park sleeping in a tent tonight. Thankfully I found this koozie so my beer won’t get too cold.
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Checking into roll call a day late, but with an El Tiempo Margarita and a former D1 athlete that’s almost as tall as I am. I can’t wait to start making some future pro athletes with her tonight.
🥃FRIDAY NIGHT EFT ROLL CALL!🥃
Who’s on and what are we drinking?
Last sober Friday of dry January!
Big week on the internet from Zyn Bans to LNG permit cancelations…
Cheers all! cc:
@EnronChairman
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Of all my vices, women have come the closest to bankrupting me, driving me crazy, and sending me to an early grave.
She could have literally pointed the vent in any other direction.
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Like most conspiracy theories:
- adamantly denied by perpetrators
- polarizes the public
- spread by problematic individuals
- kinda true
- involves landmen and oil money
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It’s not a good meeting until someone threatens to jump over the table to give an ass whoopin.
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Just saw a forklift operator punch both forks into a tote of DEF. Easily 200 gallons on the ground. Another good reason to do away with it.
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In a meeting with a white dude with corn rows wearing an Izod shirt, dockers, and Hoka running shoes. No one is acknowledging how crazy this is.
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It was the Wild West.
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The women of Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and had their shot. Now I’m moving on to where the women haven’t.
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He can’t catch a fish, but you wouldn’t know that by talking to him. I’m afraid he’s destined to be in oilfield sales.
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Lunch break on the Llano River. Vienna sausages, saltine crackers, and a warm can of coke will be consumed shortly.
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This EFT friend is trying to shorten my life. Only interested in women that I wouldn’t hire for oilfield sales.
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Only of my favorite EFT experiences was being introduced at a Midland happy hour to someone as Kermit Andrews and them immediately telling me that there were actually two towns nearby named Kermit and Andrews.
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Spending Roll Call in Pecos, TX.
🚨 Friday Night
#EFT
RollCall 🚨
Slow week for Energy, aside from war in the Middle East?
We're reworking the tag list, so check ins tonight will be added to the list for next week!
Check in, what're you drinking?
Cheers
@EnronChairman
!
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A CEO’s inability to recognize their OFS company is losing money is directly related to how much fun they are.
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How do you sell or scrap half of your capital equipment without having to deal with the pesky reality that you’ve been carrying its book value at 4 or 5 times its actual value?
Asking for a friend (entire OFS industry).
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The power stroke has been showing out on this roadtrip. Diesel truly is the fuel of the future.
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Trying to blend in with “yinz” Pittsburgh folks. It’s no Shiner though.
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Getting a chicken Caesar salad doordashed from Hooters is probably the weirdest thing I’ve done this year.
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Just went to my first amateur robot battle. Truly a celebration of neurodivergence. Somewhere between my freshman engineering classes and an AAPG happy hour.
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Checking in to an event under a different name than your date knows you by might be problematic for those of you dating boring women.
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Deceptively pleasant day about 30 miles east of predicted landfall. My 8 year old thinks he’s the next Reed Timmer so he needed to get down on the beach to take readings with his own anemometer today.
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Nothing like trekking through a Marriott parking lot in a swimsuit with a Glock wrapped in a towel just to find out that the audible Armageddon of aftermarket security system mayhem unleashed upon your fellow hotel compatriots was just caused by your radar detector dismounting.
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Traffic at Bush Terminal E is in perpetual gridlock. I highly recommend unfriending anyone who asks you to pick them up at the airport.
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Just turned down a job that I would have taken in a heartbeat 5 months ago. It makes no sense that my declining net worth has inflated my self worth. Really hoping this unfounded confidence leads to some Dallas-based PE group giving me way too much money for no reason one day.
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@monkeynaught83
No, but I could talk myself into finding her attractive if the first report card isn’t looking good.
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Friend: Do you know a good safety guy…
Me: No
Friend: You didn’t let me finish.
Me: Didn’t have to.
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Don’t care how this date goes after I order the 4th round of these.
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Respected elected official: I like your shirt. What does it say?
Me: I never pull out.
Tee Time Driller: *gets prohibited from bringing guests to the club
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Come see me at the IADC Advanced Rig Technology Conference today. I’m easy to spot. I’ll be one of the small handful of guys here that’s had sex with a real human woman.
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My ex-wife replaced my kids’ 55 year old Salvadoran nanny with a 25 year old tall brunette. First the first time in a long time, she and I are on the same page.
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This is like Christmas.
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Thankful to be spending this Christmas with the ones that I love and not latched up to a sketchy well floating off the coast of some third world country.
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Me and
@tedmccrann
would be through with the first 9 if
@DeadDriller
would stay out of the trees.
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The oilfield snake oil that I’ve been peddled today might be unmatched. I can’t wait until I get emailed the presentation.
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Bread machine paddle broke midway through making yeast rolls. Non-productive time limited to <10 minutes. Will be sending failed parts and datalogger files to
@stresseng
for failure analysis.
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@NightCompanyman
They always dissolve. Sometimes early. Sometimes late. Sometimes in plug catchers after they’ve been milled.
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Just spent the last few days touring industrial facilities outside of oil and gas. As much as I hate to say anything good about safety and environmental people in the oilfield, they are exponentially better than their counterparts in adjacent industries.
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There is no better or worse life than the one lived in OFS.
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