ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ the average bear
@an_average_bear
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Faint-hearted descriptivist. Corpse linguistics and uninquisitive semantics. Retweets are proposals of marriage.
Joined August 2013
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Pinned Tweet
@richard_littler
Things I never knew I wanted to happen until just now:
*Doorbell rings*
“Forget death and seek life, my friend! Do you have a moment for us to proclaim the deeds of Gilgamesh?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
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@beauvoirbaddie
@lastpositivist
Is it mansplaining when someone explains a philosopher you invented?
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@GGGoneMad
“Tell us what makes you secretly despise about everyone else” is … an ice breaker, yes. Like an ice pick. They gave everyone an ice pick. Fun!
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@leftfemme
Law school Dean, to be precise. And many law school deans invite various groups of students over for dinner, or say certain holiday events.
Professors do as well, since it’s an entirely normal practice.
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@ask_aubry
“with his mother, who identified herself as an attorney [though was clearly not a competent one, let alone criminal defense attorney].”
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@punished_stu
Brought to you by the same guys whose secret facility was known only to a select group with the highest security clearance … and the pizza guy.
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@LockPickingLwyr
Tangential: Inmate Mark DeFriest is renown for memorizing key patterns at a glance and replicating them.
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@BriannaChesser
@CallMeXennial
@ShappLing
@beauvoirbaddie
@lastpositivist
Reminded for some reason of this ⬇️
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@focusfronting
That they have new trains. And given that you’ve been thinking about their new trains, it’s working.
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@OrinKerr
Should I ever ascend to lasting prominence: I only got my first job (at an elite boutique firm) b/c:
1. I misheard a Q,
2. gave an answer that was a legit stupid answer to the Q I thought was asked, but
3. turned out to be a brilliant answer to the actual question.
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@BorisBartlog
@meekaale
Or “thanks.”
The semiotics of horn honking is … a surprisingly deep subject, the particulars of communicative beeps in Cairo, Jamaica, Walse, and Mumbai each receiving their own attention.
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@tylercowen
It’s 2020. I just assume it will explode massively, but not before summoning a demon, who will then run as an independent and win the election, in large part due Evangelicals who say “Sure, Adrammelech may be the Chancellor of Hell, but he only feasts on the souls of the damned.”
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@stuffsaidbyjake
@damnhellworld
@SerbMillions
Capture? Nobody. But he’s fluent in over 6 million forms of murder….
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@javafour
@Ennaaseret7
Aposematism is there to warn off predators, not sexual partners. If you’re repelled by it, it’s working.
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@focusfronting
“Okay kids, today we discuss the thing
you cannot say: the voiced glottal plosive.”
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@d08890
@lastpositivist
This description of Robin Hanson really contextualized how it must have felt for the Athenians.
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@timecaptales
@fasc1nate
The help people get a full sense of the man: The eponymous title “The Auschwitz Volunteer” is merely just a prologue to his heroism; and probably not among the top 5 bravest things he did.
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@katiedimartin
“and she likes to wear a nice dress or skirt while working on some simple games she makes.”
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@StratoAngst
The guy who volunteered to go to Auschwitz, then stayed there by choice for 3 years, escaped, then hid his identity as an officer so he could fight as a door-kicker in the Battle of Warsaw, only taking over after all the other officers died & held off the Germans for 3 weeks….
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@virgil_30
Pareidolia is a form
of apophenia to be avoided, not an investigative technique.
Seriously, if you find yourself thinking/saying this, time to take a step back.
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@wattznext
@Shade_Aurion
@redditships
“You’ve fallen into my trap, Vibratron. Mwah ha ha mine is an evil laugh. Now die!”
“Damn your betrayal, Cockring. Must … vibrate … faster … to … escape. <bzzzzzZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZ…>.”
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@SPBPHD
“She wore a sneer like a loaded gun pointed at my heart. A 5’6” ball of spite. Just my type.”
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@TylerClemons
“This kind of over-familiarity”
Deans inviting students to their homes for dinner/parties/events is common practice, especially if the Dean has a particularly nice or interesting home.
Do so, or having regular coffees w/ students, is absolutely non-problematic.
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@CarlEdman
“What costs money and requires access is a Harvard degree.”
Pretty sure moving to Cambridge and just hanging out on campus all day also costs money.
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@BudrykZack
Salieri (Amadeus) Vivian Cash (Walk the Line), the NTSB (Sully), Dan Devine (Rudy), Bruce Ismay (Titanic), the shark (Jaws) & (ok, technically fictional people in Batman Begins) the Pentagon bean-counters who said $300K/each for body armor that was kinda bulletproof was redic.
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@ArmandDoma
Exact same thing happened to me when my Roomba realized I was the chief source of dirt in the house.
Thank god that small lump in the rug was there.
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@RiverTamYDN
“I'm just saying Rosie is a 6 at best.”
“What’s that mean?”
“No confidence.”
“Bullshit. Sam's got an attitude–a good attitude. I mean, he’s the kind of hobbit who walks into a room….”
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@AgnesCallard
Take this as you will: Every faculty member I’ve heard defend their faculty/student relationships (some more defensible than others) has said essentially same thing. There’s about as much novelty in the yearly op-ed in the student paper complaining about commencement speakers.
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@WimminsRea
Why do British scandals have such a distinct idiom? Like corruption happens everywhere, but it usually arrives at a logical conclusion. With the British, there always another shoe that drops.
Like, of course stolen Chinese artifacts enter the chat.
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@garicgymro
I wanted to; unfortunately, I’m in an embarrassing financial situation where I need to share a helicopter with another family.
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@poppy_haze
That happens … too often. (Cars are usually left running; but even then they can overheat, esp. in FL, etc.)
Whether a dog that’s been abused in that way or others, but is also too l̶u̶c̶r̶a̶t̶i̶v̶e̶ expensive to retire, poses some …problems is an interesting question.
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@jonathanurick
@DavidLat
In fairness, non-lawyers, & even lawyers who didn’t have the exp., might not fully understand the bond clerks & their judges often (but not necessarily) have—one of the “most intense and mutually dependent [relationships] ... outside of marriage, parenthood, or a love affair.”
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@ScottGreenfield
Had a child porn production case. Support letter from parents at school where D volunteer years earlier: “always around kids,” “always willing to take a kid aside...,” “touched so many lives,” “deeply saddened when he abruptly left mid-semester.”
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@eeesssjjj
@halomancer1
Why would you give your personal and financial information to Elon just for schadenfreude?
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@NatetheLawyer
The tendency of everyone who’s doing PR for Amber to make things worse for her is remarkable. Taking flak for a client is one thing: drawing flak that obliterates both of you, however, is … not good.
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@igorsushko
There’s a line from the book “The Godfather” that seems more and more applicable to Putinists:
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@SeamusHughes
On the plus side, I feel like this could one day be a collector’s item for those interested in the early history of GPT.
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@Treehugger_v2
@punished_stu
“Tim, you’ve got another delivery of 12 meat-lovers pizzas with double the toppings for 123 CoolGuy Ln.”
“The place with all the guys who look like jacked-up SEALs?”
“Yup.”
Basically, don’t have cabs, pizza, or [I’m just assuming] hookers show up at your secret lair.
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@gbrl_dick
Maybe he’s missing that American culture has been so thoroughly adopted it no longer stands out?
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@GrandFae
@Popehat
Federal judges certainly get some nasty letters and calls from criminal defendants and their families—some even warrant investigation. But the folks you’re most worried about running into out in the wild are the small-time litigants and kooks on the losing side of civil cases.
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@ManyATrueNerd
Not pictured with this Tweet: The remains of Claire’s good cookware, mid-smolder.
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@igorsushko
Old joke:
Germany and Russia attack Poland on the same day. Whom do the Poles fight first?
Germany: Because business comes before pleasure (An especial pleasure, now, after Putin blamed Poland for WWII.)
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@econ_robinson
@OrinKerr
Here you go.
Not every BigLaw practitioner may agree w/ e/t; but it’s stuff students should definitely consider.
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@focusfronting
I mean, I gotta assume if you did that more than once, you’d quickly be directed to the Harry Potter section. Like, that’s some pretty obvious and low-hanging fruit right there.
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@cat_i_e
If it makes you feel better, at least you’re not the lawyer who had to ask for leniency at sentencing re a burglary charge when his client was late for sentencing on account of being arrested for burglary.
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@pebonilla
Aurora (CO) punches *way* above its weight when it comes to allegations of less-than-stellar law enforcement.
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@bananafitz
“give tips on how to read more books a year.”
“When we read more books … than we can possibly absorb the result of such gluttony is not a cultured mind but a consuming one; what it reads is immediately forgotten, leaving no more traces behind it than yesterday’s newspaper.”
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@rinewithoutacat
@katiedimartin
100% sure imagining these conversations is how he falls to sleep.
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@bryan_caplan
“Even the best tutors cost no more than $80 an hour—which means you could buy 50 hours....”
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@NiemanLab
1. Did you at least feel slightly queasy before feigning concern for the disabled?
2. Oh, so it’s like getting a job in journalism?
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@RiverTamYDN
It would be hard to overstate how much easier men like this made online dating. Seriously.
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@OrinKerr
Since I have it handy, here you go, kiddos⬇️
Maybe a *bit* OTT. That said, someone’s first job often has an outsized effect on how they practice law thereafter. At the very least, you never really understand *The Suck* until you’re living it.
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@imjustinho
How well you function in any law job is not how much you like the upside, but how much the downside bothers you. Because the downside is usually *the job*; the upside is the perks.
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@Popehat
Question I once had from a lawyer based on a news story he’d seen:
“Do lawyers still bill clients for the time clients spend strangling them?”
“Yes. And for any time we spend strangling them. Highest rate in either case.”
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@kirbyconrod
Now I’m wondering if the trademark is why UCSC’s linguistic department doesn’t have (wait for it) ... Banana Wug merch.
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@NotABigJerk
Good news: You don’t need to climb per se so much as just be willing to be a belay bitch and adjust the crash pad as needed.
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@metroadlib
IDK, as a prosecutor it made me feel all warm and fuzzy when even criminals have that much faith in the criminal justice system😊
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