chid
@CHIDSPIN
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A big shot Patagonia bro. I use a chainsaw—manly as hell. I’ve never been horny online. I hate bio and all other sciences. Host of @RoundingDown .
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Joined December 2013
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What do you call it when worms take over the whole world?
Friggin global worming
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About 7 years ago, my wife’s close friend was engaged and I was invited to her husband-to-be’s bachelor party (I like the dude enough, but he’s not like MY friend). His best man sent out a bachelor party itinerary proposing $1500-a man for the day. I was like “I can’t do that.”
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And he was like “No—there were only like 5 people there and when I found out what Jack did, we got into a big fight. I haven’t spoken to him since the wedding. I told him all I wanted to do was play paintball and go to a bar or something.”
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The best man was like “don’t be a pussy BROOOO” and I had to say, “I know you’re all 28 and have no responsibilities. I hope you have a great time! I have a pregnant wife and I just bought a house. I wouldn’t pay $1500 to go to my best friend’s bachelor party.”
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There were like 30 people on the bachelor party email thread, and I truly believe the best man was like “cool that gives me a budget of $50K!”
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Anyway, I ended up not going to anything because the best man was such a dickhead (a person I had never met before, btw). Fast forward like 6 months and these friends come to our house to meet our son. I asked the husband if his bachelor party was awesome
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I cannot believe how many people have seen this thread. If you like this story and want to hear me talk about all sorts of other things, listen to and follow the
@RoundingDown
podcast.
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You did it, Rob Manfred! We’re gonna see more balls in play than ever before!!
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I have to believe that the Drew Barrymore and Bill Maher things were somewhat of a trial balloon for the studios. I’m sure they were hoping people would ‘quietly return to work’ and holy shit did it not go that way for them.
drew barrymore ruined her good name just for them to reach an agreement days later
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@IanKarmel
Dr. Dog. No way I’m fighting a dog who’s gone to college for 10 years and done 5,000+ hours of residencies.
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@RoundingDown
If you’re inclined, help out my good friend
@dropchrismurphy
who went through an insane armed robbery this week.
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Chipper Jones? Never liked him. Face of a potato, name of a 4th grader.
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Rob Thomas carried this loser ass back to superstardom in the 1990s. Nobody would even know who this fuckin bum was if not for Matchbox 20, and now this? Shut the fuck up you old sack of dogshit.
Carlos Santana makes anti-trans remarks at his Atlantic City concert:
“When God made you and me, before we came out of the womb, you know who you are and what you are. Later on, when you grow up, you see things, and you start believing that you could be something that sounds
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@HamHock42
Probably bought a Dunks and bagel sandwich this morning so just call it $821,537.48
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@StuartScottsEye
I truly believe people should only be able to throw a bachelor party after they’ve paid for a home or a wedding or a child or some other real-life expense.
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@RecoilTotal
@davidhogg111
The free market decided Laura Ingraham is bad, Craig. It was the will of the market.
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@mugrimm
The main challenges of white collar jobs I’ve had are:
-bad bosses; control freaks/assholes who make you miserable
-no seniority: too much easy work to do per day
-seniority: so many meetings (7-9 hours a day) that there is no time to get deliverables done (4-8 hours a week)
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Frank Reich getting fired in November in two consecutive seasons is really wild stuff. The Panthers should do the right thing here and give Jeff Saturday another crack at it!
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@jameelajamil
Whatever you do, don’t read about 9/11. It was a real downer over here in the states.
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How old are you? 30? How does it feel to know there are only gonna be 3 more Grand Theft Autos before you die?
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Yeah lady we got
@davidbazan
the thing about taylor swift is that she so perfectly encapsulates through her lyrics, the interior lives of women. It's why we all can't stop listening. We're all saying, "wait you felt that way? we were all feeling this way?"
do men have someone like that?
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As someone who dressed as a costume character for two years I am uniquely qualified to speak on this Rosita incident at Sesame place. That Rosita is a dipshit. Case closed.
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I wanna ride in a pitch black void, I want my inner ears to be fucked the whole time, I want to see nothing and do nothing, I just wanna sit in this apple mouse shaped death trap and pretend I’m fuckin dead, chief.
Apple's self-driving car could feature VR technology and no windows:
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My son’s entire class “lost fun Friday” because kids were “misbehaving,” and I honestly feel like unless 14 of the 24 kids were in a chair-throwing brawl while the other 10 were placing bets on the action, the punishment was not justified. The kids are 7!
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I feel like people with this kind of outlook never worked before their corporate careers and that’s why they cannot understand that any/all level/paying jobs are sometimes “slow” and to enjoy it while it lasts because the alternative is being so busy you want to die.
People in tech are so ungrateful
$400k/yr to work 20 hrs/wk remotely at 29? You are living a literal fairy tale
An unserious industry
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This is not a small thing. The coaches and players should be lauded for doing the right thing here.
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@megynkelly
For years, NBC viewers did a Megyn Kelly boycott without even having to organize anything.
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It took 175 months but today I finished paying off the $75K+ I took out in student loans to go to college.
#CancelStudentDebt
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I put my son to bed at 8:30 and just walked by his room and heard him playing with his hot wheels. I opened the door and he was sitting on the floor and before I said a word, he said, “I wasn’t playing with my cars.” Outwitted again!
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John Madden is absolutely railing Betty White in front of Saint Peter right now
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My favorite Sarah Silverman memory was when she did a guest Q & A on old Deadspin Kinja and showed up late, didn’t know how to use a computer, called everybody “sportsfags” and answered like 3 questions. This is not a person who’s opinion anyone needs to pay attention to.
we’ve officially reached the “they actually don’t deserve water and electricity” moment in mainstream discourse
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There is nothing wrong with just acting normal when out in public. Even if you’re in a bad place or you don’t know what to do, you can always pretend to be a regular person for the benefit of those around you!
When I worked in a Starbucks drive-thru, the best-case customer scenario was when someone was reasonably friendly and left a tip. The worst-case scenario was basically this
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Wow, my sister got me this for my birthday and now I’m the bean dad eat shit, Roderick
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@SkipSeasoned
One guy just wants to have his emotional needs met and the other guy just wants things to be logistically easier. It is the most common relationship dynamic.
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@len0killer
@kdroosh
I don’t know if you know this but “soprano” is the highest of the four standard singing voices—and “to sing,” is an expression police use when describing informants or those who confess to crimes. Think about that.
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@JuiceThousand
It’s an uneven album for sure. Sam’s Town is their masterpiece (if you take off fuckin Uncle Johnny anyway yeeesh)
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This is what going to Disney World is like. It’s full of Leslie Knope style freaks who organize for fun. But also, if you are not one of them and/or do not have one in your party, you will NOT have a good time. There is no vacation on earth that asks more of its guests.
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@Jade_Geist
@vortmax79
@WootownWoman
@PetreRaleigh
No this dude with a beard is right—his life is the hardest of all and his suffering the most profound.
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RIP Luke Perry. Forever the coolest teen. You really shaped my youth and help me set expectations for myself. Gone too soon. I’ll miss your good looks and aarcastoc quips.
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Oh wow. My Equifax data breach settlement check came! Surely they have done right by me, the consumer who was harmed by their carelessness. Let us see…!
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What’s the fastest you’ve ever left a job? I’m about a month in here and I gotta get the fuck out of this place.
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Congrats to and their Fantasy Football app which is busted beyond belief right now.
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There’s a dad with a Built to Spill shirt at my local playground. Am I about to make a dad friend?
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@okguyadam
@thomasdkeiser
Seconded on this. Really almost anything by Steinbeck is eminently readable and ridiculously well-plotted in my experience.
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A HUGE congrats to
@BugConOfficial
for not being a super spreader event. 14 days have elapsed and I have seen no TL evidence of anyone catching COVID. This is not an ironic post—great job!
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Crows rule. I’m gonna be a crow guy now.
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This is the nutmeg at my parents house. It’s from a grocery chain that went out of business in 1995.
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Can anyone name anything that has improved in this country in the last 20 years? There’s a few things, sure, but most things are so much worse.
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If Elon Musk puts all of Twitter behind a paywall, I will migrate to a website where adults can find their friends. I saw a pop-up for it once and it’s called Adult Friend Finder. I’ll see you all there.
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When people followed a “comedian” whose only bit was lip-syncing a president they hated
Enough talk about the good times on this website, let’s talk about the dumbest moments on this website. I’ll start: that time people thought there were two drils and the second one was much less funny
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Just have my kids ice cream and my son said, “I’ve heard of an ice cream sundae, but ice cream Wednesday!?!?!” I’ve done it—I’ve molded a great mind.
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RIP Mr. Peanut. You were consistently salty and dry, and yet, we all loved you.
#mrpeanut
#kansasbrawl
#ImpeachmentHearings
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The way to destroy this color lined flag bullshit is for more of us to pile on with our own specific and stupid jobs.
This is the thin maroon line for people who work at for-profit regional hospitals.
This is the thin violet line for people who work at cosmetics stores.
Just saw this flag in the wild and had to look it up.
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“THEY HAVE A SHOW ABOUT SODA POP BUT GET THIS, THEY ONLY RELEASE ONE EPISODE EVERY 9 MONTHS AND UNLIKE MOST PODCASTS, THERE ARE 3 OF THEM AND ONE OF THEM HATES CARBONATED WATER BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL OLD—OH AND ALSO THEY’RE STILL IN THIS 15-MONTH LONG BUZZTANK COMPETITION.”
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A problem with Netflix original content is that a lot of it sucks. When Netflix first started making movies and shows, it was like Groupon in 2008 —sometimes REALLY GOOD limited offerings (1 a day!). Now it’s like Groupon in 2014—a scam! A mountain of shit no one wants!
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@StuartScottsEye
@LegoRacers2
@WorriedLadybug
Damn hope this gets DMCA’d so I never have to see it again
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This guy was one of the best Deadspin commenters. He made everyone feel welcome and he could write one hell of a joke as well.
If you’re lucky enough to have an online community where you feel welcome, don’t take anybody for granted. You never know what is going on offline.
It is with a heavy, heavy heart that I tell you that this morning, at 11:15 am Erg passed away with Mrs. Erg holding his hand and family around him. We are heartbroken without him but wanted to make sure those that loved him knew. We'll miss him terribly.
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@fatstevebuscemi
@Chigurh_Crash
Some people don’t have hands or lawns, sorry we can’t “touch” “grass,” we don’t have lawn hand privilege
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This morning I watched
@SighFieri
get married. Congrats to him and his wife. They are a beautiful couple and it was well-worth driving 4 hours in a hurricane to be there. He lived up to his nickname, Champion Good Kisser. Here’s to 100 years together.
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Cherry Coke Zero is now available at my local grocer. I am having A birthday.
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RIP Terry Glenn. An American hero. He could really fly. Gone too soon.
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I wore my
@craig_healy
“Friendada Craig” shirt on an airplane yesterday and an octogenarian asked me how I could be both “a friend” and “dada” to Craig and I told him my shirt was some cool bullshit he shouldn’t worry about and thanked him for his service in WW2.
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Some people call it BugCon. Others are calling it, “The Gathering of the Buggalos.”
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@masonreloaded
@staggerednoise
@heathercampbell
@ventsmagazine
I think it’s cool that the dude who wrote this just did a drive-by on Mitch’s character for no reason at all
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@Srirachachau
I was like 5-12 for the prime years of the Simpsons and I adored it and laughed my ass off at this joke with no context of Rock Me, Amadeus
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