Delete MY Account
@HamHock42
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Exceptionally tall but never dunked. Great passer from the high post. I look like Mumford & Sons if they were from Tallahassee. - RobSly
Joined January 2015
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It is rare that my job is legitimately fun, but today I get to take the deposition of a person who does not know that I know that they are trying to hide $821,539 in a bank account that they didn’t disclose in their court affidavits.
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The google searches found on the laptop used by the husband who *allegedly* killed his wife in Massachusetts recently are fuck all bananas
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Have community notes ever cooked one man to death so many times in two days
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Google Karl Malone 13 to find out more!
Karl Malone missed only 13 games in 18 seasons with the Utah Jazz.
The first Iron Man 🦾🤖
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The courage I just showed pretending to not know who Sidney Sweeney was when my wife was trying to pick a brain dead movie for us to go watch since the kids are out could rival anything a fireman has ever done
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To any of you that have ever used the term sports ball just understand that Angel Hernandez retiring is for us like the day Henry Kissinger finally kicked it
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I have decided that if I am ever in a situation where I get a tragic make a wish moment, it would be to fight this man in front of his family
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We are telling dad stories tonight
I swear to god the following two stories about my step dad are true:
1- I asked him once when was the last time he shaved his mustache was because I’ve known him since 1996 and he said “never, started growing it at 14 and only trimmed since”
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Considering taking a sabbatical at work to research the difference between Regular and Normal settings on my new dryer
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My hetero male friends have never rallied around a gossip story before like they have the Kate story. It’s wild.
So let’s be serious. There are 3 realistic possibilities:
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2- we played band hero at thanksgiving at
@WAForeskins
house when it was a new craze. He belted out war pigs with a voice none of us knew he had. Someone said “I can’t believe you could see the lyrics on the tv from that angle” as he was sitting to the side. He said “what lyrics”
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custody
What’s something you have that the richest man in the world doesn’t?
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@WAForeskins
3- My mom looked at him on their third date and said if you want to meet my kids, if you’re really as into me as you say, you’ll quit smoking. He had smoked two packs a day for 25 years. He snuffed it out and hadn’t had one since.
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@WAForeskins
4- he used to trade buckets of fish he’d catch for free passes at the Chinese buffet in Binghamton
Read that again
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In law school one of the first cases you learn about is that you can’t set a spring gun in an abandoned cabin because people shouldn’t be summarily executed for trespassing
Texas Gov Abbott has installed circular saws between the Rio Grande border buoys to maim or kill anyone who attempts to climb over. Two bodies have already been found trapped in the floating barrier.
He wants more migrants to die.
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1- she is done with the family. She hit her Diana breaking point and is like fuck you guys I know my refusing to be seen is causing chaos, enjoy it. Maybe your son shouldn’t have cheated abused etc
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2- she was abused, badly, and can’t appear, needed facial surgery some worst case scenario stuff
3- she is sick and dying, this is all totally innocent and they’re just handling it terribly
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This is the correct use of privilege. For very obvious reasons many cross sections of society couldn’t speak this way to a cop (and shouldn’t for their own safety). But it’s *imperative* that people who can embarrass them do just that
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@ClueHeywood
@ZWMartin_
Extremely not shocking update - we have settled. Someone found religion.
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@bonerhitler
@DuckAlertsNOW
That baby has a known preference between ginos and pats cheesesteaks
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@joey_pittsburgh
She has the maturity and confidence to simply say “that is a man I’d like to ride like a carnival attraction” whereas I am a dishonest coward
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Currently googling whether baby safe Haven fire station laws apply to teenagers
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They elected a new Barbie
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We are 18 months away from them all merging into a single streaming service
I propose we call it “cable”
Paramount+ and Peacock are reportedly in talks to merge into a single streaming service.
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Got in the elevator with opposing counsel today and this was her exhibit box
Look at my lawyer dawg I’m only seeing my kids on alternating Wednesdays
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I think this tweet is viral enough for me to tell everyone that they should listen to
@RoundingDown
the best podcast that my internet friends make
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@ptclark1
I’ve paid $1100/month for 13 years.
I started knocking down the principal about 1 year ago. That’s $13k year towards interest for 12 years.
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At what point is the right wing going to realize all they’re doing is making this man into a demigod
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No, we all know he was full of shit and a murderous bigot, but this interview is notably to the left of the current democratic party
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I got the vaxx the moment I was eligible with no hesitation. Because I trust a company like Pfizer to act in its own greedy self interest and there is a ZERO % chance they would risk a trillion dollar class action suit by releasing something that they weren’t certain would work.
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Could’ve thought of more humane ways to end the Grimace shake promotion
Purple haze! Maine residents baffled by mysterious magenta vapor filling the sky
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What’s the deal with freedom of
Speech
student walkout at Duke university commencement as Jerry Seinfeld’s speech is announced. his introduction by university president is being drowned out by “free free Palestine” chants ❤️🔥🇵🇸
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That’s awesome dude, mine is my child who I see
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My son was born at 29 weeks and I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him do normal things. Today he threw a no hitter. I’m crying 4 hours later and I don’t care. Fucking let’s gooooo.
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I know I never shut the fuck up about this (I hate me too) but these pictures were taken one year apart. If you need to lose weight, or if like me you were on deaths door, just start. Stop waiting.
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Just know that somewhere right now, Lin Manuel Miranda is writing some thing that will make the Covid celebrity Imagine video look like bridge on the fucking river Kwai
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@BethLynch2020
The “vote for the nominee no matter who it is” line is like telling someone allergic to shellfish that because the store was out of chicken and turkey they really have no choice but to intentionally pick something that will harm them
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@StochasticOoze
How many strikes in the opposite batters box in the world baseball classic did Kissinger call
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Casey Anthony is at Disney, caked up. Ironic, because her daughter never got a Disney birthday cake. I’m Lester holt and this … is dateline. Now here’s Andrea Canning with “From Covered Up to Caked Up”
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@kenklippenstein
Ken broke that dude down like basic training and rebuilt him in his own mold
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Can I say something without everyone getting mad
GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert & her date reportedly kicked out of ‘Beetlejuice’ musical after ‘causing a disturbance’
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I have been watching these to try to figure out how to put change in a meter for five minutes and it is the most suburban, Rich, Boston, white woman thing I’ve ever seen
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So she should do jail time for stealing three pairs of leggings?
Women stole $338K of Lululemon merch in thefts from Bellingham to L.A., charges say
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@DoctorHugePenis
“Never heard of these two clowns but it’s probably a good way to kill two hours” I say as I bite my tongue so hard blood runs down the back of my throat
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Yeah he wasn’t her boyfriend he was a predator so maybe an editor should step in here
21-year-old boyfriend charged with killing Lowell teen before her 8th-grade graduation
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It me, the loser of 100 pounds as of today. It’s a hamabration, bitches.
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If you are a fan of the righteous gemstones, and in particular
@tim_baltz
you need to watch this video my wife just sent me during her commute home. Sometimes you just have to blade to clear your head.
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New theory, he faked his death to get the fuck away from her
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Another think piece that wonders aloud why the first generation who has grown up fully aware the American dream is a myth has decided to stop playing their part in said myth
Bosses all over the U.S. are asking the same question: Where have all the go-getters gone?
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@robrousseau
Dems one month ago: the convention matters. Just because Bernie might have a plurality of delegates is not the end of the story.
Dems today: Drop out now with 50% of primaries remaining and national polling showing a dead heat.
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Last year I weighed -195 lbs more than I do today. I just walked/jogged with my baby boy for 70 minutes after dinner. Im grateful going into tomorrow for my health, my family and all of my friends including the many of you who I’ll never meet but love joking with each day.
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speaking only for myself not all men want a child bride who doesn’t understand basic tick prevention
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Didn’t want to alarm y’all but your boy had some kidney surgery this morning. Don’t worry though:
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My son hugged me good night and screamed “omg I can get my arms all the way around you now” and it was top five moments of my life. If you’re ready to do something about your health, start tomorrow morning. Don’t wait another day.
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@bonerhitler
@DuckAlertsNOW
That baby is slightly behind on alimony payments but not the least bit worried about it
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We asked 100 people how I got these scars
Good lord look at this Steve Harvey fit 🃏
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He got them 32x24’s ON
I got my shins blowed off by a Japanman’s machine gun
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This is an unapologetic (not) humble brag - so forgive me - but your boy just got named lawyer of the year for divorce work in Boston
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Ham -172 as of today. Fuck yeah I’m an obnoxious bragger. Fucking a right.
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RIP in doggie Heaven to sweet Mr Lou. 15 good years brother. Here’s to all the good boys.
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I just told Mrs ham that I’ve wanted a denim jacket for a while now, perhaps even to wear a hoodie under. She’s referring to this as a “situation” and texting all her friends. Why can’t dudes just be allowed to rock?
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My late grandfather rightfully couldn’t stand my father (his son in law). But my dad came home one day with a haircut so poorly executed he said “Bob I am not a violent man but you give me the name of the son of a bitch who gave you that haircut and ill handle it.”
Terrence Howard explains why he's suing CAA (Creative Artists Agency), and says he's owed $120 million because of a package deal CAA had with Fox, which resulted in him getting paid $325,000 an episode for "Empire," while the "The Big Bang Theory" cast was paid $2 million to $3
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@ggreenwald
@neeratanden
That you’re finding time right now to throw shade at neera given what you’re dealing with finally broke me. Long live Glenn.
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I’m sorry but fuck this, and fuck that family, not 100 feet from the site of the boston massacre and 50 feet from an au bon pain
The Union Jack is now flying at
#Boston
City Hall to welcome the Prince and Princess of Wales this afternoon
@wbz
#EarthShotBoston2022
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@bethbourdon
Oh please I’ve been dreaming of riding elevators this way for years this is a gift
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For everyone wondering how the cop got such a head of speed, here’s a pic a friend forwarded to me this morning of the comrade slide
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A friend told Mrs Ham this existed and it arrived today, a day late for our anniversary but I own it now.
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I know this is an extremely safe take but mother of god does this album still fucking go
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Fellas is it gay to be a world class athlete with unbridled success and endorsement money and sleep with the biggest female star on earth
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Being a step dad means decorating the house for your swiftie step daughters. I am evolving in real time.
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