Bryce Kelly ๐๐๐ฆ๐๐ป
@BKellyGorman
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31. Twin. Former Unfortunate Associates & Radio Camp Half-Blood cohost. They/them.
Joined August 2009
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My sister finally made me the fabled top surgery cake and it is absurdly fancy for a ridiculous shitpost of a concept.
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@danglinghemmie
How are any teachers supposed to exist if there's something wrong with them being first year teachers? All of them have to start as first year teachers. That's how the progression of time works.
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@NekoDalian
@SkyTheQT
Cis people: "Using ~preferred pronouns~ is so hard."
Also cis people: "I'm going to actively change the correct pronoun I assumed because I want you, specifically, to feel bad."
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@OsitaNwanevu
"Riddle me this wokescolds, what would you do in this extremely complex ethical conundrum?" *proceeds to describe child sex slavery*
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@carterhambley
My sister and I are technically identical twins. Then I transitioned so I really sorta went out of my way to render the whole "identical" thing moot.
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@EllenFWalker
I genuinely think this performance is one of the best of any child actor. The delivery of every line in "I Want It Now" is so spot on. Unhinged and hilarious.
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@lanadelslayee
I was ready for him to turn out to be the actual Pete Davidson and now I can't decide which of these scenarios is more awkward.
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@RaeHolliday
@madamenamio
Idk. The milk spoiling in her purse and the smell forever reminding her of how much she stinks seems a fitting punishment too.
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@blvkinquisition
Love a mom who will defend her kid. Reminds me of my mama. Here's a meme I often send her in situations like this.
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@thedigitaldash_
โApparently Cinnamon Toast Shrimp Guy who is also Topangaโs husband was cancelled like Bean Dad. Anyway, do you think Batman goes down on Catwoman?โ
โJesse, what the fuck are you talking about?โ
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@seintlaurent
My mom always assumed I was exaggerating the severity of my periods. Then I went on testosterone. Stopped menstruating. Went from so anemic that I was disallowed from donating blood, to normal iron levels. No diet change. I was just bleeding out every month.
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@Ethelmonster
@johnnyalligator
Totally get your point but as the kid of a firefighter I gotta say their culture is similarly toxic/racist and we're lucky they don't get guns too. My mom sorted through my dad's email when he died and discovered a newsletter of racist "jokes" sent to hundreds of firefighters.
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@NieraWebster97
@mistahowie
I'm 5'2". Scientists haven't created a microscope powerful enough to percieve my existence.
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@wifekisser303
I don't think there's a meaningful distinction between "fruity" and "goofy theater kid vibe."
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@loopzoooop
Also, since when does getting PTSD render a job not a job? Is firefighting not a real job bc my dad got PTSD from it?
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@almondtiddies
This along w/ the new fridge we got w/ an alarm that lets you know you've left the door open too long-the audacity. I know what I'm about. I'm assessing my cheese options. I need to take my time. It's a turf war between my mom and I bc she keeps putting the alarm back on.
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@JayHulmePoet
My grandma gave me all of my late grandpa's old neckties. She called me "handsome" at my cousin's wedding. She thanked me for cleaning out her attic saying "sometimes, when something is too heavy, it's best to hand it to a fella." Grandparents will surprise you.
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@cam_uhhh
My cousin called me โsheโ yesterday. Meanwhile, I truly have an entire chinstrap beard and was wearing an apron printed with the name Bryce. Like imagine overlooking that many context clues.
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@dilfhive
I can hear it in my head. The way she enunciates it in such a matter of fact tone. She eviscerates him.
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@DanitaDarkwa
@theesudani
The gold standard hasn't even been a thing for a long time. The value of money is literally just based on the faith of its value.
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@auntie_heron
@roramdin
Because having pronouns in one's bio is apparently more embarrassing than paying for a profile picture of a chimpanzee.
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@thetrudz
I almost passed out in the middle of a grocery store and had to keep begging people not to call an ambulance because I wouldn't be able to afford it.
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@agirlcalledlina
Me once again realizing they were using those colorful hearts in a t3rf way and not a genderqueer way:
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@HecubianDevil
Also just a deeply ahistorical way of understanding race and the contruction of whiteness. To claim whiteness is a static inherent trait and not a culturally contingent one is to agree with white supremacist race science. Whiteness is created by those most invested in it.
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@himbopresident
Need to draw a Punnett square to figure out how one kid got his dad's eyebrows and the other didn't get any eyebrows at all.
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@LeftAtLondon
They should just drop the B too because they want to already and we don't want to join them anyway. If I wasn't already excluded via the T of course.
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@ganglads_
Wow the tattletale narc energy is off the charts with OP. Yikes. "You broke the rules!" Yeah, and you needlessly took a resource away from someone who needed it. If anyone is "violating [their] safe space" it's OP.
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@Miameeze
@AlixWzl
@BruceShark5
@gooddirt
@elisadoucette
@JetBlue
Imagining a cat eating a little bag of Biscoff cookies and lapping up ginger ale from a small plastic cup.
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@TransValid
@thejeffreymarsh
This picture always makes me feel like crying. There's something so strangely moving about seeing someone like me in an old black and white photo. It makes me feel a sense of history that's hard to come by.
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@myblurryfacade
@AudnyApeiron
My sister always dresses fancy, grocery store included. She hasn't gotten free groceries (afaik) but I did once see a guy do a double take and walk into a column like in a cartoon.
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@KendraJames_
I humbly suggest Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam who was rocking some powerful looks in the 70s. Also one of my early crushes thanks to my mom playing his records constantly when I was a kid.
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@lady_giardia
@picardie_aurora
Lmao didn't even need to look at your display name or pronouns to know this is a very trans sentiment. Ah to be a jingly jangly little pal. A colorful stripรจd friend. A goofy little soldier.
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Thinking about the cashier as Kohlโs yesterday who kept calling me โmy friendโ probably bc he had no idea whether to call me โsirโ or โmaโam.โ New gender just dropped: just a pal, a friend, a little buddy.
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@carterhambley
Thank you to everyone liking this. ๐ฅฐ My sister is a healthcare worker and was recently exposed to a coworker with COVID-19. If you could send her some good thoughts, it would be much appreciated.
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@mattxiv
Why did I think Gwyneth Paltrow would have more of a beachy/white linen aesthetic and she's walking into court looking like Goody Putnam just accused her of being a witch?
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@BeautifulAmazn_
@selfiegoddesss
She also admits to the agreement on Twitter just to dunk on her smart daughter.
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@vivarockbella
Once while this song was playing in my car, I went โoh speaking of tender and mild, my mom picked up some chicken wingsโ and Iโve never been able to live down that moment.
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@mikeabrusci
Here to remind anyone who needs to hear it that youโre allowed to identify as bi even if you have a preference for one gender. Bi doesnโt have to mean โa precise amount of equal attraction to binary men and women.โ I feel like it rarely means that to people who ID as such.
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@theodotes_
@aimsmeee
But then my mental illness made me not even able to do art so I became a literature major.
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@alexnolos
Tfw this is such a common trans name that the group chat thinks Elliot Page is your ex.
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@just_nahla
@selfiegoddesss
The specific genre of tweet where a weirdo tries to humble brag about being a great parent who uses โteaching momentsโ and accidentally reveals that they suck to the entire internet.
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@evocationnz
@literallysofie
"Actually saving people is too difficult because it requires proper training and is competitive. So some people default to the bafflingly easy job of becoming a cop where they get the authority to murder people after very little training." serves OP's point exactly.
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@KalynnBayron
When I was 11-12 years old I had an elaborate Lemony Snicket themed blog where I wrote in character as an OC.
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@ROKU9413
@rnephistopheles
@charsxoxo
@lNCONEGRO
@stefie130
@shameikmoore
Jaden Smith came to mind but idk if he's said any bullshit recently.
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@RaxKingIsDead
@afrodykee
My boss at Dunkin Fucking Donuts criticized me for not smiling enough while I was wiping down a table and had just injured my hand on a sharp piece of machinery. All while getting paid minimum wage. Get fucked, Bill.
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@acechhh
I ordered a grocery delivery of Oreos and M&Ms and checked the โfast and flexibleโ option expecting them to come the next day. Delivery person just silently left a paper bag outside that same night. I found it by accident like โoh shit I guess the candy elves visited early.โ
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@Nick_Flannery
@frankenfemme_
Half of these are just literally scenes from Dead To Me. ๐
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@puppy_t0es
This is why Iโm currently making cookie dough in the middle of the night like some sort of pastry chef vampire.
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@Pages2Type
@hellocookie
Honestly you should just be relieved this story went down the way it did and not the other way around. Showing the NSFW book to someone looking for Silverstein would've been much worse. Though I think Shel would get a kick out of it. He did write for Playboy after all.
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@briggityboppity
The same weirdos who insist you'll change your mind about not having kids seem to hate the kids they already have.
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@EuphoriTori
I've had t3rfs describe my resulting testosterone facial hair as "peach fuzz. " So really, denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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@madisontayt_
The cops once showed up to my sister's work (as a dental assistant) bc they thought she broke in & didn't believe she locked up/worked there bc she had purple hair. Then made her check the office *ahead of the cop* for an intruder. A birthday balloon set off the alarm.
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@thescaryjokes
@kaspbraktm
When I met him I was wearing a choker and he asked if it kept my head from falling off. I assume a reference to the story The Green Ribbon. When I interviewed him 3 years later he was still as weird and sardonic as I remembered.
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@ExTrans_Leftist
You aren't even ex-trans. You just like, thought you were trans for 5 seconds when you were a young adult and did nothing "irreversible" about it. What does this have to do with actual trans people?
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