Dungeon Messi
@tyschalter
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Professional writer & talker ( @FiveThirtyEight , Gimme Schalter newsletter, books & stories, more). Sports things & nerd stuff. @Futurescapes ‘23. He/him. #ADHD
Lansing, MI
Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
*whispers*
actually the national anthem has no relation to sports whatsoever and there’s no reason to play it before every game
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I am now supporting Elizabeth Warren for Mitch McConnell’s job.
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HOW YOU THINK TERM LIMITS WORK: prevents stagnation, holds the powerful to public account
HOW TERM LIMITS ACTUALLY WORK: clueless newbies pass whatever the lobbyists tell them to, while second-termers jockey for lobbyist jobs
"The Senate and the Congress doesn't work. It doesn't work because they need term limits."
"We agreed we cannot have kings, yet we have dukes and duchesses running the Senate, making decisions for poor people!" - Chris Rock
#SNL
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40 years of never ever ever shooting Tom Cruise at this angle relative to a tall person blown in one moment
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@jean_twenge
You wrote a whole book without Googling housing, education, health care, child care, and utility costs? Job stability, union representation, wage stratification? Changes in the availability of credit and fairness of credit ratings? What’s even in the book?
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LIONS FANS: “Our play-calling is the worst in the league, Dan Campbell should be fired right now”
NATIONAL NFL ANALYSTS: “Lost it at the end, but the Lions’ staff coached their brains out today”
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30 years of Michiganders moving to warmer and more prosperous states was a long con to take over every Lions road game
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After all this…
ALL this.
@nytpolitics
both-sidesed us with “incivility.”
How does something like this get written, let along edited and published? How are
@peterbakernyt
&
@katierogers
sounding the alarm on “vituperative words” when federal agencies are jailing babies?
The contagion of incivility: President Trump says undocumented immigrants want to “infest” the United States. His critics respond with vituperative words of their own.
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"Messi in MLS is too good, he scored TWO goals in one game already!"
He was also too good for La Liga, where he averaged over one goal per 90' for SEVENTEEN YEARS
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At some point the ethical obligation flips from “don’t call it too early” to “stop pretending it isn’t already over.”
That point was hours ago.
Vote leads as of 2:31 p.m. ET Friday:
• Georgia (99% in): Biden +1,553
• Pennsylvania (96%): Biden +13,662
• Nevada (92%): Biden +20,137
• Arizona (93%): Biden +43,779
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@jean_twenge
Imagine writing a whole book about the different economic realities American generations face and *not knowing* that the costs of housing, education, and health care have grown at multiple times the rate of inflation over the last few decades
I'm seeing a lot of posts suggesting this doesn't account for the higher cost of living. But it does: The numbers are median income *corrected for inflation*. In 2021 dollars, Millennials are making more money than Gen X'ers and Boomers at the same age. 🧵(1/3)
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@jonathanweisman
“In one sense, there is a real thing that happened and the direct, factual cause of it. In another, what if the opposite?
Who can say which is true? Not me, that’s not my job”
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*whispers* because “IMG” is also a fake school
Why is it everytime there's a "Bishop Sycamore" situation, they're always playing IMG?
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oh no who could have foreseen it
only literally everybody
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“All I did was have sex with a drunk 17-year-old” is not the defense this guy wants it to be
‘Punt God’ Matt Araiza addresses rape allegations in HBO interview: ‘You don’t need to believe me’
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@RottenInDenmark
I’m imagining an unrelated person getting a recycled number and just striking out everywhere for reasons they can’t fathom
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“I may have intentionally tried to both start and accelerate a bank run—but isn’t it really everyone else’s fault that it worked?”
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You gonna include the amendments or nah
On the very first day of the new Republican-led Congress, we will read every single word of the Constitution aloud from the floor of the House—something that hasn't been done in years.
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[Bills locker room, after the game]
SEAN MCDERMOTT: “Great win, fellas. That’s proof of what we can do when we block out all the criticism and stay united to the very end.
Reminds me of an old pastor named Jim Jones and his congregation…”
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@ThatSamWinkler
@NickFent
The simulated text message showing EXACTLY the horrible use case. Unreal
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Washington types need to wrap their heads around the idea that nobody under 40 has ever seen The System Work
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A U.K. soccer club just announced:
* They're halting operations
* Under The Modern Slavery Act
* Because investors laundered $36M in global referee-bribe money
* Also *might have done some light* human-rights abuses (murder, child labor, deforestation)
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An entire draft of guys they could have taken at 18
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HINT: If like half the experts you talked to went on Twitter post-pub to say “this journalist did not quote me or listen to me,” and the activists opposing them cheered what a great job you did spreading their message? You didn’t follow the facts.
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@VexingNick
@emeriticus
9/11 instantly polarized and politicized every aspect of American life. The PATRIOT Act, two wars (that some of these kids went and fought in), the creation of DHS & TSA, intense social pressure to support Bush’s agenda no matter what…2002 was the opposite of “apolitical”
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We’re doing this, it’s happening, get on board right here:
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@powellnyt
@emilybazelon
@mega2e
@DouthatNYT
Journalism is not meant to ask the same simple questions over and over again because you personally don’t like the institutions’ very clear answers—and it’s certainly not meant to prop up cranks and bigots because you DO like THEIR answers.
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@jonathanweisman
Okay—but even if the specific rail-safety regs pushed for by Democrats & blocked by Republicans wouldn’t have prevented *this* accident, what part of Republicans’ operatic narrative that they’re the good guys is any percent “right,” let alone equally so as Dems’ narrative?
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Oh huh, so exactly like everyone but referee Brad Allen said happened, and not some wildly unusual thing the Lions were foolhardy to try, got it
Good insight from Eagles center Jason Kelce on the Lions’ 2-point try.
Says the Eagles have a similar play and the coaching point is to run at the official like you’re reporting eligible, but not actually report, to throw off the defense. Also says Detroit’s formation was legal.
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fasten your seat belts, sharp turn ahead
Worried that girlfriend [24F] may be cheating on me [34M].
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If I can pay nine dollars for a burrito I can pay $9.36 for a burrito made by fairly-paid workers!
Chipotle Mexican Grill has hiked menu prices by roughly 4% to cover the cost of raising its workers’ wages.
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@bendreyfuss
Hmm, gee, maybe you should listen to the people who know what they’re talking about then
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Maverick: Felicity Jones
Goose: Kate McKinnon
Iceman: Zoe Saldana
Viper: Cher
Guy who says "rubber dogshit out of Hong Kong": Ian McKellen
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Love the combination of a high-energy-but-professional call while every other member of the production crew is audibly stripping nude and snorting moonshine
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@TweetsByBritt
Absolutely not—and any guy who views the world this way is either cripplingly insecure, a brick-brained meathead, 14 years old, brainwashed by alt-right YouTubers or some combination of the above.
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@JoshDungan1
@LucyFlores
Co-sign. It's been mystifying to me in this day and age that everyone's been ready to prop him up as a frontrunner when we KNEW there'd be a bunch of stories like these.
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This is the greatest news story ever in history
A software engineer in Washington state is accused of writing malicious code that rerouted customers’ shipping fees to his bank account instead of the company's.
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* everyone whose way of life depends on the Colorado River
* everyone whose way of life depends on the Great Lakes
* 1,472 golf courses in the desert
Somebody help me budget this, my society is dying
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@jean_twenge
The costs of housing, education, and health care have *far* outstripped the pace of inflation over that time!
Plus, instead of qualifying for easy loans like their folks, Millenials’ 2021 housing dollars far more often disappear as rent than build wealth as equity.
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My high-school-aged son desperately wants this for his birthday tomorrow, but I just got off the phone with
@adidas
and they don't offer it in non-women's cuts or sizes.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 😭
This new adidas and Japan away kit for the Women's World Cup is so, so good 🌸🇯🇵
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Oh, you think a Facebook group can’t change the world?
You should watch
@slaythedragon
.
...there MAY be a few Gerrymander-slayers in that “Senate Majority Leader Elizabeth Warren” group already. 😉
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@Maladroithe
Mmm-hmm. And a lot of parents around here could do the same video with “Getting my injured 12-yo a referral the best sports doc money can buy”/“I paid Dr. Larry Nassar big bucks to assault my kid”
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@RottenInDenmark
When Dolly Parton said, “You wouldn’t believe how expensive it is to look this cheap,” this is…not…what…she…meant
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The eldest had her 8th-grade art final today.
I think she passed
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In case you were wondering if there’s any reasoning with white supremacists, here’s a prominent group simultaneously arguing that:
A) the Holocaust didn’t happen and
B) it should happen again
"In footage from the event, Shield Wall Network members can be heard chanting “six million more,” which is a reference to the six million Jews murdered during the Holocaust."
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…and here’s the other Biden shoe dropping.
Thanks to
@LucyFlores
for telling her story and grappling so publicly and honestly with the implications—and, please, focus any anger/resentment on the transgressor.
This was an incredibly difficult thing to do, but something that felt necessary. It took awhile before I found the words and the support that made me feel like this was finally a story I could tell.
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“You’re laying on the symbolism too thick,” said Ernest Hemingway
A pedestrian bridge over I-94 in Detroit collapsed this weekend, with a sign that read "Biden = NAFTA" on it.
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Who’s ready for some BIG TEN FOOTBALLLLLLLLLL
📍BREAKING—US sets another new record of 83,000
#COVID19
cases in a single day. This comes after 77,000 cases were reported the day before (itself the highest ever). Smashing the previous record just a day later is insane!
This is only getting worse. 100k/day possible soon.
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Suarez back in the Eredivise could be WILD. His last full season at Ajax he cranked in 49 goals across all comps.
Keep an eye on Luis Suarez situation. He has not been mentioned by the president Bartomeu between the “untouchables”, Barça would be ready to sell him if they’ll receive an “important bid”.
Ajax have contacted his agent and will try to get him back. Many clubs to follow. 🇺🇾
#FCB
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Twitter has enabled some deeply terrible takes today, but on no other platform will
@BerniceKing
swoop in to dunk a white guy saying “Dr. King fought for my right to pretend I’m really the oppressed one”
My father was working to eradicate the Triple Evils of Racism (prejudice + power = oppression/destruction of a race deemed inferior), Poverty (Materialism) & Militarism. Pointing out the group that most commonly benefits from all 3 is not “labeling.” Truth before reconciliation.
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Benioff and Weiss in the BTS right now are all, “Fantasy stories so often focus on the heroes and forget about the people on the ground.
That’s why we wanted you to watch this main character’s monstrous heel turn from the perspective of the innocents she’s slaughtering”
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@fawfulfan
You know that’s already what happens here, right? It’s just the insurance companies and care providers rationing according to what makes them money.
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@cjane87
@Nicole_Cliffe
Can’t wait for the day she meets a guy who checks every single one of these boxes and then recoils in horror to discover he’s a veterinarian
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@CatieOsaurus
@McFlyCahill90
“Oh crap, I think I have some Druid stuff in the garage, gimme a sec”
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I wish I could say I was surprised that
#CashAppStealsMoney
. There’s a reason why we have all these regulations that tech companies want to disrupt!
Did you know that
#CashAppStealsMoney
?
Because they do.
@CashApp
acts like a bank but is entirely unregulated and they don’t even have a phone number you can call for customer service.
And apparently they steal from sex workers all the time, which makes them scum.
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@DangerBrooks
yeah ADHD is more, "...then the chemical symbol for bromine reminds you of an email you were supposed to send, so you go to your computer and see a funny tweet, which makes you think of a blog post you start writing, and then your partner goes 'Why is the dishwasher open?'"
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Hi, Christian here.
One can hold a lot of convictions “based on the Bible,” and the ones you choose say more about you than the Bible.
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This building was a bait shop for years. Now it deals in used video games and A+
@ThatKevinSmith
references
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Dudley was deservedly mad, but note that he lobbed those F-bombs from the Surgeon General-recommended safe distance of 30 feet from Prime Shaq
21 years ago today,
@SHAQ
did this to Chris Dudley!
Is this the most disrespectful play in NBA history?
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[Bengals drop seven-plus in coverage on every snap because they know Stafford lights up blitzes]
[Stafford’s WR2, who replaced the WR2 who blew his ACL, blows his ACL]
[Rams can’t run farther than one yard on any attempt]
ANALYSTS: “this proves Stafford is worse than Goff”
Matthew Stafford was pressured on 5 times on 44 dropbacks in the Super Bowl, that 12% pressure rate was the lowest of any SB quarterback since PFF started charting in 2006 (of 32)
whispers: *Goff's pressure rate was 44%, the sixth highest and higher than Joe Burrow's*
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LITERALLY WHAT UNFINISHED BUSINESS
YOU FINISHED ALL THE BUSINESS
THERE’S NO POSSIBLE BUSINESS YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY FINISHED
These past two months I’ve realized my place is still on the field and not in the stands. That time will come. But it’s not now. I love my teammates, and I love my supportive family. They make it all possible. I’m coming back for my 23rd season in Tampa. Unfinished business LFG
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Every single Elon fan needs to read this and understand: There’s no plan. He’s learning on the fly, in real time, with everyone watching. He is animated by petty spite and every move he makes is losing billions of other people’s money.
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Somewhere Jim Caldwell is cackling and rolling...over, in his sleep, because he went to bed at 9:00 sharp
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“I think Mary Poppins is a Jedi.”
—my eight-year-old, out of nowhere, just now
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@MalloryMcMorrow
@Lawrence
Imagine being bored and hateful enough to call up the office of every broadcast platform you engage with all day and tell them you don’t like it when women talk.
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ADHD can make you scatterbrained, forgetful, locked-in on a minor task when you have many major ones to do, theatrically and cinematically procrastinative, etc.
It can’t make you a plagiarist.
“I plagiarized a ton of people cause I have adhd” is so wild. I also have adhd and mostly it makes me have bonkers mood swings and be chronically late.
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@VeryBadLlama
A friend’s kid’s cockatiel learned the Discord notification sound and now they all live in Hell
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The bill’s authors knew a 15-week ban was unconstitutionally extreme.
Six months later, it’s “moderate.” This is how right-wing hardliners have been playing (and winning) the game for my whole life.
NEW —- Chief Justice Roberts appears to lose the reins. He sought to write moderate opinion upholding 15 week abortion ban, source says, but ultra conservative wing told him they had votes to overturn Roe.
@scotusreporter
, me +
@amarimow
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@evilmallelis
In high school, during a lull in musical rehearsal, a cute girl was playing something pretty on the upright piano. I walked up, armshelfed on it, looked into her eyes and said, “Marry me?”
Six years later she said yes
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@metroadlib
Just today I was sucked into a round of .gif pronunciation debate. The G stands for “graphics” but the coder who invented it pronounces it “JIF,” which proves not that “JIF” is correct but that coders don’t know how words work
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@jeremysmiles
“I’m going as a date AND a chaperone, that’s two proms” is devastating Seinfeld-on-Seinfeld. Genius stuff, man
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@VexingNick
@emeriticus
Because they did. I graduated HS in ‘99, and had many friends a year or two younger. 9/11 and it’s impact was everywhere in 2002, you couldn’t escape it.
Yes there was ALSO music and movies and crushes and dances and sports, but it was only “apolitical” if you were clueless.
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“I will cut down every tree in this city before I let one homeless person feel sheltered,” apparently someone in charge of something said
A New Jersey town cut down all the shade trees in its central square to dissuade unhoused people from spending time there.
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@nowyousieme
@AidanCTweets
It explicitly was! Somewhere out there is an angry blog post she wrote about how the “leak” ruined the test
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