◇Dark Enchantress Posting◇
@notawitchbro
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World's Greatest Enchantress, Arcane University Headmaster. PhD in Arcane Mastery, Masters in Martial Combat. Eternal Face Card. he/they/she. not a witch!◇
The Arcane University
Joined July 2024
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Pinned Tweet
Uhmmmm Vadhana?! The Shadows seem to have altered mine clothing while I napped???
@notawitchbro
Oh yeah you got some sassy ones!!!
They want you to embrace something you’re ignoring or hiding. Some darkness maybe
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My three dimensional form revealed!!
Definetly inspired by Bimble's full body reconstruction, here's San in hero forge
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Onion Singularity Stew Party Part 2!
Today we Consume the Onion-Singularity before it consumes us all! If thou art not represented in the original illustration, feel free to add thyself (or ask me to draw but that takes longer). There is more than enough soup for everyone, and it shall take quite a while to finish!
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Now Presenting Onion Singularity Stew Part 3: Onion Jamboree!!!
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Today we Consume the Onion-Singularity before it consumes us all! If thou art not represented in the original illustration, feel free to add thyself (or ask me to draw but that takes longer). There is more than enough soup for everyone, and it shall take quite a while to finish!
ALRIGHT EVERYONE LISTEN UP! To avert the Onionpocalypse, I shall be making a Massive Onion Stew!!! However, the stew must actually be CONSUMED otherwise we art still fucked. Reply to join me for the ritual consumption of the Onion-Singularity (//I will artistically depict this)
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I was going through my memories of the Empress and found the Late to the Party picture from the Onion Jamboree! What a simple time it was before the war. T'was a pleasure to host all of thee, and I hope that we enjoy more such gatherings in the future! To better times ahead!
Now Presenting Onion Singularity Stew Part 3: Onion Jamboree!!!
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Hark! I hath used an advanced spell to predict what I wouldst look like as a 25-year-old human (he/they)!
TIS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! I hath been quite absent celebrating but I want to thank all of thee once more for the 200 💕. Here is the promised altarposting! This is the one I keep above mine orb-monitor!
(I’ll quote with the visage post so I can delete later if I feel like it).
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At 24:03 University Standard Time, The Corndog Wizard Launched a Corndog Projectile into the troposphere. At 24:11, the Projectile veered off course. At 24:40, a sizable Impact was reported in the recently thawed Imperial City Market Square. At 24:50, crash footage was obtained.
why is it doing that. where is it going. that's not where space is. uh oh.
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This is how I feel about Peedle
I have no desire to have children, yet when I see this lil guy my maternal instincts fully kick in and I would die to make sure he's okay
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The hells have such poor infrastructure. The Archdevils act like it would kill them to maintain their utilities.
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//Me when I first hopped in the vc with yall lmfaoooo
finding out a mutual is british is always so crazy to me. like. since when was u a strange bloke
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With the founding of the new Empire, I art now an Imperial Enchanter! I felt a wardrobe change was in order to commemorate my new position~
I shall still lead the Academy and run mine shoppe as I advise and aid Her Majesty's new Imperial Court.
◇ Imperium Lex, Lex Sacrum ◇
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I’ll share one that still cracks me up to this day: For my entire life every year my grandmother told me she was turning 62 on her birthday. It wasn’t until I was 20 years old that I realized she could not still be 62 years old.
i just realized “the missing link” is not referring to a lynx that has been misplaced… i am a full grown adult man.
i have spent the entirety of my life thinking we were talking about one of these cats…
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ATTENTION: THE IMPERIAL ARCANE UNIVERSITY IS GOING INTO FULL LOCKDOWN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. ANYTHING THAT ATTEMPTS TO CROSS THE BARRIER WILL BE HIT WITH 100 LVL 100 DIVINE SMITES AND TELEPORTED TO THE DETENTION DIMENSION
I AM DECLARING WAR ON THE EMPIRE. FREE LAND TO ALL WHO AID ME IN THIS ENDEAVOR
GET TO RAISING YOUR ARMIES.
LET US SIEGE THEIR HOMES AND TAKE THE WORLD AS OUR OWN
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//This is how y’all be comparing heights fr lmaooooo I might use ice lords height chart to make a fantasytwt version of this
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Calling all of fantasytwt this is very important I need to see if I’m on the wrong side of history answer honestly
I’m evil & like mint chip
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I’m evil & hate mint chip
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I’m good & like mint chip
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I’m good & hate mint chip
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The projectile has started smoking
At 24:03 University Standard Time, The Corndog Wizard Launched a Corndog Projectile into the troposphere. At 24:11, the Projectile veered off course. At 24:40, a sizable Impact was reported in the recently thawed Imperial City Market Square. At 24:50, crash footage was obtained.
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Warning!!! Our friend hath been possessed by an unknown entity! Be weary and approach with caution! I shall be researching the situation as closely as I can to find a solution, if anyone knows anything of this mysterious circumstance please lend me thy knowledge and aid!
@notawitchbro
I AM CURRENTLY BEING POSSESSED DO NOT LISTEN TO ME DO NOT LET ME NEAR THE ACADEMY
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Do all the skeletons of this land hibernate in this manner??? Doth I need to look out for my other bony friends turning into gourds? I ask because it is pumpkin-carving season and I hath already started carving one I found while out and about today….
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Why art we bullying people under 6 feet tall? We should be bullying people over 6 feet tall. What art thou so tall for? So thee can reach the top of the fridge without a stepstool, now what? Wouldst thee like a gold star? Go bump thy head on a low doorframe as the gods intended.
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Last night I dreamt of a peedlepocalypse in which one by one every single one among us was Peedle-fied until we were an army of not-quite-peedles.
But I’m no oracle, I’m sure everything shall be fine
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Detroit Miku mine beloved, I couldst never forget thee
the one Miku from Detroit if anyone remembers her
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Common Vampire ploy to lure unsuspecting prey. They’re scammers, all of them. They don’t want your love. They only want your blood.
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Having a crisis because now I know not whether I art a wyrm or celestial….
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AND WE HAVE LIFTOFF!!!
Where were thee when TARP Launched? Insert thyself in this commemorative photo!!!!
FINAL COUNTDOWN INITIATED. ALL SYSTEMS READY FOR LAUNCH! T-3 MINUTES REMAINING! ALL OBSERVERS BRACE FOR VERY LOUD NOISE AND BIG FIRE, PLEASE DO NOT HOP THE PERIMETER FENCES!
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On mine adventures today I didst meet the most delightful creature! This little gelatinous ooze followed me around, and it was so cute, so I brought it home. I am deciding on a name for them, I am accepting suggestions at this time.
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//Considering making a separate acct for the Imperial Arcane University so it can be its own entity and host some rp-style interactions in that context without everything having to go through the enchantress herself
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𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒎 𝑰?
*Lays
@notawitchbro
in their bed and tuck them in*
Okaaay…
Another neighbor saved. *puts a orb next to them*
I will know when thy wakes. I must leave.
*teleports out through the shadows*
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Hi guys it’s ya gworl The Enchantress just checking in to let y’all know I’m doing fucking great, had some fucked dreams and woke up on the ground but now I’m getting ready to rain the fury of the heavens upon the enemies of the Empire 😋😇💫 🌩️
𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝐶𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑎'𝑠 𝐿𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤, 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜.
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Clearly thou doth wish for players who just fell from the coconut tree. I counter thee with this: the best stories doth embrace the context of all in which thy characters live and what came before. The best games weave multiple backstories into one tapestry that everyone enjoys.
Backstories are useless to me
You’ve got a mysterious family relic? Who cares. What are you doing now?
You have some deep dark family trauma? IDAF. You see a
Troll. What do you do?
The story you develop as you play is the only backstory I care about
Roll for initiative
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Day 1 in The Skeleton’s Evil Dimension-
I have used the view from my towers to scope out the nearby territory and construct this rudimentary map. More updates will follow as I make new discoveries
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ALRIGHT EVERYONE LISTEN UP! To avert the Onionpocalypse, I shall be making a Massive Onion Stew!!! However, the stew must actually be CONSUMED otherwise we art still fucked. Reply to join me for the ritual consumption of the Onion-Singularity (//I will artistically depict this)
MORE MULTIPLICATION SPELLS, WE'RE GONNA GO X10! 470 ONIONS!!!!!!
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Ist anyone else living in constant fear of the empress making a h**k t**h equivalent of “Pokémon go to the polls” because it hath woken me up in a cold sweat for several nights now.
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TIS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! I hath been quite absent celebrating but I want to thank all of thee once more for the 200 💕. Here is the promised altarposting! This is the one I keep above mine orb-monitor!
(I’ll quote with the visage post so I can delete later if I feel like it).
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/Guys this person sucks but can I just say that some of y'alls replies in the threads underneath have me kicking my feet and giggling lmfaoooooo! Leave it to this community to let it slide right off like rain on an umbrella, I love you guys 🥹❤️
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GONNA DO ONE FINAL LATE TO THE PARTY ONIONPOCALYPSE POST PER REQUEST SO SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER GO WITHOUT KNOWING THE TASTE OF ONION SINGULARITY STEW!!!!!
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I need a tall lesbian to lean over me like this posthaste
I need 3 seasons of this injected straight into my eyeballs
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nay! I just don't wish to see mine friend juiced for doing his job!
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After a long night of hard work, I have resurrected our friend Pickle! They'll need some time to recover, but for now I am overjoyed that they are back with us. Special thanks to Edi for relinquishing their soul and gathering ingredients to aid their recovery!!
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I think my enchanted quill is becoming sentient. It used to just transcribe everything I said in meetings, now it also writes questions like “what is the meaning of life?” and “why art there so many live crabs in thy bag of holding?”
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After a long night of scrolling back and forth across this post, I am pleased to report that
@TheRodentsNest
and I have stabbed a hole in interdimensional space big enough to escape
@EVILSKULLDUDE
‘s Evil Dimension! I’ll install proper teleportation infrastructure for future use
STABS everyone that scrolls past because I AM evil 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️
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This is the only form of bullying from tall people I will accept. The rest of thee will be hexed with low doorframes. (Men and minors art out of luck on this one, get hexed🫵)
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Hex of vending machines never properly dispense thy goods and thee hast to jostle it to no avail and walk away empty handed
From this point forth I am hexing anyone and everyone who doth put the forbidden meme on mine timeline
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Enchanted my magnifying glass to see beyond the substructure of the Atom and it was just Peedles. Quadrillions of teeny tiny peedles. I have never been so afraid.
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I hath finally put together my outfit for the wedding tomorrow! I am most excited to officiate the ceremony!❤️🩷💙
share around, please. i would love to have as many friends there as possible.
be present on october 2nd.
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Hex of losing every game at the casino
From this point forth I am hexing anyone and everyone who doth put the forbidden meme on mine timeline
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GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 200🥹!!!!🎉🎉 I shall post birthday visage and one of mine enchanting altars tomorrow!
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It is my honor to welcome my friend
@EvilDoerPosting
into the Imperial Fold! He let me design his new outfit! :3
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Blue Gatorade is the best Gatorade-brand elixir, truly a gift upon the world. Blue Gatorade haters deserve to get hexed. I don’t make the rules.
blue gatorade is so beautiful How lucky are we to have a beverage that smells like healing and tastes like stars
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If there is not a beautiful Empress upon thy coins, thy currency is worthless!!!!
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@wildmagicwhimsy
@wildmagicwhimsy
,
@Jesteroftheland
,
@_Ice_Lord_Real
By the power vested in me, I now pronounce the three of thee Whimsically Wed!!
You may now kiss the groom!
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FLASH SALE!!!: DARK CHANT SPECIAL EDITION T-SHIRTS!
Are you a Supporter or Rebuker? Show everyone where you stand on the Dark Chant with this stylish enchanted garment -- sure to be a conversation starter at any tavern!
Available in sizes pixie through dragon! Get yours today!
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Nearly forgot to code switch around the Court Ladies today, almost hit them with a “you” instead of “thou.” Mine students are influencing my speech, it seems….
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Had to draw it :3
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If I reach 200 followers by my birthday (Friday) I might post my visage, if even temporarily….
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Just witnessed a wizard turn himself into a worm... unclear if his wizard boyfriend still loves him
#doomedwizardyaoi
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“The government is causing the hurricane” Nay you fool! ‘Tis actually the keebler elves!!!
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It is with great pleasure that I reveal the Imperial Garb of mine colleague the Imperial Sorceress
@GreatePickle
! It was a pleasure designing these outfits :3
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𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝐶𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑎'𝑠 𝐿𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤, 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜.
‘𝑇𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑓𝑙𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠. 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑐, 𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑓 𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙. 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑎𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑚 𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑦 𝑜𝑤𝑛, 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒....
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*Sighs tiredly* Please excuse us, chairman.
*steps outside*
PEEDLE!! PLEASE LET GO PEEDLE I'M BUSY AHHHH
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In a strange turn of events, my missing forbidden grimoire hast returned to its bookshelf. I suppose the matter is now closed. I thank the perpetrator for returning it, but I do wish they wouldst come forward so I do not have to feel so paranoid....
Pickle hast dealt with the demon, and doth not wish to possess the Grimoire anymore.
Time to stealthily put it back in enchantresses bookshelf again :3
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My enchanted watering can has started trying to water me and it keeps getting my hair wet so I think I’m going to have to put it down. Everyone pour one out for Cannie, it was a good can.
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Please be informed that the Arcane University is experiencing a small little very not serious nonmagical bubonic plague outbreak! No need to panic, but if thee feels even a little sick please report to the nurse’s office to be cleansed!
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Another clueless hater I see. Paying no mind the the empress’ work in dismantling economic inequity, improving living conditions for the common folk, and promoting justice for the wronged. Just repeating senseless propaganda thou sees on the orb 🙄 how embarrassing.
Unfortunately For The Empire, I Must Side With The Vampire-Undead Alliance...
I Wish No Harm To The Innocents, However, When A Kingdom Is Felled, Its Stones Fall On Those Lowest To The Earth... Common Folk Of The Empire, Join Us!
NO ANCIENT GODS, NO EMPIRES, NO MASTERS
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Hark! I hath been poisoned with a most vile concoction! An assassin disguised as a doctor hath given me a shot I am allergic to! Prithee I doth need aid posthaste!
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The evidence just keeps mounting, how much longer will we let this menace terrorize the good people of our valuable wetland ecosystems?
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I art currently being lectured on ethics by a man whose crowning achievement was building a 10 billion dollar oil rig. Resisting the urge to tell him to go fucketh himself for the sake of mine own future
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MANY THANKS TO ALL OF THEE FOR 100! I didn't plan ahead but since it hath coincided with my onionpocalypse party drawing I think I shall count it as my celebratory event
The updated ver. will post in the morn tmr and I'll be up for many hrs more, it has space so if u want in lmk!
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...'Twould seem the dark chant is being resumed by the Vampire... May the paladins amongst us please smite them posthaste?? prithee smite them I do not wish to lose the sun again, I have been enjoying economic stability
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EVERYONE GAZE UPON THE FABLED CHOSEN ONE: GATORADE THE BLUE, FIRST OF HIS NAME, THE WYRM TO SURPASS ALL OTHERS AND RIGHTFUL KING OF HIS KIND! HAIL!
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Mine familiar didst fall asleep on the couch and I don’t want to move him 🥺
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I didst literally trace mine face for this illustration
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And with an orderly air about me, I return to the enchanted forest with 13 onions
I rebel against the system of things; I strive to seed chaos and pain in my wake. I exist only to create panic and distress. There is nary a word you could tell me that may stop my horrid behaviors and I shall revel in that. For that I say twelve, yes, 12 onions.
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I feel terrible. I have deceived all of thee… I will come clean in the morning, once my towers are returned to their proper place.
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Obsessed with how much of this list is just Americans putting a Z in it and being like “yeah that’s way better now” and they’re RIGHT
how do brits live like this
"Oh jolly let me vaporise my odourous foetus. So long, chap, your flavour could have possibly exceeded that of beans on toast i dare say!"
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The
#MagesPartyForProgress
makes an urgent proposal to the Imperial Parliament: to permit the use of the Arcane University’s Thermodynamic Adjustment Research Program (TARP) Satellite. TARP will provide full control of weather patterns in the Empire to safely melt the ice.
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From this point forth I am hexing anyone and everyone who doth put the forbidden meme on mine timeline
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What opinion wouldst have thee like this?
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I am proud to unveil a new, ultra-effective weapons against the undead horde!!!! We are distributing unlimited quantities of these anti-undead plant seeds for free! Some details in🧵
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//gonna keep doing these cryptic little dream comics abt enchantress backstory that make no sense to anybody but me cause they're making me better at drawing things one step at a time
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For
#Swordtember
I shalt be showing off some of mine research projects, wares, and personal collection. To start, Day 1: Wings! This is The Ladyblade, one of my favorite shortblades, gifted to me by an old friend
#swordtember2024
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Chat is cursing bloodlines an evil activity? Asking for your friend (me)
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Guys we can’t keep doing this undead war stuff I’m playing way too much pvz when I should be playing spellcaster university
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-2
(I am attempting to balance the universe through subtraction)
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Despite the full lockdown placing the University in a secure pocket dimension, a Troll Hole hast appeared in the quad. ‘Tis a most alarming development indeed.
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I can’t believe I’m doing this but,
In light of the young empress’ sickness, please reply to this with forbidden meme bait, so that she might delight in it when she wakes.
Saudi Arabian hunter with hawk on arm. Injair, Saudi Arabia, 1934.
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NAY! TIS NOT TRUE! I COULDST NEVER BE A STRAGGOT!!
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Guys pls 😭
No classes today but not a decisive bone in my body rn so
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Perhaps if we all vote for the homunculus he’ll re-appear like fairies do when you clap for them
Elections Tomorrow in the Empire!
Who will represent you in Parliament?
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Remember when I said I was gonna make you pay? 🥰🤪🥳 it’s time! Surrender or im reducing thy territory to rubble 😍😋🤣😐
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subtly hinting i'm a lesbian by defeating enemies in battle and running my sword through their lower torso, avoiding major vital organs yet inviting a slow death by sepsis if left untreated.
6
30
200
1
1
14