not oaf
@i_need_top
Followers
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Following
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Recovering sex addict. BUILT DIFFERENT. Tegridy Farms. Peaked in high school. Sleepiest blackout. Mouth kill legend. Helen Keller denier. Knower of ball.
Cedar Riverside
Joined October 2020
@gods_dumb_idiot Such a strange feeling after 6 years of just barely winning games. I still feel nervous the entire 2nd half.
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Adam Sandler’s got all 5 major American sports under his belt:. The Longest Yard.Hustle.Happy Gilmore (golf and hockey).Benchwarmers (producer). Truly a generational athlete and actor.
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@sportsclownery @grizzgoatsports @EliteBallKnower Hacking a good shooter and sending him to the free throw line every time he gets to the rim is not good defense bro😂.
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Hey @ChipotleTweets does this look like a full bowl to you? Also my steak was ice cold and hard. This was $16 dollars. Do better
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There will be a playoff game this season where Rob catches fire and wins us the game and you will catch me aggressively stroking my shit and howling as loud as I possibly can.
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The O.A.F. System for getting a woman:. O-overestimate your abilities to converse with a woman.A-act surprised when things inevitably don’t go well.F-fool yourself into believing she’s the problem and repeat.
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Louis the Child was easily the best concert I’ve ever seen @LouisTheChild you guys absolutely rule.
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Life is short. Go to Aruba on your parents’ dime as many times as you can
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I haven’t gotten really any souvenirs from being abroad unless you count the condom blowjob and the potential STDs that came with it.
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We’re finally here. Everyone is already counting us out. Good. That’s how we like it. They haven’t been through what we’ve been through. They haven’t walked through the depths of hell and came out the other side. They weren’t #RaisedByWolves . Time to show them who we are.
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@bocnj1 @knicks_tape99 Crazy that now we have the most stacked team in the league after being ridiculed for the Gobert trade.
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Good. Can’t wait for him to get Ginked.
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@antedwardzz5 @TheHateCentral 0% chance the 2nd overall pick plays in the G league. Especially if he plays for the Wizards.
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It’s just not fair that we can’t play this on Xbox. Looks like the most fun I’ve ever seen.
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Work crush wearing leather pants today. HR should be on speed dial.
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One thing that’s nice about going home to your parents house is getting to take dumps on your old toilet. The ol’ workhorse. This baby’s seen battles more horrific than Stalingrad. It’s good to be back.
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@ChipotleTweets Yeah I did that and all your website said was sorry. Thanks for that, your apology filled me as much as the food I paid for would have
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Parents just confirmed they are getting a puppy. LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO
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Saw my first woke girl Instagram story about Afghanistan today. So don’t worry guys the problem will be solved by the weekend.
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Nothing better than taking a shit with like 15 minutes left of work on a Friday. Like getting in victory formation and kneeling out the clock.
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Stayed at bourbon Thursday way too long last night. Blacked out. Got home at 1:30. Left my laptop at my desk and now it is gone. Nightmare of a day so far.
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Got invited to drink bourbon with the oldheads in the office after work today. Very happy to be recognized as one of the guys.
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Went deep sea-style fishing on Lake Superior today. Had been telling everyone that I had sea legs and there was no chance I’d get sick. Proceeded to violently expel substances out of both ends. Immediately got roasted by everyone (deservedly) I’m pathetic.
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My coworker that went to UConn just asked me who the Gophers are playing in the tourney, then she laughed after I explained to her that we aren’t good enough to be in it. I’ll kill myself right in front of you, let’s see if you can still laugh then.
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Lately I’ve gotten really bad at drinking water. Not the amount of water or how frequently I’m drinking water, but I spill all over myself constantly. Starting to wonder if I’m developing late-onset Down syndrome.
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Asian exchange student emailed me at 3:38 AM today to ask when we can get started on our project. The thing that’s fucking with me hardest (aside from his dedication to academics) is I can’t tell if he was up super late or if he just wakes up that early to get after it.
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I love this man like a brother. He’s given as much to our franchise and our home as anybody. Minnesota will always love you KAT. Team Purr always❤️.
“I’ve been through everything. Death of a head coach… numerous front offices… I didn’t have a chance to build any true relationships with anybody cause there’s always instability… deframed by teammates, been a scapegoat for people…. Shit hasn’t been easy.”.-Karl-Anthony Towns
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“Mid-life crisis” and “quarter-life crisis” are dated. We live in a fucked up time. We should be allowed a crisis once every 3 years, or when a fast food restaurant removes your favorite item from their menu.
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Simone Biles before the gymnastics team final.
Taking a mental health day today ok?.
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Can we all agree this is the year to not give it to a QB? Reek and CMC should be far and away the front runners.
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As men, we love getting the same article of clothing over and over again. It’s already proven to work, why go through the fuss of trying something new.
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LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO.
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Insanely productive day today. 0 classes attended. However I’m the newest rewards member at Tacos Locos.
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Happen to be sitting across the aisle from a guy I know on a flight. Male flight attendant (gay?) stopped his little safety presentation to ask us to stop talking. Buddy everyone else is on their phone you are talking to air you can fucking relax.
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Here’s what I want from THE BATMAN 2:. 4.5 hour run time.Arkham Asylum scenes.Zoe Kravitz full frontal. These are my demands Matt Reeves, you better deliver.
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Is it insensitive that I’m about eat a spicy tuna roll before seeing Oppenheimer.
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Wolves legend. Pay your respects.
Gorgui Dieng has officially retired . (Via San Antonio Express-News)
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About to raw dog the gym. No phone, no headphones, just me and the iron. This will either be a life changing workout or I'll want to go home after like 20 minutes.
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Saw an Asian exchange student wearing an eyepatch and I honestly couldn’t tell if he needed it or if was for fashion because the rest of his fit was all designer.
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My favorite movies of 2022: . The Batman.The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.Top Gun Maverick.Glass Onion.Avatar: The Way of Water.Hustle. Honestly pretty shit year for movies but 2023 will be better.
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First bourbon Thursday went very well. Everyone likes me. I got to talk ball. Just an all around success.
Got invited to drink bourbon with the oldheads in the office after work today. Very happy to be recognized as one of the guys.
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I will officially be seeing @johnsummit in my hometown of Chicago, IL on my 24th birthday. Doesn’t get much better than that
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People forget that Chuck E. Cheese’s full name is Charles Entertainment Cheese. With a name like that he was destined for greatness.
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Courteney Cox was only in The Longest Yard for like 2 minutes but man did she steal the show
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No chance curly fry vodka tastes good but you can bet your ass I’m trying it.
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We need you Ant. We need our chosen one. Lead us to the promise land. We need to believe.
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Boots on the ground. I will be back in November when it really counts
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The cute receptionist at work said my haircut looks good for the 2nd time now. She’s engaged, thinking she might let me crush her ass.
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Wow Netflix sucks so bad.
David Fincher says ‘MINDHUNTER’ Season 3 will never happen. “It's a very expensive show and, in the eyes of Netflix, we didn't attract enough of an audience to justify such an investment.”. (Source:
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Homeless guy rapping OG Bobby Johnson to himself at the train stop. Nailing every line. He might have the tools to make it out of poverty.
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@BIGMEM12 All of these clips are from 2021😂😂😂 we just went further than you ever have this season.
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It’s my last day at my internship, and the cute receptionist got me a bag of candy. She didn’t get any of the other interns candy for their last day. She definitely wants me to crush her ass right?.
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How the boys and I will be coming to buy our half-yard beers and spew out utter nonsense
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Drank pre-workout for the first time this morning. Didn’t give me any energy, all it did was make me evacuate my bowels in a particularly violent and explosive manner.
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@deleterson4 @Cartogenous @racheldoerrie “That man cooked” 0 good chirps in a 7 minute monologue, guy sucks.
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There’s a whole other world out there. A world in which this is an actual question. Crazy to think about.
You’re offered 12.5M to do a line of coke, wyd 🤔😭👀.
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