🏅 Youngest City King 🏅
@Lizardman6999
Followers
706
Following
957
Media
577
Statuses
9,177
King Lizard 👑🦎-On the look good feel good program📈 -snooziest😴 -ya dig ❓ -Machine🦾 -no stylist🐊 -slashing combo guard💼 -empath☮️ -existential😱 -c/c🌽😬
The Pound
Joined December 2019
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Hamas
• 993281 Tweets
Milton
• 805864 Tweets
Florida
• 732413 Tweets
DeSantis
• 186481 Tweets
Sparking Zero
• 129909 Tweets
Cat 5
• 117825 Tweets
Atlantic
• 74437 Tweets
Doocy
• 66790 Tweets
Floridians
• 60039 Tweets
#ファミマのスイーツパン誕生
• 53903 Tweets
Saints
• 50627 Tweets
#WWERaw
• 42081 Tweets
#ラヴィット
• 31957 Tweets
FURIA X LAS CLEO
• 16818 Tweets
Skubal
• 15680 Tweets
衆院選公約
• 13884 Tweets
Kerry Carpenter
• 12918 Tweets
Kelce
• 11874 Tweets
@thebiglordZ
Hahah this is what happens everytime I try to advance after a defensive rebound at La fitness.
Along with trash talk in your face but not even really directed at you cause you aren't good enough ("oh this boy won't be dribbling that up the court")
1
4
504
Buddy at Edina liquor had the audacity eye my ID for 10 secs front and back. Im at 800 rewards points idiot that’s $800 I’ve spent here in the last month and haven’t seen u here once. Then asked if I wanted to use my points, no I’m saving up for the $100 giftcard. Fucking amateur
0
0
115
This is the type of individual cinema production companies are actually marketing the Barbie film for.
4
1
105
Either get vaccinated and shut the fuck up or don’t get vaccinated and shut the fuck up
1
2
91
My uncle Robb (whose a Hollywood guy so he'd know) says I look like a 70s record producer because of how slippery my Xmas gifts are 💧🎾
8
1
85
Put all politics aside and answer this question honestly. If Joe Biden was your grandpa would you want him driving at night on his own? You'd at very least be worried enough to tell him call me when you get back please
3
1
83
Dangerously close to asking a girl out at the gym. Probably will have to be the front desk girl tho (service worker fetish). Last 3 months asked out a waitress and a librarian (girl who helped me pick out books at Barnes and Noble). 1 for 2 so far tho. Embrace failure. Love it.
1
0
83
Since Ive lost 41lbs and am in the best shape of my life since pledging a fraternity the possibilities are endless. Might get rly bulked up, run a marathon, date a chick w/ a fitness and/or food insta, dominate 14 yr olds in pickup bball, make my own fitness and/or food insta,etc
4
0
76
I hate to be the guy to get too political on Twitter but I would do anything to fuck AOC
2
0
75
Did an oops. Rolling and too nice so bought a table and tab was 3 k. Now my credit card debt is 10,000. My max cc limit is 7,000. Not sure how u can do this. Whatever I got like 2 mouth kills and got to kick ppl out of my table when they got snippy with me. Gonna file cc fraud.
2
0
69
Things that make me happy:
Seeing a good movie for the first time but knowing nothing about it beforehand
Step back jumpers
Whiskey
Blowjobs
A good nights sleep (12-14 hours)
Uppers
Winning at anything (especially if it involves winning money while doing it)
My dog bear
2
0
65
National news:
-delta variant ravaging
-heat waves deadly
-Taliban seizing more land
-new rape allegations in politics
-shootings rampant
-tornados cut through Midwest
Local news:
-fun ways to beat the heat
-local dog gets a makeover
-back to school deals
-maybe some rain!
1
0
64
Ppl who get excited about the next iPhone are fucking ants. It's not a fun new toy, grow up. It's an $800 expense for a necessity every 2 years. Couldn't care less about new features... does it text/call and have access to Twitter? I'm set. Wish I could pay for a simpler version
1
1
63
Just had analyst ask me if they could have the day off for their bday next week. Course you can buddy! Frankly I wouldn't mind if you took the whole month I hate the system as much as you!! Maybe I'm not cut out for a future in this middle management shit fr, I'm no a bootlicker
1
1
62
About to take a qb and begin to demolish my delta 8 pen. And maybe force my sisters bf to play me in 2k for money (he’s 33 years old- semi degen gambler tho)
2
0
61
My mom just called me and told me how proud of me she is to have me as her son. I told her mom I’m so lucky to have you as my mother. The caveat is I’m driving with half an oz of blow in my car right now. Forgive me mother for I half sinned
3
0
61
People who have an adderall prescription in their late 20s and older are so funny to me
Talking about "their medication." I dont believe adults w/ fully developed frontal cortex can have adhd
Its ok to say u just like ur amphetamine dependency & that its supported by insurance!
4
0
61
My mom gets so mad when I doordash and I accidentally just did this
5
0
57
Sadly just rice, frozen chicken and canned tuna for this next month of cutting.
Will all be worth it as there is a small chance that I'll be on a boat with between 4 and 6 girls on an afternoon for approximately 4 hours during a bachelor party first Saturday of may.
4
0
61
“I bet I can out drink u” is worst tindr bio. U can’t. U don’t go through a 1.75 of $19 whiskey every tues, wed, thurs just to “relax” after work. However worst one is “I bet I can outsmoke you.” These hard 7s would use me for pot then put me in a mental pretzel when I’m stoned
0
0
59
Sober September starts today. I guess we’ll see what happens. Haters rly do be my motivators so this should be easy
4
0
61
I will be attempting to eat 30 wings from runyons tonight in one sitting (all ordered extra crispy, half ordered extra hot)
4
1
60
@DailyLoud
This young man has really grown up in front of our eyes. All the best to him, his kids, and his future wife !
0
2
56
Alright I’m offering to grill dinner tonight for the 27 year old blondes who live underneath us in communal patio out back. That’s probably actually a good strategy. Holy fuck I just want a blow job 🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
1
0
56
Yesterday after the loss my brother and I just sat there for half an hour after and took it all in like a vet who doesn't rly know what the future holds. Am I retiring from fandom? Will I choose a new team? What does this loss mean to my legacy?
3
0
56
Never fun when u forget to lock ur door and ur roommate walks in on u fully nude beating off (was going shirtless cuz it’s humid today). At least I was only at the foreplay story part of this cheerleader 3 way vid
0
0
56
I feel like I don’t talk enough about how I’ve won 4 state championships for the city of Edina and am immortalized in the record books as a county legend
2
0
54
What do I say to these hot 19 year olds in thong bikinis at the cabin next store. Ask them about their major? Tell them about my day job and how my company matches my 401k up to 6% of each paycheck? Or just give up?
0
0
53
The service at Arbys honestly surpasses chik-fil-a.
Just the most homely looking woman ever walked me thru this complicated coupon booklet patiently.
Then $35 worth of food was ready in like under 3 minutes as well.
And the food quality was top notch per usual.
4
1
56
But every once in a while you strike gold on tindr
0
0
53
Looks like I missed the general window and will have to wait for the first round of divorces to find my wife - and that's ok!
1
6
54
Even tho I'm alone in my apt I still opt to close the bedroom door to make it more difficult for demons / monsters / ghouls to access my slumbering body
4
1
53
Found a $50 chipotle giftcard. Hadn't been there in forever so got a burrito with new pollo asado. Wasn't full so went back and got 2 more bowls. Not full still. Might go back for a 3rd time for 4th chipotle entree in 2 hours
4
1
52
Why do I hit my juul device machine on a 2 day hanger. It actually makes my headache worse. Btw the Beautiful Mexican girl on tindr ghosted me after we exchanged pics of our Halloween costumes. Her sexy purge costume was hot. I guess this picture of me didn’t rly do it for her
2
0
51
Just saw hottest 19 year old working at Arby's 😂 got nervous ordering from her and I'm literally dressed to the 9s, should be brimming with confidence. Anyway the hush puppy fish stick special is incredible - no surprise. But yeah just so conventionally pretty lol
5
0
52
Set goals that you can realistically achieve.
Never fried food in oil at home (did work on campus at a to go food place frying shit for like half a semester)
Next couple weeks my goal is to do a fried chicken recipe at home. Wet batter, or dry batter, both, neither, an egg wash I'm pretty sure, frying oil the whole schbang
2
0
18
5
0
51
"Uh my weekend plans...? Um how bout more March madness haha!"
How about you focus on creating generational wealth for your family via investing and secondary streams of income?
Done being associated with "sports fanatics" - my circle only discusses family, finances, and faith.
1
1
52
Just having a hot waitress who talks to u a little longer than usual can make ur depressing Monday great
0
0
50
A little decaf coffee for me this morning.
No real stuff for me, thanks. Can't be trusted with caffeine , a few cups in and I'd spiral to next thing you know I'm in a shitty motel room with 2 prostitutes and a crack pipe up my ass
1
0
52
Making a big deal out of anything is extreme beta low t pathetic behavior.
Minimize everything. Nothing is actually important. Make everything into a bit of a joke.
2
0
51
Getting awfully close to soup season. Begin preparing. Soup preseason.
4
0
50
I'd imagine rly hot girls have to sit down on hinge and slog through notifications like checking your work email after being out of office for a day
0
0
50
If u need a rant to get ur day started. So many good lines in this
0
3
49
Biggest cigar guy but I’m pretty humble about it
7
0
49
Lets go around and say a few things we’re passionate about. Mental health exercise,ok? I’ll start:
Nfl playoffs
Critiquing movies about acting performance and cinematography even tho I have no idea what Im talking about actually
Stimulants
Chicks w/ big ass
That’s it I guess
5
2
48
Going on 1st vacation in about 2.5 years tmo (outside of visiting mn when I lived in chi or visiting chi from mn). I deserve a good 8 days somewhere nice. Golf schedule for Scottsdale
Saturday 4/9 - 3:06 @ Silverado.
Sunday 4/10 - 2:10 @ The Boulders.
Tuesday 4/12 - 2:54 @ TPC
2
0
48
I am switching back to window seat person, like I was as a kid. Since I dehydrate myself before getting on, there's no need for me to get up/dont worry about others getting up.
Now i can use the window to study geography, skylines. We r soaring across the sky. Look. Appreciate.
2
0
48
Just hit a mean drift while T and Ding (texting and driving)
2
0
48
The delta 8 variant. Has anyone made this joke before?
1
1
46
This was not responsible gambling. Don’t do this
3
0
42
I think my dog bear just wants puppy school to be over for the day. He doesn’t fit in
5
0
44
You will never catch me whipping out my phone to film an important moment in a sporting event... like are you about to get a better angle than all 57 of espns 100 thousand dollar cameras?
1
1
46
Men wear pants. It took me a while to learn this. But it's true.
5
0
46
A k bump and a qb killed the hang. I’m sure this isn’t healthy but the walls look groovy baby. Lolla this weekend. I will hook up with a depressed menthol smoking goth chick. Line; +250
1
0
46
The allergy doc was a lil shocked to hear the allergens I'd been eating without confirming I was good to go medically. Showed her 4/6 plates I had while in naples at a wedding. Told her I'd been fuckin around with peanuts and tree nuts too. But officially cleared now🦾👍🏼
1
0
47
Ideas to payoff 12k CC debt:
-Claim fraud for 6th time
-Rob a casino oceans 11 style
-Liquidate Amazon shares and place a call option on the Vix
-Stick up multiple liquor stores
-Pawn Rolex & bet it on ML dog for 1st CFB game
-Sell organ(s)
-Fake death for life insurance payout
5
0
46
Funniest weight fluctuations in the last year. Love just messing with my body (I'm like Christian bale except not preparing for anything)
November 1st: 220
-51
May 4th: 169
+21
September 15th: 190
1
0
44
Would u rather cuddle w/ king shark or have Margo Robbie Harley Quinn BDSM you? Tougher decision than I thot. Shark seems like a gentle giant, and you’d feel safe in his tender arms (fin arms?). Would love getting candle wax poured on me by Harley while she verbally abused me tho
3
0
44
Never had a tik tok which is sick of me but I've been using Instagram reels as the same thing lately. Pathetic how much time it's been eating. Deleting insta for a few days to reset. Can't let big tech + China control me
3
0
44
I deserved that one week suspension. Needed to recalibrate.
3
0
44
"Dad, where were you when Malik Beasley broke the wolves single game 3pt made record?"
Well son, I was there. I was there.
1
1
43
Might throw together an absurdly clean fit today for no reason
2
0
42
Been continuing to wear around my scarfs inside lately AFTER taking off the jacket. My uncle Robb told me that's what people in Hollywood do (he's a Hollywood guy) and that I look like a young, up-and-coming director
2
0
43
Pros / Cons of working out before work:
Pros
-insanely productive
-delusionally good attitude to those around you
-excitedly reach out to more people than usual (both personally and professionally)
Cons
-strength output substantially less
-it's hard
-leaving warm cozy happy bed
1
1
43
The polyamorous lesbian couple that lives 3 doors down absolutely love me. Offering to let me walk their dog, inviting me to raves, etc. In a litttle bit of a texting relationship with the cutest one I've met in their group too
6
0
44
Traffic in the dark is so dystopian to me. Boxes with red lights heading to a bigger box where they will be held overnight. Far as the eye can see. Grim vapors emitting from them
0
1
44
I'm arguably the most efficient traveler.
Ideally I'm AirPods in entire time. No food/drinks (when delta offers free goods I decline). Anytime I'm sitting I'm sleeping. Buy nothing. Laser focused when efficiency is required on my end (security, deplaning)
4
1
42
Got talked into buying a lulu turtleneck off the clearance rack (size small but fits well actually) by an attractive Lulu worker. Then a much less attractive Barnes&Noble employee convinced me to get a Dune bookset. Pretty happy in these cases that Im so easily convinced by women
1
0
41
Starting to think these kinda pickup lines aren’t actually that smooth
1
0
41
Also going to wear pants more often this summer. I've found adults rly don't wear shorts that often. You just look more put together in a nice pair of pants.
4
0
40
What I told him:
u got every girl in ur grades SC? cool ur a virgin
Ur sick at sports? Seems like ur failin 9th grade math
Ur too scared to look me in the eye
U’ve achieved nothing in ur life wut r u better at than me rn?
U rly want to fight me? Ive got 60lbs&5in on u retard
2
0
40
I used to like "acting out" for a bit of fun / attention. Dont get many (any) opportunities to do it anymore
I remember still getting "sent into the hall" as a Sr in high school. My (hot) Eng teacher would sit me down and be like "u are 18 years old why are u behaving like this"
0
0
41
If ur as pissed off about how much you fucking hate taliban as I am watch one of these movies tonight it’ll help:
The outpost
Restrepo
12 strong
Lone survivor
Zero dark thirty
American sniper
Hurt locker
If you dont respect the troops I fucking hate you
#FuckTaliban
#FuckISIS
1
0
40
I'm gonna start calling tweets 'brief articles'
"Yeah I got that piece of news in a brief article I read this morning"
"This is actually a topic I've studied in a brief article"
1
1
41
Probably the best fit I’ve ever rocked. All the DG dads visiting who hosted a lunch for us on this Saturday thought I was way too sick.
0
0
39
Where do I find a pale, Eastern European girl with depressed eyes? Preferably one that will throw the nearest object and yell at me in harsh Russian or other Slavonic language when she's upset with me (hopefully often)
3
0
39
With football back you get start seeing these commercials for some terrible network television shows that almost can't be real. Who watches these? How much do they cost to produce? Are they for money laundering? How bad really are they?
3
1
39
@ybdeyo
Need Ja and Yb to link up at Yb's house in Utah (he's still on house arrest unfortunately, wonder if the nba would allow it)
2
0
39
Saw the cutest wholesome girl walk by in a pink sundress & realized how much better she’d make my life. Probably would get me out to some new restraunts, some outdoor summer activities besides golfing and doing cocaine at a patio bar. Needa get outta debt so I can treat her rignt
1
0
39
Migos was first Atl trap I listened to and now that's rly most of what I listen to so thank you takeoff for makin me a fan 4L
0
3
38