Helen Arney
@helenarney
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Following
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Musical Theatre writer. Sometime geek songstress/scientist/stand-up. 2023 Overture & S+D finalist. Mum x2. Sister of @kat_arney 1/3 @FOTSN She/her. 📷 @idisukan
London, UK
Joined April 2009
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Pinned Tweet
A little bit of the brilliant Sienna Aurora Clarke singing “Unstoppable” from the teenage jiu jitsu suffragette musical I’m writing with
@JimmyLongfoot
🔥🎉🥋💪✨
Filmed by
@ianbowkett
at the Stiles+Drewe Best New Song Prize final… Reply if you want to see some more! 🙌
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My 6 year old daughter, all year:
"Can we go to Pizza Express?"
"Can we go to Pizza Express?"
"Can we go to Pizza Express?"
After we go to Pizza Express:
"That wasn't Pizza Express"
Me: "Err...?"
Her: "It was just a restaurant. I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A TRAIN"
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If any non-Brits are looking for a quick guide to UK politics right now, here's a brief summary:
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We took our 2-year-old to vote this morning. She wanted to join in, so we made her a voting slip of her own. Manifestos as follows:
- HONEY FOR ALL
- MORE BOUNCING
- UNIVERSAL ACCESS TO HAYCORNS
She told us who she voted for, to make sure we all do lots of bouncing later.
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On way to breakfast this morning...
Hotel Congierge: "Are you a space man?"
My daughter: "I'm a space lady, actually"
Me: 😳😍🤘🚀
This is what happens when you take your kid to
@CheltSciFest
#tinyastronaut
#CheltSciFest
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Yes, this really happened...
Thanks for the likes and retweets.
Support your local foodbank, please and thank you!
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I just purchased a water butt.
It holds 160 litres.
I like it.
I cannot lie.
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It’s “Dress As A Scientist” day at school and my daughter has been inspired by Maggie Aderin Pocock to go in wearing her favourite galaxy-covered party dress.
Scientists can look like - and wear - anything!
Hurray! 🔭👩🔬
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My 4 year old wants to do zoom interviews with female scientists, makers and engineers for our family's International Women's Day project tomorrow... I've scientists coming out of my ears but do any makers/engineers have 10 mins to answer her carefully crafted clipboard of Qs?
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New levels of middle class toddler lockdown entertainment now reached:
Yes, we made cheese and chorizo croissants for breakfast.
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Wild news!
Someone has actually given me some actual money to develop one of the musical theatre shows I'm working on. Thank you, Jane Goodman Writing Fund and
@MercuryMusicals
😍
Prepare your ears for science, space, and smashing the patriarchy later this year... 🚀
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Just ruining this for absolutely no-one by pointing out that it's an Euler diagram 🤣
This might be the best Venn Diagram I have ever seen...
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My 4 year old: "MUMMY I NEED TO MAKE A MARS ROVER RIGHT NOW"
15 minutes later: "FINISHED! I GAVE HER A BOW TIE BECAUSE I COULD."
Marks out of 10 for accuracy
@a_hutty
? 🤣
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Schrödinger’s Brexit, anyone?
In summary: the Commons has now overwhelmingly rejected every single type of Brexit, and no Brexit
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Off to my daughter's nursery to do SCIENCE with lots of couloured things and a room full of toddlers... Wish me all the luck on earth... 😱
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Behold, the face of someone who only knows the name of one single ancient Greek historian and it almost unbelievably turned out to be the right answer on tonight’s
#ChristmasUniversityChallenge
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Disappointed at this missed opportunity... Could have said "PULL THE OTHER ONE"
3/10
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Musical Theatre singers who are in a place where they might be happy singing some songs from a new show about badass women at a daytime showcase in London for travel expenses, a nice lunch and my eternal servitude… please place a hand in the air?
🙋♀️
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The first post in a new series:
"Conversations with our 18 month old daughter”
👩: Can you say "Mummy"?
👶: "Daddy"
👩: Not quite... Say "Mummy" ?
👶: "Daddy"
👩: Try again... Can you say "Mummy"?
👶: “Boobies"
So that's me told.
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Our daughter is 3 soon.
She wants a
@CBeebiesHQ
Numberblocks cake, obv.
Does she want a Numberblock 3 cake? Does she heck.
She's asked for either Numberblock 20 or *nothing*.
She's also given several reasons why she wants 20 rather than 3.
Can you guess what they are...?
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If you’re one of the lovely people who has tweeted nice things, thank you! You FAR outnumber the “tools” - enjoy!
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Offered without comment… apart from saying that whoever is buying our book,
@standupmaths
' book,
@robinince
&
@ProfBrianCox
's book can you PLEASE STOP buying Alfie Boe / Michael Ball CDs, it is messing up our algorithms:
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Hang on... it’s actually real? I thought it was all an elaborate mathematical jokeby
@standupmaths
. How wrong I have been...
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"I'M IN THE BOX!!!"
I am resigned to the fact I will never again have as much fun as my toddler is having right now with cardboard packaging.
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So this happened… and even now, my dreams are still punctuated by
@rogertilling
’s emotive cry of *IMPERIAL, ARNEY!*
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Do you actually know how to flush a toilet? Turns out no-one does, so I wrote a song about it... in a stream...
Hope it makes you think how to waste less water and help
#SaveOurStreams
with
@AffinityWater
.
Get yourself some free water saving devices at
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Out of nowhere, my four year made what she is convinced is the Large Hadron Collider out of Duplo so I guess I should retire now...
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Good news! My daughter’s school has arranged a meeting with Santa... on Microsoft Teams 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Hello little girl, you’re on mute”
“Next slide please, elves”
“Rudolph stop using the wifi, you can watch Frozen 2 again later”
“Christmas lists in the chat window please”
etc
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I appear to have dressed my 11-month old as an episode of
@nosuchthing
podcast...
@miller_anne
@Schreiberland
@andrewhunterm
@eggshaped
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Absolutely batshit news... the title song from our musical based on
@iszi_lawrence
's teenage jiu jitsu suffragette novel - The Unstoppable Letty Pegg - is up for Best New Song 2023.
Come see it live on Mon 13th Nov, with 11 others songs by these BEYOND brilliant teams! 🥰
✨Best New Song Prize 2023✨
MMD and
@StilesandDrewe
are delighted to announce the finalists of this year’s Stiles + Drewe Best New Song Prize, which will be celebrated in concert at
@TheOtherPalace
on Mon 13th Nov 2023.
Tickets are on sale NOW:
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One last addendum… a week after it was all recorded, they asked if I wanted the sign. The sign with my name on. MY SIGN!
READER, I GOT MY SIGN!
Time to live tweet our
#UniversityChallenge
episode!
Already doing spectacularly, I had 8.30 in the diary not 8pm, so expect this to be sketchy.
Big up my teammates before we start! Captain
@anjahuja
@Tweetisaurus
and
@marksilcox
. The best of Imperial (available at the time)
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UPDATE: when we left after breakfast, the same concierge gave a full army salute and said "Enjoy your day on Mars, Commander" so now
@MGalleryQueens
are our favourite Cheltenham hotel
#spaceladies
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I'm in an elevator at a kids hotel. What is this rabbit doing?
- RT for vomiting
- LIKE for playing the saxophone
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I'm about to ride the footplate of an actual steam engine my husband thinks this is legit the nerdiest thing I have ever done... I'm not convinced but am also so excited I can't think of anything else I've ever done right now.
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Even this box in a bin can't believe it's snowing in London this morning 😱🌨
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SCIENTISTS, MATHEMATICIANS, ENGINEERS, CODERS OF ANY FLAVOUR. My new project = we chat about your work -> I write a song. Want in? (pls RT!)
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Just sent someone a spreadsheet with a line for “KLINGON TRANSLATION COSTS”
My job is sometimes strange, but excellent at the same time.
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Finally I am super-proud to announce a show that came from a twitter chat about Helens who talk about science on stage...
"The Night That Launched A Thousand Ships"
It's on Sunday 27th October, and IT'S ON* AN ACTUAL BOAT! *
* = technically UNDER
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IT IS TODAY!
An Evening Of Unnecessary Detail at a sold out Cambridge Theatre and it’s going to be OFF THE HOOK! 🔥
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My pride and joy... 9 months of work and our
@fotsn
baby is finally here!
(Also available on download and DVD at )
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Science! Synthesizers! Sand Reckoners! Screws! Superb Orchestral playing! Stellar new music! More things that begin with S! In the capital city of WaleS! AlSo yourS truly! YeSSSSS!
Well that fell apart sooner than I expected, but I can guarantee this concert will be aweSome 👍
Synthesizers, Science and Symphonies! 🎵
Fusing electronic and orchestral music with Archimedes’ principles, join The Will Gregory Moog Ensemble, Helen Arney and the BBC National Orchestra of Wales for a unique concert 🤩
26 November 7:30pm
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This is MY DREAM COME TRUE!!! People from all over the world are duetting with me on Tom Lehrer's "Elements" (with my extra verse including the 16 new ones not in the original song...)
AND A BRASS BAND! 🎺
Well worth a couple of your minutes to celebrate worldwide endeavour.
#IYPT2019
is coming to a close, and we're ending on a song!
@HelenArney
and
@WaterbeachBand
– joined by chemists, science communicators and students from around the world – bring Tom Lehrer's Elements Song up to date. Keep watching for the full credits!
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A full 45 minute show about phenomenal mathematician Emmy Noether on
@BBCRadio4
right now 🙌🙌🙌 woop woop woop!!! cc.
@stecks
@ZoeLGriffiths
@aperiodical
@standupmaths
#noethember
#noethanuary
?
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Musical Theatre people with a STEMM background (performers, writers, composers, creatives, directors, producers and more) pls make yourselves known or tag others here
⬇️🧪🔬🚀🌿⚗️🍮🧊🔥🪨🦎💫🌻📏📐🧮💻⬇️
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The old Big Issue office is now a Foxtons. I think this redefines irony in South London.
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Happy New Year!
I'm off twitter for January so here's my decade summary:
- Still writing & performing funny, sciencey songs (📷
@Chooban
/Talie Shaw at
#ninelessons
)
- Produced 3 DVDs, 0.5 books, 1 toddler
- Married a nice chap
Here's to another 10.
Years, not chaps...
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FYI any families with a chromecast system, know that EVERYONE ELSE CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE WATCHING from their cast tab.
Yes, I am "watching" sewing patterns on the projector in the loft while my husband watches kids TV shows.
We both know we are living our best lives right now.
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Controversial opinion:
I really genuinely love getting socks for Christmas 🎄😬🧦
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Am I a deeply awful person to enjoy it when conspiracy theorists correct their own spelling mistakes?
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No sh*t I've been one third of
@FOTSN
for 10 years!
Thank you everyone who has been to a show, watched our comedy specials, listened to our podcast, and cheered us along 😍
Now PLEASE buy our remaining DVDs so I can have our spare room back for sewing cos I'm an old lady now 👵
We are 10 years old!
That's right, our first show with
@standupmaths
@helenarney
@moulds
as Festival of the Spoken Nerd was 10 years ago this month. 🎉
We can't have a party, so instead all our DVDs and downloads are £π (£3.14) at 📀🤓
#FOTSN10
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Off to spend all my supermarket and boots points on food and sanitary products for our local foodbank. Do you have points you can use to do the same near you?
We have an anazing foodbank service in Lewisham run by Carol and the team but we'd all rather it wasn't needed...
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Excellent! My mission in life is to have to explain the same to my 2-year old daughter. Going well so far - she currently thinks only women can go to space... Probably something to do with her astronaut toys Sally, Mae, Valentina and "HelenSharman"...
#WomenInSTEM
I just had to inform my three year old daughter that boys can be scientists too after she said it was a girls job.
#WomenInSTEM
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Unwitting friend: "So Helen, what are you doing to stay sane in this seemingly endless lockdown-homeschool-maternity-leave combo?"
Me: "CRAFTING DISNEY VOODOO DOLLS"
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Ooooooooh just spotted that Crossness Pumping Station have an open day in a few weeks...
Probably the most elegant sewage pumping station you will ever lay eyes on.
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VOTE, PEOPLE!!!
(Your own personal poll card carrier is not essential. Neither is your poll card...)
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As promised, another baby tweet. This one is about a giant sized baby vomit that I caught with my boobs and now ALL my clothes are in the bath except for one of my socks.
I attach no photos. No-one needs that.
Baby now cooing happily in crib looking very pleased with self. 🙄
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@sophie_e_hill
@singoutoftheark
@EverydaySexism
May I offer my services as a lyricist to update this from its 1950s styling? I am pretty sure that with about 10 minutes work I can get them up to the early 1990s... Half a day and we could push through to a whole new millenium!
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I love to perform this song… periodically…
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Happy birthday
@robinince
! The man who has a dozen brilliant ideas every day then actually makes the best ones happen - not just for himself, but for other people too. My working life would be far less enjoyable without everything he has done, and I'd be half as entertained too.
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@thephysicsgirl
Hello! We have footage of a tennis ball on fire flying in a perfect parabola thanks to
@standupmaths
in one of our
@fotsn
shows - looks like this when frames all collated:
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“Tiny Task” eh,
@CBeebiesHQ
Magazine?
Well, me and my 4 year old started it three days ago and we STILL haven’t finished... 🙀
#counttoinfinity
#tmwyk
#preschoolermaths
@peterrowlett
@stecks
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GOOD MORNING.
IT IS 7AM. I AM IN A TAXI WITH A BOX OF PROPS.
TONIGHT WE PLAY THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL!
But first an 8.30am rigging call. Hoping my hair calms down by then. Tix still available if you want to find out what we're suspending from the roof...
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TWITTER! You excel at this kind of question.
Name your fave extraordinary women in STEM 👩🔬 who (as far as you know...) have NOT featured as the central character in a movie, play or musical. Books and documentaries are fine.
EG: NOT Mary Anning but YES Gertrude Labib Nassim 👍
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I gave him the baby my sticker but I got the jab... Thank you Guys Hospital and the whole NHS system!
#doseone
#pfizer
#vaccinated
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Not saying I've "made it" but I just got asked to do a gig for the Women's Institute in my home town...
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Here's my selfie with knitted Mars Rover, Brenda!
#ALD15
Thank you
@a_hutty
you made my Ada Lovelace Day!!!
http://t.co/IC7mNZ7To8
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Forgive my excitement, but... first writing credit on one of my fave shows, by the amazing
@DaveGorman
! With
@mmaarrow
&
@sarahlmorgan
! 💛💛💛💛
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I’m not saying we watch to much Hey Duggee with our daughter, but now every time we have a cuddle she whispers "DUGGEE HUG" in my ear before she lets go...
#heyduggee
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Tour starts today! Cheltenham, York, Wells and Bristol first up. Find out for yourself if You Can’t Polish A Nerd…
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If you think this heatwave is bad, try doing it with 5kg of feverish 10-week old who will ONLY fall asleep on your unbelievably sweaty chest...
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Solving kiddo’s school Christmas Jumper day by sewing a felt santa hat onto her favourite dinosaur.
TIME TO MAINLINE THE
@TimHarford
CAUTIONARY TALES WHILE I’M SEWING AND THE BABY IS ASLEEP! 😃
Do I dare waste a precious two minutes making a cup of tea first...?
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Booster jab booked FOR TOMORROW!!!
Any other grandly aged over-40s like me, please book book book now now now!!!
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What am I doing for
@WomenScienceDay
this afternoon? Oh just presenting at the United Nations via the magic of the internet... 😲
@un_women
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It's the 50th anniversary of Moore's Law. Hurrah! Only 12 months to go until the Centenary celebrations!
#mooreslaw
#exponentiallyfunny
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My toddler made a pancake collage at her favourite
@ConservatoireSE
class - Little Art Venture Club - yesterday morning... We took it to
@M_Creperie
just down the road and she asked for a REAL pancake just like it. They did a pretty good job!
#pancakeart
#customersforlife
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Thank you to the boatload of brilliant women who video called with us yesterday. I felt almost like I had seen some actual real people for a change, and my daughter declared "I AM A MAKER AND I AM GOING TO BUILD A SILVER TREBUCHET TO LAUNCH RAINBOW DRAGONS INTO BELLE'S LIBRARY"
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Staying at home this weekend?
Spend it with HD downloads of me,
@MouldS
and
@standupmaths
in our three science comedy specials.
They're just £π each (yep, £3.14) for 5 hours of shows and 10 hours of extras.
Plus a double DVD offer if you work in education!
Happy Pi Day!
We're irrationally celebrating the date of 3.14 with two offers at the Spoken Nerd shop:
- Three HD downloads for just £3π (£9.42)
- Pi Five! Two DVDs and three downloads for £5π, or half price if you're in education (£7.86 plus p&p)
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ERMIGHERD IT EXISTS!!!
If you are as excited as me and
@moulds
, read a sample and write us a nice review here:
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Hey
@elcuk
, you’ve made my day: Your workbench has a little lady getting her tools on. BOUGHT!
#lettoysbetoys
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You know your podcast is a success when you get cold emails from companies wanting you to advertise their new range of male grooming equipment.
Thanks mate, but if you want someone to plug your electric ball trimmers you need to ask elsewhere... 😂
⚾⚾
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THE ELEMENTS - with new elements nihonium, moscovium, tennessine and oganesson!: via
@YouTube
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Happy
@WorldBookDayUK
!
My daughter was adamant she wanted to be Bambi (more Disney than Felix Salten, but it still counts...) so off she skipped to pre-school this morning in this:
With Thumper and Butterfly in tow 🦌 🐇🦋
#WorldBookDay2020
#WorldBookDayCostume
#WorldBookDay
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IT'S TONIGHT!
8.30pm on BBC2, watch our victory / indignity.
I'll be live tweeting all the behind the scenes stuff I can think of from about 8.15... see you back here then!
I’m on
#UniversityChallenge
tonight, mum!
Here’s my
@FT
column what it’s like for a superfan to get the call-up. And big thanks to fab teammates
@helenarney
@marksilcox
&
@Tweetisaurus
Plus, first reader comment is ‘chef’s kiss’…
via
@ft
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What's today? Yeah just filming at the incredible
@MusicalMuseum
with
@standupmaths
@seb_ly
@Howard_Carter
@TrunkmanUK
@mralexgb
and a self-playing Wurlitzer... Results out in a few months on Matt's YouTube channel 🖥🎹
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Recorded some episodes of A Podcast Of Unnecessary Detail today with
@standupmaths
@MouldS
and new
@FOTSN
crew addition, producer
@jondharvey
. We talked squid, coal, health and safety, plasmids, caffeine and... bagels?
First shows out 2020, get the feed
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Back at the Hospital to get my broken wrist looked at. Is it wrong to get teary at seeing off-duty NHS paramedics and to want to hug them?
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FINALLY!!!!
#APOUD
is here!
YYYEEEEAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
🎉 🎧 🤓
It's PODCAST LAUNCH DAY!
Find the brand new A Podcast of Unnecessary Detail wherever you get your podcasts! 🤓
Or find out more & listen here:
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In other news, my lovely friend married her lovely fiancee at the weekend and my lovely toddler is still randomly saying the phrase we taught her for the occasion. there's little more disturbing than hearing "Happy Wedding Fran And Debs!" on the baby monitor after bedtime...
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I was watching Big Jet TV before it was cool aka I was watching Big Jet TV about 90 minutes ago...
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