adrian
@crawf34
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I stand behind mine, everything I do I’m a man behind mine
denver
Joined September 2010
bartender here. guess what: the robots are never going to be programmed to take a beer off your tab because they feel sorry for you after your wife took the kids.
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the one headline where you could’ve called them “concentration camps” and you blew it
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they killed a kid. zero doubt in my mind.
SCOOP: Uvalde and Uvalde Police have hired a private law firm to fight against being required to release body camera footage and other records related to school shooting. Files could be 'highly embarrassing,' involve 'emotional/mental distress,' it argues.
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this is one of the great sports photos of all time.
The world's most remote country, Bhutan, is experiencing a baseball boom. What started as a handful of kids playing on a concrete slab has grown to more than 6,000 children who are becoming dedicated baseball fans. "It's the fastest-growing sport in the country right now," says
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Just found a 2017 Target receipt tucked under the cushion of my chair. What's the oldest uninvited guest you've found in your cushions?.
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you will never, ever, with a million guesses, guess what the hand is obscuring.
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meow wolf is doing a brand partnership with our local version of chipotle and they’ve got a tie-dye tortilla for burritos so I ordered it, why not. I haven’t stopped laughing since I unwrapped it because it looks like it’s covered in mold
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everything is a battleground in the culture war for these losers. how fuckin exhausting must it be to have to do this shit at a baseball game. shut up and have a big beer and a hot dog
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nobody: .lebron to rob pelinka last august:.
Imagine if we spent $40 Billion on veterans.
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he dropped it in a London strip club.
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[deep breath] ahhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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dropped my pet bird off at the vet earlier and now they’re not answering my calls. I’m sure it’s fine
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these fucking losers think they're changing the world by eliminating service workers until PourTron1000 breaks a highball glass, doesn't burn the ice well, and lacerates the next guest's throat with a shard of glass. actually anyone who drinks at the robot bar deserves it.
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you know who's emotionally and mentally distressed, you nasty fucking pigs? the families who lost loved ones because your asses were too cowardly to do the jobs you get paid exorbitantly to do.
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if you’re doing this, you need to call the hotline.
Dave & Buster's will begin allowing customers to bet on arcade games. “Customers can soon make a friendly $5 wager on a Hot Shots basketball game, a bet on a Skee-Ball competition or on another arcade game.”.
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@pissboymcgee good news, floor plan freaks: you don’t view your apartment from the top down with no ceiling.
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@PrinceHAK33M I was so uncomfortable watching it because HE was so uncomfortable. how desperate he is for a reaction and he's just cripplingly awkward.
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the most american tweet you could ever write.
An Alabama mom hit by the Bourbon Street attacker's truck then shot in the attack, who still has a bullet lodged in her foot, told @Laranicholson_ that the @amazon warehouse where she works denied her request for a leave of absence.
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[extremely democrats voice] we prefer they be called “focus groups”.
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good news: the sub has resurfaced.bad news: it's blocking the suez canal
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@IsaiahDesta_ you pay for twitter and as such are not qualified to comment on anything regarding intelligence.
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finally some good news this week: an entitled little edgelord feels the consequences of his actions.
If the words are so meaningless, why would anyone or the school care then?
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Michael Jordan donates $2 million of ‘The Last Dance’ proceeds to Feeding America.
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@TruthHappens316 that’s half the reason people go to bars. so someone will listen to their bullshit.
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Aaron Rodgers just said he presented his research to the NFL. "They thought I was a quack.".
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sports: famously apolitical
Sports is an escape from the hardships of life — maybe the last real piece of humanity in the world of entertainment. Keep the main thing the main thing — we don’t need political and social issues baked in sports. There’s enough other outlets for expressions and beliefs to.
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@BrandyLJensen I spent 1,500 bucks on MRIs last year (and I'm insured!) then found out that folks buy GROUPONS for MRIs. I could've saved literally a grand.
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@objsucks torn between “the one where we moved in together after two months because I thought it would stop her from wrongly assuming I was cheating on her constantly” or “the (different) one where she came home at midnight with wet hair and said it was from rain (it was not raining)”.
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he's getting the gang back together for one last hit.
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nobody: .mark zuckerberg in 2004:.
It should not be this difficult to find stats for the college ladies.
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there once was a moron in nantucket.who drove a 100k rust bucket.he got stuck in the sand.and needed a hand.to elon he said “I’ll still suck it”.
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can’t wait til Friday afternoon when I can pop a cold olive loaf seltzer and kick back
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[stands outside amusement park with a bunch of sick rides happening in the background] this is my first time at six flags. hoping to ask a parent if their kids use pronouns.
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@bigsnugga my fifth grade teacher told a story about a kid whose class work was impeccable but homework was illegible, messy and full of errors. he later came to find out the kid was doing his homework under a street light outside because his parents were abusive alcoholics.
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I will admit that while the other side of the tortilla looked just fine and everything tasted as it should, I got high enough last night that I had myself at least partially convinced I was going to be violently ill today (and even now, sober, I still fool myself into believing).
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the last time this nation was so captivated by the departure of a white man from dallas, they had to swear in LBJ on the plane ride out.
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I hope they sue NYPD out of existence. sue them so hard the fabric of space-time tears.
Brooklyn subway rider struck in head by stray NYPD bullet has brain damage: family. Gregory Delpeche was on the way to the hospital job he has worked for more than 20 years when he was hit by a stray slug fired by an NYPD cop.
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@ActNormalOrElse @chrissyteigen classic. "lmao remember that time we went for dinner and the wine cost three times what my car did?" relatable.
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MARK JACKSON: someone made ranch ice cream. why did they do that?. JEFF VAN GUNDY: there's a network of tunnels under the denver airport. I've seen them, and I've seen the unsettling iconography of ancient civilizations of lizard people. MIKE BREEN: Murray has his ninth assist
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this is my most dangerously cancelable take but society got markedly worse when everybody decided they needed to take their dog everyfuckingwhere they go,m courtesy of exploiting the "emotional support animal" loophope.
So…I’m next to a yt girl who just asked if I would give up my seat for her pitbull. When I got to my seat she had the pitbull in my seat. And now she’s acting like I’m unreasonable. All for emotional support animals. In your fricken seat.
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@hello__caitlin did she absolutely have to record this while she was walking around in public or could it have waited until she got home.
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we’re going to be watching commercials in 10 years time saying “if you used twitter between 2015 and 2023 and were subjected to posts about catturd, you may be eligible for financial compensation”.
Nothing has confirmed the lingering intrusive thought that I've wasted the last decade of my life like texting the sentence "Elon has blocked Catturd" to several different people on a Sunday morning and not realizing this is insane until much later on.
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if I don’t tweet after 8am tomorrow you guys will know what happened.
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hey grandma can you come pick me up, I went viral on the dying app again. it was wordplay about RFK but I think everyone just reacted to the original post. no, not looking at the quotes for this one. just come get me.
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@TheBSLine "if it severed my finger, I would simply use the touchscreen to navigate myself to hospital. checkmate, tesla haters!".
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I will not be commenting on the babies-on-planes article except to say, however bad you think it is listening to someone's baby cry on a plane, it's 500 times worse for the parents, who feel the ire of passengers who cannot think of anybody but themselves. not reading replies.
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pizza hut stuffed crust and it isn’t close.
now that america is in its death throes, i want to know what you think was the greatest accomplishment this country has seen in 248 years.
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we take no pleasure in reporting that yosemite national park has fallen
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@zozo_visuals that is also correct. replacing people with robots is meant to be a way to maximize profits but you can’t do that when your bartender robot is getting sued for irresponsible service resulting in injury or worse.
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@quinncoherent this was my uneducated guess too, but what I learned here is that space has 1,000x lower pressure than the deep ocean. fuck me.
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