Brad
@brad_schwartz
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561
Following
1,522
Media
1,153
Statuses
32,618
Please don’t refer to my hobbies as “republican-coded”
Act One
Joined April 2009
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FEMA
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Pinned Tweet
Have you ever seen a gaggle of tiny children wearing matching vests chained together in Brooklyn?
http://t.co/fZ4VnF7lUz
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@rodolfocortez04
@INDIEWASHERE
the funeral was on an island that you can only get to via plane suggesting the elephant acquired a pilots license or at the least a passport
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14K
@TheWapplehouse
I like that a jury of his peers reviewed the footage and unanimously decided he’s so annoying shooting him isn’t a criminal act
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@BrndnStrssng
from my earliest memories I have hated cinemasins with a passion and until I die I will be grateful when I see anyone mock them. thank you. my god they are the worst. honest trailers too, same thing i am pretty sure
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2K
@luca62435888
@HighyieldHarry
Jack & Jack. It’s an LGBT reimagining of Jack & Jill. They’re trying to go up a hill but Jack goes tumbling down because of moral decay.
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@FenixWriting
@the_mcclellan
@deelishusbarrie
@DivaLaci
prolly not cause this tweet thread is on my TL tagged as “comedy” not “aeronautics”
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@dylanpayneplus
@lib_crusher
bush 2, the look on his face when he dodged two shoes in a row. very funny
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@ShakExcellence
friend and I walked by Spike near the 40/40 club, he was filming an ad. It was downtime everyone is just chilling (it’s 2 AM) my friend says loudly but not yelling “John Starks 1994” Spike hones in on us like a missile to talk Knicks.
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@surlybassey
I booked a window seat because the flight went over the grand canyon, so when a couple with baby asked me to switch out I politely declined, I got my great view and 4 hours of a death glare
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@bigblackjacobin
some of it is meta gaming. he can see the reflection of the google car and knows what countries use what kinds of cars based on colors, tail light design, other insane details
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@ricky_liddell22
@bigblackjacobin
savant level ability and his memory is insane. instant recall, photographic, astonishing stuff. and he’s not even the best player of this game
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@meraine65
@MattsBestTweets
those aren’t women. they are fembots. played by children. are you ignoring the children, who are suffering? maybe you shouldn’t be erasing the suffering of children. shameful, how you just ignore the children
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@TomHoefWrites
@cinemamilf
this is a bad take. making fun of jameela is better than all star wars movies since 1983, better than half of all MCU films, and is neck and neck with the mets at the moment.
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@emrata
@bryanyang
@NickYoussef
@FATJEW
“when other people do it I don’t give a shit, but when I’m the victim it’s Actually Wrong”
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@_whatzmyname
@TollyTaylor
brick is inflexible and NC beach is a hurricane zone. you do not build inflexible brick homes in hurricane zones. period. they can’t handle horizontal pressure. wood can
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@GlennF
@JenAshleyWright
if they never reopen theatres I want it on my tombstone "last film he saw in the theatre was CATS and he liked it"
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@joannachiu
@keribla
it’s 2023 we are done playing that stupid game. be disturbed when you read something disturbing
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@miblogestublog
@DrewMcWeeny
his awareness of his impending death is the hook. it’s tremendous awareness
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@ShakExcellence
I was also on a flight with him and at baggage claim he had what looked like custom LV knicks bags, he was wearing knicks clothes head to toe, naturally
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@cdfoudy
@conortheconor
he hit the double twitter jackpot, he was yelled at and exposed but he married into a mega rich family and no longer cares what anyone thinks
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@necurran
@FakeFakestein
@mistermoviespod
i i dunno I think he sucks and that’s a shame. he should make stuff that doesn’t suck, or try not sucking himself. nothing wrong with that
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@JCrossover
@JimmyButler
durant would have called the kid a clown on twitter and end of story lmao
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@Popejupiter
@KeeshaStrand
@EricKleefeld
I am too and live next to taco bell cantina and still cant crack $20
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@alxkc
@nealpier87
@Mr_Honkitude
@Wolf_pack710
@efulSA
@hq_thekonsept
all you have to do is best golfer to ever live and you too can replicate this golf swing
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@polishXcellence
@AstuteCFO
pasting a “this” gif with someone pointing upwards and also a gif that says I’ll be stealing this
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@nytimes
getting tired of seeing you drag those clinton’s in a new article every day. hindsight
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@Iamsammy2426
@ReggieMillerTNT
@Lakers
@MiamiHEAT
you know who always say “that didn’t count” and give some bullshit excuse? a sore loser
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@DaveTheWave1998
@Lauren4278
@abbygov
this answer buried among the rest is the first one that’s got me thinking, good job snapchat
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@zachsilberberg
I am standing by it right now. local news coverage and no crowd. no gawkers. real parrot heads still asleep
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@derekcfrench
great photo. bystanders helping, a victim bleeding but also doomscrolling. great shot
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@bluee2300
@Beautiranye
@jiggyjayy2
frankly I find it to wrong to blame the literally insane person in this instance cause she said she was insane, was diagnosed insane, professionals said don’t let her be in charge and he left her in charge. that’s who is responsible, not the literally/technically insane one
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@TelevisionAcad
@netflix
he’s gotta win it once more to be safe. doubles. but maybe another time to really be secure. triples is best
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@Bogey0x
@legotrillermoth
if you are a grown up eating pizza rolls and you’re not the highest you’ve ever been that’s 100% depression food
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@shingi_70
@patrickklepek
@ScottWamplerBMD
snyder made several terrible films, if we’re being honest
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@armywitch
@nedzlheart
@proyearner
love when this happens, someone tries to be cool and play along by just casually mentioning that multiple daily showers is standard… turns out you’re the psycho LOL
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@That_Last_Fella
@CharlesPPierce
10 years ago I had a friend who worked on set with will smith on MIB3, said his scientology handlers controlled his filming schedule and were generally difficult and annoying to deal with
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@BrandyLJensen
first wave baby! i want to go while it’s sunny and nice out. keep your fallout. scavaging? not interested
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@JNieveu
@Padgriffin_
@WinstonSyme4
@DualityofHan
@SpacemanBTC
every one of your tweets is fascinating. wrong and dumb, but packaged with good spelling. it’s like poetry
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@gautym
@happy_cylinder
@PKaidish
you can see the ratio happening too, right? it’s coming from all directions, in a few hours you’ll be getting ratiod in australia.
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@NFLNews2472
@BadFilmTakes
the guys in the film explicitly announce that Rey is the best among them. explicitly!
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@Danielflof
@haramcart
the balls it takes to start by admitting you have no fucking clue what is going on and then opine anyway. im not mad i’m impressed
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@collinscollin77
@Hezbolsonaro
the police never charged him. insufficient evidence and the victims family have decried to drop the investigation. but if he murders his current wife no way he walks again
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@punished_cait
once i used the term “military grade” to distinguish between a fighter jet and a learjet. someone yelled at me a lot for making up terms that don’t really exist and was mean about how dumb i am for thinking military grade is a meaningful descriptor
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@anamariecox
thanks for the signal boost last week when my cat was missing. the info and empathy I got from twitter was important. i found my cat
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@CurlyMcbert
@lazerdoov
fabric scissors cost like $60 and the blade is too fragile to mess around with on anything its not designed to cut. i worked in a shop once and management was this way
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@therecount
welcome! your daughter was killed in this very building, and if she hadn’t been she was about to commit high treason! welcome, can i get you anything?
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@MikeIsaac
trying to create a rebel organization that spreads baby yoda memes… but subversively
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@DarthHeadass
@LolOverruled
it’s a scary rumor. not one shred of proof. it’s the kind of rumor that if you fall for it makes you less likely to steal. they said this to spook you
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@oriwa_
indecipherable. feels like I’m on cough syrup. none of this means anything and the scenes don’t make any sense
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@lacageauxfollez
@AITA_reddit
i don’t like being made fun for not picking up her clues. i saw the clues and decided to ignore them. now she’s dunking on us! what a load of shit
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@elbe_solo
@moneybagjo_
you know kansas city is thousands of miles from the ocean and is deeply republican? it also has bad weather. just saying, can’t imagine it’s better than MD in any way
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@EvSemicolon
@hausofdecline
@deany_art
you know you don’t have to uncritically accept bullshit? you can say “yeah but that’s bullshit lol” wanna talk disingenuous? pretending the 6 figure WFM full benefit position is all that’s available for 15 years in software design
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@johnroderick
@pro_elbows
commenting so that I have this tweet to refer to later cause it seems beans dad isn’t done being the main character. i feel he’s got something up his sleeve that’ll stun us once again
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@randall_rohr
@RickandMorty
@adultswim
the one episode per decade schedule? they are slightly ahead now but i promise that won’t last
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@PaulaGGM
@ilanacubana
not yelling or even caring about it but you were 4 when 9/11 happened, you’re not a millennial. I’m not a boomer despite being self-righteous
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@Kaesmis
@GOD_XENO
@suddenlygarmo
@13ReasonsHigh
@FrickDickerson
@dgb49
@tomsizemoreguy
tell us a good joke
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@PillsAtWork
@DrWomanhattan
@eatinginmycar
how does this have 700 likes, are that many users failing reading comprehension
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@intothecrevasse
my cat pees in the shower. not as impressive as the toilet but it spares the litter
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@Kaesmis
@mattvanh
@AltBurnerAcct
@GOD_XENO
@suddenlygarmo
@13ReasonsHigh
@FrickDickerson
@dgb49
@tomsizemoreguy
secretly i and many others are seething and deeply upset, we’re not going to admit it. you have excellent perception good sir
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@rockinfabblue
@wowyousostupid
@Sockitumee
@theashleyray
@Kinsella_Finn
you’re replying to the opinion of a clown, a literal clown. it’s not serious
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@tthelewie
@BitchesGetRich
@DebtsToRiches
that’s amazing especially since chili improves about 200% when left in the fridge overnight
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@xaaafunaaax
@NoahPollak
@Ohmaggie2024
oooh the spooky israeli intelligence that couldn’t detect a full scale invasion
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@GunCorky
@deltaasherhill
@Phil_Lewis_
molly is having a psychotic break because she just figured out that they allow porn on the internet, this website even, and kids use the internet! she is speaking up lol
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@nicksonite
@KendrickPerkins
your cute town has one airport, no need to get all worked up over it. we know what he means
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simpsons episode 3F08 (below) features this quote but he USAF never flew Harriers, the Marines did. I sure hope someone got fired over that blunder
@thatbilloakley
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@SydneyBattle
science teacher was struck by lightening 3 times and he’d tell the first strike story mid year and make you wait for the last 2
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@snowserious
@CartoonsHateHer
yeah well you’re the conspiracy finding dope this thread is mocking
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@breadbestie
twitter is full of hyperbole. not this time. congratulations you really did find it
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