Facing Fear 💪🏻🏳️🌈
@anxietyaloner
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30s. Writer. Bookworm. Bi & grey ace 🌈 #ActuallyAutistic . Recovering from anxiety & OCD. Fears are there to be faced 💪🏻
United Kingdom
Joined May 2018
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TW: mention of suicidal thoughts
I don’t know if this will help anyone, but just in case it does, I wanted to make a thread of things that have helped me while in crisis / feeling suicidal. Things that can be done alone, if reaching out hasn’t brought the support you deserve. 🧵
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Anytime someone is off sick, my manager posts on teams that they’re off & what they’re off sick with. So if I go off sick due to mental health reasons, will she post that too? 🤔
I’m past caring & think most people already suspect, but still seems inappropriate.
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The thing I don’t understand about
#incels
is why they think being “involuntarily celibate” is only a male thing.
I haven’t had a relationship in years, for various reasons. Men generally aren’t interested in me. But I still don’t go around shooting them?
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@KemiPanashe
I’ve never had a relationship with a man that wasn’t sexually coercive. And these weren’t “bad boys”, they were the kind of guys other people would say were nice guys. This shit is so normalised
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@emilykmay
My parents always put Saturday night aside for them to have a nice meal, just the two of them, at home. When I got old enough not to have been put to bed first, I knew that I wasn’t to disturb them unless it was an emergency.
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@fit__feminist
I’ve started doing this too when someone makes a racist or otherwise bigoted joke. Pretend not to understand & ask what they mean, & they get more & more tongue tied & end up having to admit it was racist & apologise.
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@glumirror
These relationships are abusive, not kinky. Plenty of abusive men are vanilla. While some people use BDSM as a cover for their abuse, and these people do need to be called out better within the community, it doesn’t mean that BDSM is inherent abusive.
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@arcticashhh
When a guy acts like he’s entitled to your time (especially when he’s still a total stranger) that’s a huge red flag. It also says to me that he doesn’t have many hobbies & interests. Dodged a bullet!
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Please don’t get mad at your friends & family if they cancel plans due to covid. Nobody wants Christmas to be cancelled, it’s just a sh*tty situation and people are doing what they think is right.
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3. If you can, sleep. Go to bed for as long as you need. Enter a safe form of oblivion.
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1. Radical acceptance. I’ve found this useful when I’ve been feeling suicidal over a specific thing, like a new health problem. Accept where you are. Accept what’s happening. Don’t try to fight or control it.
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Is it just me or is it weird to hang out with a friend for several hours & they don’t ask you a single question? About yourself, how you are, what’s going on in your life? Literally nothing. Why be friends with someone if you have no curiosity about their life or wellbeing?
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@DrPragyaAgarwal
Feminism has given women the opportunity to live to middle age, rather than dying giving birth to their 14th child
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2. Get angry. About your situation, about politics, about whatever. Punch a pillow or throw something. Anger - when short term & controlled - can be useful in counteracting depression & anxiety.
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@courtney_j_75
@boujeeex
If a man hears stories about women being harassed and assaulted by men and his first thought is to defend men rather than listen to and help women, he’s part of the problem.
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@VisibleOtter
I used to be the kind of person who said ‘but I can make homemade soup for 40p, how can people say healthy food is expensive?’ but now understand that it’s a lot more complex than that and this thread brings out all the reasons why.
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4. A physical shock, like cold water swimming or a cold shower, can reset the brain & pull you out of a spiral of difficult thoughts.
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7. If no one you know is around to offer support, go to a public place like a cafe or a library. Being around people often makes me feel safer when in crisis, even if I’m not engaging with them directly.
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@ItsEmilyKaty
I’m guessing they automatically ruled out autism in anyone who was married or had a child. Making the evidence fit their assumptions rather than approaching it with an open mind.
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**These are not intended as long term solutions, or as an alternative to seeking meds and/or therapy. They are just things that have helped me before, when in crisis with no one to turn to.**
Take care 🤍
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5. Similarly, a safe form of physical pain, like twanging an elastic band against your skin, can ground you & pull you out of your thoughts. I personally find this more useful than 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch etc.
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I’m just imagining the post, ‘X has been signed off work because she’s struggling to be alive at the moment’ 🙃
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8. Surround yourself with whatever feels safe & comforting, whether that’s food, a film or TV show, audio book, favourite blanket, music etc.
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6. Mantras. This can be tailored to whatever helps you most, ‘I am safe’ is one I often go for.
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When I split up with my ex of 6 years in 2016, he told me that my life goals (a little place in the countryside, getting my writing published, working from home) were just pipe dreams.
I’ve now made it all happen 👍🏻 don’t let anyone tell you your dreams aren’t realistic.
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9. Following on from the one above, do anything that gives you an immediate hit of pleasure, even if it’s something that’s normally considered ‘bad for you’. Chocolate, a pizza, splashing out on something you can’t really afford - whatever makes life feel more worth living.
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Nature does amazing things for
#mentalhealth
. If you can, try and get out for a while, even just into the garden. Yesterday was the calmest I’ve felt in weeks, exploring the woods and lakes ☀️🌿🌺
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10. Someone just reminded me of a great one - pets! If you don’t have one, try and borrow one. Cuddles with dogs, cats, guinea pigs or anything else cute always boosts my mood.
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@ask_aubry
“Maybe we could catch up with a group of friends sometime”
That’s code for ‘no way do I want to spend time with this person alone’.
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Does anyone else with mental illness feel like their mind doesn't belong to them? Like it's a separate entity that they can't control?
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@AkieaG
@shiraisinspired
This! I scroll social media while on breaks at work... when I first wake up... before bed... while waiting for a friend to come back from the toilet on a night out... etc etc. In none of these situations am I available for chat.
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@misanthropicc92
@boujeeex
This! Men’s mental health is an important issue but the time to bring it up isn’t on a thread about violence against women. (Also, rates of male suicide & violence against women come from the same place - patriarchy & rigid gender roles - so even more reason to dismantle them.)
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@autienelle
My special interest has always been books - reading them, and regularly making lists relating to them. Also I was obsessed with words and names, always had to know everyone and everything’s name. No one connected it to autism because I wasn’t into numbers or trains.
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@louisajonessth
I’m considering reporting it anonymously after reading the answers here! I knew it seemed off but didn’t know it could be illegal.
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@shiraisinspired
Accepting your thoughts is usually much better for OCD/anxiety recovery than trying to control them! Trying to control thoughts is how OCD develops in the first place.
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Feel free to add your own if there’s anything else that’s helped you!
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@AmyStoner19
It’s sad when even disabled people uphold ableist views. I’m sorry you had that reaction. You’re disabled if you have any long term health condition that affects your life, including mental illness, and it’s totally valid for you to identify that way.
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OCD is telling me I can’t throw Christmas cards away else the people who sent me them will die.
Part of me is going ‘you know that’s illogical, throw them away’ but the other part is going ‘why take the risk, this is your family’s lives we’re talking about’ 😣
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It’s weird how people expect mental illness to be rational.
“Why does that make you anxious?”
“When I feel pain I assume I’m dying.”
“But that’s not rational”.
“.... that’s why it’s a mental illness...”
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@Provokethoughtz
This is like when non-pregnant women are refused certain medications because ‘if you got pregnant it would harm the baby’. An imaginary fetus has more rights than we do.
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@ADHDelaide
Over and over I’m learning that things which I thought were just ‘weird me quirks’ are actually down to being neurodivergent.
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@absolutPHILTH
People need to stop using whether or not a woman has kids as a measure of her happiness. Some people have kids and are happy. Some are unhappy. Some people don’t have kids and are happy. Some are unhappy. There’s more to life.
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@MsAriesMoon
@CardinalBitches
This exactly, I’d much rather my partner just said if they’re not happy and don’t see a future with me, it would still hurt but not as much as cheating, lying, not putting in any effort, faking, and at least I could still respect them
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New hair 👌🏻 proud of myself for not listening to the
#ocd
telling me it was too dangerous. It went fine and feels soo good having shorter hair!
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@YeoshinLourdes
It’s so refreshing to hear this view. I haven’t actively dated for a while now, after years of toxic & unhappy relationships. I’m happier, calmer & more emotionally stable when single, & have more time for my personal goals & hobbies. But saying that seems to shock people.
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@harry_wellls
@boujeeex
Yep, we only learned about heteronormative sex. Nothing on LGBT relationships, or that it’s okay to be asexual or celibate. I was in my 20s before I found out that lesbian couples still have to take precautions to prevent STDs.
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'I'm going to forget about the bad bits of the vows'
Jack & Tori's relationship only works because she ignores every single red flag. If a guy told me he sees me more as a teammate than a lover & that we only bonded because everyone hates us, I'd take issue with that🤷♀️
#MAFSAU
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So my gran - who is 83, almost housebound, can’t walk unaided, has multiple disabilities all supported by hospital/GP letters - has been turned down for PIP. The system is broken.
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@adamfare1996
Also that they refer to themselves as “disability parents” 🙄 you’re parenting a child, not a disability…
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@shiraisinspired
Matilda for me too, and the Secret Garden. I’d also drive them mad by playing the same song over and over for weeks on end
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@picturepositive
I totally get this. People have called me out for being on Facebook but not checking/replying to private messages. Browsing and commenting helps distract me from my thoughts, but that doesn’t mean I feel like having a 1-1 conversation about how I’m doing!
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This time two years ago I couldn’t drive at all due to anxiety and today I drove 28 miles 😱
I hope this gives hope to anyone else who struggles with driving anxiety/OCD.
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@Autistic_Lia
Not being able to read people’s feelings, tone or body language - I’m very sensitive to this.
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@Paulthatistall
@Lynn_GT
@DavidOlusoga
White privilege doesn’t mean your life is perfect, it means that your skin colour doesn’t cause you problems. Also, people of colour fought and died for Britain too.
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@jasminspear
Some people think women shouldn’t live life and should just stay at home in order to avoid rape and murder... despite the fact that the place a woman is most likely to be raped or killed is in her own home, by her own partner. So live your lives!
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People seem to think that if you can leave the house, go to museums, go for walks, do your hair or read a book then you can’t be that bad mentally. But these are some of the things I do when I am feeling bad, to stop myself spiralling further.
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@lucyfayee
I think it just shows how powerful the right wing press is that even young, working class people can believe that the Tories will do the best by them and the country
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@AnnaYearley
Knowing what I now know about Sarah Everard, if a male police officer or officers ever tried to arrest me when I hadn’t committed any obvious crime, I would resist and do my best to get away. Would rather end up with a criminal record than dead.
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@matthaig1
This tweet just about sums up my day. I’m in a totally different and much brighter place than I was a year ago. I sometimes wonder if it was my future self sending vibes to suicidal me at rock bottom last year saying don’t give up, things can always change.
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@teaberryblue
Thank you for this, all very useful, especially the “marginalised genders” one - I’ve wondered how to verbalise that before.
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@x_TaraS_x
@BACP
If a young girl is saying things like that it sounds like she’s either experienced abuse, or witnessed her mother being abused. Either way, she needs support, not punishment.
Sadly I’ve also had experiences with creepy and misogynistic male therapists, it’s not uncommon.
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Do others with anxiety/OCD find that sometimes something happens & you deal with it okay in the moment, but then afterwards it hits you how bad it might have been & might still be, & suddenly you start catastrophising & doing compulsions even though you were okay at the time?
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So I’m at the airport. My anxiety has been so bad the last few weeks that I didn’t think I’d make it here. But sometimes it’s not about getting rid of anxiety, it’s about acting despite it and not letting it control your life. Still shit scared but bring on Berlin! 👍🏻
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@BrizzleLass
@GillyLishman
@jenna_s_h
Same, I wore a mask throughout my asthma attack in ambulance and A&E except when being given a nebuliser. It’s frustrating to hear people using asthma as an excuse - if their asthma was so bad they couldn’t wear a mask, then they couldn’t be out walking around either.
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Faced a trigger a few months ago, spent the evening crying on a park bench too afraid to go home and had to call my therapist.
Faced that same trigger again today, didn’t dwell on it and headed straight home after work, no stress 🙂💪🏻
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@Savannah_FDS
Exactly. No man who keeps sex within loving, committed, mutually enjoyable long term relationships ever has to worry about a false accusation.
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@scretladyspider
People need to understand that having the time and having the energy aren’t the same thing.
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@graceyldn
I had a friend who seemed really bothered by how small my TV was & complained about having to watch anything on it. I was like, well you can buy me a new one if you want, but if not then pipe down 😅
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@dxyle
Absolutely this. That person who isn’t checking on you may be struggling with their own mental health or a family crisis, or already supporting various other people, or avoiding social media to protect their MH. It doesn’t make them a selfish person or bad friend.
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@VampireGhuleh
@spooky_t0fu
This has made my day! How quickly nature would reclaim the world if we were gone.
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#OCD
told me to Dettol everything, so I got out the wipes.... then thought no, fuck off OCD, and put the wipes away.
Might sound like nothing but anyone with OCD knows how hard it is to fight off a compulsion.
It’s been a tough night for OCD, but I’m counting that as a win 💪🏻
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@sidewayssIeeper
Wish I could go back and tell 15 year old me to block that 28 year old guy she chatted to. He was a teacher too 🤢
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@akua_coco
@CardinalBitches
They say women are gold diggers, but when they meet a financially independent woman they won’t date her because she ‘doesn’t need them enough’ or ‘emasculates them by earning more’.
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I struggle with feeling guilty almost all the time.
I feel guilty when my anxiety and OCD makes me act irritable and uptight.
Guilty for being selfish when I put my needs first or assert myself.
Guilty that I don’t have enough time or energy to help more people.
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@pigletish
- Jealousy/bitterness about your life
- Talking about themselves non stop & showing no interest in you
- Not respecting boundaries
- Backhanded compliments & thinly veiled digs
- Only around in either the good times or the bad times but not both
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@alisonkatebr
Where I live in West Yorkshire used to be a very close Labour/Tory swing seat. Now Labour win here by a mile. People are waking up.
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Don’t assume that just because someone looks good and made an effort with their appearance, they’re doing ok mentally. Sometimes on my worst days I’ll dress up to try and feel better, but when I’m feeling good I’ll throw on the nearest thing because I’ve no need for a mask.
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This time last year things started getting dark, I thought all the good had gone from life & went to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up.
I’m not “recovered” now but I’m happier with where I am in life & have things to live for that I never could have imagined.
Don’t give up!
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People: nah you can’t be autistic, you work and socialise fine
Same people when I stop masking or when an autistic trait shows up: omg you’re so weird, what’s wrong with you?!?
🙄
#ActuallyAutistic
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@__shiticantsay
Some of it’s really personal, like I don’t need to know what infection someone’s got 😳
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@adamfare1996
Some people seem to think that’s if medicine won’t ‘cure’ you, that’s it’s not a valid way to manage symptoms.
I’ve had the same BS with being told my meds are only ‘masking symptoms’. Yes, yes they are. That’s why I take them.
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Katie Piper’s book Things Get Better has really helped me this week. Would recommend to anyone who’s struggling, especially with body image or health related issues.
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@karenwhybro
My love life has mostly been full of rejection too, but I’ve never once considered sexually assaulting someone.
Men need to accept that they’re not entitled to sex.
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@DrFrancesRyan
‘used serious violence in response to her abuse’
Even if she was verbally abusive (and I’m not saying she was - she’s not the one on trial here), using ‘serious violence’ is not a proportionate response.
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Anyone else get overwhelmed in public places? The crowds, people staring at you, people too close to you, kids screaming, birds flying at you, music, voices all talking at once... 10 minutes in town and I want to run away 😭
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@milanbomb_
@plushsarah
I used to treat people as they treated me but realised it didn’t make me happy, as I didn’t want to be that person. So now I try to stick to kind vibes and if it’s not reciprocated I’ll disengage or cut them from my life.
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Someone (IRL) bitchily told me that if I’ve read 12 books this year already, then I can’t have much of a life. I’m well aware that my life isn’t what I would have wanted, but books help keep me sane and stop me overthinking so much. Don’t hate on people’s hobbies. Just be kind.
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I’ve signed my first contract with a publisher! There’s a sentence I never thought I’d be able to say 😄
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It’s not up to me to fix my parents.
Their denial doesn’t have to get in the way of my own recovery.
My feelings are valid.
It’s not up to me to fix my parents.
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I’ve been offered the job 😱 was NOT expecting that!
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@radicalsapphic
@shiraisinspired
Hadn’t thought of this as a neurotypical thing before but definitely had people act this way with me after trying to share intrusive thoughts and explain how OCD affects me. They start off like ‘yeah I’m a bit OCD too’ and end up looking at me like I’ve grown two heads.
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@charleybarley74
And that’s valid if you feel that way, but many women find toilets safer when they are free of cis men (trans women are fine, but no cis men).
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