Johnny Hungnuts
@PenisMcFarland
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Following
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Media
102
Statuses
531
Former member of the Montgomery Biscuits Lil’ Crumbs Kids Club — 500+ connections on LinkedIn — Avondale Sour Pash Aficionado
Tuscaloosa, AL
Joined March 2024
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Pinned Tweet
If I ever have to give a speech for winning an award, I will not be thanking my parents or my wife.
Instead, I will thank
- The chill ass Indian dude at the gas station near my high school
- Megan Fox in Transformers for giving me my first boner
- Miller Lite
Reread this.
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These two fat ass women with more skin tags then I have fingers tried to stop me from buying 48 ice cold miller lites. They’re obviously hard left deep state liberal plants funded directly by the Biden administration and
@AOC
. Twitter, do your thing.
#cancelled
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Looks like some Neighbaz moved in down the street… time to get to packing
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$23 combined at the local thrift store. I have no shame in my game
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Rocky ahh lines? KD COOZIE???? What the fuck more could a white boy ask for?
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It’s not about how I got a bid, how will you get yours?
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Came to Tuscaloosa to move out, don’t have the stones to get it done. Maybe next time. Going to steal the caplewood street sign
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Instead of debating Ukraine and golf, let’s discuss the real issue facing America.
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Imagine drinking 24 beers then getting behind the wheel of this bad boy
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If this isn’t what you’re doing today then you’re the problem with America.
#idontmaketherules
#sorry
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How I look standing in the corner at a sign night that I went to solely because I’m tryna hit
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Been in a major drought this summer, can’t wait to get back to Tuscaloosa. Gonna be firing off more shots than a school shooter
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Love walking to class and playing my favorite game of “Is that a 45 year old dad with 3 kids or a DKE from Mobile?”
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Yeah, this is cool and all but I wish I was in a dark room jacking off
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@SkeeterDingle
Terrible take Skeeter. I agree in the situation where a guy is under 5’10 and trying to make up for it, in that case they just need to own that they’re short. But in general, no
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Just when you thought it couldn’t go any farther, it did. This is fucking insane!!!!
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@billyhandcock
I can’t be the only one that thinks taking pictures of random other dudes is weird as fuck
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You’ve heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for Johnny to drink about 17 more of these and sling some heinous ass slurs around
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Innisfree is gonna love it when I hang myself from the rafters with an extension cord at their first Bachelorette Monday
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This is the gayest shit I’ve ever seen. What does this even mean😂😂
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You’re at work, taking calls and making excel spreadsheets.
I’m in a motel room, doing methamphetamine and jacking off.
We are not the same.
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What if instead of The killers. It was The chillers. And they ripped bag and did womps on stage
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Hello all,
I’m excited to announce my commitment to every single Montgomery Biscuits thirsty thursday for the remainder of the summer. I’m looking forward to seeing the Scuits continue to dominate and $2 tallboys in the Confederate Capital of Alabama.
Regards,
J. Hungnuts
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I’d pay a lot of money to be double fisting miller lites and riding the rail absolutely RACKED at a Löded Diaper show
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Imagine wearing cleats to the bar😂 loud ass steps in the bathroom trying not to slip on piss, stepping on people’s toes trying to get a drink OW WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??!! My bad man just my new adidas high top cleats, don’t worry about it
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Here come the yankees
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@poptart117
This is a tough one. If I drink a lot of beer (😎😎🤙🏻) on Friday night and then day drink on Saturday, then it’s a great play. Maybe throw in an occasional high noon lake day, but aside from that yeah it’s gay
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These little fuckers have gotta be inducted into the horny hall of fame. How the hell you just gonna fly around 24/7 and land on people while balls deep in some insectussy. if I had it my way, I’d catch and blueball every single one of these freakbugs
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Call me OJ the way I be murking these gold tops with a glove on
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Went to court for a traffic ticket today. Was talking to this black girl beforehand and she said she was in there because “Dey got her ahh running a stop sign.” Turns out she had a warrant out for her arrest as well, and she got cuffed and taken out. Would hate to be her
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Faded work today, made breakfast at 11, life is good
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Yeah let me just get the most average, plain meal you got
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🎶 🎶 Someone pour me up a double shot of whiske- SHUT THE FUCK UP
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Officers there is some really stoned guy on I-20 going from Tuscaloosa to Lake Martin right now SOMEONE STOP HIM!!!!
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No bowl for the cat, no bowl for the dog, three bowls for me
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Don’t think it gets any better than this. Happy Monday!
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Platinums. Allman brothers / UF, ‘82. Try that in a small town
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@SpongeQuan6969
Most of the Yankees that come to SEC schools are rich as fuck (out of state tuition isn’t cheap). It’s just sad that they spend it on gold chains, tattoos and girls sunglasses
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It makes it really hard to drink beer when people are yelling in my ear to “focus on the road” and “stay in between the lines”… never understood the hype behind that tbh
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The worst.. seeing a guy you used to rip Sunday hangover bowls with fading you for church of the highlands and newks with his girl
Fellas, never be that guy that gets a girlfriend and disappears on his boys!
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No, I don’t drive with my hands.
I steer with my knee so I can look at reels.
Why, you ask?
It’s simple: if I crash and die, I can never scroll reels again, and that’s not a chance I’m willing to take.
#EndDistractedDrivingLaws
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For some reason, I’d be willing to bet Tuscaloosa Juicy Crab has a 4 hour long line right now
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There are two types of people in the world.
1. People who pee in the shower
2. Liars
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2 hunnid followers I am thankful for errything Lord 💯🙏🏻
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I’d take getting 50+ likes on GroupMe over sex. Every. Fucking. Time.
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@jrptigers
Average auburn fan take—I’d rather not have ANYONE in office that’s so delusional that they feel the need to state their gender, pronouns and what they are wearing as to cater to the woke. It’s not that she’s a woman, Kamala just fucking sucks👍🏻
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How about this instead—I rob my local liquor store and loudly yell on FaceTime in public
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Welp, haven’t been to Harry’s since the new row invasion (circa late march/early April 2022), but this post just guaranteed that I’ll never go back!
#queers
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I’m no gambling man, but I leave my car running outside of the Marathon while I’m buying Zyns and that’s enough for me.
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Drastic difference between the strip and the baseball game right now😹😂😹😂😹
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“Would you rather drink 24 beers with Obi Wan Kenobi or General Grevious?”
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Worked and went 2/2 on classes today. The left hates to see this.
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Just like pops always told me… You can lead a horse to water, but it takes a stepstool to fuck it.
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@gr8g0oglymo0gly
You wouldn’t wanna stop to watch it if you had to wait for it to pass to get to the other side of town every. Fucking. Time
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Might fade studying to rip a bowl or two and get lost in Roku City for a few hours (There’s no might, this is definitely happening)
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Any female born after 1993 can't cook... All they know is mcdonald's, charge they phone, twerk, be bisexual, eat hot chip & lie
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Beating this hangover naturally without popping a bean or taking a bowl…. Don’t let a white boy get hot
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Imagine if there was a bat signal but instead of letting Batman know there was crime happening it was to let your boys know you’re day drinking and smoking cigarettes in a local park
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Happy friday! Going to get naked and eat this McDonald’s breakfast in the garage by myself
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Yes, I think we should tax the poor more. Yes, I leave my ringer on in church. No I am not circumcised. Any more questions liberal?
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