If I ever have to give a speech for winning an award, I will not be thanking my parents or my wife.
Instead, I will thank
- The chill ass Indian dude at the gas station near my high school
- Megan Fox in Transformers for giving me my first boner
- Miller Lite
Reread this.
These two fat ass women with more skin tags then I have fingers tried to stop me from buying 48 ice cold miller lites. They’re obviously hard left deep state liberal plants funded directly by the Biden administration and
@AOC
. Twitter, do your thing.
#cancelled
@SkeeterDingle
Terrible take Skeeter. I agree in the situation where a guy is under 5’10 and trying to make up for it, in that case they just need to own that they’re short. But in general, no
@NHLxEPL
@AOC
My 22 year old buddies phone fell into the lake two nights ago, and his ID was in there. Apparently “everyone in the group needs to show an id”. These bitches aint bout it!!
Hello all,
I’m excited to announce my commitment to every single Montgomery Biscuits thirsty thursday for the remainder of the summer. I’m looking forward to seeing the Scuits continue to dominate and $2 tallboys in the Confederate Capital of Alabama.
Regards,
J. Hungnuts
Imagine wearing cleats to the bar😂 loud ass steps in the bathroom trying not to slip on piss, stepping on people’s toes trying to get a drink OW WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??!! My bad man just my new adidas high top cleats, don’t worry about it
@poptart117
This is a tough one. If I drink a lot of beer (😎😎🤙🏻) on Friday night and then day drink on Saturday, then it’s a great play. Maybe throw in an occasional high noon lake day, but aside from that yeah it’s gay
These little fuckers have gotta be inducted into the horny hall of fame. How the hell you just gonna fly around 24/7 and land on people while balls deep in some insectussy. if I had it my way, I’d catch and blueball every single one of these freakbugs
Went to court for a traffic ticket today. Was talking to this black girl beforehand and she said she was in there because “Dey got her ahh running a stop sign.” Turns out she had a warrant out for her arrest as well, and she got cuffed and taken out. Would hate to be her
@SpongeQuan6969
Most of the Yankees that come to SEC schools are rich as fuck (out of state tuition isn’t cheap). It’s just sad that they spend it on gold chains, tattoos and girls sunglasses
It makes it really hard to drink beer when people are yelling in my ear to “focus on the road” and “stay in between the lines”… never understood the hype behind that tbh
No, I don’t drive with my hands.
I steer with my knee so I can look at reels.
Why, you ask?
It’s simple: if I crash and die, I can never scroll reels again, and that’s not a chance I’m willing to take.
#EndDistractedDrivingLaws
@jrptigers
Average auburn fan take—I’d rather not have ANYONE in office that’s so delusional that they feel the need to state their gender, pronouns and what they are wearing as to cater to the woke. It’s not that she’s a woman, Kamala just fucking sucks👍🏻
Welp, haven’t been to Harry’s since the new row invasion (circa late march/early April 2022), but this post just guaranteed that I’ll never go back!
#queers
Imagine if there was a bat signal but instead of letting Batman know there was crime happening it was to let your boys know you’re day drinking and smoking cigarettes in a local park