Nicole Oertli King also @ bluesky 🌻🪷
@NicoleOKing
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Legal industry professional, former owner of clothing not covered in dog hair. She/her. RT's not endorsements; no opinions are legal advice. #twinja
Joined April 2011
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So much of what makes 19th century literature Hit Different is that the authors infodumped about their hyperfixations without having their knuckles rapped by a ruler inscribed with “kill your darlings”
i read Dracula by Bram Stoker recently and it's so much weirder than i thought! theres multiple chapters about how cool stenography is. lots of train schedules. a lot of (inaccurate) excitement about blood transfusions. a much better horror novel in the middle about a doomed ship
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I’m sorry, the deleted scenes from Event Horizon were stored *where*
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@o_honeybees
Knitters remain the only group to get the International Olympic Committee to back down and get two apologies out of it because the first wasn’t good enough
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Elon Musk crashes into a board meeting with an “I Heart Eating Shit” forehead tattoo: “Well well well, guess who just lost all their advertisers for, you guessed it, being white”
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I’m using my mom’s: Rosemary’s Baby, on her first date with my dad
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So according to
@united
, an employee's ten-year-old daughter in leggings reflects poorly on the company, but this doesn't.
#flight3411
@United
overbook
#flight3411
and decided to force random passengers off the plane. Here's how they did it:
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@agraybee
That vanilla is a synonym for “safe and boring” instead of a hard-won spice brought over from the New World is a symbol of how far we’ve come. We live in a way that would make kings envious
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Shepherd Smith deserves a better news network than the one on which he appears.
Shep Smith just took apart the Uranium One conspiracy theory in what amounts to a methodical annihilation of his own network's coverage of the story.
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The landlord: “oh so you’ve got strobe light money all of a sudden?”
never thought i'd say this but... team landlord!
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Mom wrote this before we got kicked out of her ICU room at the close of visiting hours:
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@matchu_chutrain
@Nicole_Cliffe
His total absence at bed-making time is just the perfect capper.
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@lisasaurstomp
Part of me wonders whether this started as the French subtweeting American cuisine, but then they got so much engagement that they just kept doing it, forever.
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Absolutely wild that upon realizing their god-emperor had no clothes, the rest of Silicon Valley decided to become a nudist colony
Meta, the parent company of Facebook and Instagram, wants users to start paying for some features, taking a page out of Twitter's playbook. For $11.99 a month (or $14.99 through Apple's iOS), users will get a blue badge and direct customer support access.
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My mother may be dying and the only person I want to call and talk to about it is my mom
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A wonderful update: mom is off the ventilator!
Mom wrote this before we got kicked out of her ICU room at the close of visiting hours:
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@taileventh
@ImJusSayingTho
@ENIMALwins
If Hillary won Amy Coney Barrett would still be a law professor at Notre Dame.
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@maxwelltani
Judging by that picture, New York hasn’t even mastered plating, but sure, kiddo.
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@BeninBiloxi
@boogieordie
@paulajean2020
@Shoescatanddad
“Poor people can’t afford to be caterers” is a hell of a take
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@kellyvhalen
Yashar has now spent more time riding Cardi B for publicly contemplating a potential investment than he has putting David Perdue on blast for insider trading, but only one gets him that sweet like/retweet dopamine, so
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@OuterBoroRoyal
@Danofran
Ok but “22 chronological years old” makes him seem like he’s only vaguely heard of the concept of linear time, like, sir, were you cryogenically frozen for a few years?
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@bryrsmith
@sadydoyle
Have you watched the other ones? I have. They suggested that Sarah Huckabee Sanders should get a national radio show with
@SenSanders
. Advocating that SHS should get a wider audience for her lies isn’t funny either.
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Late to this party, but Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis did not serve us breathtaking Oleg Cassini couture for decades to be compared to… this
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@AnneNotation
Honestly I would watch the thunderdome struggle session of the making-of for such a movie, which would never be completed after 800 days of debate
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@theferocity
@jwpetersNYT
This seems like something a reasonable newspaper staffed by adults would do!
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@juche_lover
Rain barrels—I too enjoy maintaining hospitable mosquito habitats so I can be drained of blood every time I leave the house
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If you’ll recall, Josh Duggar also used Covenant Eyes with his wife Anna as an accountability partner, and nonetheless was convicted of possessing some of the vilest CSAM ever known to exist
COMPROMISE ALERT: Speaker Mike Johnson uses software Covenant Eyes (learned about at a Promise Keepers retreat) that scans all his electronic devices & gives a weekly report an "accountability partner" his 17 yr old son (so basically don't watch porn or your son/dad will know😬)
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@tomtomorrow
Look, man, no one wants to see the major players in this dystopia in Zardoz gear
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Gee, why do people feel more comfortable being out of the closet in areas where the state doesn’t persecute them; it’s a real mystery
If this spike in trans children is all biological, why is it regional? Either Ohio is shaming them or California is creating them.
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@Convolutedname
Nuzzi still not over the Biden administration clocking her as untrustworthy from a mile away, I see
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Some load-bearing passive voice here
Update: As ofcrs contacted the suspect and OIS occurred, one of the officer’s rounds penetrated a wall that was behind the suspect, beyond that wall was a dressing room. Officers search the dressing room and found a 14 year old female victim who was struck by gunfire.
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@clapifyoulikeme
I would buy this ridiculous house and all its furnishings, solely so I could sit across the table from the owner at closing and ask questions, because I have several:
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The perception that the 1950’s were a Gilded Age of single-income prosperity and cheap housing is because that was your parents’ and grandparents’ experience; the people who didn’t experience it that way had fewer kids who didn’t live as long. 1/
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@chargmcd
@LifebyNatMarie
@AriMelber
there was probably an epic game of "not it" at the DoJ before this case was assigned.
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Please don’t leave off Kurtwood Smith and Debra Jo Rupp, who absolutely had the option to say nothing.
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are officially two pieces of shit.
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@crippledscholar
Fairly sure drug reps driving from doctors’ office to doctors’ office cause more emissions than inhalers
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@gothspiderbitch
And you can tell how close she was to her backing musicians because they’re almost more hyped about it than she is, and she goes to hug them first.
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@clairewillett
There’s no way the briefing staff wasn’t fighting over who gets to explain Burning Man to Diamond Joe
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@Allison_Tolman
The Invisible Spy sketch series from
@ashleyn1cole
on A Black Lady Sketch Show really highlights this:
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@notcapnamerica
3/4 of their caucus are white noise machines, so I don’t see why they needed another one
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He took a $900 gun on a 4 hour car ride when car sauce is over $4 a gallon; whatever that amount of money was could have put a healthy down payment on dental surgery
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@jeffj1111
@HaroldJ_NEPA
@eddyrivas
IRS: We will ask you to verify your identity by stating the employer on your W-2, which due to myriad snarls of staffing subcontractors may bear absolutely no relation to where you actually work.
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@diannaeanderson
How do these people function in a society that conducts transactions and takes public transport or private transport featuring a transmission?
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@notcapnamerica
Derrick is the best Duggar spouse by a bit, but that’s because the bar is depressingly low and it doesn’t mean he’s a good person.
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@AsteadWesley
@daveweigel
Hillary said that before the election. Obama said that before the election. Some people didn’t believe them.
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Honestly, I’m tired of the bar for women being “perfection in every way” and the bar for men being “does not drool on his tie in public”.
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@RepRoKhanna
Well, the good news is your caucus represents a homeopathically small percentage of the House of Representatives
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No thank you, that stuff killed Tasha Yar
does ANYONE know what the fuck this stuff that just leaked from my computer is???????
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@notcapnamerica
No President has attended the coronation of a British monarch in the entire history of this country and Charles has *wildly* misjudged Joseph Robinette Biden if he thought he was going to be the one to break that streak
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@tressiemcphd
In the interim Smash expected us to believe she’d do a better job portraying Marilyn Monroe than Megan Hilty
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@clapifyoulikeme
One of my roommates in college worked at Disney; she was once assigned to walk a random dog around the neighborhood with a “family” of her coworkers while they were showing a house
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@clapifyoulikeme
Hypercolor t-shirts, because “you don’t know what chemicals are in there and they could cause cancer.”
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Hands down the most unhinged rental car I have ever driven:
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Going live now to Kevin McCarthy’s office:
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There are levels to this joke
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@AnaMardoll
Beginning to think the name Christopher Columbus actively confers a curse on its holder
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@jenndangerous
Late to this party but this is my grandfather’s butcher’s block. It’s been the kitchen island my whole life.
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@jkfecke
Elizabeth Br****g minimizing a sexual harasser’s conduct is an event that happens with such frequency you can set your watch to it
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@ScottHech
With the advent of e-discovery, is it not easier than it’s ever been before to produce responsive documents?
What they’re really cranky about is that they can no longer bury one useful document in 3 bankers’ boxes of garbage
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The early 2000’s neither deserve nor warrant nostalgia; please just get back into the 80’s again, kids
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3rd party voters are the antivaxxers of political engagement. They don't want to contribute to herd immunity, but want to complain anyway.
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@yogaACAB
I am now motivated to discover time travel so I can go back in time and prevent myself from reading this
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Garden haul. The heat is trying mightily to kill my garden but we won this round.
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@PracticalGhostn
@DanteAtkins
And people who do it are the anti-vaxxers of political engagement.
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@agraybee
“Girlboss” is the one term on this hell website I’d wish into the cornfield because I don’t want to interact with anyone who uses it sincerely or ironically
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Tell me you don’t know any lawyers or nurses without telling me you don’t know any lawyers or nurses
Journalism programs have such an odd relationship with working journalists. Imagine if lawyers and nurses were constantly advising people not to go to law school or nursing school. I can't think of any other profession like this.
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@Nicole_Cliffe
The opening sequence of Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets is a beautiful silent film about first contact, diplomacy and what all societies, no matter how alien, share. It would’ve won an Academy Award if it had been a short film.
Tragically, it wasn’t.
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@UrsulaV
It’s all fun and games until you’re hiring movers for great-uncle Joe’s industrial lathe
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I’ve been afraid of losing my mom since I was four years old, when my mom was hospitalized after losing a dangerous amount of weight, and my grandmother decided to cheer me up by taking me to the movies to see a re-released Disney classic.
It was Bambi.
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Finally. (This law has been around since the Great Depression and I’m pleased to see it off the books.)
Alabama sheriffs were allowed to just PERSONALLY pocket public funds that were meant to feed people in county jails. One sheriff pocketed $750,000 in 3 years, and bought a beach house.
A new law finally bars that practice.
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@IRHotTakes
Seems like everyone has their own reactions and their own ideas about the guy; if only there were some kind of test like that
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@MattGertz
Contrary to whatever theater went down up north, most American truckers are independent contractors who can’t afford to go three weeks without working
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