lawl_assoc
@Lawl_Assoc
Followers
2K
Following
9K
Media
686
Statuses
20K
I want to be clear that at my undergrad, a guy found "responsible" for repeatedly raping a student got "social probation" for eight days, violated it, and still graduated.
Breaking: Police just broke up and arrested all students at the University of Minnesota encampment for Gaza , charging them with trespassing and banning all students from campus for one year.
41
10K
39K
I need a fully remote job working no more than 40 hours a week where everyone's extremely nice and heaps praise on me and where pay is minimum 250k a year.
63
990
10K
@The_Acumen As a married 31 year old who feels extraordinary guilt about all things holiday to the detriment of my relationship with my parents, I would encourage you to work through your hard feelings about your kid growing up outside of his presence.
2
22
5K
@emdashklatt My favorite genre is and was the traumatizing short stories you read in English: The Yellow Wallpaper, The Lottery, The Velda, Harrison Bergeron, Hills Like White Elephants.
112
101
3K
@The_Acumen I’m sure I’m doing some projecting (it’s certainly a sore spot) but the way you’re describing talking to your son about this sounds pretty emotionally manipulative. Maybe you’re speaking hyperbolically.
2
4
3K
So this associate I work with negotiated an origination fee for a case and is about to get literally $8M. And if he doesn’t retire immediately I’m going to smack him.
31
48
3K
I told my wife to stop wasting money buying shitty $5 blueberry muffins at Starbucks and that I would make her some from scratch. She said fine. I've now trashed my whole kitchen making these stupid ass muffins, and I take back my whole position.
34
47
3K
Biglaw associate: “I do civil rights law.”. Me: “What? How?”. Them: “Yeah I do like labor and employment stuff.”. Me: “Ohhhhhh, you mean you defend corporations that violate people’s civil rights.”.
23
133
2K
@AdamLaneSmith I see you aren't putting those "science-backed bonding and communication skills" to work!.
1
8
2K
@AP I continue to wonder why there is no similar effort to deny Communion to politicians who support the death penalty, which goes directly against Church teaching. .
29
98
1K
Throwback to that time I literally got to announce the Obergefell decision to the world.
13
44
1K
I cannot fucking wait to tell my gastro — who said “there is absolutely nothing physiologically wrong with your bowels — that they had to grab a ducking bowel surgeon in the middle of my surgery to cut away endometrial tissue wrapped around it.
30
36
1K
I am absolutely dying for a law firm to have an attorney event for male attorneys about balancing fatherhood and being a lawyer.
18
58
1K
Have you ever lived in an Airbnb with your trial team for a multi-week trial? Because that's what's currently being floated, and I find the idea revolting.
158
22
1K
I like when law firms put "FMLA leave" as a "benefit," as if it's not legally required.
11
44
1K
A good paralegal is worth like 4 junior associates. Maybe more.
24
64
1K
@AdamLaneSmith Requiring someone to be directed by their partner (not their boss) to participate in the drudgery of managing a household is weaponized incompetence. And if you're any expert in relationships, you know that women are begging male partners to take some ownership of household mgmt.
7
12
990
How am I supposed to do this urgent work when I urgently need to do a deep dive into Luigi Mangione?.
5
75
1K
Also this guy who was found responsible in the student judiciary for *attempted murder* got a one year suspension (maybe one semester) and then went to Wharton after.
6
42
863
My mom has probable early stage cancer and my retired dad won’t come back from his ski trip a day early to take her to her biopsy 🙃. My dad said “unfortunately the plane tickets are non-refundable” (he’s a millionaire).
28
29
865
Wife immediately upon entering the Four Seasons lobby: "I need to switch to big law.".
8
15
774
@Kiala @AdamLaneSmith @woernerAF Nah, you need to give a man a daily chore chart followed by a glowing report card no matter how shitty of a job he does.
6
4
726
My sister’s wedding RSVP has “joyfully accepts” or “regretfully declines” as options. Where is “begrudgingly accepts”?.
12
17
728
I am simply asking for $300,000 a year in exchange for minimal work.
11
73
732
What's the billing code for "pondering the loss of my civil rights?".
7
106
704
The home ownership thing is going super fucking well. We now have a snake infestation.
76
17
703
Can someone explain how GoodRx works and how presenting a used flimsy card drops my dog’s prescription from $150 to $19?.
18
19
677
So I found the most perfect fucking case that has the exact quote I need it to say in just the right words with no qualifiers and a 100% favorable ruling. I realized after finding the quote that it’s my case, I briefed it, and I completely forgot about it.
12
5
719
IF YOU ARE A LAW PARTNER, DO NOT CALL YOUR ASSOCIATE OUT OF THE BLUE WITH NO WARNING OR EXPECTATION ON THE WEEKEND. DO NOT.
10
12
676
(He is now a partner at an investment bank, but I digress.).
3
18
652
My lawyer (who recently started his own firm) has not been able to keep a paralegal for more than a week and it’s harming his ability to serve his clients (e.g., me). All I can think is “GET A FUCKING LOAN AND PAY MORE.”.
9
11
604
Keep reading SOL (statute of limitation) as “shit out of luck” and it’s VERY confusing.
29
21
598
Since it's summer associate season, during my 1L SA position, I was given less than 48 hours to write a class action complaint. I did my best. The senior associate was STUNNED the work product wasn't file-able and berated me in her office for 30 minutes.
21
3
592
@IowaRallyYak Assuming a 40% tax rate, if he retired right now, he could safely withdraw 192k a year without touching the principal. So yeah, he can absolutely retire now regardless of age or prior savings.
4
4
567
@nameshiv 100% bipolar doesn't make you a bigot. But manic people do with some frequency do terrible things outside of their immediate control because of mania.
1
3
543
Some dumbass on Reddit is considering Yale at sticker price funded by loans over a full ride (including living expenses) plus fancy special mentoring at UChicago, and I’m just flabbergasted.
18
11
504
I'll be honest, as a person who scarcely works with admin law, I don't understand the significance of abolishing Chevron difference. I need an article that's more sophisticated than something for laypeople but less sophisticated than for someone who knows anything about admin law.
41
14
494
Is this firm seriously suggesting that if I adopt a baby that I only get four fucking weeks of paid leave?
60
14
485
Wow, this "middling second year" associate is my fucking hero.
18
19
468
@nameshiv I also hate this tweet because it seriously minimizes the severity of bipolar disorder and indeed glamorizes it.
2
12
476
@redheadranting It is absolutely a dig at them if you say that someone with a double mastectomy shouldn’t have children.
2
2
467
@nameshiv I'm thrilled your friend's mania manifests so harmlessly, but it's not uncommon for mania to be harmful.
2
4
445
I think all attorneys should have performance reviews by the paralegals on their teams.
11
33
425
I wish there was Supreme Court betting like sports betting. I am here today to bet that student loan forgiveness is upheld.
13
20
424
One of the partners has figured out that the way to motivate me to work long hours and be meticulous is to praise me for my knowledge and work ethic instead of shit of me typos or not reading minds. What a manipulative genius.
10
14
403
If you are the child of people with a net worth of over $100 million, you should not be allowed to get a Skadden, EJW, or Justice Catalyst fellowship. There. I said it.
3
28
397
My parents are in town and my dad tried to convince me that a) a household income of $820,000 “really isn’t that much today” and b) that full-time housekeepers and nannies all “make a minimum of $120,000 a year.”. I’m going to scream.
26
14
390
The tort system doesn’t do shit when the perpetrators have no money. People need to stop pretending the civil system is some magical, superior alternative to the criminal justice system.
16
29
391
@StanFritz My judge interrupts and says “this is of no relevance to me” and then walks away. I think it’s pretty effective IMO having had it said to me more than once.
5
13
345
It's so weird to supervise people now and get really sad emails like, "I'm so sorry, but I'm going to unavailable from 9:15 am to 9:45 am to take my very ill father to the doctor. I should be available by email and will be sure to make up the missed time this weekend!".
12
12
397
I just clarified what he meant. It was “by tomorrow morning.”.
The partner just said “no rush” on an assignment. Does he know what he’s just done?.
12
8
388
@BKAngryKing @oncomingspork @_celia_bedelia_ Are you aware that you can only be diagnosed with endometriosis via surgery?.
2
0
372
Got a 6/mo autorenewal surprise and immediately contacted the company to cancel and get a refund. They refused. I responded that their behavior and their massive class action settlement re their predatory autorenewal practices troubled me as a class action atty. They refunded me.
6
14
378
Is it embarrassing that I'm an attorney at a firm and sell shit on Poshmark and walk dogs on Rover and Wag? Every time a dog parent finds out I'm an antitrust lawyer, they seem deeply, deeply confused.
43
8
364
Although there are exceptions, I find that associates who went straight through tend to have a much harder time at work. They’re working through managing their first full-time job while also dealing with their first lawyer job. It’s a tough transition.
if you’re just graduating college I would advise against law school. go do something else that you think you could be good at first. law school will always always be there but making an exit from the legal profession is way harder than people say!.
10
9
365
Me: I simply cannot take 5 depositions in 5 months. Partner: Okay, fine. I'll take 1. But you have to teach me all the facts of the case, find all the documents, write the outline, and then defend every strategic decision you every made that I'm going to criticize mercilessly.
16
8
370
It’s been decided (not by me) that I’m taking the fall for a pretty major, collective error involving 10+ people. Pray for me.
17
0
350
I'm watching a CLE on "civility" in the legal profession, and this dude is saying it's "uncivil" to wait until the deadline to file everything???.
34
8
388
Working in a disproportionately male (even for law) practice group has clearly demonstrated to me that women are not the overly emotionally gender….
10
12
336
Are you ethically allowed to brag about opinions you worked on in your clerkship on your resume? One of the opinions I’m most proud of just got affirmed on appeal and I’d like to brag about it if I ever apply for jobs.
20
3
359
I’ve been annoyed, but I’m becoming increasingly depressed about how I’m expected to be constantly available on the weekends unless I literally inform everyone I’m “taking the weekend off” (and even then, people forget). I have no idea how to address the problem.
13
1
344
If we’re gonna ban affirmative action, can we at least ban it for the shitty fedsoc kids with below median grades and no law review who are somehow getting federal appellate clerkships.
5
31
303
I assumed this would be awful, for some reason, but it's actually an excellent and rare example of good management by a lawyer. The lack of clear expectations is the most difficult part of my job as an associate.
A few years ago I created a two-page summary of my expectations of associates and of my commitments to them. I shared it in a comment to good reviews, so I thought I'd share it here too. I may write a bit more about each element. I hope you find it useful.
10
9
350
Sure, their motion to dismiss has some good arguments, but did you catch that they capitalized two-letter articles and prepositions in their headings?.
5
28
350
He was also said he was “100% sure” my gynecological problems were not causing my GI issues.
4
0
297
My rich sister got me a $2000 espresso machine, and I am PUMPED.
5
4
307
His SAT is below the 25th percentile for Cornell. He’s not getting in unless he’s a recruited athlete, a descendent of billionaires, a legacy, or has some absolutely extraordinary story. And a weighted GPA is meaningless. Need unweighted and/or class rank.
17
13
263
@redheadranting Your tweet was about breastfeeding. You discuss your own breastfeeding. You know you communicated that the problem is that they’re no longer able to breastfeed. Don’t try to walk it back now.
2
3
264
My ultra hot take is that people should study less in law school because there's an extremely limited relationship between studying and grades.
I disagree with this only because I think it's the ACT of outlining that is more helpful than the resulting outline. My outlines were objectively awful by most measures of outlines, but they were useful because they were mine and tailored to me. Your mileage, of course, varies.
13
11
270
It's so foreign to me that people who aren't litigious become lawyers. Like, you're not trying to live vicariously through clients by legally enacting revenge constantly? Why else would you want to be a lawyer?.
30
12
252
I cried in front of her in her office. I still got a return offer, it was fine, and I'm a fully functional, practicing lawyer (at a different firm).
1
0
268
I have to say, it’s pretty bullshit that most settlements are taxable. Like, if I’m getting back money because I was defrauded, that’s not “income,” that’s just the money I was supposed to have all along.
6
9
246
An old white dude partner (who is not at our firm) referred to me as a non-lawyer today. Full scholly from a T14, federal clerkship, bar passage, a year of practice, but still “just” a female paralegal in his mind.
17
8
233
Thanks to all those telling me this is "unrealistic." I'm well aware. That's why I tweeted this AS A JOKE.
2
1
243
@michaelmannspc The rich parents of the kids who commit violent offenses and bribe the colleges into giving kids small or no consequences.
0
3
235
I do healthcare law. A big law partner (on the other side of my healthcare case) just explained to me what an actuary is.
14
3
253
As a young, female attorney, it really pisses me off that people assume I can’t do math. I’m no mathematician, but I took advanced math in college and am a certified math teacher. So kindly fuck off.
22
6
232
@saraaaaajean Antitrust (so treble damages). There’s long backstory as to how he was able to negotiate this, and nobody believed the case would settle for as much as did.
1
4
234
I got stuck calling a nasty equity partner at a biglaw firm for an update on a discovery issue. He hung up on me while I was actively speaking. When confronted, he (falsely) stated he told me had to go before hanging up. I am a female junior associate.
18
12
210
Can you bill for being forced to sit at your computer waiting for something to come in?.
19
6
221
No, I will not drop everything on a Sunday morning to help co-counsel cite check a brief that's their responsibility when the brief isn't even due for 8 days. Pass.
5
0
242
My favorite part of discovery is searching for the equivalent of "I commit crimes knowingly and willingly" in the document database and seeing the shocking number of hits.
Imagine the look on the DOJ attorney's face who searched the document production for "price fixing" -- just on the off chance it popped -- and found this, from the RealPage antitrust complaint:
0
15
220
I'm extremely confused how this would hospitalize anyone.
A Texas mom allegedly gave her son a mixed drink of lemon, salt and vinegar in an effort to prevent bullies at school from stealing the drink from her child. A child who drank the mixed beverage was hospitalized.
12
0
211
Being a lawyer is so much better than being in law school. There. I said it.
8
15
215
Do all lawyers get the “I booked my flight for before the deposition ends so can you not use anywhere close to the full time please or you’ll ruin my life,” or is that just young women?.
31
5
211
(Obviously I’m taking the day off and traveling several states away to take her. But fuck him.).
2
0
234
Every witness I depose has amnesia and warning signs of dementia. I'm going to start encouraging them to seek medical attention.
15
8
206
I want my friend to come over but not her married boyfriend. What do I do?.
30
1
210
Me to my wife: "Buy lots of ravioli at the Italian Store." . Wife: Proceeds to buy $110 worth of ravioli.
21
3
205
Another day, another 25-year-old lawyer making $250,000 a year insisting he's basically a public defender.
6
4
204
Especially if you are a non-partner co-counsel, DO NOT FUCKING CALL ME OUT OF THE BLUE AT 4:30 PM ON A SUNDAY.
10
5
228
Fellow women attorneys, how do you handle male co-counsel who treat you like their personal secretaries? I'm at a loss.
42
16
194