Gretchen McCulloch @gretchenmcc.bsky.social
@GretchenAMcC
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Internet Linguist. NYT bestselling author of BECAUSE INTERNET. Cohost @lingthusiasm , a podcast that's enthusiastic about linguistics. she/her 🌈
Montreal, Quebec
Joined November 2012
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Not particularly active on here anymore, but if your social feeds need more linguistics, find me here:
bluesky:
instagram:
mastodon:
tumblr:
newsletter:
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Today in "linguists are not kidding when they say that language enables you to understand sentences that have never been said before in the entirety of human history"
It’s just one fucking thing after another for eels isn’t it?
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A+ fine print, would fine print again.
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brb translating "hwaet" as "bro"
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Me meeting Randall Munroe: hey, big fan of the comic, feel free to let me know if you ever have any linguistics questions!
Randall Munroe:
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i feel the need to make you aware of this cursèd and entirely real wikipedia article
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
Internet writing uses
subtle punctuation
choices to convey
sarcasm and other
tone of voice nuances.
It's not lazy.
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
#LinguisticsSignBunny
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Today in "linguists are not kidding when they say that the creative property of languages means you can understand sentences that have definitely not been said before"
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
Asking which language
is the hardest is like
asking which place is
the farthest.
It depends on
where you start.
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
#LinguisticsSignBunny
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@ProfessorCrunk
The young people that I've surveyed on this often find "Dear" uncomfortably intimate, like calling your professor your darling. They see Hello as professional
(Reports from other prof friends suggest that they're very willing to adapt if you just tell them what you want though!)
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
Linguistic peevery is
a poorly-concealed cover
for racism, classism, sexism,
and other discrimination
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
#LinguisticsSignBunny
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It has come to my attention that we're in thesis defense season and not everyone has seen the snake fight thesis defense fanfiction
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I have cited AO3's taxonomy and archiving systems as models at academic linguistics conferences because they are IMPRESSIVE as usable, durable, well-designed systems, and frankly academia could stand to learn from fandom here
fuckin' this, folks.
and I mean you KNOW I am here for fanfic, now and always, but that is NOT what this nomination is about! do you know how advanced an archival system ao3 is? the ways its indexing and DB structure improve discoverability for MILLIONS of readers?
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I just found out about the Finnish "formally neutral but informally reverential pronoun, that in spoken use is almost exclusively used sarcastically to communicate that this person actually is not respected" (often used for pets)
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As a linguist, waving is a brilliant solution to bridge the sudden disappearance at the end of a video call: esp in a group, when you can see everyone's waving, you know they're all ready to leave
It's like standing up, picking up your coat/bag - transitional movements
Why do I feel compelled to WAVE at the end of Zoom calls? I have literally never walked out of a meeting room WAVING.
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It is my professional opinion as an internet linguist that if professors want a specific style of email from their students they must teach it to them in class (or at least explain it on their websites).
Yes, even upper level courses. See this thread for why.
So a small interaction, but another reminder the hidden curriculum exists, that faculty need to be real people to students, that students need to be given more credit, and clarity around expectations is everyone's friend.
#Welcomebacktoschool
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Please enjoy this, my new favourite example of typographical tone of voice, brought to you by the Good Omens fandom
(text version)
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🎶 Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vacciiiiiiiiiiiiiine
I'm begging you, please go in my arm
Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vacciiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Please just keep me safe from covid harm 🎶
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ðə moʊst səksɛsfʊɫ pipɫ aɪv mɛtː
1. kæn ɹid ði aɪ pi eɪ
2. ðæts ɪt
3. aɪ dʒʌst wɑnt ɛvɹiwʌn tu noʊ ði aɪ pieɪ
4. daʊn wɪθ bæd tɹænskɹɪpʃən sɪstəmz
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I just wanna be a cheese wizard, or fromage,
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Today I learned that apparently some people sign off emails with "Professionally,"
But that's pretty general. I mean, what kind of professional? So I will henceforth be closing my emails with "Linguistically,"
What is your new email signoff?
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okay now this is just an actual subtweet
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Can we just agree that the majority of people are trying to be polite when they email you, even if their email norms are slightly different from yours, and evaluate emails based on the actual contents not the salutations?
Can we just agree that 'Best wishes'/'All best' as an email sign off isn't actually rude? It's v. exhausting to try to communicate authentic emotion at the end of the 7000 emails I send everyday
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I'm literally writing a whole book about this, this is so true
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hello, my book is reviewed in the new york times, this is not a drill
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Hi, I'm an internet linguist. You may know me from my greatest hits "No, texting isn't ruining the English language." "No, emoji aren't either." "Actually, what's going on with punctuation is very subtle and interesting!" and "Oooh, show me an example?"
Hi, I'm a librarian. You may know me from my greatest hits "How did the computer get like this?" "Actually techically you don't pay my salary." "Wikipedia is better than many alternatives." "I don't care how loud you are." and "What in gods name happened to the bathroom?"
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┏┓
┃┃╱╲ In this
┃╱╱╲╲ house,
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we
▔▏┗┛▕▔ treat
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
all languages, dialects,
and accents as valid.
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
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Me, an internet linguist, hiding under the bed:
Armed robber: ....
Me: ....
Armed robber: ....
Me: ....
Armed robber: ugh the kids these days and their emoji and their texting
Me: ACTUALLY INTERNET LANGUAGE IS VERY INTERESTING DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE---oh shit
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flight attendant: does someone on this flight know the phonetic alphabet?
me, a linguist: jɛs maɪ taɪm həz kʌm
flight attendant: ...
me: wʌt
flight attendant: alpha bravo charlie delta?
me: saɪ
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Every so often, you end up down a Wikipedia rabbit hole that reminds you how Wikipedia's editorship being 85-90% male creates huge content gaps for certain topics, especially those more typically associated with women
Today's example: Battenberg lace
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My latest
@Wired
column is about how we find things online -- and how the Archive of Our Own has created an incredibly functional tagging system that runs rings around both professional databases and billion-dollar social media platforms
The fanfiction database Archive of Our Own contains nearly 5 million fanworks—about the size of the English Wikipedia. This is the tagging system that keeps it all organized and running smoothly.
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Some pfersonal news:
In appfreciation opf pfinally being pfurnished with the Pfizer vaccine I will be pfroducing all opf my voiceless bilabial stopfs and pfricatives as apffricates pfor the next pfortnight.
No pfurther comments.
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académie française: you can't just make up new words willy-nilly like that!!!
linguists: haha language machine go brrrr
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I am a linguist and this is correct!!
“like” and “um” are verbal cues that “this briefest of pauses is not the end of my thought” so they actually increase in the presence of a person you think will cut you off
guess which group does the most cutting off and so hears them the most !!
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Current favourite example of structural ambiguity
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🚨 Announcement Time 🚨
I'm now the Resident Linguist
@WIRED
, writing a column about internet language!
Here's my first column, about "birdsite", "Cheeto" and other creative ways of hiding words in plain sight online 🐦🍊
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wow they finally made a novelty halloween costume i actually want to wear
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day ?? of being stuck at home:
i have decided that the plural of "smoothie" is "smeethie"
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
Everyone has an accent
Yes, even you
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
#LinguisticsSignBunny
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New favourite example of pragmatic ambiguity:
"Have you seen my cat?"
🖼️🐱
"He is not lost, he is just too cute.
Thank you for your understanding."
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Modulo, possibly my favourite obscure English preposition, is especially useful in quarantimes
Definition:
With due allowance for (a specified exception or particular detail)
Example:
Oh yeah, I should be able to do that this fall, modulo the general state of the world by then
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Symbols of the IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) as brands of IPA (India Pale Ale): a thread
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My long-fabled book about internet language is now a real book that I just held in my hands and I do not know, as the proverb goes, if I can even
#BecauseInternetBook
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My book in defence of internet language is available for preorder!
BECAUSE INTERNET: UNDERSTANDING THE NEW RULES OF LANGUAGE is out July 23!
Preorder:
More info:
Want an email when it's coming out?
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I'm telling my kids this is the alphabet
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been hanging out with just linguists for so long that I was like oh yeah voiced and voiceless, that tracks
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ALRIGHT FOLKS
It's the bracket you've been waiting for, the time when we finally figure out how to least confusingly spell the clipped form of "usual"
Vote in the polls below:
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So apparently, when you write a book for
@riverheadbooks
that becomes a bestseller, they make a single-copy print run leather-bound version just for you?
l am stunned and honoured.
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baɪ ði eɪdʒ ʌv θɚti ju ʃʊd bi eɪbl̩ tu tɹænskraɪb ðə neɪmz ʌv pipl̩ ju mit juzɪŋ ði ɪntɚnæʃənl̩ fownɛtɪk ælfəbɛt sow ju rimɛmbɹ̩ haw tu seɪ ðɛm
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just used the phrase "left to our own devices" and future generations are never gonna believe that this phrase meant something other than "each of us on our own phone/computer" are they
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People-ing tip I'm trying to do more:
When you find yourself saying a nice thing about someone to a third party, also message the person and tell them the nice thing! Even if it's been ages!
"I was just telling someone how great your X is and thought I'd tell you directly too!"
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Last Christmas, I gave you a chart
And the very next day, you learned IPA
This year, we'll transcribe without fear
Our clicks will be quadrilabial
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do you want to see beatboxing transcribed into the international phonetic alphabet?
of course you do
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"proper English"
What phrase signals that the person using it doesn't understand your field?
Example: "Computer error."
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man goes to a department store. says he doesn't know whether to pronounce the r in words like "fourth" and "floor". department store clerk says "the treatment is simple. the great sociolinguist bill labov is in town. go ask him what to say." man bursts into tears. "but clerk,"
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Linguistics takes on the "For the better, right?" meme
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One of these shapes is sci fi and the other one is fantasy.
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What do linguists put on top of an ungrammatical Christmas tree?
*
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okay linguistics twitter, where are you sitting?
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And AO3 has solved tagging using a solution that tech companies generally refuse to consider: "Sounds like a hard problem requiring many subtle judgement calls, let's throw a bunch of humans at it permanently and value them highly"
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The linguist urge to analyze someone's language instead of paying attention to what they're saying with it.
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Good King Wenceslo
Good King Wenceslas
Good King Wenceslat
Good King Wenceslamus
Good King Wenceslatis
Good King Wenceslant
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The months of the year (metric system)
Unember
Duember
Triember
Quattrember
Quintember
Sexember
September
Octember
November
December
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Higgledy piggledy
Timothée Chalamet
Has a name meriting
Endless design
Much like his forerunner
Benedict Cumberbatch:
Hexasyllabically,
Easy to rhyme
timothée chalamet is the new benedict cumberbatch in the sense that you can say ANYTHING and we know who you mean. tiffany chevrolet. timpanogos charlemagne. symphony cabernet. jiminy castaway.
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My book in defence of internet language has an official title and publication date!
Look for BECAUSE INTERNET: UNDERSTANDING THE NEW RULES OF LANGUAGE in July 2019!
More info:
Want an email when it's coming out?
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schwa is the spookiest English vowel because any other vowel can become it. it's like a vowel ghost. cədaver skeləton devəl halləween autəmn
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Everyone needs to read Deborah Tannen on high involvement vs high considerateness conversation styles, I swear it's SUCH a gamechanger no matter where you are on the spectrum
(also a high involvement person here!)
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My book in defence of internet language can be in your hands now!
Get BECAUSE INTERNET: UNDERSTANDING THE NEW RULES OF LANGUAGE wherever books are sold!
Order it here:
Want an email for any future book-related events?
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My conclusion, in three points:
1. I hope this thread has cured you of your impostor syndrome. If shoddily cited nonsense like this can get published by a reputable company, think about all the great things that you, a person who can tell how nonsense it is, can do!
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"but gretchen, if six score was a hundred, what did they call five score, aka The Number Previously Known As A Hundred?"
don't worry my friend, this number was known by the extremely logical name of "tenty"
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it has come to my attention that the chinese translation of Häagen-Dazs ALSO has a spurious umlaut on it
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yes hi i wrote a book about this very thing and it's more complicated than that
apparently young people feel that full stops are threatening or angry and messages are friendlier without them bunch of wimps
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Dear City of Montreal,
Please put more salt on the sidewalks.
They taste bland when I fall.
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this,,,,,is not entirely false
legacy end punctuation rules
? - question
. - statement
! - exclamation
- grammatically incorrect
updated end punctuation rules
? - exclamation
. - only nerds use these
! - statement
- question
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Linguists, I repeat, are REALLY NOT KIDDING when they say that language enables you to understand sentences that have never been said before in the entirety of human history
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Previously, in the genre of photo captions using directional parentheses to create humourous implicatures
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This is the original snake fight thesis defense article which inspired the fanfiction, in case anyone needs it
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Let's say there's something you really really like, a book or movie or tv show or podcast or even just another twitter account
And you don't think enough other people are appreciating it
So you wanna fix that
This is an advice thread on how to write an effective rec tweet
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Nobody:
Me: internet language has its own patterns and conventions, take for example the imaginary constructed dialogue style which allows the writer to explore tensions within themself, such as the desire to say something set against the fear that no one cares
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This is a public service announcement that you can now get an International Phonetic Alphabet layout in GBoard (the default Android keyboard), including a dizzying array of diacritics
Update app, longpress on the spacebar, add language (longpress spacebar again to switch to it)
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just to be clear, this is a self-portrait
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Ah, the infinite creative power of language!
For example, internet denizens of July 2020 suddenly all became capable of parsing the word "cakerolled"
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people: you're in xkcd!!!
me: no I don't think you understand, I'm inside the stomach of the Eldritch Spirit of the Brown One (it's very cozy in here and the wifi is surprisingly good)
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Very excited to announce that there's going to be a
@TheCrashCourse
Linguistics mini-course coming out at some point in 2020!
Even more excited to say that I'm involved, along with
@superlinguo
and
@jessgrieser
!
There's a lot going on with Crash Course, and it's been a while since we've checked in with you all! Here's what's happening now and coming soon:
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I am extremely here for Beowulf with social media slang
Beowulf is one of the oldest surviving works written in Old English, a language most English speakers today would fail to decipher.
Why not try this exciting revisionist translation, infused with feminism and social media slang, reviewed by
@NewYorker
?
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psst: if you're excited for Crash Course Linguistics, you MIGHT want to keep your eyes peeled tomorrow, I'm just saying...
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I fail to see the problem here.
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Is your child texting about linguistics?
LOL: Language Or Life
OMG: Okay More Grammar
WTF: Whisper That Fricative
FFS: Fun, Fun Syntax
LMAO: Language Makes Arrival Outstanding
BTW: But That Whorfianism
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ideas are green
And colourless too
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If someone wanted to translate "All Star" into Old English, "hey now" could probably be translated "hwaet"
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tired: a language is a dialect with an army and a navy
wired: a language is just some dialects in a trenchcoat
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i can't stop reading this aloud
🐘 🐢
🐘 🦊
🐘 🐢
🐘 🐂
🐘 🐢
🦄 🐁
🐘 🦄 🦄 🏠
🐘 🦄 🏀 🐸
🦄 🐘 🎷 🐕
🎷 🐕 🐢 🦄 🥚
🎻
🧸
🪛
🦵
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There are certain verbs in English which are intransitive except for when the object is derived from the verb itself ("cognate objects")
For example, "sleep"
🙂 I slept the sleep of the just
🤯 I slept a nap
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┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓
┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃
┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃
ALL LANGUAGE VARIETIES ARE VALID
┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃
┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃
┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛
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When a non-linguist tries to correct my grammar and I come back with a dozen citations
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you'll be like "i know a spot" and then linguists will be like "oh that's interesting, can you say "spot" again for me, do you have the spot-spought merger"
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Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume?
Me: it's a glottal stop, the sound in uh-oh or some pronunciations of water and bottle, produced when your vocal cords (more accurately vocal folds) completely stop the air from going through and then release---
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Why is it important that people know that learning a language isn't just about looking up and translating one word at a time, but actually have, you know, grammar?
Well,
Almost every article on Scots Wikipedia is written by one American teenager, who does not speak Scots and is just writing English in an "accent".
If you have a multilingual language model, this fakery might be your _entire training data_ for Scots
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new favourite example of structural ambiguity
(specifically, anaphor referent ambiguity!)
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By age 35 you should be able to pronounce all the sounds depicted in the International Phonetic Alphabet (except, of course, for the shaded areas, which denote articulations deemed impossible)
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Because Internet (2019)
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