Grandmaster Trash: Exact Trash Only 🇮🇪 🇵🇸
@ExactTrashOnly
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Following
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Statuses
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Illegal slam poetry and networking opportunities
He/Him/sir, PLEASE leave
Joined October 2020
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Pinned Tweet
No, I don't "make" her cum, she's her own person. She can cum if she wants to, which she doesn't I guess
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@spencergh2
@zBiggerFish
@guy_freire
Market: down 90% and falling
NFT bros: You don't get how it works bro please man just buy this monkey cmon please
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Hagrid: You're a wizard Harry!
Harry: Wooow!😃
Hagrid: Slavery is legal here
Harry: Cool, I'm literally going to own slaves and become a cop😎
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@angel_0f_deathx
@GBBranstetter
Wow, disrespectful much? They are not an "unchecked pedohpile ring," I checked and it's definitely full of pedophiles
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Sure, Elon Musk may have illegally defrauded investors and had to resign as CEO. & sure, he told cops that a whistleblower was a dangerous mass shooter
and OKAY he illegally blocked unions & used blood money to pretend to be a tech guru and called a guy a pedophile. Yeah, he -
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@krazy5abi
@HeshComps
@Bornakang
the flavors and sauces fall in between the NOOKS AND CRANNIES BRO WISE UP FFS
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It's fine for guys to refer to women as "females," but its also fine to follow those guys and narrate their lives like a nature doc
"The male opens the fridge and sighs"
"The male turns around to see who's narrating him"
"Scared and unfuckable, the male retreats to his chambers"
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Frog: I don't understand, why did you sting me? Now we'll BOTH drown
Scorpion: You don't understand economics. Stinging you actually creates JOBS. This sting will trickle down the river & birth a new era of prosperity. Big Tobacco paid me 15 million scorpion dollars to sting you
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Post-nut clarity but the nut is capitalism and the clarity is just bow-hunting rich people in the streets
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@spencergh2
@zBiggerFish
@guy_freire
Getting suckered by a monkey-based pyramid scheme 😂
Fr though nice joke, let me know if you need to borrow some money man
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@CryptoHotep
@Bornakang
nah they pay him for these tours (either to flex online or, in this case, to help with the sale).
If you ask a random rich person in the street to tour their house on the spot, they are going to tell you to fuck off lol, these interviews are always staged and pre-arranged.
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My whole life I busted my ass. Every day, I woke up and started ass-busting. ANd you know what? All I have to show for it is my goddam busted ass.
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@Twitawoo8
everyone's worried about the portal and not the GIANT FUCKING HAND COVERING THE PLANET??!
i smoke crack and live in the sewer btw
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A horse walks into a bar and pulls out a mac 10
"Put the money in the saddlebag!"
Everybody screams
The bartender just fills the bag with napkins and the horse leaves
Moral of the story? Horses don't know what money looks like, you can financially exploit and scam any horse
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@MNateShyamalan
idk I guess that sounds PRETTY ON BRAND ACTUALLY
Hagrid: You're a wizard Harry!
Harry: Wooow!😃
Hagrid: Slavery is legal here
Harry: Cool, I'm literally going to own slaves and become a cop😎
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@Willi__Vanilli
There ain't no holla back from THIS window to the walls to the sweat drip balls 💯🙏🤲😩
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@lesbiaudrey
eyy, a stappa-da google a Martin Tripp, why-a you looka him!! Gabbagool!!
Sure, Elon Musk may have illegally defrauded investors and had to resign as CEO. & sure, he told cops that a whistleblower was a dangerous mass shooter
and OKAY he illegally blocked unions & used blood money to pretend to be a tech guru and called a guy a pedophile. Yeah, he -
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@TheOnion
I don't have internet, I'm just taking mushrooms and hammering keys on a broken laptop in a shipping container
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Yeah so the Italians sent a Welsh dude to kill "snakes" in Ireland and now the cops in America wear Scottish kilts and play Scottish bagpipes in a big parade about alcoholism
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The public: "Cops need more training!"
Me: "Yeah!"
The public: "They need to study for 2 years!"
Me, tying cops to train tracks as the stream engine approaches: "Ooooohhh I see"
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@dril
Oh great, I didn't know that wint was WOKE and JACKED and GREASED UP BIG HOG DADDY MOTORCYCLE RIDE WITH THE OPEN JACKET CHEST HAIR 🙄
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Me: It's called blockchain. It's basically an excel spreadsheet stored on different computers and you cant delete any of the info
Investors: Interesting. I notice you've also set the Amazon rainforest on fire and drowned 1 million penguins in crude oil
Me: Yeah thats part of it
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Me: I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer
Reverend Mother: Good
Me: Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration
Rev Mother: Yes
Me: Fear is Le Petit Mort
Rev Mommy: No
Me: Fear is the post-nut spooky times
Her: Stop
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@josephblosef
@bIoach
Are you honestly being serious right now? This app man, I swear.
Dude obviously they CAN'T move the post look how insanely sturdy it is (they should put up a warning sign though, people do be crashing into it a lot)
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If you're 20 - 30 and your inner circle isn't frequently discussing:
- Greasing yourselves up
- Wriggling through the small gaps in the pavement
- Navigating to the hidden catacombs that lie below
- Communing with the Faceless Statue
Find a new circle soon, else darkness comes
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Once bought street wine at 3am, no corkscrew or pen on me
A stranger said "gimme your shoe, I know a trick to pop the cork out!"
He put the bottle in my shoe, smashed it on the wall, gave me my shoe full of broken glass and wine and said "sorry man I'm really drunk"
Legend
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@darth_erogenous
Hell yeah, making that paper
My whole life I busted my ass. Every day, I woke up and started ass-busting. ANd you know what? All I have to show for it is my goddam busted ass.
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@lharley13
Terrified at the cost of living? Bills and family got you down?
Then you'll LOOOOVE alligators! Come on down to the mangroves in the dead of night and look delicious and you'll save THOUSANDS of dollars, days, and soul-crushing social interactions
Find YOUR alligator today!
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Pussy got me speaking in ancient and forgotten tongues, eyes rolled back into my head, palms raised skyward and body hovering a foot off the ground as rainclouds swirl darkly overhead
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@TheAndrewNadeau
Something beginning with... A
(*sigh* is it a bunch of - )
Yeah it's a bunch of pals hanging out being buds again
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Mania: I am a horny invincible gambling genius made of cocaine💪
Depression: toothbrush too heavy this week😕
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What people need to remember about JK Rowling is that her name is literally JK(!) She's just a lil' jokester, always joshing around with everyone
Just a hate-filled, cantankerous lil' goofball
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"you should touch grass" bro we live in a simulated time-loop harvesting our suffering to sate the hunger of gnostic entities beyond your comprehension. A cybernetic Samsara where transhumanism binds us tighter to the wheel
ToUCh gRaSs bro do you know how stupid you sound
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Apple top jeans. Boots without the fur.
The whole club averted their eyes, for she was taller than the highest tower, an obelisk that absorbed the light of the sun, testament to our hubris and Harbinger of the Final Hour.
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@bizmarkiedesade
@ole_ympia
hhhhnnnggh
Post-nut clarity but the nut is capitalism and the clarity is just bow-hunting rich people in the streets
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Elon Musk's idea guy: OK, what about like, a central hub where users can spend Musk points to receive nutrients?
Elon's Mom: So... a grocery store?
Idea guy: Yeah but this one has like gamer lights on it or something
Elon: I want all the black workers at the back of the factory
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Follow me for more hot takes such as "slavery is bad" and "cops are assholes"🤟
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Deleting my search history in honor of International Women's Day
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Millennials are fucking the economy to death like feral animals
Millennials are sucking the blood from the Dow Jones and teabagging its lifeless corpse
Millennials are smelting banks into molten gold and pouring it down the screaming throat of God
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Sick of all this gender neutral stuff
Switching to gender evil
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Someone pointed out that the Dune song sounds like Eric Cartman saying "All Day, Cookie Dough!"
There, I ruined it, we've ruined it everyone
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Their love was passionate, fragile, and wide-eyed, like a chihuahua confronting a home invader breaking your window to steal your oxycontin
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@NotJoshGeyer
@past2present_x
@fasc1nate
They could and did hide from napalm in the tunnels, one of the reasons why they were so successful in the war
The tunnel system was crazy. Right at the entrance, obviously you're in danger from napalm fires, but the systems were extensive
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My landlord wants to kick my kids to the curb
Why? Because that's what landlords DO
They don't care about your rights
They don't care that your kids are literally every raccoon in the park you could lure back to your studio apartment with uncooked sausage meat
They don't care
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@DaftLimmy
They've got a huge fucking tube, like a literal tube that just goes and goes and goes and when you get inside it they say shit like "you're not allowed to take your pants off in the tube" and "sir we're going to have to ask you to exit the tube"
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Clowns to the left of me. Clowns to the right. I am surrounded. Clowns on the rooftops, laser sights giving away their position. I move through clownless shadows, ever wary
Avoiding the dreaded alley clowns, I get to my car and turn the key. Behind me: "Honk."
I am already dead
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Running out of breath during sex and heroically telling her to "go on without me"
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@PleaseBeGneiss
"One day, all that we have built will be ROFLstomped by wild boars get rekt italians lmao"
- Julius Caesar, circa his "back on my bullshit" era
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@zBiggerFish
@guy_freire
um that's not how NFTs work man you have to go to the rainforest and set 9 gallons of gasoline on fire and make a wish on the magic monkey and THEN you lose $350,000
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If Kermit the Frog won't fuck that pig, I will
Sick of nothing ever getting done around here
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I'm not the girl you'll end up marrying, I'm a tiny frog in a tuxedo and you have to solve my riddles three or the ambien will never wear off
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My friend & I once dressed as Mormons, got drunk and high on MDMA, called ourselves "Elder Norman's Formal Board of Normal Mormon Moral Order," & tried to sell people on the street tickets to a spaceship to heaven
Almost nobody got we were joking, which says a lot about Mormons
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Gay pride month? What's next, gay city hall meetings? Gay news channels on a gay TV set?
Gay kissing over at my house and everyone's invited?
Gay bodybuilders wrestling with me in front of the Gay Agenda committee and then we all get naked and fuck?
Outrageous
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What people need to remember about JK Rowling is that her name is literally JK(!) She's just a lil' jokester, always joshing around with everyone
Just a hate-filled, cantankerous lil' goofball
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Sure, go ahead. Relegate me to the edges. Cast me out, a pariah.
But this cartoon horse NFT is my wife, and I have the blockchain-powered sex tape to prove it
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Every morning I get up at 2, shower with my suit on to save soap, & jog down the interstate to my office under the bridge.
I stand with my coworkers in our dripping suits and our extreme teeth chanting THE ECONOMY, THE ECONOMY
At 1, we fire each other and freebase the US dollar
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Mentally collapsing under the weight of having to answer the phone
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@DrakeGatsby
not me man I'm totally fine
Mentally collapsing under the weight of having to answer the phone
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If the Rich Wet Man had simply worked harder, he could have afforded a safer vessel
We can't help every Rich Wet Man lost in colossal darkness, lest they start to look for handouts
The invisible tentacles of the free market will save the Rich Wet Man
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Sure, go ahead. Relegate me to the edges. Cast me out, a pariah.
But this cartoon horse NFT is my wife, and I have the blockchain-powered sex tape to prove it
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"bABiEs haVe nO oBJecT PeRMaNenCe"
ok, well name a permanent object. u can't
time is a vast ocean and we are all of us adrift in the unfathomable tides of destruction
who's the baby now?
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Superhero stuff sucks ass. Imagine getting special powers and just basically becoming a cop about it
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@dril
I don't care man, all I care about is hog-wild violence and getting my dick slammed in the printer tray
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@erehy17
@saraebushh
@BlackySpeakz
Dealer: Hey buddy, here's your gun!
Me: Thanks, see ya!
Dealer, whispering: The magazine is loaded with nuclear hand grenades tho OK see ya 😘
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George Lucas: So I wrote a story about a psychic guy on a desert planet where they farm moisture and travel in sand crawlers and there's a drug called spice and the guy and his sister bring down the galactic empire 😃
Frank Herbert: I'll kill you man I'll kill your whole family
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Yeah I like Dune... Dune your mom!
Like, fucking your mom
Me and your mom are fucking.
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@BethanyS24
@TheWallyChamp1
@vibenforfree
I took it as meaning "you are a good person for doing something for the sake of kindness and not filming it as many people would these days" but who tf knows on this app tbh 😂
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@Femboi_Canis
Yup, new Harry Potter a WHOOOOLE lot like the old Harry Potter though in fairness
Hagrid: You're a wizard Harry!
Harry: Wooow!😃
Hagrid: Slavery is legal here
Harry: Cool, I'm literally going to own slaves and become a cop😎
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Damn girl do you sit and contemplate the mysteries of the universe with that ass
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"How's about you and me blow this joint and cruise the financial district for some of that goblin pussy?"
"Senator, your mic is still on"
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I fed an AI thousands of chili cheese dogs and it just kept eating them and eating them, and I was there rubbing its belly saying "you're getting so so big and heavy for daddy" and anyway the government said they're cutting off my internet
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Stop doxxing Stonetoss guys it's not "cool" and it's not "funny" and it's not "really really cool and funny" 🙄
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Javier Bardem: I will learn the Fremen language so well I can almost improvise lines
Austin Butler: I will watch all Stellan Skarsgård movies & talk just like him
Zendaya: I will talk in my thick Californian accent fuck you
Christopher Walken: Fuck you Im Walken here fuck you
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@TheOnion
My biggest clue my girl was a Selkie was when she started gnawing at all the human bones strewn around my lair and sucking the marrow out, and I was like "damn shawty, OK"
And she was like "I am literally a seal"
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"You don't even seem that mentally ill!"
Thanks, 90% of my energy is consumed by masking it and I use the other 10% on memes
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I predicted this. Bow to me.
When the Gator Christ emerges from the swamp to preach his sermon, all must prostrate in the dirt before him, his guttural growls the Holy Truth, his loving touch the One Salvation
But please ensure that it is Gator Christ and NOT just a random alligator!! People keep doing that
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@MNateShyamalan
you can dress like a sexy nurse any time of the year, but that didn't stop me getting fired from the hospital (I worked security)
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Told my a-hole cousin the schools are now calling it The Roman Thempire and he got so pissed he popped a blood vessel in his eye
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@lesbiaudrey
eyyyy, spaghetti noises! I get a grandissimo loan from papa mia and name-a my job "Chief Engineer", even-a though I never a-studied engineering, ohh!
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Well, well, well. If it isn't two incandescent humanoid creatures shimmering in my corn field telling me to be not afraid
Get back to the other side of the property line, jerkoffs
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I don't want Alexa or Cortana. I want a busted-up bluetooth speaker called Jersey Frank and when I say "Frank I want to know the weather forecast" he says "Oh yeah? well I want you should FUCK yourself how's that for weather forecast"
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@humanperzeus
@CensoredMen
Idk, maybe. The guy threatened to have his parents in Egypt abducted and tortured by secret police (looks like he wasn't charged for that), so odds are the vendor is concerned about blowback as well.
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@bartleby_era
I once saw someone picking up random cigarette butts off the ground and putting them in his pocket until he had enough to roll into a new cigarette (it was me)
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got approved for a mortgage but idk if I'm ready to stop pouring grease down the sink tbh. Where is it supposed to go
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The allegations of me not being down to clown are false and slanderous.
I am always down to clown. It is fucked up and irresponsible how down to clown I always am.
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See a hot woman in the fruit section. "Let's get ready to pluuumble!"
She leaves through the vents in disgust. The manager is crying. Everyone is throwing big fruits at me and beating me up
"Did you know that strawberries aren't actually a fruit?" I am being shot at by snipers
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Kids: it's crazy how Santa can visit every house in the world in 24 hours
Guy whose job it is to wind up all the spiders at night to make them go: I know, so crazy
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Used to be the Internet would go *krrrsh* SKREEEEEE *breep bop bloop blop* when you turned it on and you'd spend half an hour downloading a quarter of a boob until someone called the landline
Now I can use bitcoin to buy a queef in a jar from the comfort of my own dystopian hell
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Just broke the fourth wall during sex
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No, the email did not find me well
It found me hunkered over a fallen elk, draped in furs and the smiles of my ancestors, stubbornly jamming an ergonomic chair under the door handle in the break room
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The camera on my phone won't zoom in far enough to take a dick pic, so I tried to use the "Zoom" app and just got fired from work instead
Big Tech Censorship is killing this brave nation of ours
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Craftbrewereigh is a beautiful name for a girl
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@Bombadilllo
Google (should have said Chairman rather than CEO though - hard not to make a mistake with such a rap sheet!)
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My toxic trait is lead poisoning
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Neo: So what are you trying to tell me? I live in a phone?
Morpheus: No, Neo... I'm telling you the feds are after my leather daddy pills. Quickly, eat this floppy disk - I need you to learn how to breakdance.
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