Daniel H.
@DanieltheWitz
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LA guy living in the nation’s capital | Lawyer ⚖️ | @AUWCL ‘23 | @Tulane 🌊 ‘18 | Somehow very cold all the time | 🏳️🌈 he/him
Washington, DC
Joined May 2014
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*resists the the urge to make a beach pun/joke for my caption*
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“My son can’t be gay. He’s obsessed with women.”
The women:
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I failed as a gay man by not posting my haircut yesterday so here’s my redemption post
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I now have a phone with front-facing portrait mode for the first time ever, and I’m sorry to say that I’ll be making that everyone else’s problem for the foreseeable future
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When you learn most of DC got to go home because of snow, but you gotta stay in the office and work
#snowday
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Thanks DC for making me wear a sweater in May. I’ll never understand how the weather works here…
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I sent my mother a mirror selfie of the outfit I was wearing for headshots once AND SHE PUT THE MIRROR SELFIE NEXT TO THE HEADSHOT IN HER DIGITAL FRAME FOR ALL GUESTS TO SEE 😭😭😭
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Got some pretty awesome new headshots when I took my grad photos ☺️
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And the dentist said I’m cavity-free!I’m really winning today 😁
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Happy balloon day to me from the airport on the way to a ski trip! 🥳⛷️
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I opened Westlaw on my computer and so I deserve a little Twitter break for that
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I am once again being obnoxious about wearing a shorts/sweater combo
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Almost 8 years 🥰
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Straight friend: ugh can we make it to the metro for the train coming in 5 minutes?
Me: *looks over in gay* depends, can you keep up?
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My bodypump instructor said I did a good job in his class today pls clap
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@ChaseTMAnderson
Maybe he should just travel to another state where he can have the privacy to have dinner without interference? Or would that be too much of a burden? 👀
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You mean to tell me I have to go into the office on a yucky day like today?
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What am I listening to as my pre-kickball championship hype song? (Wrong answers only)
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Wouldn’t be a proper Mardi Gras if I didn’t get caught in the rain carrying a king cake on my commute 💜💚💛⚜️
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Didn’t take my obligatory haircut selfie yesterday so y’all have to settle for a day after pic instead 💇♂️
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I clearly forgot what it’s like to be on a gay kickball team because a lot of people were confused when I said I wanted to go home at 8:30 on a Wednesday night instead of stay out and drink more
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Corporate shill
If Starbucks thinks they can trick me into going and spending more money on a specific day just because I’ll earn extra rewards then they are absolutely correct
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Update: we made it through!
Engorged myself last night and am preparing to walk to bodypump in the rain let’s see how this turns out…
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Y’all a friend sent me this absolute gem from 2018 and I can’t 😭
(And yes I did have a hunch that I’d be engaged to this man ~5 years later)
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No one was in the gym for the public debut of my haircut so here
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Physically, I’m at the gym on a Friday afternoon of a holiday weekend…
Mentally, I’m thinking about the drink I’m going to have when I get home
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We did it, Joe!
I’ve been waiting too long to go back to New Orleans to post a corny pic with my friends for my Insta story captioned “We’re so back 💚💜⚜️”
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Making great progress at work (found out where the coffee in my office building is)!
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Made my first gym appearance since my finals/holiday hiatus, and it’s safe to say I am very tired 🥵
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Big day today because I took my first gym BeReal this morning
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Did a bunch of silly little workout classes at my gym and won this neat hoodie for it ☺️
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Sorry I couldn’t make it into the office on time today my bed was just too cozy
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The Wednesday morning classroom lighting really highlights my haircut 💇♂️
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I got a few compliments on my sweater at the airport, which will make the next six hours a touch more bearable
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Former President Trump plans to sue Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, raising the stakes in his battle against social media giants who have blocked him.
Read the full complaint:
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It is scientifically proven that a good haircut can make you stronger at the gym. True story 💇♂️💪
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My bf and I are students together again for the first time since college and we just like…do work on the couch or at the table together? Find cute coffee shops to study at like we used to? Like the old days 🥰
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The sexual tension between me and the treat I have on my desk I’m saving for after my last meeting of the day with my supervisor 🫦
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Happy to report to all the strangers in my phone that I will not be unemployed after I take the bar this summer 🤗
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I met my soon-to-be husband in a poli sci class ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
do you believe you are capable of love despite having a degree in political science?
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For the first time in over three years, I do not have the insane “I’m sure there’s more work I could be doing right now” mentality. No, there is nothing to do. I’m turning my brain off until my job starts in September.
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@AUWCL
@DavidBJaffe
this is what happens when you give an injured student an ultimatum like this. Are you okay with that?
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Couldn’t avoid the rain on the way home from the gym (feat. titty marks)
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An opportunity to dress up is an opportunity for more up-to-date professional(ish) pics!!!
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Happy Fourth from my childhood bathroom that my parents now partially use as storage
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I’m not gonna stop bitching about Chevron and I don’t know for how long and I will not apologize
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Nothing good can come from a Teams DM on a Friday morning saying, “I have a favor to ask” 🫠
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Them: you better not be a c*nty llama when we get back
Me:
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I’m gonna need employers to stop labeling job openings as “entry-level” if they require some sort of post-law school experience. That’s not entry-level…
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When I cut the sleeves off this shirt I did not think about how cold it was gonna get so here’s to a new season where I can cut off my sleeves and be relatively more comfortable
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Only person in this classroom because my prof moved tonight’s lecture to zoom and I couldn’t get home in time in between classes due to
@wmata
delays. You can see how amused I am…
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Oh you’re circling back on that now that it’s the new year? Kinda toxic of you to carry last year’s problems into 2024…
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Check on your government lawyer friends today… they could use it 😔
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Can we just abolish cover letters? If nothing else because I continue to find myself in situations where I spot reckless errors for a few I already submitted? 💀
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This week has been incredibly exhausting, so I think I deserve one (1) post-gym post for attention
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Stonewall Kickball DC playoffs 😎
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Are my muscles growing or has this tank just been shrinking in the wash?
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November 5th, 2023: we are officially one year away from the next presidential election. 🗳️
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You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not up for expanding the circle
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Wouldn’t normally do this, but since he asked here are my obvious extra pounds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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A California boy thankful he’s become obsessed with nice fall sweaters
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