Dani Gomez
@DaniGomezComedy
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Stand-up and improv comedian, Screenwriter. Limb difference advocate. Unabashed Angels fan. [email protected]
Southern California
Joined March 2012
What havoc was this cat wreaking on the streets to warrant a public announcement of his sterilization?.
SNIP SNIP---his name is Muffin and he won't be knocking up any pretty young things anymore. Thanks Operation Catnip in Gainesville, FL.
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Wow, this did crazy numbers. Follow me for more bewildered takes and check out my short film
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My sitcom pilot, Booked Up, is a quarterfinalist in the @bluecatwriters screenplay competition! It is my first pilot and I couldn’t be more proud of it #screenwriting #ScreenwritingTwitter
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Woah!!! My sitcom, Booked Up, has officially advanced to the semifinals in the @BlueCatWriters Screenplay Competition. It is now in the top three percent! This is my favorite thing I’ve ever written and I’m so proud of it. #ScreenwritingTwitter #screenwriting
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Austin Film Festival just sent me an email that I can announce that I was a semifinalist. Only problem: I was not a semifinalist #aff29 #semifinalist #butnotreally
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“Booked Up”, My sitcom pilot, made it to the second round of the Austin Film Festival Script Competition! #aff #austinfilmfestival
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Are we all getting victimized by the old lady bra? 🙋🏼♀️.
This old lady bra that keeps getting advertised to me every other tweet from a spam account is truly a delicious way for this site to go down.
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@judysquirrels You can draw a straight line from JT getting stabbed back to when Danny pantsed him in front of Manny. Degrassi has CONSEQUENCES.
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@rodentsheriff What really confuses me is that we are supposed to spend so much money on skincare and then spend a ton of money on makeup to cover up our skin. I think we’ve been duped.
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@redditships Tell him to watch JT and Liberty’s storyline to see how this decision directly leads to his murder.
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@clippers4life24 @LockedOnAngels Why are you talking to an Angels podcast on a Friday night? Are you lost, bro?.
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@Paralympics @amy_marren @ClaireCashmore @alex_brooker My husband wrote this open letter to Warner Bros after seeing how upset by this appalling portrayal of hand differences very similar to my own:
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@melissavcomedy I absolutely loved it and have been quoting it all week. It was thrilling to see you and Selena killing it. There’s lots of people who appreciate what you’re bringing to SNL ❤️.
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Ableism should be in the same category as racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc. Until then, we are a long way from equity and inclusivity.
"I'd rather be dead than be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life." . This is a direct quote that was said to my face in a work environment, in front of a room full of people. 🧵 1/3
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Every time my husband eats a sandwich he leans back with a big sigh and says “That was the best sandwich I’ve ever eaten.”.
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@KawttonKandii @judysquirrels Danny pantses JT - gets anxiety over his small penis - Manny dumps him - gets w/ Liberty - uses XL condoms due to penis anxiety - it falls off, Lib gets pregnant - baby gets put up for adoption - JT becomes pseudo dad to Mia’s kid because he misses his kid- gets stabbed.
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In Batman Forever Alfred reveals himself to be the tailor of both Batman and Robin’s suits, therefore implying that he is the one hand-crafting the nipples upon them. Dying to see that deleted scene #releasetheschumachercut
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I wrote and directed a short film! Here is the poster! Follow it on Instagram @ifyouhaveanyinfopleasecall
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This is very fun. And not just because I won.
🚨 NEW GAME ALERT 🚨 Meet the Cinematrix, a daily grid-style puzzle ready to reinvigorate your mornings.
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Not aggressive, but she be judgmental af
This is the Elf Owl, the world's smallest owl species.🦉
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Someone hacked into my premium Duolingo account to learn Japanese. Perhaps the most wholesome act of fraud of all time?.
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Told my husband that our Disney couple is Jessica and Roger Rabbit. He’s a statuesque beauty and I’m a short goof who makes him laugh.
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Me when the person in the car I’m supposed to be following drives through a yellow light:
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@igog_1 Haha I don’t feel called out. I understand how one could feel that way. I’ve been growing my natural hair out for a year now and it’s really been a journey with my identity and how I see myself. My scalp is much happier, for sure.
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My short script, “If You Have Any Information, Please Call:” made it to the second round of the Austin Film Fest! #AFF
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One week from today my short film is premiering as part of @ReelFilmFest at Regal Cinemas LA Live. I can't wait to see it on the big screen. Buy Tickets here: Select "Get Tickets" and scroll to Feb 26 - 3:00pm - ACTION / COMEDY SHORTS D-26
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My husband’s new comic is out today!!! Perfect for fathers of daughters and anyone who loves original stories and incredible art #indiecomics #comics.
Redemptor Power Up — my new comic book available now, for Earthling families and readers of all ages, the far-out adventure of one magical little girl and her dear old dad reconvenes! #indiecomics
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Don’t know if anyone was invested in this storyline, but I got the sandwich because I am weak.
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Who wouldn’t feel romantic with this guy screaming at you?
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My short film “If You Have Any Information, Please Call:” is screening this Thursday, March 7 at the brand new Morgan Freeman Theatre located at Los Angeles City College. The screening is free and starts at 6:30.
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I wrote, produced, directed, and edited a 19-minute short film and making the end credits might break me.
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Don’t care what the Bat Bros say, Val Kilmer was a great Batman and maybe the best Bruce Wayne.
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@33redballoons @BBCTheOneShow @gwenstefani @paulineblackOBE @TheSelecter She’s talked about The Selecter several times.
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@jeremypgordon The Girl He Used To Know by Tracey Garvis Graves also does this. First 3/4 of the book is your standard “old flames reunite” story the BAM we’re right in the middle of 9/11.
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Being a person who is both hard of hearing and an enthusiastic eavesdropper is my biggest tragedy.
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Listened to @GHardstark on a podcast say everyone in Orange County is like Real Housewives and Laguna Beach. Girl, you realize Orange County is 34% Hispanic and 21% Asian? You’re categorizing this large, diverse population by your bad experience in IRVINE back in the 90s.
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@igog_1 20 years with some months of being pink here and there, and I died my hair brown for three months when I was 20.
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Hey @RepMGriffith I can’t wait to donate to your opponent when you’re up for re-election based off your horrific, offensive, and degrading arguments against the #EnsuringLastingSmiles act.
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As a fellow human with EEC I really appreciate Jen’s thread explaining the condition. I do not have many of these symptoms, but I have others not listed. Sometimes it feels isolating and lonely but I am very grateful for the life I’ve had #rarediseaseday2020.
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@mariskreizman Can't believe no one has brought up that Peter Gallagher's character in "Sex, Lies, and Videotape" is named John Mulaney.
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“Blonde” is not a biopic. It is a movie based on a fictional novel loosely based on Marilyn Monroe’s life. It needs to stop being treated as something it’s not.
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Based on how Apollo Creed reacts to hate mail in Rocky II, gotta say I do not think he’d cope well with trolls on Twitter.
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Wow! Thanks for all the support! I went a long time without writing and it’s great to feel like I made the right choice to pick it back up #ScreenwritingTwitter.
My sitcom pilot, Booked Up, is a quarterfinalist in the @bluecatwriters screenplay competition! It is my first pilot and I couldn’t be more proud of it #screenwriting #ScreenwritingTwitter
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@paprikasegg @punished_cait The average dental plan doesn’t cover dental implants. Even the ones that do have a maximum that does not come close to covering it. I don’t agree with the person’s statement and I’m not defending his point of view.
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Why does my laptop lose energy when it’s be sleeping for hours. I don’t wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. Never mind, I totally do.
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I worked out three days this week and yet I’m not ripped 🧐 Curious.
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If kids just aren’t going to trick or treat anymore, can we make adult trick or treating a thing?.
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Maybe they didn’t feel the need to warn you because that person’s missing hand is not a big deal to them. This interaction was probably 2 seconds of awkwardness and your reaction is where the problem happened. Most grown adults can handle that there are different kinds of people.
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Why does the guy from Ground Control get so annoyed when Major Tom asks him to tell his wife he loves her very much.
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Ladies, if you make it to Monday without your man asking you, “What are you Dune this weekend?” leave him.
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I enjoyed The Batman a lot but the amount of people on here acting like it’s gonna cure cancer is making me hate it a little.
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@ThickFlair Maddie once asked Rob if we could hang Christmas Lights and he said “or I could just mail my paycheck to California Edison”.
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This scene makes me cry laugh every time.
The year is 1997. This moment is seen by millions. Comedy has finally been invented. Watch The full Austin Powers trilogy now on Netflix!
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My algorithm seems to think I’m an Emmy voter, so this is me declaring that no amount of my consideration will help your TV show beat Succession.
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Yes, please.
Rocky Balboa is an underdog known for snatching victory from defeat in the world of boxing, but Rocky 7 can redeem his greatest failure.
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Screening at @LAFILMFEST tonight!!!!!.
Tickets are almost sold out for the showing tonight at the Laemmle NoHo in North Hollywood. @DaniGomezComedy and I are excited to celebrate this film with cast and crew IN A THEATER.
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Saw @marcmaron with @RobertPiluso at the lovely Carpenter Center in Long Beach on Saturday. Great show! Laughed so hard my whole face hurt.
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@RJvibn @goattodd327716 @DodgersNation @DodgersExplicit @latsondheimer There’s less traffic to get to Angels Stadium from there 👀.
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Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I’ve got. I’m still .I’m still. suffering from anxiety.
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Oh, great. They’re organizing.
An unusually large pod of orcas for Northern California — roughly two dozen — was spotted by a whale watching tour off the coast of San Francisco, possibly gathering to celebrate a successful hunt for sea lions or seals.
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The relentless optimism of screenwriting Twitter and the borderline nihilism of comedy Twitter really cancel each other out on my feed.
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Didn’t realize the most relatable thing in Lion King would end up being that part in “Circle of Life” where they say “more to do than can ever be done.”.
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I will never forget this. It is second only to the scene where JLo sniffs a cookie because her ex-husband said his mistress smelled like one.
Once again thinking about the time in The Boy Next Door (2015) when the titular boy gives J. Lo a “first edition” copy of the The Iliad
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My thoughts and prayers to my Wordle friends. Seems like you guys are going through it today.
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My stepdaughter wanted to be Mystique so @RobertPiluso and I delivered! #mystique #xmen #halloween2019 #Costume @Marvel
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My favorite Star Wars subplot is the one in Empire where Chewie is desperately trying to fix things but no one lets him finish.
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Let me take a moment to blow your mind: Michael Shannon is in Groundhog Day. Yes, THE Michael Shannon.
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A really great thread that captures the moment.
The whole “Creator” fuckery yesterday was such a crystallizing moment. Not because it was such a clear picklebrained corporate boondoggle that it violated multiple contracts, pissed off everyone, & forced an embarrassing retraction. But because of what it said about this moment.
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“And as he poured me a bowl of Honey Nut ‘BFF’ Cheerios, I couldn’t help but wonder, when did serial monogamy turn into cereal rejection?”
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