Kirsten King
@KirstenKing_
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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Feature film CRUSH now on Hulu. Repped at 3arts + UTA for Film&TV and The Bent Agency for books!
Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2009
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A man on the street just looked at me and said "what a natural beauty. Not wearing all that crap makeup"
I'm wearing:
Primer
Foundation
Dark spot corrector
Mascara
Eyebrow pencil
Highlight
Finishing spray
And a "natural shade" matte lipstick
Men are dumb.
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Whenever I'm stressed I look up pics of people selling mirrors and it soothes me.
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cop: do u know how fast you were going?
me:
cop: I hope you don’t drive like that with your kid in the car.
me: ??
*cop motions to the ‘baby on board’ sticker*
me: oh no... I’m...
cop:
me: I’m...
cop:
me: I’m baby.
cop:
me:
cop:
me:
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If anyone needs 2,000 words on Aubrey Plaza’s eye contact let me know
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If I’m:
Dating a woman - I’m still bi.
Dating a man - still bi.
Dating a nonbinary person - still bi.
Dating a trans person - still bi.
Not dating anyone - still bi.
Sleeping - still bi.
Eating - still bi.
Looking at Rachel Weisz - very bi
Dead - still bi, but also dead.
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Abbott Elementary is fully my comfort TV now and I can’t wait for 10 more seasons.
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the moment
@AOC
slowly rolls her chair around and smirks in satisfaction at Katie Hill reading this man to filth is going to get me through the next month.
.
@GileadSciences
paid its former CEO $180 mil, while making billions in profit from lifesaving HIV drugs that are unaffordable for people who need them. The kicker: those drugs were developed using tens of millions of TAXPAYER dollars.
And someone needed to call 'em out. 🗣️
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A man cat-called me on the street today and I said “what??” three times, pretending I didn’t hear him, so he had to repeat it. The third time, he finally said “nevermind, sorry” and I’ve gotta say it was v satisfying.
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911
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Reminder: Every single person posting
#WhyIDidntReport
is reliving their trauma to try and teach folks to extend long overdue empathy and protection. The folks posting are only a drop in the bucket – so many people aren't (and may never be) ready to relive that trauma.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not in love they’re just on a skateboard
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The most unrealistic part of "Ginny and Georgia" and "Maid" is that everyone does not immediately lose their minds over Raymond Ablack. give me a rom-com with this man ASAP. let me WRITE a rom-com with that man ASAP.
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me: why am I shaking?
body: prob the three cups of coffee
me: maybe I have a rare genetic mutation?
body: or it’s the caffeinated gasoline u pump in ur stomach every day
me: is this how Spider-Man felt?
body: I give up
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Bi folks: please respond to this thread if you have had purple or blue hair at a point in your life. Trying to see something. I’ll start-
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I see *lots* of folks who worked on LGBTQI issues, women's health, tv/film representation, and mental health being hit in these BuzzFeed layoffs. These are people who dug into their own experiences and (sometimes trauma) for content and they deserve better than a 3AM email.
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therapist: And what do we do when we feel like that?
me: use it in a script
therapist: no
me: blog about it
therapist: no
me: a tweet
therapist: kirsten
me: put it in my notes app to use later
therapist: get out
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I’m sorry but it’s going to take a lot for me to stop tweeting about CRUSH, the very gay rom-com I wrote with
@caseyrackham
coming HULU April 29th. Y’all are not ready for this CHEMISTRY.
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I went from writing fanfic like a thirsty little teen to getting paid to write an incredibly queer screenplay. Don’t let anyone tell you your outlets are dumb.
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me eating an Entenmann's donut completely alone in my apartment after 37 hours of The Great British Bake Off:
Me: Nice color on that. Good powder finish
*breaks off a piece*
Me: Let's see how it tastes though
*takes a bite*
*Paul Hollywood pause*
Me: That's a perfect bake
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Arya: Loses virginity, gets dragonglass dagger from hot bf, saves entire realm
Me: Loses virginity, gets dollar menu chicken nuggets from high school boyfriend, zero impact on realm
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Happy
#BiVisibilityDay
. Here's my favorite parts of our culture:
- nose rings
- inability to sit in chairs
- bob haircuts
- "should i dye my hair blue again?"
- Sylvia Plath
- cuffed jeans
- going to Warped Tour as a teen
- Vanessa Carlton
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What's the nickname your friends call the worst person you ever dated? Mine's Cocaine Greg. No further explanation necessary.
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if you dye your hair a bright color during quarantine you're bi i don't make the rules sorry
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My dad told me he is voting for trump no matter what I, his queer daughter living in a state that is currently burning, says. So yeah I’m drunk!! This tweet doesn’t have a point other than please get people who don’t suck to vote.
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WE WROTE A MOVIE!!! I won’t spoil the ending but I can tell you this: It’s so gay.
@CaseyRackham
@nlyonne
@MayaRudolph
🌈
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me: wow my parents were crazy for buying into religion so hard
also me: it’s wild how I like hot cheetos bc I’m a cancer rising but I don’t like sharing them bc I’m a Scorpio moon but I do anyway bc I’m an Aries sun
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Growing up I used to think I hated pork, chicken and fish but as an adult I now realize my mom was just white.
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@caitylotz
You shouldn’t be playing a queer character on TV if you have such a fundamental misunderstanding of what is at stake for queer folks in this election. You’re sympathizing with a VP who supports conversion therapy and a president who activity discriminates against trans folks.
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Should I write a queer reboot of “My Date With The President’s Daughter” starring Ella Emhoff yes or yes
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I'm constantly terrified of misstepping when it comes to conversations that intersect gender and race, but holy shit more white women need to be talking about and mobilizing against R.Kelly with the same level of outrage we approach men like Harvey Weinstein.
#MuteRKelly
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I’m not feeling well and my boyfriend brought me a heating pad and propped my phone up on a pillow two inches from my face and said “Here. For your TikToks.”
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#ThingsLongerThanBrockTurnersRapeSentence
-- the piece of hair on my ankle i always miss when I shave.
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Get excited to walk ✔️
Only look forward to meals ✔️
Desperate for affection ✔️
Stare when people walk by ✔️
If I get sick it’ll cost a fortune ✔️
Woof woof guess I’m a dog now
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Movie theatre attendant: *puts popcorn under butter machine*
attendant: say when
me:
attendant:
me:
attendant:
me:
attendant:
me:
attendant:
me:
attendant:
me:
attendant:
me:
attendant: I said-
me: Ill say it.
attendant:
me:
attendant:
me:
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man in coffee shop: so what are you working on???
me: I’m doing a piece on unwanted public attention.
man: that sounds so cool where are you writing it for?????
me:
man:
me:
man:
me:
man:
me:
man: ooooooh.
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I don’t know what tv or film executive needs to hear this but you can make more than one queer thing a year
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Tell me how Love Island has a better voting system than the fucking United States government right now
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*takes a bite of a cookie*
My brain:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Me in a Paul Hollywood voice:
that’s a good bake.
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Thank you to anyone who used this thread as a handy way of revealing yourself as someone I should block on Twitter. <3333
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Next time someone asks me why I’m bi I’m showing them this
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*lyft driver puts on Usher’s “Yeah!”*
Lyft driver: is this music ok?
me: oh ya this is fine, thanks.
Narrator: Both Kirsten and the driver knew it was a lot more than just fine. It was perfect.
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Last night in line for the bathroom a woman said to me “what’s your name you stylish little bitch?” and I honestly haven’t stopped thinking about her since.
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I don’t want to join a cult but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be at least ASKED ok
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Despite being extremely careful and isolating, my partner and I contracted covid somehow. I believe we’ll be fine and it’s a mild case but please — whatever you’ve been doing to isolate, consider doing even more. Our hospitals and our healthcare workers cannot handle much more.
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How my back feels normally:
😐
\|/
|
/\
How my back feels on my period:
🥴
\)/
(
)
🔪
)
🗡
(
/\
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My favorite part of being on a trivia team is not contributing anything of substance but just nodding my head and softly saying to the group “yeah, that feels right.”
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Two of my exes re-followed me on Instagram this week which confirms my suspicion that they have a club that meets semi frequently.
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Happy pride month. I'm so lucky to be out and safe– But I owe that to the trans women who risked everything to start this movement (and who were subsequently left out.) Thank you to those who fought for us & let's continue fighting for those who still aren't safe being themselves
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So excited to share the trailer for CRUSH, coming to
@hulu
April 29th. So many incredible folks put their hearts into making this film and I can’t wait to share it with you all. ❤️🧡💛💚💙
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We got a queer love triangle on a billboard and I am screaming crying throwing up
@hulu
@americanhigh
stream
#CrushMovie
April 29th
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me: why am I breaking out
my body: just one vegetable please
me: I really don’t get it
my body: just a sip of water
me: I should do a face mask
my body: honestly just one kernel of corn
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GREENLIGHT GAY STUFF
#HappiestSeason
broke premiere records for Hulu, attaining the best viewership for any original film on the service in its opening weekend and attracting more new subscribers than any other previous feature title
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Whenever I’m stressed I think about how happy Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor are together and it helps a little
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@brokeymcpoverty
this pitch meeting:
boss: what's ~hot~ right now?
ad guy 1: friday!
ad guy 2: squad!
ad guy 3: goals!
kevin: ellipsis!
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Being bi is just thinking every woman and queer person is a perfect beautiful sweet sexy angel baby and like one man in the right lighting is nice
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I don’t know who needs to hear this right now but don’t try to steal the Declaration of Independence
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when you're the least hot planet in the solar system and everyone hits on the other planets first:
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🚨🚨🚨i know why Ariana and Pete broke up. 🚨🚨🚨
They broke up because ... NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION HAVE YOU READ THE CLIMATE CHANGE REPORT WE ONLY HAVE 30 YEARS IF WE DONT STOP BEING GARBAGE UNPLUG UR DAMN PHONE AND STOP EATING MEAT EVERY MEAL
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It’s crazy that some people think ‘snowflake’ and ‘social justice warrior’ are insults. fuck yeah I wanna be a gorgeous natural phenomenon who cares about people????
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me, screaming: HEY ALEXA WHATS THE WEATHER TODAY
my next door neighbor, Alexa: Kirsten can you just buy one already. And 50s. Gonna be cold for LA.
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Just got asked on a date like this so romance is alive and well
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Yah drugs are cool but have you ever made your therapist laugh really hard
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Went off birth control for the first time in 13 years to “level” out and I’m really enjoying my new personality.
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So, anyone know of a good "Game of Thrones" support group?
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911: 911, what is your emergency?
me: YES HELLO ARE U WATCHING THIS??? THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US
911: ma'am
me: SEND SOMEONE OK
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The fact that Daniel Kaluuya and Timothee Chalamet haven't won anything this awards season is truly hot garbage. I'm all set with stories about Winston Churchill yelling winning, thanks though.
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Suspicious packages mailed to:
– Obamas
– Clintons
– CNN
– LA Times
– Kamala Harris
– Maxine Waters
– Debbie Wasserman Schultz
– Eric Holder
This is the result of hate rhetoric. And we should acknowledge and thank the journalists doing responsible reporting through this.
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I love my therapist because when I told her I don’t want to have children she said “congratulations” not “are you sure?”
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Representation matters
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Happy pride. I’m already out as bisexual but this year I’d like to come out as a bisexual stereotype because I do in fact have a crush on most people.
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When you know your crush is gonna be at an event so you put in that extra effort:
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Just a reminder that lots of folks didn’t see my bisexuality as valid until I got into a committed relationship with a woman and that! is! fucked! up!
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Me texting: hiiii can’t wait to see u today :))))))))))
My therapist texting: Yes. You’re confirmed for 4pm, Kirsten.
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This motherfucker got an antiviral cocktail, treatment, and care only available to the richest human beings in the country. Meanwhile the directions from my healthcare if i get Covid is "stay home until your conditions become life threatening." A resounding FUCK YOU to him.
I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!
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I’ve held off from publicly guilting people because at times it feels counterproductive but...
My grandma couldn’t have a funeral, I haven’t seen my family in over a year, I’m likely spending the holidays alone.
Please do the minimum for others. Wear a mask.
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me justifying buying useless shit I don’t need: I want it, i got it. I want it, I got it. I see it. I like it. I want it. I got it.
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Happy almost pride month. Before I was out, I told myself I was fingering girls because I was “a really great ally.”
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Will someone please pay me to make the bi version of John Tucker Must Die we deserve
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Airport employee: At this time all families traveling with infants and small children may board.
Me, cutting in front of several small children:
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I just let a child at the airport braid my hair and when she finished she took a step back, squinted, and said “yeah, much better.”
So 911, help I’ve been read to filth by what appears to be a 4 year old.
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me on a first date: SAY IM A BIRD
date: what-
me: SAY IM A BIRD
date: I just feel weir-
me: SAY IM A BIRD
date:
me:
date:
me:
date:
me:
date:
me:
date: you’re a bird?
me: 😍
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Hello I’m a bisexual on TV and I’m going to fuck your husband, start a fire in your house and ruin your credit score.
Hello. I am also a lesbian on TV. I am played by a beautiful heterosexual woman
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Getting dumped is hard but have you every tried to sell 37 pounds of clothes at a thrift store and watched them go through it with exactly two fingers and pursed lips and not take one single thing
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