B*b L’Ep*nge
@BushEnjoyer
Followers
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Following
389
Media
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Statuses
4,136
That boy’s cornbread ain’t quite done in the middle
Joined November 2020
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@Kellen_the_man
@ianweiner90
Oh you sweet summer child. This is a UK company - thats 35k a year. If only you knew how bad things were….
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@not16cav_
I used to work in an office where the fat bloke sat next to me would crack open a can of Coke at 8.29am every single day and it would fill me with murderous rage. Just the sound of it. I couldnt think of anything else for the first hour. Amazing I managed to stay out of the news
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This what gyppos see when they enter the afterlife like Maximus walking into the Elysian Fields
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What if we kissed in front of the pikey MegaTomb™️
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@jardinsecret888
That show might be the most pozzed cooking show of all time, in a genre already known for it
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@Mochak123
The show is actually about if a cool normal guy and a weird edgelord twitter bloke can ever be friends. And this answer is kind of (but not really), and only via shared employment
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@Jackwoods2020
Lovely landing but Skyvegas slots in the mobile browser is some proper fiending
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The brief moment of brotherhood you have with a stranger when you both agree the Conservative Party must be destroyed for a thousand years and then the slowly dawning horror on their face when they realise which direction you’re approaching it from
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At about 0300hrs last night this asshole brought in the bottom half of a squirrel (tail and two legs) and would not stop meowing loudly about it until I got out of bed and acknowledged it. He’s a real piece of shit
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“It may even have been 7 million actually”
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My missus just said to me “I was worried at one point when we were younger you’d end up in jail for most of our life together but now it’s Saturday night and you’re watching a movie with a blanket over your legs because they were getting cold” it’s over
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A lot of you girls are calling yourselves Catholics on here but if my Nonna knew you were posting candlelit nightgown photos online she would beat your ass with a spoon no cap
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“It’s fucking ridiculous how every fast food restaurant makes you order on an app now, and the food quality has gotten so bad and the service is even worse”
“I make food in a kitchen with my wife”
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My missus trying to convince me to have a baby this year even though we agreed next year
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My spidey sense is tingling on this one chief
I just realized im wearing the same shirt as *that* day. things changed for the better.
I love loving him all on my own and I’ve never felt happier💖
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This is how all women sound to me. I don’t know what any of this means. It’s like one of those pictures that recreates what stroke victims see where you can’t quite pinpoint any concrete objects.
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I ate like a real piece of shit yesterday. A hot dog, fries. TWO milkshakes. Ate like a 5yr old.
On my way to the gym I was thinking, this’ll be one of those days where I surprise myself with a PR. Like “I bet my body needed that”
But no. I feel fucking dreadful, actually!
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The standard British pub menu is in dire need of reform. In no other domain is it so obvious we have lost our way
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Men and women should, ideally, each bring their own particular strengths to a relationship. My partner, for example, is financially shrewd, emotionally intelligent, and devastatingly beautiful. I’m extremely good at tweeting.
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Come on Syd. Give me a break. You have to give me a break
sydney sweeney and maude apatow as the twins from the shining
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It must feel fucking fantastic to return home after a long day as a gay man, lock your doors, pour yourself a drink and not have to do the voice again for a few hours
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Any hot babes passing through Cold Aston, Gloucestershire today that want expertly
#fingering
just drop me a line. I’ll be here til 1500
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I love how all the most recalcitrant fatties were like “its not as simple as just eating less, bigot!” but now they’ve all lost 200lbs each on Ozempic and all it does is make you eat less lol
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Cooking Easter dinner for the in-laws not because I’m a fantastic son-in-law (although I am that), but because I simply don’t trust anyone else in the kitchen. They’ll do it wrong
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Please stop sending me nudes. I don’t want to see your holes or your frankly disgusting bedrooms. I want the new Beretta SL2 over-under sporting 12 gauge. And to be left alone
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You’re a 600yr old country pub in the Cotswolds. You have a fireplace. Why are you serving a “street food inspired” noodle dish
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If you’re a bona fide titsman, you have to have a tolerance for the higher end of the BMI scale. It is simply the way things are. How many size 6s out there in the real world do you think are sporting G-cups? Time to grow up, soldier. This isn’t the Boy Scouts
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By my estimate I must have drank 1.5 litres of straight espresso the other day. I am genuinely not kidding. Apparently she’s been drinking it this way for years. No wonder she’s fucking skinny! She could have killed me fam
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@artisanclark
If it makes you feel any better me and my missus have tried this with like 3 cats of various ages and none of them gave a single shit about it. In fact one of them was PISSED by the whole thing lol
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Things are changing. The Great Wheel is turning once more. Sing, sing, ye brothers of the light.
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She’s even got the Monster Munch Pickled Onion and Twiglets on deck. She never misses. If I don’t get to shag her just one single time I will die
The crisp cauldron has been restocked. More supplies hidden if it needs to be replenished throughout the night, of course
#generalelection
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Looks like she’s put on a couple of pounds here. Might have to institute a Sweeney FatWatch™️ so we don’t get another Lana situation on our hands. Hollywood Bob is monitoring the issue
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@Attractiveincel
I thought I could follow you anywhere, Spiritual Incel. But not here.
Not here, old friend.
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@CarolWrightUK
Carol - to quote my proctologist - “There’s something very wrong with your stool”
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Nothing casual about it
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Hump day, goys! No slacking now.
Israel needs those shekels more than you need a rest.
Always be thinking about Israel
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Sandwiches. They’re coming back in a big way.
You heard it here first
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She got the ick because I was hunched over the sink gobbling mango and nectarines like some kind of deranged fruit bat
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The funniest bit ever is having your diet 100% locked in on priestmode all day - fasting, prayer, water, suffering - and making it all the way to bedtime not a cunt hair over 1300 calories… & then standing at the fridge and hoofing down 1000 calories in a 5 min pre-sleep window
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Palate cleanser
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Interesting movie trivia: that’s not actually Jake Lloyd’s shadow being cast onto the wall behind him, and was instead edited in post as a nod to the character he becomes in the original trilogy, Dark Vader.
#HollywoodMagic
The coolest movie posters of all time - a thread 🧵
1. Star Wars: Episode I (1999)
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Can I say something without everyone calling me a little gayboy
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WRONG!
Jolene is about your woman having a simmering sexual attraction to your side piece borne of jealousy, intrasexual competition and natural female submissiveness. It’s literally a song about how, deep-down, your missus WANTS you to cheat on her with that bird from work
“Jolene” is fundamentally a song about insecurity.
Changing the lyrics from “I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man” to “I’m warning you, don’t come for my man” spoils the song.
It also betrays an even deeper insecurity—the kind you don’t have the artistic guts to expose.
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Reached the age where if I eat anything outside of a small list of food items then I get heartburn and it’s like wow. You were actually supposed to die young in a war like all the feminists say
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@BoyDuibhne
@HumanKinCisHet
@wanyeburkett
He had a gun in case a bunch of violent child molesters attacked him, which they did. So I’d say it was a good call
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Marty Robbins’ hit song “Big Iron” was written about me.
“But Bob, you’re not an Arizona Ranger? You never went to Agua Fria to bring the outlaw Texas Red to lethal justice?”
You fools. You fucking peasants
It’s a metaphor, dumbass! The gun stands for how I’m good at tweeting
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In defence of paintings:
Everything evokes dark nationalistic feelings in me
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Been told by the missus to simply say “I’ve been using the strimmer” when asked where I’ve been rather than “I’ve been edging in the garden all afternoon”
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Imagine if you tickled Sidney Sweeney too much and she peed herself a little bit. What a disaster that would be
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Turkish driver doesn’t speak a lick of the queens but just reached into a cooler and handed me an ice cold beer. Now that’s what you call reading the room
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Absolutely throbbing at this. You know these fucking retards were all there for the BLM shit and climate change and all the other (((legitimate protests))) + are just now finding out what it feels like to go up against the real enemy. Forgive me if I sound less than sympathetic!
ASU senior starts crying after she finds out that she won't be able to graduate after she got arrested for protesting on campus.
Breanna Brocker tells
@bdbrown473
that she won't be graduating because her suspension means she will miss her finals.
"I'm a little disappointed. I'm
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Of course every chef knows they need to have at least a nod towards Britishness so what do they all do? That’s right, the exact fucking same pork belly / crackling / mashed potato dish. If I have to see one more fucking cube of blowtorched pork belly
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I’m obsessed with charcoal grilled meats, unleavened breads, and rice. Spiritually Balkan
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Truly the very worst poster of all time. Incredible really
Wow, steak & eggs with coffee in the morning really feels like a powerup!
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I track all of my female mutuals cycles in a spreadsheet by analysing when they post thirst traps or when they sound unnecessarily confident. This way I can DM them only when they are their lowest points, hormonally, and are thus much easier to manipulate
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Sorry I pissed my jeans but I have ARFID and [12 pints of Stella] is one of my only “safe foods”
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Surely statistically SOME of you just have to be useless divvy cunts. It can’t ALL be trauma surely
A trauma book I was reading had an interesting claim that indecision is often because the person looks for the approval of an internalized authority figure but is unable to predict what action they would approve of.
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Watching Leon and constantly tutting so nobody thinks I find 14yr old Natalie Portman attractive despite my very obvious erection
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However much you hate bouncers I assure you it’s not enough. Total Bouncer Death
Actor Sean Bean getting thrown out of a bar in town by bouncers for vaping 🚭
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It sounds like a joke but this actually causes real pain - physical + psychological. It can really affect QoL + longterm outcomes for these women (not just making this up, I did my PHD on it). Luckily we discovered some great coping strats - please ask them to DM me for more info
Love girls w huge cow tits who act so overburdened by them and complain about them all the time
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Musicians be like hol up, let’s leave a bunch of feedback at the end of this recording for no reason. And also be pedophiles
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I don’t suffer from the soul crushing ennui and alienation that white collar work seems to induce in people because most of the time I am in the office, I am committing fraud
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I feel dreadful. Lol!
Anybody mind if I get incredibly fucked up tonight? No?
Ok great
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Mercury retrograde finishes today. Looking forward to all of you stopping acting like spastics, it was really starting to grind my gears. Don’t let me down now!
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Yeah sex is good but have you ever had your car in the garage and the mechanic ring you and tell you that their previous diagnosis was incorrect and actually the fix is gonna cost 20% of what you were initially quoted
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Food things I’m obsessed with at the moment:
Caraway seeds
Dried porcini mushrooms
Potato and leek soup
Red wine that tastes like soil
White wine that tastes like soil
Beef heart
Dark rye bread
Fennel salami
Pecorino cheese
Japanese pickles
Yeah it’s autumn. It’s autumn now
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Oh I see… Forty minutes ago when I was chopping up pineapple I was “a little gayboy, a little faggot baker boy” .
But now my banana bread has come out the oven suddenly it’s all “the added pineapple was actually a really good idea Bob, can I have another slice?”
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@Merciansaltmine
@DemonHeeled02
@odinradnor14
@Ripley10Dawn
@juice8882
@THoad58491
@JihadOfTheSoul
@surplustakes
Unreal. Grandpa’s off his meds and chasing mentally ill blokes in dresses online. Dirty old bastard
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If you are over the age of 30 and find her attractive here, you are a paedophile
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However much you hate doctors and nurses I promise you it’s not enough
Imagine finding that the midwives spoke about the night you almost died and your son died like this on social media.. this was a post from the labour ward co ordinator the next day. My son was born dead at 2.37am and was being revived for 20 mins and I was being put into a coma.
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The male urge to get absolutely shithoused on a Sunday just because it’s sunny
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Just had to rescue a little chubby mouse from my cat. Ruined my evening to be honest. I managed to get it away alive (for now) but still. Sad ennit. Poor thing
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I’m having a nice little apple, vanilla and chamomile tea with some 80% dark chocolate. In case you cared. Nice combination. I hope everyone is having a lovely evening
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It’s so funny the women still tweeting outrage about the negative reactions to the office girlboss videos. It’s like honey shut your yap and bring Daddy a beer would you? We’re inciting civil war on the TL now try and keep up
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Early to bed tonight everyone. I want to see 110% out there tomorrow. Let’s leave it all on the field, champs. I love you all like children
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Off to the gym. Hope there are no overweight but generously chested brunettes there trying to make positive health changes and perhaps a few new friends along the way. What a disaster that would be
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If I’m ever slow to respond to a message please know it’s because I’m in the middle of pressure cooking carcasses, bones, and other various animal parts for yet another broth of some description
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“Man I’m totally addicted to fent 😔”
“That’s bad shit dude, you need to find help”
“I know 😔”
“Fentanyl has killed so many people already”
“…..What’s fentanyl? I thought it was short for Fentiman’s Traditionally Brewed Ginger Beer™️?”
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A pork pie and mustard with a cellar cool ale is probably in the top 5 culinary experiences to be had worldwide and I’m not just saying that as a rabid nationalist
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George W Bush just announced a global war on pints with the lads. The neocons have to be stopped
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Did the famous “Mexican SquirtOff of ‘99” ever really happen, or is it just another LA myth who’s shadow has grown long over the years? Hollywood Bob investigates….
Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek at the “Dogma” premiere in New York, 1999
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