eel enthusiast
@cheascake
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2,095
Following
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Statuses
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Pinned Tweet
I have been left destitute after sexting over a telegraph with my long distance chimney sweep boyfriend because I keep asking for consent again whenever he says STOP at the end of a sentence.
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Best part of 4th of July is checking air quality over the US before and after to see who partied the hardest
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This goatherd woman has the hardest outfit I've ever seen
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great lakes region always gets crazy with it because all they have to do other than explode things is go to Walmart and have high alcoholism rates.
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I don't get how an air fryer is different from a convection oven in any way except size. why do you need an air fryer
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I used to go "cognitive behavioral therapy sounds stupid how does that even work" and then 2 months ago I started saying every day "I'm so cute and funny and smart and everybody wants me" and now it feels True and I feel Good.
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Make sure to tell the autists in your life you're aware of them this month
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things I have learned:
-an air fryer is a small convection oven
-people have very strong opinions about air fryers
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Having a long distance boyfriend is like trapping a guy who loves you in a cursed amulet
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Sufficiently advanced shitposts are indistinguishable from philosophy
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@alexohireal
don't make me tap the sign
great lakes region always gets crazy with it because all they have to do other than explode things is go to Walmart and have high alcoholism rates.
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Hey I know a lot of you are neets but how do you live and pay rent?? this is a real question
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It's not strep throat, it's just the throat that strepped up.
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IS HE SUBMISSIVE OR JUST AUTISTIC?
𝒶 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇'𝓈 𝑔𝓊𝒾𝒹𝑒
if he:
-avoids eye contact
-fidgets a lot
-uses the 🥺 emoji
Congratulations! He's
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Wake up guys misandry wheel finally dropped reply to be placed
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@HelloCullen
Remember when he said "Mesa BUSTIN with happiness to see you, Ani!!!" And everyone was just like "okay"
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USPS will send u a pack of 100 "cremated remains"
stickers for free. I just ordered like 200
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Imagine inscribing an angry letter into a clay tablet to send to the bastard who sold you shitty copper and then 3800 years later some internet freaks rule 34 your ass and start shipping you with him.
I am, of course, talking about Babylonian crook Ea-nasir and his customers.
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Well. I guess what everyone was joking about isn't really a joke anymore. Someone got pregnant at vibecamp. I just didn't think it was going to be me 😬
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"boys are easier to raise" and "why do there seem to be so many more shitty men than women" are both statements that come from the same place: it's just more socially acceptable to raise boys poorly and neglect their emotional upbringing in ways "unacceptable" for girl children
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I got this yogurt from Kroger bc it's cheap but I looked closer at the packaging today and it does not say yogurt anywhere on the packaging. It says "cultured dairy blend". WHAT LEGAL YOGURT REQUIREMENTS IS IT FAILING TO MEET???
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when I die I wish to be poorly taxidermied and mounted to a remote control car and be set loose at Shakespeare in the park
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The most down bad romantic idiot thing I do is mark the date in my calendar whenever I kiss someone for the first time, just in case it ever becomes a relevant anniversary
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I have this old Romanian coworker who likes to bake and today he came in with these orbular pastries. Issue is when I ask him what they are called he just goes "nothink. they are not called."
then comes back ten minutes later and goes "they are Sweet Balls :)"
thanks king
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You know what a giant ick is. When a guy has to get on top of a chair to turn off the smoke alarm but he's really agile and looks very practiced clambering up onto the chair. 🤔 what has you scrambling up onto chairs so often babygirl
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every day ppl come on here and unironically post about their addictions (alcoholism, drugs, anorexia, addiction to not taking ur meds) to thunderous applause from the high openness crowd & the schizoposters who quite literally cannot tell the difference btwn that and edgy jokes
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everyone is bitching about the wasps at vibecamp as if they are not all girls and fixing the gender ratio. I thought u wanted a gf???
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Twitter doesn't make me happy anymore so I think I will be taking an extended break. Thank you all for your time and attention, it's been fun.
Love, cheascake 💖
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We need to put British people as a whole on trial for what they call whipped cream
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Rwplwcwng wvwrw vwwwl wwth w tw wpprwprwwtw wwlsh cwltwrw
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being on Twitter is like what if you could choose your siblings but the pool of options is 99% 30 year old men who probably owned a telescope in middle school
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The brushes were shitty and the acrylics were worse, but our hearts were pure
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I think I only cried about death once when I was like 7 or 8 and I dropped my sea monkey tank. It was the little plastic kind and it was on a counter to get some sunlight but my parents wanted me to move it. I, being 7 and not knowing better, lifted it by the lid.
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I don't support women's rights!!! I support women's WRONGS!!! Let girls do evil things!!!!
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I was being inducted into a small lesbian polycule for like a month without realizing it bc I thought I was in one of those sleep in the same big bed friend groups
the conversation pit is for slutty polycule friendgroups too cowardly to chill on the king bed
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Sometimes I want to kill this emoji with a rock to see it cry for real. Other times I want to breastfeed it. duality of woman or whatever
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cold hands gf warm hands bf
🤝
thermodynamic equilibrium hand holding
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You may have noticed I changed my display name and profile picture. You may also have seen that I'm "having thoughts on main" now. These coincide for a reason. The pink cat pfp opens me up to a certain level of disrespect (not serious enough, too childish/silly)
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I have a theory that the fundamental violence of stabbing the straw through the plastic is what makes capri suns taste good.
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Thinking about the spiders that infest Mazdas specifically
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I have lost the sheen of a New Interesting Thing, and I can feel how that tires you. It sucks away at me, but it sucks away at you, too. Are you brave enough to acknowledge it? Or will you hide your head in the sand and pretend your attention does not waver?
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chess except every time you lose a piece you have to kiss your opponent (this variant not yet available for online players)
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At what point in the talking stage with irls can I start being kinda weird. I just never know and then I end up staying a very quiet and wittily boring person until they lose interest.
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Happy 1999 followers! you guys get to tell me what to do for 24 hours when I'm not at work (no nudity, no crime, no purchases above 50 USD total over the duration of this)
go crazy go nuts
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Hey what if instead of posting obvious bait to get your female followers to post nudes you went and hugged your wife
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I'm taking this to a frat party tonight and making them open it for me
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Hey um. We lost your boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah a hawk got him. Yeah. I'm so sorry. We forgot to put on his little vest and a hawk just swooped right down and yoinked him. Yeah. I know we didn't put the coyote collar on your old boyfriend too but I swear it was an accident this time-
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My " ingroup loyalty"? I don't have anything but ingroup disloyalty. I'd betray the cozies for fairy shrimp eggs and the postrats for a corn chip if either were offered
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Being an edgelord is fine but making a bunch of people nervous about sexual assault at an event they're about to be at is something else. Sexual assault isn't a joke. Don't invalidate victims by making it one.
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