Helena of Troy 🚢
@BehindHerEyes7
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Official Kenyan 🇰🇪 Opposition | I roar. I bite.
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Pinned Tweet
Giving school a second chance and hoping to become a badass marketer one day ☺️
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Guys, just think about it... BLOCKED
Ruto is looking at the bigger... BLOCKED
We should give him another... BLOCKED
You want the country to b... BLOCKED
Forgive Os... BLOCKED
Billy is such a g... BLOCKED
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Rumuruti - Remote Route
Karinde- Karen End
Gikambura - Acre Borough
Ndeiya - Dairy Yard
Dagoretti Corner - The Great Corner
Waruku - Warren Cross
Kanjeru - Car and General
Ruaraka - Lower Lake
Kabete - Carpet Ville
Gacie - Castle Edge
Gacwiri - Castle Ruin
Kinoo - Kings Knot
Really happy we collectively butchered colonial names because there’s no way I’d be calling Roysambu “Royal Suburbs”.
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Brian Odhiambo, we speak your name ❤️
Brian Odhiambo, we speak your name ❤️
Brian Odhiambo, we speak your name ❤️
Brian Odhiambo, 19, shot and killed by police from Kamagambo Police Station in Rongo, Migori County will be buried on 26th July 2024 at Ngulu-Konyango Village, Oyugis, Homa Bay County. We continue to demand justice and accountability.
#RutoMustGo
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If he was a listening president, we wouldn't be paying housing levy.
If he was a listening president, we wouldn't be fighting against SHIF now.
If he was a listening president, David Chege would not have been shot on the head outside parliament.
#RutoMustGo
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Sammy Cullen Maina, we speak your name ❤️
Sammy Cullen Maina, we speak your name ❤️
Sammy Cullen Maina, we speak your name ❤️
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He got stood up. He was literally sobbing 💔
I'm seated in a restaurant eating. There's a gentleman waiting for his date with flowers and gifts 😊
Go love ✊🏽☺️
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"Inasema ngapi kwako?"
"760"
*Sends 1000 bob
(I'm not rich. I just make really poor financial decisions)
Do you tip your Uber drivers/riders? Tryna see sth
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Things girls have made a fuss about and turned out to be WTF (worth the fuss):
1. Molped
2. Waxing
3. Rose
4. Kikuyu men
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You should be in here. Mutindani yangu.
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Hey Wachira, this was Kikuyu Love Sessions. We'd love to have you when we have the next edition 😊
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She's okay! She was found at a police station!
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6 inches(give or take), good girth. STI/STD free. Preferably straight. Nothing too crazy.
How do you like your meat?
Grilled/roasted?
Fried?
Boiled?
Dried?
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Myself.
Make & model: Kikuyu lady
Body: Small SUV
YOM: 1998
Colour: Brown
Weight: 54kgs
Other specs: 5'2, visually impaired, speaks 3 languages, works 9-5, loves KE music, kakishiba hakasumbui.
Asking price: 99 goats
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My love goes out to every girl or woman feeling particularly triggered by today's conversation 🧡✨️
I am so sorry for all the ugly emotions you feel today🥺🫂
It's uncomfortable, but we need to stand up for ourselves. Your life matters. Your voice matters. You matter!
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If you like a man on this app, usipitie likes zake. Imejaa wasichana hawakufanani. Type yake. Spare yourself.
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Since this government is sooo Christian, let's revisit the 7 deadly sins and an example of each: A thread🧵
1. Pride
#RutoMustGo
#OccupyEverywhere
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"I missed you"
"You have such pretty eyes"
"Is this what you came for?"
"Is this what you wanted?"
"Yeah. You like that?"
"Should I go slower?"
"You're so beautiful"
"You're so sweet, baby"
"You smell so good"
"I missed you"
"I missed you"
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The way my dad takes notes from that Úria Dagítarí show on Inooro, huwezi mshow kitu.
"Tagoogle heolth benefits cia gítunda gíkí. Níngathií Wangigí thoko."
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This is why we shouldn't be desensitized to the abductions or murders. Keep amplifying posters of the missing. We need to account for everyone.
#RutoMustGo
Hizo missing people alerts ziko scary Juu people are turning up dead bana.
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@Wanjiru_Ngugii
°Bathing them
°Massaging them
°Forehead kisses
°I find myself reaching out just to touch them
°Emailing them to remind them I love them and that I am proud of them
°I also love the "nishaikwambia unakuwanga na macho supuu"😊 in the middle of conversations
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Sometimes, you just need to keep going back nginya rīrīa ūkamenya ndūrī hakiri ndongomothi īno. Nginya rīrīa ugaikara thī wīyūrie "Kaī ndīaga ndangari? Nikī gītūmaga njoke kwī ngoma īyo ta kīmūndū gīkīgu?" You feel me?
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@isthatEdd
Clean them up (a towel or something)
Offer a drink. Water nini nini. Like I'm perched. Moaning will have you really perched.
I appreciate being covered. I'm tired. Help. Please and thank you.
After we've all cooled down, cuddles. Cuddles should be a non negotiable.
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@mwendesusu
The number of times I've paid waaaay more than I should've in the past because I didn't want to argue with a stranger in a locked car at 2 am is more than I can count.
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@Bhonke11
In my experience, men with high body counts are actually not good in bed because they never stick long enough with one woman to actually learn how women ought to be pleased. If you find a man that's good in bed, more often than not, he has been in a long relationship.
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1. Content ya
@MuchiriiMike
@ADELLEO
@IAmMuthoniGitau
@Misskihoro
2. Big Fish by Osumo Brad
3. Music career ya
@luhyaheat
4. This corporate babe
@Nyandia_G
sijui aky tunaweza mfanyia nini 😭❤️
Lists of businesses we will promote as an appreciation for today. Please add to the list ndio wapate loyal customers:
1. Java Kimathi Street
2. Kilimanjaro Hotel Banda
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@NOTNYAMBURA
Unainua tu miguu >>>>> Do this for me
Sawa? >>>> Okay? (So reassuring 😭💯)
Ati unasema? >>>>> What are you saying?
Ni nini? >>>>>>>> Use your words
Wewe nilikwambia Inua miguu >>>>> Just trust me 💦 💦 💦
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Guys, please share the saddest song(s) you know. Thank you.
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Update:
My dad planted a chayote for his wife because the doctor said it's good for her hbp. "Gītunda kīrīa ndahandīire maitūgwo nīkīrambīrīirie gūciara."
The way my dad takes notes from that Úria Dagítarí show on Inooro, huwezi mshow kitu.
"Tagoogle heolth benefits cia gítunda gíkí. Níngathií Wangigí thoko."
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The last time nlichekesha chekesha mwanaume on this app, I was crying at work and lying that my eyes were red because I had been rubbing on them. Learn from my mistakes, kids.
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Babes know how to catch a whine better than men. Periodt!
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Today, we remember all of the ones who lost their lives. David Chege, Rex Masai, Erico, Dr. Margaret, Evans, and the ones whose names I don't know and will probably never know. We march for them. We honour them.
#RutoMustGo
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If you're folding clothes, don't:
1. Start trying to fit them
2. Sit down to answer a message on your phone
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So we can have bad dads but tukisema someone is a bad mum mnakasirika?
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Please be with men who are invested in your pleasure.
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Hari is mine, Shree
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Today, I march for:
The Unamed, including a 55 yr old woman, murdered and dumped in Gatundu🥀
Sheila Lumumba🥀
Starlet Wahu🥀
Maureen🥀
Harriet Moraa🥀
Achieng🥀
Stella Adongo🥀
Malkia🥀
Rita Waeni🥀
Grace Wangari Thuiya🥀
Bridget Ochieng🥀
#TotalShutDownKE
#EndFemicideKE
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@_num4
If we are talking older (men well in their 30's, and you're in your early 20's) I would also not recommend. There is this one who had a son. Every time I threw a tantrum he quickly reminded me he neither has the time nor the energy. Nilikuwa nawekwa on time out ka mtoi.
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100 Reasons why Ruto and his government must go.
A thread 🧵:
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4. A heart that devises evil plans.
Give us our IDs. Make them free. Remove those expiration dates.
#RutoMustGo
#OccupyEverywhere
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Nimedugwo sidanooo sidano nimeponaa nimedugwo sidano, sidano nomepona🤌🏽
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Mnaniboo because most of y'all complaining don't even listen to Mutoriah 😭😂
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In case you're new here...
Hi, my name is Eyes☺️
I plug people on some of the 'little' music events with amazing upcoming artists esp Kikuyu ones, so that you don't miss out.
Karibu😊
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3. Hands that shed innocent blood.
Unaua watu juu wanakuambia uwache kuiba.
#RutoMustGo
#OccupyEverywhere
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It's giving "Stop fighting the government and just work hard"
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@Its_Roddie
The first time it happened, I was like," Did I do something wrong??"🤣 "Let's just continue until it happens."🥺 it took a lot of patience and explaining for me to understand that just like women, men don't always cum. Si a must 😆
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@EmmanuelMotelin
@AfricaFactsZone
Kudos for what exactly, Emmanuel???? Kudos for what????? Stop praising a fish for swimming!
#RutoMustGo
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I need all the girlies to pinky promise that we're not going to fake orgasms. Tell him he got to the destination alone! Tell him you were left at the bus station puzzled! Please! Some of us are not in the business of lying. Now, your 33 year old ex just met me, and
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LOL, tukuwe serious kidogo.
1. Kisiis
2.
3. Mountain Men
4.
5.
.
.
.
45.
46.
47. Kamba
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@BravinYuri
Lemme tell you, mi huskia vitu ka hizi naskia niende niambie bosi yangu end month aniwekee pesa kwa bahasha tu. Coz wakanda nonsense is this?????
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5. Feet that are swift in running to evil.
We don't want IMF in our business!
#RutoMustGo
#OccupyEverywhere
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Every time I promise myself that I'll shut up when Mutoriah is performing but I always end up singing the loudest (off key, of course 🫠). Sasa nitanyamazaje loverboy akiimba wimbo za lovers?
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@TheOtherDelo_
First of all, it is their responsibility to take care of you. Hiyo si negotiable. Tuache kuifanye ikae ni kama a favor when parents do their job.
However, we need to acknowledge that our parents were brought up in a different time. So them not hugging you doesn't make them toxic.
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6. One who shows discord among brethren.
Usilete ukabila hapa! "Mtu Wetu" nonsense! Rubbish!
#RutoMustGo
#OccupyEverywhere
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Msiwahi sahau Rigathi is a criminal as well. Don't sanitize that man for doing the bare minimum. Where was his voice yesterday and the days before? Kanua gacoka úmúthí?
#RutoMustGo
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What a time to celebrate my birthday.
#NaneNane
🎉💃🏽
Happy motherfucking birthday to the luckiest human alive, ME!😌
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All the rumours about
@beingnik9
the DJ are true. Cjawai skia ngoma zetu kwa set hiyo design. Imagine he played akina Mutoriah, Serro & Coster😌 And the crowd loooooved him. DJs, please endeeni notes. Believe me, si kila siku machooo monalisa or warever.
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I believe this is the sweater😂
Unapeleka msichana wa "earth girl aesthetics" kwenu anaiba sweater za shosho yako😭😭
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I'm seated in a restaurant eating. There's a gentleman waiting for his date with flowers and gifts 😊
Go love ✊🏽☺️
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Na mjue herpes is incurable. You can only manage symptoms when you break out.
Remember the 4H's?
1. HIV
2. Herpes
3. Hepatitis B (HBV)
4. HPV
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@lilywanjiee
I have been postponing getting an IUD because of all the horror stories on tiktok. You know what, I'm not even having enough sex to get on birth control. Wacha ikae.
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He wants Manchester United on top of the table. Even the good Lord can't give him that, whomst am I?
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Iwa kibambaweee
Iwa kibambaweee
Iwa kibambaweee
Uuuuu uuu uuu...
Did you know that the highest bungee jump in Africa ...
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We absolutely love akina Bien and Nyashinski but I promise you there's more than just the mainstream music. Great artists with amazing art. Find one or more and support them by listening and sharing their music.
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Kenyan DJs will kill me with:
1. Terminator
2. Who's your guy?
3. Bora ni enjoy tututututututu
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@polo_kimanii
Personally issue si 50/50. I cannot be going 50/50 with you and you make 3,4,5 times what I make. I do believe in sharing bills but only according to the ratio of our incomes.
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@iMuthoni_
It's always the quiet ones. The ones your friends have to ask,"Na anelewa hii maneno kweli?"😅
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A babe just paid her first tuition fee☺️
That babe is me🤭
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1. Kikuyu Love Sessions 2nd Edition.
Andú a Nyúmba, múgooka túkenaníre 😊❤️
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Look guys, Brian is feeling a bit offended because of all the trauma he carries. What do we say to Brian?
"Heal Brian🫶."
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@thewickedsub
Imagine regretting "fumbling" a 35 year old man who calls me a b!tch? Baba Jayden umetuma hata child support tangu January?
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@Karey_mwari
I get so disappointed when we make having money the bar for men. A lot of them have it. Kenyan men work hard, and they have money. So you have money, and what else?? There's so much more I need from a man. How do you make me feel? How do you treat me? Talk to me? Handle me???
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Men are not terrible with important dates. How else do you explain he remembers the year Assnal last won The Champions League?
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Let me put y'all onto something: A Kikuyu man.
That's all. You're welcome. Bye ☺️
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@Ms_wangarii
It's embarrassing the first few times😂 Alafu it is only embarrassing if he makes you feel embarrassed.
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If bad sex is a deal breaker for you, have it as soon as possible. First date even. Don't wait!
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Seeing my mum so vulnerable has made me so vulnerable (it's off brand for the eldest daughter). I've told my mum bye so many times today evening before leaving the hospital. I didn't want to leave her all alone. I can't wait to go see her again tomorrow.
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I think the government of Kenya doesn't want outsiders to know that it is violating our rights! Not just our fundamentals rights, but also violating the constitution!
#FreeBilly
#FreeThemAll
#JusticeForRex
#TotalShutdownKe
#RejectFinanceBill2024
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Have y'all seen that B&W line up?
1. Bien
2. MDQ
3. Nonso Amadi
4. Mbilia Bel 🤌🏽
5. SOFIYA NZAU 🥳
6. Maandy
7. Njerae
8. Watendawili
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@kiplimoNick
Antibiotics that cause proliferation of yeast,
increased estrogen levels like in pregnant women,
Uncontrolled diabetes,
Low immunity,
Hormonal imbalance
Wet clothing like swimsuits(for a prolonged period)
Scented feminine hygiene products
MEN!!! (The tongue and genitals)
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Don't touch me. I don't know you like that.
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Parents can be very reckless. Mtu hajingia kwa nyumba na ni saa mbili jameni? I just called her to tell her aharakishe.
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