V_RB
@verbstract
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Following
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Statuses
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Ambrosia for chaos. Part bad parenting, part youthful rebellion.
Joined March 2009
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Pinned Tweet
I've heard of batman, superman, spiderman... But.. what are Suleiman's superpowers?
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Safaricom fixed the cables just in time for that narcissist’s speech.
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It’s like Kalenjins knew what president they’re leaving behind when they all decided to move to Perth, Australia. 😒
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The person who said we should all sneak out of Kenya in the middle of the night and leave the government and politicians with nothing was really onto something.
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157 casualties as at 5:45am. And this was just at KNH. Man I hope that man and his political allies, his roaches and anything affiliated with him die horrible deaths.
#RejectFinanceBill2024
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@viibew_h
Hilarious that we have the same workout routine here in Africa. But ours is a bit extreme with some painful consequences
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A car might be a liability but good lord the convenience of having one makes up for all that shit.
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Kahush on slow kisses “You got daddy issues I got all the issues...”
Yes Kahumburu, we’ve been having issues with your daddy..
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I hope huko Rift Valley kuna mtu ame invent cocktail inaitwa Kalen Gin. Pia na hope hiyo cocktail sio jokes. Inakimbiza mse.
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I would really like to see the furniture Jesus made during his time as a carpenter.
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They used to make fun of me and say “boy short, fat, round, you don’t know stomach is where and back of stomach is where”
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Have you ever eaten so much at Fogo Gaucho till they started avoiding your table? 😂
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Leo nimeskiza Vybz radio.
Kwamboxx: congratulations. You’re the winner of 1000 shillings.
The winner: Nitakuambia number ya kutuma.
I think winner amefuliza. 😭😭😭
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“An holiday..” so you definitely said oliday in your head 😂
If Eliud Kipchoge runs below 2 hours, we deserve an holiday to celebrate that....
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Mi naeza jiita mkutano alafu bado nichelewe ama ni cancel last minute.
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Ola..
So I do a bit of photo-manipulation. Please RT my client may be on your TL. Cheers 😊
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That wig should be confiscated first
NYS scandal: Ngirita assets declared proceeds of crime
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Kudos to all KE companies that have embraced working remotely to allow more flexibility in employees' daily lives.
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90's artists were so reckless with their car keys. In 1997 Beenie Man lost the keys to his beema while Missy Elliott's couldn't tell who had the keys to the Jeep.
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Mapua yako inakaa kuku porno
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My friends and I when the security guy holds up a paper with a number plate to move a car when we all know very well we Ubered 😂
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When u go to the Hilton in Paris, how do they receive u? “Welcome to Hilton Paris, Paris Hilton” “Welcome to Paris’s Hilton, Paris Hilton”🤔
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Kenyans who never vote waking up early next elections just to make sure this administration is not back.
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GUYSSSSS GUYS! Missy is in my mentions 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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What a night. Dave Chappelle said he’s coming back in November. Prepare your millions. He’s bringing the whole crew. Kanye, Black Star etc for an African tour.
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Looks like even Spider Suleiman has his own smoking thingy.
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“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
Warrant of arrest ni wewe. Fanyeni bidii pia leo ni trend kama jana😂😂.
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Mse wa Glovo akipigia Arum after kujipata Delamere badala ya Worcestershire 😂
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Eliud Kipchoge should have his own line of Nike shoes just like Jordan and Lebron. G.O.A.T.
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Huwa hamlali hii Nairobi
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God is it because we can’t pronounce croissant?
BREAKING NEWS:
The Prime Minister of France Edouard Philippe and his government have all resigned.
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(At the dry cleaners)
KING KAKA: My laundry isn't ready!?
*Storms out*
LAUNDRY-WOMAN: Don't go I'm kunjaing....
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imagine minding your own business enjoying a Nduthi ride then....
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It's deliberate. It's a pun
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If he has an E in math, that makes it meth. Fitting.
Governor Hassan Joho 001 chilling at his home with his E in Maths this weekend... What are you doing with your A in Maths? 🤭
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ODB9EYQTGZ Confirmed. You have received Ksh..
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Game Of Thrones characters dressed as Maasais courtesy of OMG Voice. A mini thread.
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Opposite ya Mwass ni Mwtitties?
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What about discrimination at work places? Or y’all are not ready for that conversation? Bringing clueless “expats” from ________ to do the same thing qualified Kenyans can and paying them 5x more. 🌚
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I wish it was a law for every compound to have at least one tree in Nairobi.
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Men’s personal care products are so weirdly multi-purposed.
Nivea Men Mule kick.
All purpose shower gel.
Body, face, hair, bbq grill & engine.
With Shell Helix Ultra 5W-40.
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Them: Twende coast
Me: Sawa. Saa ngapi?
Them: 3pm
Me: Sawa. Tuna lala wapi?
Them: tutajua
Me: tuna enda aje?
Them: drive down then fly back
Me: safi..
*Long pause*
Me: na gari ita rudi aje?
Them: Tutajua
Me: Ndani..
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Aye, protector, gatekeeper, warden of beachfront properties. We know I t’s Eleven Pearl Boutique hotel. And I hope travel companies give offers so that people can flock there in numbers. 😁
Beachfront restaurants serving not only good ambience but amazing food and privacy, are very rare to find in Diani.
So allow me not to disclose the location and be selfish with this place 😌
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Parte after parte featuring
@Maxammad_Amin
‘s fridge and of course Mwass and I had to be extra. 😆
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Uko VIP mse.
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No good morning, no how did you sleep, no have you had breakfast 💀
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Are those ducks in the lake? I feel like one is being left behind. This is not very good parenting
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[If we had sheng subtitles]
ACTOR: Hey...
NETFLIX: OYA OYA OYA OYA OYA....
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Ukiniambia twende kwa counter tukunywe shots ujue ni wewe unalipa otherwise niache penye umenipata.
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Hi.
So..
How does a giraffe wear a necktie? 1st, 2nd or 3rd frame?🤔
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Mi huona mtu anakunywa Hennessy nashindwa alikosa tu pombe ingine yoyote? hata supu ya battery?
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I don't understand why people say such hurtful things like "Tumia stairs" or "Avocados zimeisha.."
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I’m surprised and partly underwhelmed that Zulu Meats does not tweet like a South African. If I was them bengizokushiya ulenga. ngisho leso sixoliso noma isitatimende esishisiwe ngabe bekungesixhosa noma isizulu.
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Is it safe to travel to the U.K?
BREAKING: Man stabbed IN MOUTH during HORRIFIC Tottenham attack - one arrested by police
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Kissed a giraffe in Nairobi
What has almost everyone done, that you haven’t done?
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When you scoop the last piece of meat with the last bit of ugali leaving your plate spotlessly clean
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I had a Kikuyu joke but it was stolen.
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Fast food joints serving not only greasy chicken but amazing views of backlit menu displays are very rare to find in Nairobi.
So allow me not to disclose the location and be selfish with this place 😌
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