Teri Patrick
@tvpatrick
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we are all short stories
Seattle, WA
Joined March 2009
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@NielsHoven
“Lots of adults are bored in their jobs. Smart kids have to get used to being bored.”
-our elementary school principal
I quit my job and homeschooled through Jr High
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@paulg
Speaking as a mom of 20-something sons, if I were given that option - I would go. Nothing short of death or imprisonment would stop me.
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@AniseNot
I briefly fostered for a terrible rescue org.
They wanted me to hide known behavior issues from an older couple because they knew such couples rarely return dogs with issues. The rescue clearly couldn’t care less about the impact on the couple’s lives (restrictions on
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@econhist_allday
@SamuelWarmerdam
Prioritizing “heritage” means prioritizing people who lived and built in the distant past over people who are alive today - There is value in understanding and honoring our heritage - but only to the extent that it enhances the present.
Some day the stuff we build will be
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@BornAKang
The screaming. Once, when I lived in Petersburg, Alaska, I rounded a corner while carrying my infant son in a front pack and nearly ran into a young black bear. The bear looked quite startled when I screamed (loudishly) and trotted off into the woods.
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@sarahradz_
I remember those days!
“I’m hungry, Mom. I’m so hungry. You have no idea what it’s like to be this hungry.” - The sound track of their teenage years.
I had three intensive-sports-playing teen boys in the house at once.
I only ever shopped at Costco bc supermarket quantities
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@t0nyyates
I turn off WIFI between 11pm and 7am when I host teenagers with a history of staying up all night playing video games.
Then I let them sleep as long as they want. They don’t pop up at 7am, but removing WIFI solves for sleeping until 3pm and gives us an opportunity to hike or
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@jayacunzo
Part of the problem is the amnesia that sets in for parents of adult children. I remember being upset when my MIL would say she couldn’t remember her children mis-behaving at all - while giving my little demolition crew the side-eye. (meanwhile a family friend told of walking
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@Kasparov63
“Russian ceasefire” has officially entered the lexicon as a description of assured perfidy. Heard on the street: “Making a deal with “[x]” is like agreeing to a Russian ceasefire.”
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@mom_of_littles
Ask for help. From family. From friends. From neighbors. From whoever you trust.
I was bad at this. Fortunately my friends were smarter than I was even when I didn’t ask.
One friend called to arrange to return something she had borrowed. I explained it wasn’t a good time bc
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@clhubes
It’s been a few years, but as I recall - getting three small children out the door in winter was pretty much an all day process. By the time all three were geared up, someone needed a change. By the time he was ready, someone else had removed & tossed his shoes off the porch, etc
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@clhubes
Your mistake was failing to be rich enough to have adequate staffing, including the essential “night nanny”. I understand. I made the same mistake myself. Too many women fail to understand that motherhood of multiple young children is not a one or two person job. It requires a
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@sivori
I once drove from San Jose, Ca to Seattle with 3 kids and two goats in the back of a ford minivan.
Most versatile car I ever owned.
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@sentientist
I have felt this pain…
I tried to work with my sons’ elementary school administration to bring in enrichment programs for gifted kids.
My 4th grade son was clearly bored and beginning to disengage. I wanted to keep him off the underachiever path - while also helping to solve
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@sugarb3lla
@emilykmay
I moved in and out of the workforce. I started a small business when my three kids were preschoolers. My husband stayed home with them for a year - at the most challenging time. That helped him fully understand what’s involved. I later stayed home for ten years to homeschool then
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@ImtaBrendan
My experience with SMART goals was that they were incredibly disempowering. (Past tense bc I’m retired.)
Managers with strong micro-management tendencies saw their role as telling their direct reports exactly what to do, by when. No flexibility to address changing conditions,
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@McFaul
@Stanford
Has there ever been a year without a protest at Stanford?
When my kids were there it was all about divesting from fossil fuels. There were students in tents. I believe the provost’s office was occupied at one point. Seemed like part of the educational scenery.
I also recall a
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@HollyEm46009654
@EruditeElf
If you were to report/investigate all the overstretched and/or low functioning families that can’t or won’t get it together to ensure their kids get breakfast and lunch on school days - you would quickly overwhelm social services. Cheaper and easier to just provide lunch. Better
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@clhubes
I had 3 in less than 4 years. It was insane. Only a crazy person would sign up for that.
If I could go back in time and do it all over again, I would. In a heart beat.
But I might start a few years earlier. The supposed advantage of “wisdom” of older parents is nothing
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@mrsdobbins_
In place of my wedding ring, for the past 35 years I’ve worn the scar left after my ring was ripped off my hand by a cannery palletizer.
Somehow my marriage has survived.
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@smalltown_wife
My husband was sure his job was harder than mine.
To be fair, his industry was under a lot of new competitive stress - and his job was extremely challenging the year we swapped roles.
He quit and stayed home with three kids aged four and under.
We moved to California and I
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@pmarca
My grandmother could cover both sides of a conversation in voicemail. By the end she had typically worked everything out. No need to call back. Very efficient.
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@waitbutwhy
I think we lose kids in middle school - and we don’t have to. We need to stop focusing on getting them to conform during those years- and start leaning into their nature desire to explore and learn - letting them pursue their own interests as much as possible. 5/5
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@Coupvid
@shagbark_hick
@Gio_at_large
George Orwell’s first book “Down and Out in Paris and London” chronicled his experiences as a “vagrant”. Excellent book - and marked the start of a great career.
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@AConcernedPare2
@wanyeburkett
I believe this is classic Selection Bias.
I met many homeschool parents who opted to homeschool because their child was on the autism spectrum or bipolar or had some other issue that made functioning in a school environment difficult. In other words, those parents pulled their
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@yishan
One benefit of Elon’s bid is the heightened focus on how to make social media better. Human interaction is wildly complex. Humility helps. We need a “test and learn” approach. First define the Goal: foster genuine engagement & reduce rewards for trollish, manipulative behavior?
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@Austen
I homeschooled 3 kids through 8th/9th grade. My best move: starting each day with minimum 1 hr free reading - followed by discussion of what we all read. Often read and discussed current events as well. Sustained daily reading builds learning capacity while free book choice
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@waitbutwhy
When I student taught Jr High in the 80’s, I noticed a traunch of smart but bored underachievers doing c and d work. They did just enough to avoid attention - but not enough to create any kind of foundation for future success. They were mostly (not entirely) boys. 1/5
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@soychotic
Works in other disciplines too. As a tech writer (in the 90s), whenever I couldn’t get time with an engineer, I’d write something anyway and send it “for review”. The same person with no time to take my calls would break through walls to find me to correct the errors.
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@waitbutwhy
Later, when my oldest son began showing signs of joining their ranks in the 4th grade, I tried to work with his school to turn things around for him and students like him. I was told: “smart kids have to get used to being bored.” Obviously I pulled him out. 2/5
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@paulg
We used to refer to callers from NYC as 212’s (the area code) - when I worked in tech support for a software company in the early 90’s. 212’s were likely to stress to us (loudly and insistently) exactly how much money they were losing as a result of whatever issue they were
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@MarmotRespecter
I was lucky. My siblings and I were protected by my father’s memories of being forced to drink cod liver oil as a kid.
I don’t recall pushing food on my own kids - but I’d have to ask them to be sure. Mostly I remember the epic struggle to keep food in the house. “I’m hungry
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@Prolife_Sam
Nice work!
Also, beware of floaties.
Most of the toddlers I pulled out of the water (former lifeguard) started out wearing floaties. Kid got comfortable playing in deep water with the parents. Then… everyone gets out, floaties come off, parents get distracted for a moment-
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@Theholisticpsyc
And sometimes those expectations are unstated because they are unreasonable: “I’m going to do a bunch of unrequested stuff for you and in return I expect you to satisfy all my needs for affirmation and companionship (so that I don’t have to do the hard work of developing
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@paulg
I chose to re-enter the workforce as a writer, because I knew it would offer maximum access to insight - that I could leverage into a better role. It worked. Writers perform an under appreciated role challenging thinking and driving clarity.
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@indexnforgetit
@JoeCassandra
I wonder if part of this is due to people having kids later in life.
Taking care of young kids takes stamina. A healthy 50 year old grandparent is very different from a 70 year old. If you have two generations having kids at 35+ you have grandparents who may lack the physical
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@paulg
In my first few months back to work after a decade absence, I was asked to write content explaining how a recent acquisition complemented the company’s strategy. I asked for details on this magical synergy and was told “Just write something. We’ll tell you if it is correct.”
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@Noahpinion
This is horrible. When I student taught Jr high in 1988, I noticed a cohort of smart, bored kids who were completely checked out. They did just enough work to avoid attracting attention, but not enough to set themselves up for any sort of academic success. Later, when I noticed
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@XVanFleet
@benjamin80108
I plan to read it when it comes out. Curious what you think of “Mao, The Unknown Story”. I read it after a Chinese co-worker asked me what I’d learned about the cultural revolution in school. The answer was “not much”. So I went looking for material. Reading the book was deeply
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@Camel_Crushin
Small children are chaos agents. Some are more chaotic than others. Sometimes parents of highly chaotic children *have* to complete an essential errand even if it means allowing the little monsters to make noise or be disruptive for a few minutes. That parent has been keeping the
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@Caroltreasure
@NRO
I remember thinking that you had to be politically connected to get into West Point - because admission requires a nomination by a state senator or a congressional representative. In practice, the nomination system ensures geographic diversity with future military leaders drawn
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@NoCapFights
I ended up back in the hospital after my first baby was born because I tried to do too much: vacuuming, reorganizing, etc. My husband wasn’t demanding it and friends brought us food - so cooking wasn’t an issue. The nurse at the hospital told me she saw this sort of thing a lot.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Yes - but my mom had a good (awful) excuse. I can picture her as an earnest, helpful child - much like one of my sons. She was the oldest.
My grandmother was raised by a nurse hired by her socialite mother.
She (my grandmother) had been taught by her own mother that being a
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@SuzannahDenholm
@waitbutwhy
We see those stats a lot - and they are valid. I am all for efforts to support girls and women. I don’t want to see that stop. But some boys/men (and girls!) fall off the map. They matter too. Understanding and solving for them helps everyone.
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@paulg
This is true. And one outcome of this that I have witnessed is that sales executives (pushed by the e-staff to whom they report) will sometimes insist their sales teams engage with the c-suite at target companies. This requirement is laughably out of reach for most salespeople
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@JoelBrownMD
@smith_mistah
The problem is that leaders frequently emerge who discover there is enormous power to be gained in rallying followers around a set of beliefs. At that point the foundational principles and goals of the movement (any movement - liberal or conservative) become a tool to be
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@tunient
@paulg
A few things-
1) Structure. Kids can’t self structure, so parents need to provide regular mealtimes, bedtimes, etc
2) Resilience. Good parents coach their kids to respond to disappointments and frustrations in productive ways
3) Responsibility- and the link between choices and
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@sama
How about… elite universities use some of their billion-dollar tax-deductible endowments to expand access. They all claim to regretfully turn down thousands of qualified students every year due to lack of space. It’s an artificial (and solvable) constraint.
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@yishan
We have unspoken rules that govern real life interactions- that have developed over millennium. What can we learn from those? How can we make attention rewards better mimic real life interactions?
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@CartoonsHateHer
@kshekar
@intractableboy
@ASFleischman
Over scheduling is definitely an issue.
It’s a tragedy of the commons thing. They can’t just run across the street to join a kid-organized game bc all their friends are over scheduled…
I told my kids I wanted them to do something physically active. If they didn’t choose, I’d
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@AConcernedPare2
Congrats!
I struggled to get my middle son hooked on reading around that age. The book that finally broke through for him was Hatchet, by Gary Paulson. That book opened the reading floodgates for him.
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@paulg
Time is a heartless thief. I was just thinking about one magical sun lit summer, when my sons were 9, 11 and 12. We had to stick together because the remote Alaskan cannery town where we were living hosts the largest brown bear population in the US. We still explored - but did
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@ceejayehm
It’s temporary - but definitely a thing.
It could be worse. My aunt once noticed an awkward pause in the conversation at a dinner with her husband’s colleagues. She looked down and realized she was cutting his steak into small pieces on his plate.
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@Austen
I should add that it all worked out well. Two graduated from Stanford and one from West Point. I can’t claim credit for their hard work and talent. What I can say is that I was intentional about creating an environment in which they could develop their interests and talents. (No
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@mhdksafa
It’s not just the money. Some homes are so chaotic, kids are lucky to get breakfast, let alone a packed lunch - or an up-to-date lunch account. Not the kids’ fault. It’s in all of our long-term best interest to help stabilize those kids where we can - and break the chaos cycle.
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@DonnaPo54536348
He’s lucky you are game to try!
Lots of partners flat out refuse to camp. I enjoy camping but I have limits. I don’t mind a small tent- bc I’m just sleeping in it - but I refuse to freeze or roast. I have thermal insulating air mattresses bc camping with my husband is much more
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@waitbutwhy
The same kid who couldn’t be bothered to turn in homework would, on his own, devour Greek philosophy and then stay up late writing his version of a response. As a 7th grader. 4/5
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@IngriPauline
When women had babies in their teens and twenties, grandmothers were in their 40’s or 50’s.
When women have babies in their mid thirties, grandmothers are in their 60’s and 70s.
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@PWokeness
@t0nyyates
They haven’t yet, fortunately. They can outmaneuver their Dad in a heartbeat, but my IT skills are still ahead of theirs - for the moment anyway.
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@mloehrer
@kairyssdal
So short-sighted…. Have you considered the needs of survivors of the coming digital apocalypse?
If we abandon double spacing now, future typewriter-refugees will be lost. It could take years to rediscover the readability rules of the ancients.
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@Theholisticpsyc
My mother wanted desperately to be a good mother. In many ways she was. But she had unresolved trauma that kept her from functioning well emotionally. At the age of 5, she was put in charge of watching her 2-year-old brother. Her brother escaped the yard and drowned in Lake Union
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@_new_empire_
@PeterVilleroy
@paulg
This is because, as founders move on, orgs tend to reward rigid systems and predictability over creativity and innovation.
One of my favorite books on this phenomenon was written by a physicist turned business consultant: Loonshots, by Safi Bahcall.
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@FischerKing64
Anecdotal, but I’ve witnessed this from the other side: young person gets job - is enthused to be working, etc but continues to stay up all night playing video games every night. Is regularly late to work or calls in sick. Doesn’t connect poor sleep habits to lousy performance
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@ManuKumar
@KTmBoyle
When my kids were in elementary school, I tried to work with the administration to bring in enrichment programs for gifted kids. I saw my 4th grade son start down the bored, underachiever path and wanted to head that off - while also helping to solve for other bright, bored kids
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@paulg
The number one, most important thing I did as a homeschool parent (grades 2-8) was start the day reading together. We all read for one hour every day. They could select their own books within guidelines. I made sure to find options they enjoyed and that stretched them a bit. I
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@IanColdwater
Don’t invest your ego in your career/net worth. I lived through the crash in Sunnyvale, Ca. I sold my tech marketing biz mere months before the crash. (Bc I wanted more time w my kids. Not bc of genius insight). I saw people implode when their expectations of wealth evaporated.
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@Caroltreasure
@NRO
With the obvious caveat that I did not interrogate everyone on their family background. Talking about one’s family and journey to West Point is simply something that tends to come up a lot at family events- especially in the first year.
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@paulg
Bonus: If you start a company and decide running your own company is not your thing, you will be a much happier and better employee. You will have a better understanding of the challenges faced by the org - and it will be easier to put up with annoyances because “even though I
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@wanyeburkett
I used to be a much bigger advocate for homeschooling than I am today. I homeschooled 3 kids for over ten years - and, while my now-grown kids have some specific quibbles with the process, they all say they believe it was a good thing. They all graduated from good colleges and
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@opheliamoding
Instead of tweaking the formula for who gets in, why not just…Expand access. Tie tax breaks for those massive endowments to expanded enrollment.
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@paulg
Another day is coming.
For me it was the day the whole family was flying to New York to drop the first born off for his plebe year at West Point.
My husband and three sons strode easily through the airport terminal. I fell behind, struggling with bags. One son saw me and
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@DPOURBABA
California hasn't built enough housing either. Somehow the idea that the state should invest in meeting the needs of a growing population fell off the table. I blame Joni Mitchell. Okay not really. I blame the attitude that inspired the song ("They Paved Paradise"). Development
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@paulg
@nate_g_hilger
has a more practical solution. His book, “The Parent Trap” examines the long -term impact of various “skills” high functioning parents teach their kids. He points out that low functioning parents love their kids, but they can’t give what they don’t have. There are
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@waitbutwhy
I ended up homeschooling. I wasn’t a phenomenal teacher. But I had read “In the Middle” by Nancy Atwell. I focused on creating self-directed learners - not checking boxes. 3/5
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@ylecun
Example: a family member has been struggling financially. He has run his own business in the distant past - an airport transport company that was done in by Uber). I used chatgpt to create a comprehensive business plan to professionalize the stuff he’s been doing under the table
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@uneventual
Worse, some aggressively indoctrinate peers with this hopeless outlook- with zero concern for the (sometimes serious) mental health impact. The thinking appears to be: “my job is to increase panic so that someone will finally do something.” Immediate human consequences be damned.
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@Dawghouse55
@waitbutwhy
I agree it’s not possible “in the current form”. But I do think some of the principles of self-directed learning could work in a public school setting. It would be a big shift. I’m not optimistic. The stakes are pretty high, though. We are squandering human potential.
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@paulg
@timmolendijk
I realize I’m not on the list of trusted recommenders, but… I recently read Grass Beyond the Mountains by Rich Hobson. I believe you would enjoy it. It’s a first hand account of a co-founder of a Canadian cattle empire in the late 1930s. The last line of the book is a truly
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@XVanFleet
@Schteve_O
The issue was not just “good intentions” gone bad. It was the fact that Stalin and Mao managed to obtain unchecked power. The desire to destroy the old system (including institutions that provide checks and balances on power) and replace it with a utopia - created the conditions
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@bossofme7
@ohJuliatweets
I homeschooled and knew many successful homeschool families. However, I’ve also witnessed severe abuse and neglect that went undetected for far too long. I’m not going to advocate for zero oversight just bc my kids are fine. We need a reasonable balance.
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@IanColdwater
I knew people who were on track (in their minds) to retire rich. A big difference between folks who fell apart and those who adapted was the ability to make rational choices about next steps. You can’t do that if you believe loss of job/wealth = loss of personal value.
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@jacobincambodia
@chelleang23
@EdKrassen
@nate_g_hilger
has a great book: The Parent Trap that dives into the consequences of leaving things up to parents who lack the bandwidth, knowledge, etc to help their kids navigate an increasingly complex world. There is definitely a balance. Rules around school attendance, for
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@peachsweet_tea
My husband and I used to joke that if we’d only had (specific kid) we would have concluded we were genius parents.
We probably would have been just as insufferable as the many parent-of-one-compliant-child types who gave us loads of unsolicited parenting advice.
Fortunately
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@RichardMCNgo
@Paul_Melman
@whyyyyyyyyyyy__
I do not agree it’s an overly simplistic analysis by any stretch - but I do agree that the ability to weaponize empathy takes place in the context of a belief system and culture that has been shaped by Christianity.
I think it is relevant to attempt to understand more about
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@paulg
In the absence of appropriate adult support, kids will do what “feels” good to them. Low functioning homes leave kids to their own devices (literally, in this case)- and social media use is so low stress on the adults in charge, they have little incentive to intervene.
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@XVanFleet
@Schteve_O
I don’t believe Mao ever had “good intentions”. He and Stalin both confiscated and sold grain to fund industrialization and the military. Both knew millions of their citizens were starving to death. Both imprisoned and/or killed any local officials who complained.
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@Noahpinion
@elonmusk
Celebrate children.
Stop giving cranky childless folks veto power over the presence of (messy, noisy) kids in public places.
Delight in the presence of children.
Spread sticky-chaos acceptance.
Maybe more young people would opt in on the magic carpet ride - if more of us
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@Dan_Jeffries1
@Alber_RomGar
Humans have made astonishing progress improving living standards and creating positive systems (economic, educational, political, technical, social, business, etc). Significant frustration with the many flaws and inequities in those systems is a sign of how high our aspirations
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@SpencrGreenberg
I like the idea of coining a term, but agree with others that a better term is needed. Gaslighting comes from a play and references a specific example of the behavior in question- so reversing it doesn’t make much sense etymologically. A couple of proposals:
1) fairy dusting -
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@paulg
No idea if this is happening at BP, but a common process unfolds thusly: Execs make promises to their stakeholders holders (investors, etc) - around how they are aligning with the “latest thing” to drive future value. They then demand their direct reports make progress towards
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@klowe2112
@paulg
“Reduces the need to earn the right to use it” I’ve been thinking about this from a different angle: Child’s play. My naive assumption in the 90’s was that kids would learn to code without realizing it through new types of popular games. I assumed child’s play would evolve to
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@Theholisticpsyc
I’m involved with some teens who are living through trauma now. They have therapists - and can be remarkably articulate about their situation, but… access to critical insight that they and others need to navigate relationships, life decisions, their own anxieties, etc is so very
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@paulg
Conversely, could AI help large companies improve root cause analysis and systems level problem solving?
Incentives get weird in ways that can be hard to detect and counter as companies grow.
@SafiBahcall
outlines a threshold after which individual incentives align to
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@paulg
@purn3ndu
To be effective, business writers need to push leaders to clarify their thinking. I had a process: “Don’t tell me about your product. Tell me about your customer. Now tell me how you make them better, etc.” Often I led x-functional sessions. It’s not the words. It’s the insight.
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@waitbutwhy
30 years ago I was in tech support. Mostly I took incoming calls. Some days, though, I was on call in case sales needed urgent support in a customer meeting. Those days I carried a pager. It was hell, I tell you. Imagine being tethered to an infernal little device that could
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@paulg
I understand why the Isrealies are angry- and why they believe that the response needs to be strong enough to deter future attacks. Unfortunately- they are right that Hamas would, given the chance, rearm and repeat the horror show as often as they could.
I also understand that
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