Jake Not Jacob
@spitlahhhh
Followers
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Following
1,182
Media
7,421
Statuses
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despiser of the grocer’s’s apostrophe. I wouldn’t follow me either
Buffalo, NY
Joined November 2011
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Pinned Tweet
amy poehler showing up at SNL to parody kim mulkey’s press conference
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sir, Pilgrim has added a third ethnicity
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@tamagotchimilf
@MichaelaOkla
“If you wish to possess the key to my heart, you must first find the key that I’ve hidden in your small intestine. You have 30 minutes. Good luck”
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@BradleyMartyn
You single-handedly just ruined what was an incredibly enjoyable series of videos that brought myriad people across Twitterdotcom together in harmony in the span of 40 seconds. May the ratio be swift absolutely devastating. There is only one king of the milk crate and he is here:
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the entire episode where stan becomes steve’s bully is top 5
19 years ago today, peak premiered on FOX
What are some of your favorite moments from the show?
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the refs realizing they have to call intentional grounding on mahomes
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The last scene of Rogue One is better than all three Godfather movies combined
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liberals are genuinely comparing protestors to the westboro baptist church and i can’t even begin to express how fucking stupid you have to be to think that’s an accurate comparison
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@Imreallymad
@getnickwright
@minakimes
if you want the honest answer, it’s literally just because she’s a woman
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@GarbageApe
damn i really expected better from “baron von rittenhouse” what a disappointing tweet
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@ProgPro
Red Hot Chili Peppers, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Smashing Pumpkins
while not related at all, they’re all horrendously overrated
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how did i forget about this one lmao
19 years ago today, peak premiered on FOX
What are some of your favorite moments from the show?
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@valcoholics1
@PhantasmaJones
@chrisfolse
You don’t want to manifest that toxic energy into your headspace, love that for you
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@dayruins
This is actually incredibly alarming to watch. I’m shocked to see someone feeding such a young kitten unprocessed foods, and here’s why (1/64🧵)
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NFL refs: we do not want the Buffalo Bills to win this game
Josh Allen:
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@hasanthehun
hasan you should be paying this person’s student loans. this is your fault. the system is not broken. YOU are.
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@sigfig
lol they did this with an old police station in Buffalo too and they turned the cells into “co-working stations”
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@EoinHiggins_
We literally haven’t elected enough women of color into positions of power that we they had to put white women in this to fill out the picture
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@LieberFilms
@InverseTheCons
yeah man no one has ever accidentally gotten hurt before. Every time I get hurt it’s because I did it on purpose
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@TheRedHeadWrite
@Vegalyp
@SebastienneL
@shakeyfinch
@PottedHerbs
I read the Fitten report on it, it’s absolutely disgraceful
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this was me when Courtney said “I didn’t give you permission to stop moving your little asses”
Every night after the show I go through
@thiswildbemis
photos and the ones that get me the most are the ones of YOU 🥲. Toronto you made us feel so special last night, we could hardly get any sleep, we were still so excited from the show
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my brain at 1:00am every day
If you forgot how weird Tucker was, here’s a good reminder:
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i have so many but here’s one
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@aubreyhirsch
picking up ice out of a bucket/random object that froze overnight and dropping it on cement
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@KatLaRonde
alright so when i was maybe 8 or 9 i was a little shithead who thought it would be funny to make eye contact with Koga (lorge boi) and pound my chest like a gorilla…he sprinted up to the glass and slammed on it right in my face
core memory, core fear unlocked
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@KitsanBC
@benegotherit
i mean yeah in this made up scenario i’m sure the dying person would be upset lmao
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sEaRcHeD dEsPeRaTeLy ThRoUgH tHe WrEcKaGe
On Friday, Elicia Stratton searched desperately through the wreckage of her Lahaina home for the Rolex watch her parents gave her when she graduated college.
Suddenly, her fiancé pulled it from the ashes. “You found it!” she said, choking up. It was damaged but still legible.
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there was a guy in the pit at the
@AlphaWolfCVLT
show last night who was walking around like a gorilla before the wall of death and it was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen
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i just know he was sitting there like this the entire trip
and i just want to say fuck my uber driver, i bawled my eyes from the beginning of the trip to the end and this guy wore his headphones as soon as i started crying.
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Keith Sweat’s trending? Perfect time to bust out Steve Smith singing a classic
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@psuedocidal
She’s plotting and getting stronger than you can possibly imagine
Halloween Pt. 25: Fort Myers
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@AdamDavis
I started the list when I was [redacted] and basically any time I get [redacted] and think of someone I remember from NBA Live I’ll add them lmao
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@heluvvsana
You just made me go through my notes app and I found this one from when I had juuuuust lost 20 pounds almost 3 years ago. I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life and FINALLY got back below 300, so I guess I wrote a note as a reminder. I weigh 210 now so I did it 🥲
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@AliceRHamilton
the free speech defenders will probably just argue with you about the age of consent
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@AaronTheRad
@chaser
i can’t tell if you’re joking but people being able to anonymously say whatever shit they want with complete anonymity is very much not a good thing
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@DrewPavlou
@hasanthehun
yeah that’ll make israel stop slaughtering civilians for sure man great point!
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hailee steinfeld after seeing all of the tweets about her from insane bills fans
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@PharoahAshseti
@Universe__Lover
“hey mike from accounting, you’re never gonna believe what roseanne said her pronouns were!!!”
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@GMark1961
@crowfeatherdev
@CrystalHope1979
@elonmusk
@larryelder
she literally wrote The Matrix lmfao
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@kenklippenstein
Giving $100 to people to get vaccinated is unfair to everyone who got vaccinated and didn’t get $100
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@wizardsonmybloc
@HannahPosted
yeah i used to accidentally buy spiked seltzer and arizona iced tea from CVS all the time as a 10 year old now i’m an alcoholic :/
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@JUNlPER
@MargBarAmerica
the funniest thing is that she genuinely thinks that the fbi reacts like this when an account called “libsoftiktok” tweets at them
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@awktravels
@aIightbuIb
@NCassiel
@yuckybangs
and a video game that just came out called The Quarry, he was awesome in it
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