✨Muscle Mommy✨ (5'3 btw)
@paymusclemommy
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Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
"gOddEss dO u hAvE a mEnU?"
The only way you can be of use to me 👇🏻
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After years of pleading, I finally convinced my wife to try an open relationship. We're now both on dating apps. She has 2,000+ likes, a few dates in the diary, and has already slept with 3 men. I've gotten zero attention despite redoing my profile and paying for boosts. Gutted.
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Boy math is opening up your marriage so you can fuck around then getting mad bc your wife is gettin slammed while you severely overestimated your market value
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Children were never meant to be raised by just two people and it's deeply selfish and problematic as a society that we've completely lost community and interdependence is seen as something to shame. It does take a village, parental isolation should not be the norm. We need to go
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You follow me and your likes are public marvin maybe sit this one out
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@Tedoffthegrid
They're always asking this shit at like 6am, the minute you open your eyes
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On my stupid little walk for my stupid little health
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A year ago I took a solo trip to Vegas for the first time and 10/10 best weekend of my life, I need to go back IMMEDIATELY
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5'3 181
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No face thread
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Imagine fumbling this
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I'm seeing a lot of "This is oddly specific are you ok" and I guess y'all don't LIVE for those reddit posts the way I do 😂😂
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@thechosenberg
No contact after marriage, but not while dating/engaged... It makes me wonder if there's more to the story on why the wife hates this ex so much 🤔
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@justky1018
This is the same man with the edge brush and 6 pillows?
How many of those have silk pillow cases btw
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Hear me out ...
“hear me out” but it’s just the hottest brunette you’ve even seen
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@danishacarterr
every "nOt aLL mEn" in the comments proving that they are, in fact, part of the horrible men in question
hit dogs holler and all that
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@emilykmay
Why are so many men selfish incompetent pieces of shit? Like what exactly went wrong for so many of them to be absolutely irredeemable garbage whose only positive contribution to the world will be as worm food in the ground?
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ITS MY BDAY 🎉🎉 you should buy me a drink about it 🥰
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@RepRashida
@kroger
The creators of Black Mirror have really outdone themselves, cancelling the series and having us experience the new season instead
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@BrianMcLight
For real. "I had a stronger relationship with my father until he left when I was 12" sooooo why would you want your child to miss out on that and just pop in when he's 12?
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Be the bear he doesn't want to meet in the woods 🤛🏻
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[podcaster voice] finding this attractive makes you gay :/
[podcaster voice] finding this attractive makes you gay :/
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That time I pulled 300 (a yr ago today)
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@imaginmatrix
Is there any current widely used slang in the US that didn't originate in AAVE? I just assume everything originated there at this point
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Oh snap there's 50k of y'all here now?! 😅 How did that happen
Whatever the reason, thanks for your love and support 🥰
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The feminine urge to beat him at arm wrestling
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@lauramezzzz
PLEASE tell me the rest of the story, I need to know that it either ended with them preparing all your meals for weeks, or m*rd*r
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I think women need to become scary enough that men would also pick the bear
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My doctor, getting consent for my surgery: "Is anyone forcing you to do this?"
Me: "The Supreme Court"
Dr: " ...... Yeah, that's fair"
Cheers to STERILE SEPTEMBER... And every month after that 🎉
Sore, swollen, but so relieved
F you supreme court 🖕
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@jasminericegirl
"I am the problem" yes, girl, you are. How absolutely braindead do you have to be to post a video saying "no means yes" given the current struggles women are facing!!!
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@BigNik
Some solid advice from Matthew 5:28-29: If you look at a woman lustfully, gouge out your eye.
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@TheAndrewNadeau
Hey while you're in there do you mind clarifying exactly what arms we can bear? TYSM
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@MEoDP_Enjoyer
Idk but I hope it's kinda like in sci fi movies where when the hive queen dies all the parasites go too
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@realgirl_fieri
I had PPD and post partum rage and I'm lucky that rage was generally directed at everything but the baby, but god it was an insane thing to live through
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@sisogynist
Whew. I feel so bad for her. Let this be a warning to the young ladies, be financially independent and never quit your job for a man
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@mrnastynodrama
Why do this when there's zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash, store bought low carb noodles made from konjac root, or you can make really delicious flourless egg noodles at home 😭😭 literally so many other options!
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@niccoyat
My friend made an incredible mac and cheese and offered me the recipe... not a single measurement and instructions are like "add seasoning" with no seasoning listed in the ingredients, "mix til mixed", and "make thick then add cheese" 😭😭
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New year, new opportunities to please me 💕 make your resolution to serve mommy all year long
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@agraybee
They did a study in worms with metformin and found it decreased the shortening of the telomeres, thus prolonging lifespan, so I wouldn't say it's bc obesity is *that unhealthy* since the worms were not obese
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@Jani__Gee
Men are mean, dumb, AND broke. Who in their right mind would want to chain themselves to a bottom feeding loser that won't lift a finger to help for 18 years?
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@saltysi_erra
@MrsKhandiCoated
2 techs** and a pharmacist but yes. The final step where the pharmacist checks every single prescription before it makes it to the customer, their screen pops up a scan of the original Rx alongside what the tech typed in. Absolutely should have been caught at that step
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Hot girl post op
All done and highAF 😂 send soup
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Vacation mode 🏖️
Buy me a shot??
C*shapp ax3399
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@MasksworkMofo
Whew my thumb is starting to hurt from blocking all the rapists in the replies here
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Idk, you thirsty?
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It's a beautiful day to take me to brunch 😋
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@bailswbu
Excuse me how do you date someone for 5 months without knowing their age?!?! Smells like BULL
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@KASZMYR
This gotta be rage bait 😭 how do you look at this plate and come to any conclusion than "I need this in my mouth immediately"
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