Paper Cuts Podcast
@papercutsshow
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We read the papers so you don't have to Every Monday and Friday 📆 Listen here 👉 Support us 👏🏼
Joined May 2023
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🎺NEW EPISODE🎺 Starmer hands Chagos Islands back to Mauritius 🇲🇺🇬🇧 We say goodbye to the g-string 🩲👋 Plus – Daniel Craig's weird and wonderful fashion explained 👔🤪
Join
@msmirandasawyer
@JasonHazeley
@JonnElledge
here:
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What have Harry and Meghan done to get in the tabloids this time? *sighs*....
For petty royal drama AND a pole-dancing hamster, tune in to our latest episode
➡️
#ukcomedy
#HarryandMeghan
#Royals
#RoyalFamily
#QueenElizabeth
#comedy
#britishhumour
55
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587
It appears Russell Brand has found his audience on Rumble... Toothpaste Truthers🤦♂️🦷
Full episode, with
@Nndroid
,
@AvaSantina
and
@FergusCraig
out now!
Listen everywhere:
#russellbrand
#brand
#podcast
#rumble
#ConspiracyTheories
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@joelycett
A heads up next time would be handy, mate. We did 6 minutes on that hedgehog story
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The sort of front page we can get behind.
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It's clear: We are all to blame for saga surrounding Princess Kate's health.
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@RosieisaHolt
and
@marcusbrig
on our latest episode➡️
#KateMiddleton
#sarahvine
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Next episode about to record at FOUR IN THE GOD DAMN AY EM, people
9
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Why is the Champions League trophy full of Heinz Tomato Soup?
4
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Surely it HAS to be 1,2,3,4?
For the full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
@RobDotHutton
and
@JohnJCrace
👉
2
12
56
Meet the BBC's new housing correspondent
1
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I vill say zis only once ... the reason why 'Allo 'Allo! is making the headlines again, thirty years after the show finished.
See the full episode of Paper Cuts (not Allo Allo!) with
@msmirandasawyer
@JonnElledge
and
@mattgreencomedy
👉
1
11
35
How have the papers reacted to Suella's sacking?
@mattgreencomedy
@RobDotHutton
and
@msmirandasawyer
address the cabinet reshuffle and Palestine protests ➡️
#CruellaBraverman
#PalestineProtest
#Sunak
#CameronReturns
#Cameron
#Reshuffle
#Conservative
0
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We're with you, Liz
0
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With the news from Buckingham Palace dominating the headlines, the Paper Cuts team take a moment to analyse the coverage on today’s episode ➡️
#King
#KingCharles
#Cancer
#BuckinghamPalace
#PrinceHarry
0
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 There's another Post Office scandal? 📫 One woman's search for an orgasm 😖 Plus – Men finally apologise for being rubbish🗑️
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@jacobjarv
and debutant
@dnlfoxx
🎧
0
3
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No Captain Tom line?
For the first time ever, our six Overground lines are each getting a new name and colour.
Read more about the inspiration and meaning behind each new name ⬇️
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30
Would abolishing landlords fix the housing crisis?
No,
@JonnElledge
explains.
Full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
and
@esther_manito
➡️
#housing
#crisis
#landlords
3
7
29
Should straight men try pegging? We're divided on
@k8_lister
's latest suggestion.
Full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
,
@JonnElledge
and
@JasonHazeley
out now ➡️
2
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How should you handle a school collapse crisis? NOTE: not with dance anthems 🤷♀️
Listen to the full episode ➡️
With
@msmirandasawyer
@RobDotHutton
@mattgreencomedy
#GillianKeegan
#education
#EducationSecretary
#RAAC
#RAACandRuin
0
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨
By-election defeat and labelled Dr Death? Sunak is having a bad day 😦 All our mates are looking for American Dates 👩❤️💋👨🇺🇸 Plus – A Mannequin robs a store? 🤹♀️🎭
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@JohnJCrace
and
@FergusCraig
👂:
2
5
27
If you can't say it, it isn't happening.🤦♂️
Are we heading into a recession, or is it just a *Rish-ession* ?
For the latest podcast episode with
@alexvtunzelmann
,
@JasonHazeley
and
@JohnJCrace
➡️
#recession
#costoflivingcrisis
#inflation
#RishiSunak
0
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🚨New Episode🚨 Rishi's new school dinners plan🤔🍎 Is your tot saving enough for their mortgage? 🐖👶🏻 Plus – We rank the best sex parties in the country 😈🇬🇧
Join
@msmirandasawyer
with debutants Boris Johnson and Liz Truss 👉🏻
9
6
27
Nadine Dorries has got a new book out... and it's baffling.
@msmirandasawyer
,
@marcusbrig
and
@HolstaT
break it down.
Full episode:
#nadinedorries
#book
#ukpolitics
#pet
#mafia
#crazy
#revelations
#conservative
#tory
#funny
#comedy
#conspiracy
#drno
0
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If you do have a Wikipedia page, then this is what it SHOULDN'T contain...
@ferguscraig
talks us through the Ecclestone fraud scandal ➡️
#Ecclestone
#BernieEcclestone
#fraud
#scandal
#crime
#criminaljustice
#breakingnews
#comedy
#celebritynews
1
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22
Even our Chinese spies are posh!
@FergusCraig
breaks down this uniquely British story.
Full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
and
@alexvtunzelmann
out everywhere: …
#chinese
#spy
#posh
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Different reality 🤦♂️
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Special thanks to
@thatjanravens
and
@marcusbrig
for no reason in particular. . .
Took us a LOT of negotiation to secure these two special guests for an unmissable edition!
Listen up!
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You didn't have to tell us it was an American chemist, it's implied. 🤦♂️
Perfect cup of tea needs a pinch of salt and squeeze of lemon, says US chemist
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Kate's cancer diagnosis sparks press backtracks 📰 French feminist's guide to laziness 🇫🇷🛌 Plus – Would you survive 24 hour in a Wetherspoon's? 🍻🏪
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@RosieisaHolt
and
@marcusbrig
🎧
0
4
18
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨
Metropolitan Police Open Brand Investigation
Plus Starmer's plan to tax private schools 💸🏫 AND the Jonas Brothers v Queen of the North! 👑🧑⚖️
@Nndroid
is joined by
@AvaSantina
and
@FergusCraig
Listen now:
4
6
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⚖️ What was Keir Starmer like during his days as a barrister?
@EmmaKennedy
’s answer may surprise you. She joins
@msmirandasawyer
and
@chancentrate
on today's episode ➡️
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WE’RE NOT THAT EASY
@MailOnline
Pretty sure The Mail are now putting things like this on the front page just to feature on
@papercutsshow
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🚨🚨BAKING NEWS🚨🚨
Greggs stores in the UK shut after IT issue hits payments
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What do Nigel Farage and Dannii Minogue have in common? 🤷♀️
Find out the truth behind today's headlines with
@JonnElledge
@msmirandasawyer
and
@mattgreencomedy
👉
#NigelFarage
#News
#Headlines
#TruthBehindTheHeadlines
#CaptainTom
#NatWest
1
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░E░X░T░E░N░D░E░D░ R░A░N░T░ I░N░ B░I░O
0
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Did you hear about the Labour landslide?🌹📈We say bye to the Tories🟦📉 Plus – Who were the election night fashionistas? 💃👔
Join
@msmirandasawyer
@JasonHazeley
and
@JonnElledge
for a very special edition of Paper Cuts➡️
5
2
17
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨
Boris blows it at the Covid Inquiry 😷🤡 The Guardian's ranked Christmas Carols and we disagree⛪️🧒 Plus – Does your partner pass the 'orange peel test'? 🍊❓
@msmirandasawyer
is joined by
@AvaSantina
and
@FinTaylorcomedy
👂:
3
6
15
If you come for the Queen
@PoliticsJOE_UK
, you better not miss.
@AvaSantina
,
@OliDugmore
,
@edcmpbl
,
@msmirandasawyer
.
1
4
15
Wait, Boris Johnson was totally unfit for high office?!
You're kidding.
@RobDotHutton
breaks the news to
@msmirandasawyer
and
@marcusbrig
Full episode:
#politicslive
#CovidInquiryUK
#borisjohnson
#covid19
#pandemic
#CovidInquiry
#lockdown
2
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15
Netflix and Krill
Humpback sex photographed for first time – and both whales were male
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The Government's plans are getting a 'D' from us
For more news analysis with
@JonnElledge
@RobDotHutton
and
@athenakugblenu
➡️
#exams
#ALevels
#GCSEs
#covid
0
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🚨SPECIAL BANK HOLIDAY EPISODE🚨
@msmirandasawyer
sits down with the man, the myth, the legend: Adrian Chiles!
Listen here:
5
4
15
Today on Paper Cuts,
@AvaSantina
tries to convince
@jacobjarv
and
@FergusCraig
that Conservative Party Conference is actually going quite well. . .
Listen:
1
8
15
And yes,
@alexvtunzelmann
wore her Scotland scarf through the whole recording. 🏴🏴🏴
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You won't find this national treasure in the bargain bin.
Congrats on the 190 votes
@CountBinface
.
@rialina_
@alexvtunzelmann
&
@msmirandasawyer
read the papers so you don't have to.
Listen to the latest Paper Cuts➡️
1
2
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Top Tory donor's racist 'jokes' aren't landing 🫣 Lily Allen says having kids ruined her pop music career 🎶👨👩👧👦 Plus – Chew on this! Vet watchdog steps in 🦮💉
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@JonnElledge
and debutant and
@RosieisaHolt
🎧
1
5
15
Do you have room in your heart for a poor white male banker this Christmas?😢
@marcusbrig
starts our Christmas appeal with
@msmirandasawyer
and
@JonnElledge
Full episode➡️
#bankers
#bank
#funny
#housing
#comedy
#comedian
#christmasappeal
#house
#uknews
2
4
14
Hell hath no fury like that of a woman with a nanny 🤷♀️
For the full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
@JonnElledge
and
@marcusbrig
➡️
#borisjohnson
#carriejohnson
#nanny
#rose
#boris
#Tories
#ToriesBrokeBritain
#UKcomedy
#ukpodcast
1
1
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Happy Brexit Day! But no one's talking about it?! And as keyboard warriors Zuckerberg and Musk threaten to take this outside, we ask - who do you want to see in a celebrity punch up?
Paper Cuts is out now, wherever you get your podcasts:
0
6
13
Guess who’s back, back again…
The column no-one wanted or needed.
Listen to the full episode with
@RobDotHutton
,
@msmirandasawyer
and
@FergusCraig
here 👉
0
9
14
If "there's no innovation without failure",
@mattgreencomedy
explains how these inventions fall heavily into the failure camp🤦♂️
Listen to the full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
and
@youngvulgarian
out now!
👂:
#invention
#comedy
#swikini
0
3
14
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Can we do anything about fake news? 🗞️🤥 Who are the astronauts stuck on the ISS?🚀🛰️ Plus – Why you should never marry Mr 'OK' 💔👫
Join first time host
@_NatashaDevon
,
@RosieisaHolt
and
@HolstaT
here 👉🏻
0
5
13
Yes.
@RobDotHutton
is playing with Lego on the live stream already . . . for political reasons. Join in!
5
4
14
Oh no he didn't!
An actor from Plymouth has become the first person in the world to receive a Masters degree in Contemporary Pantomime Practice.
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1
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Liz Truss has gone stateside and as far as we’re concerned, they can keep her.
@FergusCraig
joins
@msmirandasawyer
and
@jacobjarv
➡️
#LizTruss
#CPAC
1
4
13
Surely, it's not like Bojo to be caught with a woman....?
For the latest episode ➡️
#BorisJohnson
#CarrieJohnson
#nanny
#parenting
#Parents
#parenting
#UKPolitics
#uknews
#celebrity
1
4
11
No notes, incredible work
@SussexStories
.
A handyman who masturbated over a tenant's knickers has been acquitted of criminal damage
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The BBC sex scandal is making all the headlines, and with names flying around on social media,
@msmirandasawyer
@youngvulgarian
and
@rialina_
explain why we still don't know who it is 👀
Listen to the full episode here 👉
#BBCPresenter
#BBCscandal
0
2
12
Right, when did the Sunday Sport take over Metro's socials
The UK is about to be absolutely shafted as the country faces the moistest February in 258 years
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6K
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Rishi's been lying about tax! 💵🤥 We must save the German nudists 🇩🇪🍃 Plus – Are you interested in any of Britain's most eligible bachelors 🧐💒
Join
@alexvtunzelmann
,
@JonnElledge
and
@marcusbrig
🎧
0
4
13
He may be the 'Ronaldo of Darts' but he's certainly not 16..🤔
@msmirandasawyer
questions with
@alexvtunzelmann
and
@JasonHazeley
Listen here:
#darts
#littler
#lukelitler
#dartsworldchampionship
#allypally
#funny
#conspiracytheory
#conspiracytheories
8
5
13
SO TIRED
@papercutsshow
did an election episode at 4am. You can relive the news flow. They get so tired that by the end they are just laughing hysterically, but I am so tired now that this is the only kind of content I am good for.
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Sending our thoughts and prayers to this woman’s children 🙏…
@dnlfoxx
@msmirandasawyer
and
@jacobjarv
on a bizarre column that made our producer cry with laughter.
Listen here ➡️
#ukcomedy
#comedy
#britishhumour
#comedyvideos
#funnyreels
0
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Come on people, you can beat
@MetroUK
's effort for this tale. Reply with a better headline, tag it
#FixTheHeadline
and there's a Paper Cuts t-shirt to be won…
38
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13
Happy Friday Paper Cutters, it's time to
#fixtheheadline
!
This week the Mail's got a story about how to win lawsuits, but their headline wouldn't hold up in court.
Show them how it's done!
35
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 It's the Mail vs Angela Rayner 🥊🏘️
@hardestgeezer
has run the length of Africa but 'Big Running' isn't keeping pace🏃♂️👟 Plus – How to cheat, from an infidelity coach 💔👪
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@_NatashaDevon
and
@FergusCraig
🎧
1
6
13
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Liz Truss is taking every opportunity to talk about her book 🥬📖 What on earth is polycule?! 👩❤️💋👩💑 Plus – Happy 50th to Posh Spice! How did the newspapers celebrate?🥳5⃣0⃣
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@JonnElledge
and
@FergusCraig
🎧
4
4
11
Ever compulsively reached for the bottle when you read the line 'wine-o-clock?' 🥂
No, us neither.
A sexist headline debrief awaits with
@athenakugblenu
@alexvtunzelmann
and
@msmirandasawyer
.
Follow the link to the latest episode here 👉
0
4
12
It's
#fixtheheadline
time!
This week the Mail have gone for 'Have they gone gaga?' for a story about expensive perfume for Babies.
You can do better! Send us your best fixes and you might be the next winner of an exclusive Paper Cuts t-shirt!
29
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It's the Paper Cuts takeover, baby
Join us now on the livestream:
2
1
12
This is an outrage. Some guy in the Indie wants to kill off… the Muppets? Our shocked panel defends our favourite frog/pig/bear/whatever team. Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@tldrben
and
@dnlfoxx
➡️
#muppets
#USPolitics
#comedyreels
#comedytiktok
#funnyreels
0
3
12
Their relationship is now strained
4
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11
Suella's entered her villain era, and we are OBSESSED
@GrainneMaguire
@msmirandasawyer
and
@HolstaT
discuss THAT Suella picture ➡️
#SuellaBraverman
#RishiSunak
#PMQs
#DavidCameron
#Rwanda
#HumanRightsViolations
#protest
#Palestine
0
7
12
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Tory MP honey trapped!🍯🪤 Who asked for this new Amy Winehouse film? 📽️🎤 Plus – Blind Date might be coming back... why!? 🧑🦯🩷
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@AvaSantina
and
@athenakugblenu
🎧
3
3
12
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨
Big Tobacco funding shoddy vape science 🚬🌬️ Lost British boy found in French mountains? 🗻🇫🇷 Plus – won't somebody please think of the white male bankers? 🧑💼😱
@msmirandasawyer
is joined by
@marcusbrig
and
@JonnElledge
🎧:
3
3
12
@marcusbrig
with the wildest headline we've seen in years...
For the full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
and
@youngvulgarian
➡️
#danielkhalife
#prison
#PrisonBreak
#uknews
#ukcomedy
#wandsworth
#justice
#law
0
2
12
Why is everyone so angry about Kier Starmer's latest U-Turn?
@JonnElledge
&
@msmirandasawyer
take a closer look at the two-child policy.
Listen here:
1
1
12
Rishi Sunak: The D-Day dodger.
Full episode with
@msmirandasawyer
,
@jessicafostekew
and
@zoe_grunewald
out now ➡️
1
6
12
It’s
#FixTheHeadline
time! This one from the Mail isn’t a terrible headline — but you can do better. Post yours with this hashtag and the best one wins a Paper Cuts t-shirt. Go!!
22
2
11
🚨🚨BREAKING MOOS🚨🚨
1
1
11
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Why on earth did they photoshop Kate Middleton ⁉️📸 No slapstick this year, but who surprised at the 2024 Oscars?🏆🎞️ Plus – Margate's
@CrabMuseum
is a MUST VISIT🦀
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@RobDotHutton
and debutant
@Rich_Fulcher
🎧
0
4
11
We've found an out of this world story with a down in the dirt headline. Yup, it's time to
#fixtheheadline
!
Fix this headline and we'll read out the best on Monday and the best will win a super swanky Paper Cuts T Shirt!
49
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9
🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Starmer faces off with his back bench over winter fuel payments🥶🤬 The life and times of Hollywood assistants🤩😫 Plus – Is Duolingo ruining your life? 🦜😰
Join
@msmirandasawyer
@zoe_grunewald
and first timer
@willhallcomedy
here ➡️
0
4
11
Move over, Gen Z. It's "oldfluencer" time.
@msmirandasawyer
investigates with
@RobDotHutton
and
@JasonHazeley
Listen here:
#influencers
#oldfluencers
#old
#oap
#funny
#fun
#comedy
#podcast
#tiktok
#socialmedia
#influencer
#life
#older
2
2
9
Can anybody guess what this headline actually means? 🤷♀️
Join
@GrainneMaguire
,
@youngvulgarian
and
@msmirandasawyer
as they put their heads together to work it out 👉
0
3
11
"Did you have to bring him today, of all days?"
"Well if you're bringing HER, then I can bring who I like"
Someone on
@papercutsshow
said they looked like a divorced couple being made to stand together to make a speech at their daughters wedding. 🤣
Now thats humour.
Great podcast, worth a listen
0
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨Tory gambling drama rolls on🎰💰
@the_fence_mag
investigates the best work parties 🍾🪩 Plus – The Mail says middle aged women are embracing tattoos✍️⚓️
Join
@msmirandasawyer
@HolstaT
and
@andrewismaxwell
here:
2
7
11
It's friday, so it's time to
#fixtheheadline
again!
The Daily Mail could really have done better with this story about cars tracking your sex life, show them how it's done!
Best fix wins an exclusive Paper Cuts t-shirt!
New episode of Paper Cuts, out very soon!
17
2
11
It's time to
#fixtheheadline
again!
This week the Guardian could've done better with this heartwarming tale of a toy monkey's return home.
Show them how its done and you could win an exclusive Paper Cuts t-shirt on Monday's show.
28
2
11
Today: The horrific knife attack in Southport dominates the front pages. Then, as we move to the middle pages – The life of a Teletubby as told by an actor who played one. And
@k8_lister
explains what shagging was like in days of yore.
@alexvtunzelmann
,
@GrainneMaguire
and
3
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Assassination attempt on Slovak PM 🇸🇰 The Times investigates the darkside of OnlyFans 🫥🔍 Plus – Why we LOVE slagging off other people's weddings 👰💒
Join
@Nndroid
,
@RebeccaCNReid
and
@jessicafostekew
🎧
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Who'd have guessed the Royals would still be making headlines, eh? Listen to the WORST EVER BBC News notification according to
@tldrben
...
For the full episode with
@JasonHazeley
and
@msmirandasawyer
➡️
#ukcomedy
#HarryandMeghan
#Royals
#RoyalFamily
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🚨NEW EPISODE🚨 Post Office scandal pops off📭 How to tackle online romance scammers 💸 Plus – The Guardian is fixing your sex life one step at a time🦶
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@jacobjarv
and
@thatjanravens
🎧
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Conservative Party 🤝 Liverpudlian Women
Why does the Conservative Party love Scouse Women?
Join
@msmirandasawyer
,
@alexvtunzelmann
and
@FergusCraig
to dig deeper 🕵️♂️
Full Episode, Out Now:
#GillianKeegan
#Liverpool
#Conservatives
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