Marcoooos!
@marcusbrig
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I cannot think of any government in my lifetime who deserves to lose an election as much as this gang of crooks and liars.
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We’re okay.
We’re fine.
This is going okay.
@rachelparris
and I passing the time...
And KILLING IT! 😍
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One day at a time - I have today reached 29 years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs and (with some ups and downs) compulsive overeating.
Enormous thanks to all of the kind & patient people who’ve helped me.
I am extremely grateful. X
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With enormous gratitude to friends, fellows & my wonderful family I am today 31 years sober from drugs & alcohol!
🎉🎉🎉
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#LockdownLipSync
Here it is... Round 2!
The POWER of Love!
#Lipsyncbattle
.
@rachelparris
played an ace yesterday. So here’s my reply.
Honestly... we’re fine.
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#LockdownLipSync
Round 4.
With apologies to Prince AND Sinead O’Connor...
“I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant...”
If only!
@rachelparris
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What matters is that The Conservative Party are removed from power this year.
Everything else is a footnote.
Happy New Year and good luck everyone!
X
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Huge and sincere thanks to
@SadiqKhan
for his excellent public service where this is concerned.
I am never coming to London again. Khan. You have fucked my home town up.
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There is no ‘war’ on motorists.
There are too many motorists (like me) in an otherwise empty car filling roads & poisoning the air because other transport options are expensive / don’t exist.
This is cynical, populist politics & if you fall for it you’re an incurious mug.
I’m slamming the brakes on the war on motorists - it's as simple as that.
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#LockdownLipSync
🔥 I’m the FIRESTARTER! 🔥
The Prodigy - Keith Flint.
🕷
Filth infatuated... yeaaah
@rachelparris
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@afneil
@spectator
Really bold stuff here for the Spectator readership..
‘Women aren’t funny and my Brexiteer feelings got hurt when the meanies made a funny’
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Blood test results:
Confirmed.
I had C19 in March & now have antibodies in my blood.
I am chosen.
I will save us all.
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What a terrible terrible loss. RIP Sean.
One of the funniest people I’ve ever met. A brilliant, natural, mischievous stand up. Always beautifully imaginative.
You’ll be badly missed Locky.
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@RishiSunak
You voted against scrapping it 6 years ago.
What is wrong with you?
You must - somewhere inside you - understand how damaging it is to constantly treat the truth like it’s a toy to be played with or discarded when it no longer suits.
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An apology.
This is VERY awkward. I feel rather embarrassed. I’ve made a fool of myself and caused harm to others.
I can only say I’m very sorry.
We were taking down our Christmas Tree and sure enough, just behind the base of the tree there were 11780 votes.
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Twice in a year Johnson has had to sit within striking distance of the PM delivering a reading he ABSOLUTELY believes he should be giving.
It’s not much. I know.
But his anguish, jealousy, and deep disappointment brings me such joy. 😊
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That’s the spirit. No matter how much evidence there is that you’re wrong, that you’ve been conned & that your entire sense of what the UK used to be & what will likely come next is mistaken.
Stand firm.
You creaking galleon of faux patriotic, defiantly stupid, blinkered dolts.
It’s so close, you can almost taste it. Stand firm, Brexiteers. We’ve come this far. Don’t let 17.4 million of us down. No wavering.
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I have the same thing with Foo Fighters!
They won’t let me pick set lists or write songs with them. They won’t even give me money or access to gigs.
@foofighters
actually treat me like I’m not IN the band.
I buy their records. So we’ll soon see who needs who more! 😡
UK Negotiator David Frost says the EU has failed to recognise that the UK wants its rules to be totally separate from the EU.
The EU has recognised that since 2016, but without shared rules, there will be a loss of market access. and
@DavidGHFrost
has failed to recognise that.
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Round 5:
#LockdownLipSync
Jarvis Cocker.
Pulp - Disco 2000.
@rachelparris
Let’s all meet up in a few months time instead eh?!
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Imagine being a devout catholic like Widdecombe or JRM and then pretending that you dislike important decisions being made by unelected leaders in Europe.
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I was sitting on the other side with Ian through this…
Kilroy was an absolute toilet of a man.
20 years ago today Paul Merton told Robert Kilroy Silk to shut the fuck up 👏It didn’t air in the televised episode, but here’s the clip from the recording.
#HIGNFY
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Well...
This happened 😂😂😂
Comedians Rachel Parris and Marcus Brigstocke have been sharing their dramatic renditions of songs by such artists as George Michael and Celine Dion and now they're debuting their first DUET live on
@GMA
!
#LockdownLipSync
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Donna Summer - McArthur Park
#LockdownLipSync
🎵Someone left my cake out in the rain🎵
Here it is! My reply to
@rachelparris
incredible George Michael yesterday.
It’s just a tiny bit camp...
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Why is anyone still asking this lying toxic cunt what he thinks about any of this?
Christ I hope he pays the price for what he’s done soon.
"I think she's the worst prime minister in living memory."
Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage calls for Theresa May to step down, saying "let's go for no deal, and then we honour the referendum."
#BrexitVote
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Barry Cryer used to ring me up just to tell me a joke. It was like getting a call from Hendrix so he could play you a riff.
He never forgot a joke - he might forget he’d already told you it but but just poured through him.
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🎶Monday you can fall apart... Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart... Oh Thursday doesn’t even start...🎶
The Cure - ‘Friday I’m in Love’.
#LockdownLipSync
Round 10
@rachelparris
Robert Smith came round while you were in the shower!
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The threat made by Dane Baptiste against a woman on IG wasn’t vague & cannot be justified. It was targeted & dangerous. Driven (imo) by antisemitism & misogyny.
I refuse to look the other way & stay silent while only Jewish friends speak up. Hatred & racism like this has to end.
Dane Baptiste issues a death threat to fellow comic | Police to investigate vile post targetting 'Zionist' woman
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Hark! The fatuous thumping of an empty breastplate. From the back of the legion trots this pink little coward huffing & bellowing on his toy horse inviting those still dumb enough to listen to imagine victories he has neither motivation nor guile enough to deliver.
The front page of tomorrow’s Daily Telegraph: Boris Johnson: ‘We have blinked. We have baulked. We have bottled it completely. It is time for the PM to channel the spirit of Moses in Exodus, and say to Pharaoh in Brussels – LET MY PEOPLE GO’
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After an entire night up with a poorly baby I am now watching Bluey.
I am either deranged through lack of sleep or this is genius.
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This is so fucking bleak.
Genuinely depressing and very frightening.
VIDEO: LABOUR ACTIVISTS ADMIT CORBYN IS UNFIT FOR OFFICE
**WARNING** CONTAINS EXTREME RACISM
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🎵You give a little love and it all comes back to you🎵
#LockdownLipSync
Round 8!
Bugsy Malone - You Give A Little Love ❤️
Here ya go toots!
@rachelparris
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Reality is bad for Brexit you monstrous unflushable turd.
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The British Press have betrayed the people of the U.K. They lie to us day after day & fill this country with hate & fear. This is their win.
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FAO
@michaelgove
this is video of one of the lies you have used to make the U.K. worse.
Imports must be to our standards? Absolutely, said
@michaelgove
*TWICE*. He guaranteed it. Yesterday he voted against. Watch. 👇😠
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🎉 🎈 HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎊 🎂 you brilliant, beautiful, funny, joyful, silly, kind, clever, generous goofball!
@rachelparris
🎈 🥳
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‘There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in.’ Desmond Tutu
The likes of
@NatalieElphicke
don’t just watch them fall in - they help make the riverbank as steep & slippery as they can.
Today I visited the Dover Food Bank with Scarlett Smith, where we put together parcels for people this Christmas time. Scarlett also handed in donations of food and toys for Christmas that she has been collecting.
I was so impressed with the vital work of the Dover Food Bank
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@matthewdmarsden
Revel in your ignorance Matthew. Enjoy it you dim witted, incurious dolt.
You’ll find it more comfortable than making the effort to learn and grow.
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A shallow lying disgrace of a man without a shred of dignity or integrity left. I feel a visceral anger for Gove, Johnson & Farage.
TONIGHT:
@michaelgove
tells us what he meant when he said "people in this country have had enough of experts"
#newsnight
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@WestminsterWAG
Just remember - you and your manipulative, dishonest husband are unlikely to ever experience the damage caused by your selfish and corrupt Brexit campaign.
You pervert and fetishise the word ‘democratic’ when it suits you with no care at all for what it actually means.
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Hey the Beeb - pick a station!
Not ALL of them. Surely?
One will do. Maybe two.
A long mention on the news and all that but pick a damn station.
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This is exceptionally bad news for us all. Dacre has caused irreparable harm to the U.K.
He is a toxic, dishonest and malevolent man.
BREAKING: Boris Johnson has asked former Mail editor Paul Dacre to run thr broadcasting watchdog Ofcom. Charles Moore is close to a done deal to be BBC chairman
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We laughed so much this night in a cupboard in Mayrhofen. At
@AltitudeComedy
Helpless we were. Trying to stay quiet. Hiding from no one.
Anyone who passed was grabbed & pulled inside with us. 😂😢
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Excuse me very nicely, sorry, pardon me - but WHAT CHANNEL WILL THIS BE ON?!
Trump has signaled to allies that the Secret Service will have to drag him from the White House kicking and screaming
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On Dec 5th 1990 I got sober/clean from drugs, alcohol & compulsive overeating.
33 years later - a day at a time - I still am. 😊
I’m hugely grateful to the many people who’ve helped me.
Thank you.
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I’ve had so many kind messages today. Thank you.
S’been a rough one. The aches & pains are back & are bad. I smell nothing at all & taste very little (hate that!).
I feel absolutely drained & exhausted.
Also - the sun shone. I FaceTimed my beautiful children & I love my wife!
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How are we so diminished and so numb?
Most of us should be surging, wide eyed and livid towards Westminster screaming like scalded cats at the news that
@trussliz
has been empowered to create any sort of list apart from who she should apologise to first.
🤬🤬🤬
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This is terribly sad news.
Touring with Tim & playing with him on ISIHAC was always a privilege & an absolute pleasure.
He was such a warm, silly, funny man - a truly brilliant guest on ‘I’ve Never Seen Star Wars’.
God you made me laugh Tim.
RIP you dear, daft, wonderful man.
Buxton born Tim Brooke-Taylor, the comedian and actor, has died this morning from COVID-19.
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I hope you will come to understand in time what a cruel & dangerous thing you have done today.
I’m one of many who are enraged by this.
I have no respect for you nor what you claim to be doing for the UK.
@BorisJohnson
@SuellaBraverman
@michaelgove
@RishiSunak
@MattHancock
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I hadn’t ‘gamed’ for years.
I played ‘The Last Of Us’.
I played ‘The Last Of Us 2’.
My mind was blown.
Utterly.
I thought the games were phenomenal. Complex, scary, fascinating & very exciting.
Given this information-
What should I play now?
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The more pictures you share of people panic buying - no matter how daft they seem - the more you help spread the idea that things are running out and consequently help to create a sense of panic.
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Absolutely glorious.
Imagine Kenneth being your science teacher...
#OnThisDay
1981: Carry On Thermocoupling: Kenneth Williams was a guest presenter on Tomorrow's World.
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London is a far greater city than you will ever understand
@Councillorsuzie
.
It is more complex and joyfully diverse than your hateful populist campaign could ever reach.
Now - please - just go away. You are not suited to politics or to London.
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This is a HUGE boost for the UK.
I heard this morning that Les French are terrified. Most of their wineries are closing up shop because of ‘burdensome’ bottle sizing.
We’ve got them on the run now Britain. One more push and we’ll finally be free.
🍾Thanks to Brexit, British vineyards will be able to sell still & sparkling wine in 200ml, 500ml & 568ml ‘pint’ sizes
900 vineyards across Britain already produce 12.2m bottles of wine each year, so this will help support businesses and grow the economy
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On our way to the BAFTAS!
So exciting.
(Yes, I know... I’m a very lucky man.)
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After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.
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I look forward to the word ‘trump’ taking its rightful place as a simple fart descriptor again.
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The result is the usual comic brilliance from
@joelycett
…
But the sadness and anger that so many of us feel is expressed beautifully here and it’s important.
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I’m a ‘British public’ - I can only speak for myself but let me be clear I am NOT desperate for any of these crooks, opportunists and ill prepared chumps to ‘get on with’ Brexit.
“This is not a good place for any party to be… We’ve got a big problem. It’s caused by Brexit… I think the British public are desperate for us to get on with it…”
1922 Committee Acting Chairman
@CharlesWalker
MP on Tory divisions and how to fix them
#Newsnight
|
@maitlis
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The beautiful Geoffrey Palmer has died.
He was the kindest, most brilliant man. Funny, gentle and generous.
Geoffrey played my Dad in ‘The Savages’ & I learned so much from him.
RIP.
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Vaccine
#season2
.
🎶”When they try to make you go for rejab- I say go go go”🎶
HUGE thanks to all NHS staff & volunteers making this happen & awe struck gratitude to the brilliant scientists who developed the vax! 😊👏👏👏
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Nothing ‘snapped’.
This murder took a long time. Minutes passed while George Floyd begged for his life.
You
@realDonaldTrump
are a shameless apologist for white supremacy and for violence, racism and murder.
President Donald Trump said "something snapped" in the policeman accused of the second-degree murder of George Floyd.
He also called for "law and order" across the USA after days of protests.
Watch the full interview:
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The vast majority of people both with and without faith are reasonable and kind and decent.
How we end up so often represented by those who do not share these qualities is maddening.
Scenes from Tal Aviv are heartening.
Ten of thousands Jews & Arabs are gathering in Tel Aviv against the
#NationStateLaw
and Netanyahu's government.
This might be the largest Jewish-Arab demonstrating event in Israel's history. Solidarity.
#Amazing
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This is epic. Stirring. Emotional. Strange... so strange. It is powerful and encouraging.
It does take a turn about 5 minutes in when he wields the mighty sword of Conan. (Not kidding! Actual CONAN SWORD!)
My message to my fellow Americans and friends around the world following this week's attack on the Capitol.
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Oh 😢 this is such very sad news.
RIP Barry Humphries.
You have left behind a hilarious and extraordinary collection of brilliant comedy for us to enjoy. An absolute inspiration.
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🎶tell your brother, your sister and you mama too...🎶
CAMEO - WORD UP!
#lockdownLipSync
Round 14
Here it is
@rachelparris
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Welcome to the start of a new week!
#LockdownLipSync
‘How do you like your eggs in the morning?’ - Dean Martin & Helen O’Connel.
The duet that literally none of you asked for! 😂
@rachelparris
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@amandalees
Please tell your kid - that this stranger has read about what she's done and thinks she's brilliant. I hope that you find a way through this and it all comes good. In the meantime - all the best to you both. This isn't fair. In the end though it will be okay. M x
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I very briefly found over the weekend a sad sense of resignation that our country will soon leave the EU.
There isn’t any way to stop it now.
It’ll happen on Johnson’s terms.
The acceptance has gone.
I’m fucking raging.
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It’s too soon to say how effective
@Keir_Starmer
will prove as Labour leader.
Worth mentioning - He was knighted for ‘services to law & criminal justice’.
If you see no value in that or think the word ‘barrister’ is an insult - you are dangerously thick.
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A big bunch of us are heading out wheat running at midnight. Dimbleby says he'll throw to it if we get the numbers.
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The contempt
@RishiSunak
holds us in is visceral. This list should be blocked and disregarded in it’s entirety.
How fucking dare you
@trussliz
?
Britain's shortest-serving prime minister Liz Truss has unveiled her resignation honours list, sparking an angry backlash from some critics.
Political correspondent Peter Saull had more details on
#BBCBeakfast
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Mathew Elliot is chief exec of the Taxpayers Alliance. An organisation whose funding is kept as opaque & secretive as possible.
In other words
@trussliz
&
@RishiSunak
we have NO IDEA who’s interests this crook will serve in the Lords.
In 2016, a Parliamentary Committee was forced to summon Matthew Elliot under a parliamentary order to get him to turn up.
ME spent 8 minutes refusing to apologise for not turning up previously as requested. ME who disrespected parliament is being appointed to parliament to
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Thank you to all volunteers and staff working in polling stations all over the country today. Much appreciated!
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Nah
@nigel_farage
this is the government’s own carefully considered report.
You’re done you lying, venal, coward.
What you want will hurt thousands of vulnerable people (many of who have been fooled into supporting you) & it cannot be allowed to happen.
“I’ve never seen such utter tosh in my entire life��
@Nigel_Farage
responds to the release of the
#Yellowhammer
papers.
#Peston
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Well played Four Seasons TOTAL landscaping!
Well played. 😂
Is it even an official conference if you aren't using Four Seasons Total Landscaping? By popular demand - we have a properly sized
@zoom_us
background. Drop a photo if you use it!
#LawnAndOrder
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Abysmal coward
@BorisJohnson
using Ukrainians as a human shield to protect himself from the consequences of his own failures.
Resign you dismal crook.
@10DowningStreet
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There are reports that
@Nigel_Farage
was AT some of the riots - hidden in a balaclava & throwing bins at a branch of Chicken Cottage.
The police & security services have not yet confirmed what is known. We simply don’t know.
Clearly there are questions to be answered.
🚨 NEW: Nigel Farage tells
@LBC
that he has had "nothing" to do with the riots in the country at the moment
"This level of incitement to violence against me, which is utterly baseless, has led to a huge increase in my security uptick"
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That splashing sound you can hear...
that’s rats hitting the water as they leap off the ship.
#BrexitReality
Take trump out of the picture and Brexit Britain suddenly looks like the cunt’s pedalo it always was.
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The vast majority of people in the UK are kind, generous and decent. 😊
People help to repair damaged wall at
#Southport
Mosque after violence last night. Latest in
@BBCNWT
at 1.30
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Proud to be out with my family today marching towards what we hope will be better future in the EU and away from what we now know will be a dangerous disaster in the form of Brexit.
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Oh
@BillBailey
. Brilliant mate. You could not have timed this joyful moment better.
Huge congratulations. We loved it round at ours.
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If you can listen to 48 hours of bbc radio at the moment without saying our loud# ‘wtf if going ON?’
you win a Duke of Edinburgh Award.
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