Lola 🍬🧅🫀🕰️🪲
@morsetrisus
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ORM BE RIGHT BACK
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@memeticsisyphus
Once I said to my friend’s baby “oh, are you flirting with me? ☺️” bc baby was being all cute and fluttering his eyelashes, and I got a 90second speech on why that was disgusting of me and I was sexualizing his child.
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Face dox.
Voice dox.
Hand dox.
Neck dox.
Curled lock of hair behind ear dox.
Freckle hidden at bend in arm dox.
Ratty tshirt you refuse to throw away dox.
Childhood home dox.
Dream dox.
Future burial plot dox.
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Surgery went fine, things are actually better than I expected! Hopefully won’t need another one for 5-6 months at least.
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@Arkoneous
I’ve always said “if they’re not married, they’re single” 👌🏻—it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re available—and that’s the way I try to date. If a man doesn’t intend to marry me he should move on bc I’m not going to play pretend marriage.
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Here’s
@melodramadaisy
shooting—
Daisy didn’t get any photos of me, she’s not a girl’s girl…
jk I only shot one bullet and got a bullseye 😘
and actually she’s the ultimate girl’s girl.
here’s my feet.
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Probs stole this design, idk. Found the sketch in my patterns drawer. But it’s my butter shirt now 😏
I think it needs tbsp lines
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Taught my grandma the term « ghosting » today and she immediately weaponized it against my dating life.
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Asked my dad to buy me a goth MAGA hat or *free big don* shirt, and he said he didn’t want to add gasoline to the fire.
Anyway.
Seeking husband who likes fires.
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The feminine urge to pray a husband and children into Paradise
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Am I a jerk, or is it reasonable to be annoyed that people don’t know how to read Shakespeare aloud? I’m ready to cry real tears for my role and these people can’t figure out “in’t”
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I’ve never met a marriageable man who I could really have confidence in. Someone I could call with a problem and be certain their advice would be worth following. Or who I’d trust to make decisions for me, which is the dream.
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I told my coworker I was going to the Balkans this fall,
and her response was,
“To visit one of the Serbians in your phone?” 🙃
@wind_chim
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I spent years trying to avoid looking helpless as an unmarried woman so I didn’t come across as desperate…now I fully acknowledge all the things I need a man for. I can’t even lotion my own back. I am (rightfully, reasonably, & adorably) desperate for a husband.
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woke up to a full orchestra playing fifty yards from my bedroom window and thought it was coming from inside of me
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Do reply girls exist? Is this a scenario I need to avoid, or are girls too pretty to worry about that? I feel like I have the privilege to chatter at leisure…
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Uh oh 🫣
as a girl who used to only paint her nails red, yes this is a huge red flag in a person
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Went on a date with a guy who spent an hour detailing Polish military history, and honestly…it was fantastic. I want more dates like that. He was so relaxed and excited, it was adorable, and I got to chill out and ask dumb questions.
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Grabbed my checkbook to write a rent check and realized idk who to pay. My last landlord told me somebody bought the house but nobody has contacted me…am I a squatter? Is this squatting?
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I never thought I would feel so much affection for this sweetie pie DJT. 🥰
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birth control in the water
It’s not just YA. Adults are watching kid’s cartoons, reading kid’s books, going on kid’s vacations, dressing like kids, talking like kids, thinking like kids.
Men love to call out infantile women, and women do the same to manchildren, but it’s both.
Mass arrested development.
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Wore a silk dress over a black leotard today and nobody even asked me out
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Make your children practice reading aloud A LOT so someday they can impress people at a play reading, and not awkwardly stumble through line after line, mispronouncing every fifth word. ♥️
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8yo convinced her fingers were crafted by God specifically to press flute keys
flexor tendon
specialist fat pad
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Meeting a guy and immediately imagining how his clothes would look on me
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I was also the only woman besides the hostess in a cocktail dress with hair done, and sad nobody dresses up anymore…even for an event at someone’s home it’s polite to put some effort in. Just fifty years ago it would have been rude to show up somewhere with hair unstyled.
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I am discovering the joy of cat reaction photos for the first time and y’all are gonna have to just ride it out.
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Awful to look at?!? 😦 Diagramming sentences is one of my favourite pastimes! When I first lived by myself I would get tipsy and stay up late diagramming sentences! So useful, so satisfying, so beautiful!
Mmmm no don’t like this. Inventive, but awful to look at.
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Just figure out how you feel about the person in front of you. Stop obsessing over imaginary options
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Help the guy at Wendy’s just pulled the weirdest power play and tried to withhold spoons from my family ?
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Go get tangled up in your own life.
Stop watching it from another room.
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I’d put my maga hat on this week in solidarity but somebody PEED ON IT
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Awh I noticed for the first time that someone unfollowed me, it actually does sting a little 😞
Still unfollow ppl all the time tho 😏 🐝
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I actually had a crust of bread in bed this morning.
I’m being watched.
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When I was little our front doorknob seemed so intense and fancy I was scared to even touch it. Hope this helps.
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My papa did a grocery run for me and got four pounds of ground beef but it’s the cheap kind and it tastes and feels so so bad
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I find it hard to believe that some people have very serious lives. Life is so absurd, so filled with laughter and silliness.
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I remember so vividly the moment little Lola realized, knocked to the linoleum kitchen floor by a massive brainwave and expansion of consciousness, that skipping the bagel and just eating the strawberry cream cheese was not only possible…but fewer calories.
bro the amount of cream cheese my bf puts on his bagels compared to mine drives me insane
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Deleted my last tweet bc I’m a recovering pick me and I think it was a relapse
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My dad came by to mow my yard and walk my dog and I had him do a modesty check before I left for work. He liked my dress
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For the last month of hot girl summer, I intend to find a way to attract a man just like Doc Holliday.
This will require measuring any man I meet on a scale of Doc-ness. Hmm.
(New and improved with comments back on)
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This is the longest I’ve EVER gone without owning a piano/playing daily. First time in my life I’m not playing regularly and it really hurts.
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I know when a guy is truly masculine not by his height or , but when I instinctively go to him with questions assuming he’ll have the answers. And when he actually has those answers? Swoon.
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Two separate people this week told me I wouldn’t like something bc it’s punk! And two times I had to defend myself! But saying “I like punk!” with a distressed little pout didn’t work…
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So far, gorgeous and just the right amount of camp/absurdity.
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I know when a guy is truly masculine not by his height, but when I instinctively go to him with questions assuming he’ll have the answers. And when he actually has those answers? Swoon.
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We’re in sync! My thoughts have been with the cowboys this week. Simple, action-focused virtue. Errantry. Horsies.
The American cowboy is the only male-type since that has managed to capture the aura of the Medieval Knight
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Anybody else want to get up on this *introverted does not mean shy or quiet* soapbox with me? We can make small talk while we’re up here bc I’m an introvert, not a wilting, dull, taciturn misanthrope.
I am a little aloof, though.
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Bird on the traffic light
Wasn’t startled when it turned green
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They also never look around, so they don’t see me staring. It’s delightfully irritating…
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An afternoon spent removing tear stains from handkerchiefs—bowed low over a bucket in the bathtub, scrubbing around delicate bits of lace with a toothbrush.
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Tried to get my coworker into Moo Deng and he was NOT having it. Called him a slimy slug.
Commie. 😠
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A very big passion of mine! We need to be closer to death; physical ways of mourning, traditional burial practices, so we spend time grieving w/ the community, &the lengthened presence of the dead to make their transition out of this world tangible so we contend with it directly.
@jabezel
I also think it’s important for us to be reminded of death so that we aren’t afraid of it - the modern world is really too sanitised!
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I’ve made bread for dinner three days in a row and now I am out of flour. Today really has been disappointing.
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Someone rang my doorbell while I was in the bath, and now it will haunt me unrelentingly. An abiding mystery.
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Pull up to the dinner party and hostess hands me this—
“Got this at an estate sale recently, kept thinking about how much Lola would love it…”
She was right; I love, I adore, I covet.
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I’ve started crocheting doilies and I’m pretty sure I was born to do this.
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If I were on a date with a guy and he parked on the sidewalk—in these the United States of America—I would be equally repulsed and titillated.
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The body includes pheromones, hormones, style, posture…so many outward representations of the self. Leading and drawing someone in with the body makes perfect sense to me. Our lives are written all over our bodies. It’s not just t&a.
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I ordered a cheaper hat on eBay and it came soaked in urine 🤷🏼♀️
Asked my dad to buy me a goth MAGA hat or *free big don* shirt, and he said he didn’t want to add gasoline to the fire.
Anyway.
Seeking husband who likes fires.
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Please pray for Doris C, the sweetest tiny old 98yo lady I met on my way home from getting groceries today. She said, “I’m in the last hours, days, of my life and just trying to get my trash bin back to the house.” 🥲
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