Lindsay Goldwert 👑
@lindsaygoldwert
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Editorial director, sex, love, and money writer @Spentpodcast host. She/her. Author of BOW DOWN
New York, NY
Joined September 2010
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Pinning this, stay in touch ♥️
IG: lindsay_goldwert
Web:
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If you’re watching a movie where a woman is moisturizing her hands in bed while laying next to her husband, she’s about to get cheated on
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I was just informed that this statue of Columbo exists in Budapest
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Twitter is like having thousands of depressed pen pals
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I used FaceApp on the men of the GOP. I call it "Too Many Pams."
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What was your saddest pre-pandemic purchase? Mine was all new lingerie. I haven’t worn an underwire since March 15
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Go forth with the confidence of a 34-year-old Jack Nicholson playing a college freshman in “Carnal Knowledge”
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Yup, stealing a joke from a woman and sharing it with millions of followers, sounds like
@MensHumor
to me
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Honey, what’s wrong? You’re not playing with your “Beaches” pinball machine
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You know the pizza is gonna be good if this is hanging on the wall
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@AronYohannes
Tha makes sense. Ben & Jerry’s works with Greyston Bakeries, an organization that employs the formerly incarcerated, to source the amazing brownies in their ice cream
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THREAD: You’re a talented journalist who just got laid off. Should you chuck your principles and look for a content job at a brand? Here are my thoughts as a woman who did it (and the stuff no one told me):
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No one asked her where the bones for her broth came from
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BREAKING: We're not.
Women are now using a special towel for their boob sweat:
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Every home is a cat cafe if your cat steals the turkey out of your sandwich and knocks over your beverage
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Tucker Carlson always looks like he just walked in on his prom date blowing his best friend
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A fire hose is my preferred way to take a small sip of water
"An AR-15 is a gun of choice for killing raccoons before they get to our chickens."
— Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO)
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I thought I wanted to travel Europe by train when I actually just want to solve a murder
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Is there a movie that you hated or disturbed or depressed you so much you wish you could “unsee” it?
For me, it was “In the Bedroom,” a movie so relentlessly depressing, I was in a bad mood for days
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1/ When you work in media, everyone is a good writer. When you leave, you find out that no one can write. Seriously. It was very strange and confusing to be appreciated for being able to string a sentence together. So that’s nice, sort of
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Macron looks like he just raised $30M in VC to put your pizza in the cloud
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I have been contemplating buying this t-shirt for 5 years
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Edward Gorey, photographed by Bill Cunningham, NYC, early 1970s
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This couple across the way continues to have sex on their balcony despite outraged complaints from neighbors. In this time of hopelessness, I’m inspired by this horny couple and the delight they take in being watched by the furious elderly through binoculars
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Darling, let’s be crazy and crack open that 2020 vintage bottle of hand sanitizer
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And now, a follow up statement from Marco Rubio:
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When my husband worked at a men’s magazine, a serial killer wrote him from prison to say he admired his concise and logical prose
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2/ But content is not journalism. Even though there may be reporting involved it’s still about promoting the brand, whatever it may be. It’s a marketing job. And journalists are skeptical, cynical bastards ♥️ So this can set off our bullshit alarms. This is hard to reconcile
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ONE LAST THING! Anything you don’t know how to do, you can learn. I swear 👍🏼
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Quarantine in early 2020 vs.
Quarantine in early 2021
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Before you all implode from election rage, please watch this short video of a very fat bodega cat
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Leaving my home after reinventing myself during COVID
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Fauci makes a fraction of what a Silicon Valley CEO who is disrupting pencil sharpening and all he has to do is save half a million more people from dying
REVEALED: Dr. Fauci is the HIGHEST PAID employee in the federal government with a $417,608-a-year salary
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Motion to start referring to successful short men as “firecrackers” and “dynamos”
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7/ You are not your next gig. Or the gig after that. You’ve accomplished things that most people would die to do. We take our careers for granted. Journalists are mean to themselves. Like, really really mean. It makes taking that next gig even harder
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4/ You will he sought after. That’s good! You deserve to be paid, your work wasn’t all for nothing! This is very important. You didn’t fail, the industry failed you. And you can always go back, the rules are more fluid now. If it wasn’t, there would be no media at all
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I just thought being an adult would be more like this
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In honor of Easter, here are some terrifyingly large bunnies
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3/ There is a grieving period. When I left the NY Daily News in 2014 to take a PR job, I cried every day. I felt like the biggest loser sellout. I felt like a huge failure. 12 years, breaking news, clawing my way to the middle, for what? It took years to kick that feeling
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Jessica used essential oils to prevent COVID, Elizabeth hasn’t left the house since 2020
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I can’t believe we all worked in open plan offices for years, sneezed on each other, got sick every two months, and then felt guilty about asking to work from home
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All these movies and still the ghosts aren’t busted, maybe try something new
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6/ You’ll start to get ideas. You’ll realize that you’re a really smart person who may have been conditioned to think that all you can do is write or edit. And you’re a great writer and editor. But maybe you’re more and didn’t know it? “If these assholes can do it, can I?” Maybe!
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Everyone's tweeting like they never ruined years of their life for a terrible and charming psychopath
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12/ You will write again! You are a writer. The world needs you. You’re the only one that can tell the stories that need to be told. You’re the stars of tomorrow, today! FIN
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@LindseyBoylan
Imagine a judge denying custody to a male actor by saying “you kill people in movies”
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Not kidding, this is what I thought being an adult would be like
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Extremely sad news about a very funny person
@jaxdellosso
from a peer. Jax, I’m so sorry
@RilliTho
@AmberSmelson
@jaxdellosso
If someone can respond to this who knows her and can report she’s safe, please do, holy shit, Jax
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5/ You’ll need to talk to friends who’ve made the transition because there’s a lot of weird jargon and metrics that will make you want to throw up. But it’s sort of good to learn it. You’ll get insight into the bullshit ways people were measuring success at your old job
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11/ In short: You are needed. You don’t know what the future holds. Uncertain times, and so on. You kept your news and culture outlets going. YOU did! YOUR work. Don’t lose hope. There’s a path, it’s windy and there are snakes and dog poop but also laughs. You will laugh again
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10/ I once had a boss at my old journalism who told me trained monkey could do what I do. Oh yeah?! I’d like to see that monkey! What was I saying? The world needs your multitasking, multimedia, deadline orientated, “this meeting does not need to be an hour” energy. ♥️
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@MikeDrucker
This is dumb. When I see a lovely person cry, I want to hug and comfort them. What kind of psycho looks at a person that’s crying and thinks, “nah, not fuckable”
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9/ You may... like it? There’s nothing wrong with being satisfied at a job. It doesn’t have to murder your spirit every day. This is also hard to adjust to. Journalism is HARD. Marketing or PR is less hard but it will feel infinitely harder. It’s a change. A big one.
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An SNL palate cleanser. A young, suave Phil Hartman, 1978 ♥️
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@TheoNicole
Our Moshe was 8 when we adopted him and he lived to 19! Senior cats are the best
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@guysthread
You better give it back when you’re done otherwise you’re in her bullet journal of people to murder
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I re-watched “My Man Godfrey” (1936) last night and the Park Avenue millionaire says 60% of his money goes to taxes. Imagine that now
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I read “Requiem for a Dream” and yes, it’s more insane than the movie.
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@SusanofTexas
I was there, it wasn’t really like that. It was more awkward, Wall Street types were walking by thinking, “they should be challenging government regulations, not us”
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@gabrielsherman
He's dead, son. You'll never get that approval now. Go home. Consider college.
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Don’t let Twitter get you down. That’s what your job and family are for
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People in your 40s, stop saying you’re old, you’re not, you’re just tired and frustrated
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Sonething nice: In March, I quit my job and began working on my first book. For the past 4 months, I wrote, reported, and researched. It was an emotional and physical endurance challenge. But I did it and it will be on bookshelves Jan 2020. ❤️
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@johnlingan
My brother in arms Skeeter Ulrich caught a cold in Aspen. There was not enough homeopathic remedy to cure him and he was forced to take Advil Cold & Sinus from a local Rite-Aid. These festivals have made savages of men, Martha.
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I’m loving all this Columbo love! My favorite Falk is Elaine May’s 1976 gem “Mikey & Nicky”
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@AstasiaWill
I saw her shopping at an outdoor market in LA and she’s definitely the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen 😍
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8/ Talk to each other, share your experiences, be allies. I felt so alone when I left the newsroom. Talk to everyone. This is not the end
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I'm not an introvert but I'm jealous of anyone who has a ready-made excuse not to talk to people
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Here’s a photo of Trash Cat sneering like a lil furry 1930s gangster, if anyone needs it
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Knowing all the Real Housewives but none of the members of the Supreme Court
#NothingMoreAmericanThan
@midnight
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I can’t wait to get the vaccine so I can be alone somewhere else
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True story: My first freelance job was fact-checking at New York magazine. Michael Wolff yelled at me over the phone, told the editor I was a dumb bimbo because I questioned facts in his story. You know, my job. Total asshole. Did the facts check out? Yes. Still, fuck that guy.
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