Style tips, by Gnocchi®️
@jonnydelco
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recovering white person with dreadlocks
Philadelphia, PA
Joined February 2009
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Imagine shaking hands with Mickey Mouse like he’s a businessman.
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They should play this on the Jumbotron at the Wells Fargo Center and sell tickets so all the dawgs can watch it together and bark at each other.
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Happy Max Day everyone!
HBO GO: 2010-2020
HBO NOW: 2014-2020
HBO MAX: 2020-2023
MAX: 2023-????
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Can I buy a MacBook or not
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My gf made me dinner for Valentine’s Day so y’all KNOW I’m goin to Wingstop the second she goes to bed.
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I will not be surprised if Shane plays in the Super Bowl this year.
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Buy one for the early 2000s Bam Margera in your life.
Marcos Souto creates impressive hats, each one is a literal artwork inspired by a song, artist or rock band which has influenced him over the years
[📹 blade_hats]
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I’m really getting the itch to drink 12 light beers with my boys
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I heard you saw The Whale last night…
In your MIRROR!
Lol. Fat bitch.
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If you have a vacation coming up please BE CAREFUL!
I came very close to buying a stupid fucking hat when I was in Colorado a couple years ago.
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Was this Shane’s first sketch? I’m gonna say yes.
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When a man reaches his thirties, it’s time to pick an outdoor clothing company to buy all your clothes from and start a family.
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Wearing this to see Cocaine Bear in the theatre and doing key bumps the entire movie.
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“guzzled down every ounce”?!?
Jesus Christ dude take it easy
By all accounts,
#BettyWhite
guzzled down every ounce life had to offer. And that she was mere weeks away from reaching 100, let’s all round up and always refer to her as having lived to that age, shall we?
#ripbettywhite
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RIP Gilbert Gottfried i can’t believe he was only 67 i watched him fall up three stairs like six years ago thought the mfr was in his 80s smdh rip
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Johnny Depp is starting to look a lot like my Aunt Beep Boop
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Two days sober today. Can’t wait for my next beer. Probably Thursday.
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There are still PLENTY (infinity) of tickets available to see me at Helium Comedy Club in St. Louis this weekend!
Please tag anyone you know who lives in or near or has flown over St. Louis!
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The Italian Chicken Sandwich™️ is back at Burger King! Throw in some Mozzerella Sticks™️ and take the Tour of Italy™️!
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I want to do something really special for my girlfriend for her first Mother’s Day. Does anyone know of any dishwasher-loading classes in the Philadelphia area?
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this mfr bout to grow his head back and sell me a noisy cricket
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Congratulations to my daughter Goldie on winning Baby of the Year 🥳
Merry Christmas, everybody!
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I have tried to trick Foster into saying the N word while I secretly record him HUNDREDS of times and he has never said it.
This is
@ryanlfoster_
he likes to call his fellow white people who are not racist “N****R Lovers” This is the filth that permeates throughout this fanbase and why I SAY WHAT THE FUCK I SAY and I mean it.
Until you check your own. Any bullshit in your bio doesn’t matter
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🔥🔥🔥
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Never once met the parents of the dudes that had full reign of these porches
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there are so many tickets left why would they do this?
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Wow it really seems like Philly comics are having quite the moment which is awesome and well deserved for too long.
I’m at Cap City Red Room 1/27 at 8pm.
Both nights in Raleigh sold out ahead of time. Baby steps.
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Guess who just landed a shitty kickflip on the carpet in the basement 👀
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Sir, a third Lil’ Stinkers show has been added in Chicago.
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Finally made it to Chili’s for my birthday nachos and I’m happy to announce I’m being treated like absolute shit 🤠
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I can’t even imagine how many mags the cops would empty on them.
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This guy sucks so bad but it turns out he is actually retarded
Who just learned that the drink dispensers at restaurants actually dispense syrup and carbonated water instead of drink like you’d get straight out of a bottle?
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A quick zoom in on Gene’s pants will show that he is wearing pants that can turn into shorts. Gene, like me most days, is prepared for an array of temperatures.
5 star fit. Fit goes hard. Fit’s tuff.
With love,
Twitter’s own Style Gnocchi
Reclusive Gene Hackman, 94, and wife Betsy Arakawa, 62, spotted in first public outing together in decades
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It’s gonna be so sick when I die from a heart attack in 20 years from eating fast food every day and the dumbest people I’ve ever met will be like “it’s because he got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine in 2021.”
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Got drunk and followed my Uber driver on Instagram again smdh
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@dru_montana47
Bro I tweeted at Olive Garden so much in 2014 that I got invited to a private new-menu-item tasting. Keep it up.
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It’s Thirsty Thursday and you know what that means!
I’m going to drink 20 bud lights and suck a man’s penis tonight.
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iS tHiS cOoL?
YES ITS FUCKING COOL MIGUEL ITS THE COOLEST ONE!
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Garf never bombed on a podcast like I did yesterday. I said some of the gayest shit humanly possible on RAP.
someone in the racist live chat just said
@jonnydelco
looks like the live action cgi garfield
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Just wanna get ahead of this and let everyone know that I was selected for New Faces at the prestigious Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal, but ohhh noooo they just cancelled it now no one will know if I’m telling the truth or not ohhh noooo.
Just For Laughs files for bankruptcy protection, cancels 2024 festival
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Thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation for my trip to Austin last week. Joke’s on them, I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!!!
Bert Kreischer tried to get me into Goose and I gotta be honest, it’s not gonna happen.
📷:
@troyconrad
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I have to land a kickflip tomorrow or else suffer deep embarrassment.
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I’m taking a one hour break from jerking off in a hotel room to do some standup comedy at Helium in St. Louis. Tonight and tomorrow at 8pm. I’d love if you could make it.
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TFW your girl keeps describing a public masturbater as “tall”
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wow my guy’s tummy can’t even handle a couple boiled honkers smdh
The two hot dogs I had at my son’s basketball game today are the likely culprits of this Michael Bay-directed diarrhea that I have right now.
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dude was probly balls deep in Luigi’s Mansion lol D&B fkn rules
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I’ve been 🙏🏼 b l e s s e d 🙏🏼 by the bootleg gods with some Official Merch for my Fall Tour (one city, two shows (St. Louis, December 1st and 2nd)).
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Wowwwww
Tires, starring Shane Gillis, is coming to Netflix May 23
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Took my baby to her first Phillies game today and it went perfectly until we got home and realized my dumb bitch girlfriend left her phone on top of the car and it flew off on the highway on the way home.
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Shout out to Betty White for living for 99 years. Everybody is being a real pussy about this.
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I gave my whole family COVID and bought myself a little present now that they have all retired to bed for the night 🤠
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The Eagles season is over and the only thing that will make me feel better is getting all six new items from Taco Bell.
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Just heard through the grapevine that Alanis Morissette and Dave Coulier were seeing ‘Dunston Checks In’ when she went down on him in the theater.
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lol we started the letter with “Good morning beautiful” and ended it with “Good night beautiful” which implies that it would take her all day to read the letter 🤣🤣🤣
I got a letter from Jodi Arias in the mail today. I love 2024 so much already.
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Today is the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and the 10th anniversary of the Entourage series finale. It has not aged well:
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Who else gets a little sad when they throw out a pair of underwear?
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Today is my 25 year pot smoking anniversary and I’m celebrating……..
i n d a b o g
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Mike might be the nicest guy in the damn world
My homeboy
@jonnydelco
is at Helium St. Louis tonight. If you wanna go, I'd like to treat someone to a pair of tix. Nobody funnier than Cal DonJolla.
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Had a great time today cursing in front of children and roofing McNugget Buddies.
One ringworm to rule them all, one ringworm to find them, One ringworm to bring them all, and in the foam pit bind them.
📸 :
@KrukJawn
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Just watched the deleted scene from ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry’ where Kevin James and Adam Sandler actually fucked. Wowzers 🤯
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Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart ❤️
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Will you meet me at the Taco Bell Cantina in Allston, Boston after the Lil Stinkers show on April 5th?
Taco Bell Cantina is now open at 1222 Commonwealth Avenue in Allston, the former location of the Great Scott music venue.
This Taco Bell is allowed to serve alcohol and stay open until 3AM.
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we eventually realized that the cat had been dead for quite some time
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my girlfriend just asked if eggs are meat what do I do?
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Ah yes, my favorite vacation activity has always been weighing myself.
So, I’ve been eating this for breakfast every morning in Italy for about nine days and I’ve lost 3 pounds.
The food in America is just poison.
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Falling asleep to kickflip tutorials. I am so fucked.
I have to land a kickflip tomorrow or else suffer deep embarrassment.
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People constantly ask me how I can possibly have a twin cousin named Michael Prink so I’d like to take a moment to clear up exactly what a twin cousin is:
It’s when you’re born on the same day as your cousin and your moms are sisters and you have the same dad.
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lmao @ Microsoft. they named a whole computer company after my dick.
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THIS IS THE YEAR I WILL GET MY ASS BEAT BY A TEENAGER IN MY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD 😤
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Has anyone ever seen Louie Anderson and Meatloaf in the same room?
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One hour and forty minutes until I can order McDonald’s breakfast delivered to my hotel room.
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Complain about COVID restrictions all you want, but I just got out of jury duty because I had diarrhea two weeks ago.
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Look I have no problem with pride month. I really don’t. I think it’s great.
But
I am getting so tired of people coming up to me while I’m with my family and saying “Hey I know you! I saw you at the gay club asking everyone if they knew where to find your friend Harry Pinise.”
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Uh oh. Just ate the 800 calorie chicken sandwich from Wendy’s again 🤷🏼♂️
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Janet Jackson’s tiddy popped out 20 years ago and this mfr pops for Ursher?!?! 🧐
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After a decade of being a honey mustard man, I am pleased to announce I am back on my bbq bullshit 🤠
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how about a show where we find out how many of each kind of beer people can drink and still safely operate heavy machinery. everyone will wear helmets and elbow/knee pads.
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ST LOUIS! I will be performing at the Garage at Helium Comedy Club December 1st and 2nd. It would mean the world to me if you came to a show and brought 74 friends.
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Please share with anyone you know who has heard of St. Louis.
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Long live the King
I had to attend the Danelo Cavalcante press conference because I knew no one else would ask the questions that needed to be asked. Also, they were very polite in asking me to leave.
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Happy Creamy Chicken and Wild Rice Soup with White Meat Chicken Expiration Day to all who celebrate
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Gonna do Boom or Doom with 10 miller lites at the bar tonight.
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what a world
I got a letter from Jodi Arias in the mail today. I love 2024 so much already.
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