Jonathan Dalecki
@jonathandalecki
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Following
224
Media
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Disney nerd and sort of expert, maybe? I like the Bronze Age, the Sea Peoples, 1980s pop culture and music, and being a divorced dad
East Coast Megalopolis
Joined June 2010
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ميلان
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@djkevlar
If you're in this thread taking offense to Harrison Ford talking specifically about Nazis, and you feel like he's saying something about you? That says a LOT more about you than it does about him.
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@uhmori
“If Batman kills the Joker he’ll be no better!” Dude, every time the Joker breaks out of the cardboard prison you call Arkham (not even a prison! Just an asylum!) he gets a two-three figure kill count. At some point that’s on you, Batman.
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@Bernstein
Counting Crows debut record: I'm going to get so famous and rich and get girls and it's going to be the best.
Counting Crows second record: My brother in Christ, it was not the best.
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@EveDunbar
Eating pizza with a fork and knife under these lights. Only got there for a good report card, always felt super classy.
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@JarettSays
This and the mailroom guy who says "I'm 26" are the best bits of this movie and no one can tell me otherwise.
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@ElyKreimendahl
In terms of sheer hours watched I have seen way more Cocomelon than my 2.8 year old. I have it on when I work from home as cheery background music because I miss my kid when she’s at daycare. No shame.
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@boyegenius
That is a beautiful human being. Like, almost to an unfair degree. He makes titanic era Leo look like a drunk hobo, he’s so pretty.
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@RaxKingIsDead
There should be an Oscar category for actors who just go balls out hard as fuck on a scene just because they can. The scene works with him blithely feasting, sure, but dude was like screw that, it’s go time.
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@ask_aubry
"A fun day arranged for my little niece". That and the bit about making her laugh makes it clear he's got some bad ideas in his head. And if his "talk with her" had her protesting and saying stop? Then there was something physical happening. Get his hard drive to the cops asap.
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@hfliester
@joshtpm
I was thinking this too. Like, I’m from Delaware, I live in Delaware. People are terrified like we just elected the love child of Eugene Debs and Karl Marx. But it’s just Joe Biden. He’s got a pocket full of butterscotch candy and he’ll call you kiddo. Don’t panic.
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@Pukekoe
@MarinYangGang
@ElyKreimendahl
And I’m 42. And autistic. And she’s my only. At daycare she’s got adults who love her, dozens of friends her own age. She says “bye school” every day we pick her up. And everyone knows her name because she’s an outgoing kid. I couldn’t be that for her. And that’s ok.
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@Herostratus356
@GreatCheshire
I think this is ultimately it. JK quintupled down on the TERF stuff, Cursed Child sucked, all the Pottermore stuff was wtf (wizards pooped wherever then vanished it? Appropriating indigenous cultures for lore for magic?), Depp, Miller, + threequal in a bad franchise.
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@clhubes
That's because sharks are fish, and they have tails! Dolphins are mammals, and descended from four legged land dwellers, and they have flukes!
(Your kid is cool. Not great at timing, obviously, but still cool.)
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@clhubes
She hasn’t even had her baby yet but she’s positive she won’t do any of the things she considers so unladylike. You’re feeding your baby, the best way to do that is whatever way you feel is best. Have a cloth cover, don’t, I don’t care. It’s not my business or bother. Do you.
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@PaulTobin
On top of that, Elizabeth ascended to the throne before Ian Fleming published his first James Bond novel.
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@BudrykZack
Where is the Make John Noble Eat More Tomatoes petition? Because he didn’t have to go this hard. You already knew Denethor was a massive D. But that didn’t matter. He took it to 11. No tomato has ever been eaten like that before. None shall ever be again.
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@GinaIppy
And then steadfastly refused to give him a neat and tidy redemption arc. It was all like, yeah, he had a tough childhood and went through some things, but at the end of the day so did a lot of people who didn't become freaking Nazis, so, yeah, he sucks forever.
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@clhubes
Toddler in the helm room, actively steering Titanic towards iceberg. Me: “sweetheart that’s just for the Captain, don’t play with it”. Toddler: “I just wanted to try something”. Me: “why don’t we go get a snack?” Toddler: “in a minute I’m just playing”. Ship crashes.
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@alecrobbins
Best joke is season 6 Paget Brewster saying she was trying to call the character from season 5 who was also played by Paget Brewster, and just hearing static, something that sounds like ancient Sumerian, and getting a nosebleed.
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@liamgareau
You can absolutely see why Tom Holland ended up doing this role on stage. There's a few scenes where the boy playing Billy looks just like him.
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@KatyTurNBC
What's the word for when you don't know someone personally but only because they're in the public eye, but you're still so thrilled for their good news, because they just seem like a great human being? I'm that word. Congratulations to you and your husband from me and my wife!
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@ask_aubry
It's funny, I turned 40 when my baby was three months and change old. Birthday dinner was pizza and grocery store cupcakes. And the gift was that, just before I turned 40, I finally became a dad. That sweet baby was better than any party and any present, before or since.
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@AuschwitzMuseum
This account devastates me when they share children. I mean, every story is heartbreaking. But I’m the father of a one year old girl. Thinking that some regime would murder her because of her race or the religious beliefs of me and my wife? Cuts like a knife.
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@CBMshots
Young Magneto hunting Nazis through post-war Europe and Argentina is the best unmade X-Men movie ever. Just Erik doing mutant James Bond shit in exotic locales. License to print money.
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@Variety
Easy response: “I understand the jokes, and obviously film is a different world than the stage. But my hope is people will give it a chance and see that we’ve got a really great movie here.” Celebrity response: “randos being jerks.”
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@AdaMcVean
This is a beautiful thread. It's my favorite song of his (well, tied with If You Could Read My Mind), and I've always loved the way the artistic impulse weaves its way in and around the list of exact facts. Thank you for writing this.
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@LawCrimeNetwork
If only there were some type of...study...of a theory...that would take a close, some might say critical...look at the way race and racism has been deployed, historically, in the United States.
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@clhubes
I’m guessing most people will read it as intended regardless of the error. Two W words in a row, the unconscious mind won’t even notice the error. I didn’t until I saw this tweet.
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@pjayevans
I think Jerry knew his life was a little boring without the K Man. Just meeting George in the coffee shop? Elaine complain about her latest mimbo? No no no. Life needs spice. Life needs Hennigan's scotch. Life needs Kramer.
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@atrupar
In 2016 and 2020, did he swear this much? I know he did, occasionally, but lately it's every rally. And the media never mentions it. Tan suit, top story. Constant swearing, no story.
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@ndsinnott
Did a play with prop guns that used blank rounds. Rules were: all guns locked until handed to you by weapons master. Never point the gun at anything except as directed. Never touch the trigger unless you’re prepared for potential legal consequences of murder.
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@TheLincoln
She should hear my two year old cry when she asks for a banana and in the process of peeling it it breaks into two pieces. You’d think her world had just come to an end. Of course, when SHE takes a banana and breaks it into two pieces, that’s totally cool. Kids, man.
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@Yeenie_Mcbeenie
I like how in the book Malcolm points out that, even if everything else were good and safe, the damn dinos are wheezing because they didn't evolve for Earth's current atmospheric conditions. That one little thing is emblematic of just the entire wrongness of the whole idea of JP.
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@eliciadonze
Hoo boy does this apply to acting/singing in shows. I watch myself and I’m like “oh, that’s the worst. So unnatural. Why am I standing like that? What was I thinking there.” We can be our own worst critics.
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@NicholasPascar5
Watching him slowly clock everything that's out of place is great too. He's like, okay, the game is off, but maybe it's a memory thing, so let's look around. Quick eyeball of the nurse, hairstyle is slightly off for the period. Air smells off. And boom, he knows it's a set up.
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@clhubes
Also, maybe you (you the original, not you the mom) are jaded with ants and "seen one, seen 'em all", but my nearly four year old hasn't so if she wants to put a bunch of sticks down for him to walk on so he doesn't have to walk on dirt, sorry, that's how we're spending our time.
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@SarahMackAttack
The best part is when a cat joined us on stage in King Arthur’s court in the middle of a very serious scene in Camelot. You can’t compete for attention against a cat, even if you’re Lancelot. 😂
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@AuschwitzMuseum
I know that for good reason we focus on the grief and the loss. But I love that middle photo. I would be scared, nervous, terrified, all at once. She on the other hand stares down the camera. She is unbowed. She is dignified. She is defiant. It’s beautiful.
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@boneysoups
"The Bloody Red Baron" by Kim Newman is about a World War 1 where vampires fight, kill, and of course die, alongside non-vampires, in war, for as many different personal motivations as non-vampires do. It's an interesting book.
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@PeteAscolese
The entire cast of the original Company sounds like they just grabbed people out of the local Duane Reade, handed them a script and a score and said, "We'll give you $50 each, here's the address, we start at 5pm."
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@ecareyo
Man could have rode Guardians and the Lego Movie to nothing but adoration but had to open his mouth and reveal the trash fire burning inside.
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@DrShepherd2013
My pet peeve is when there's a warm spell in February, and the local news and weather is like "spring like temperatures how great to get out there and feel the warmth!" Like, it's not supposed to be 70 in the north east on Valentine's Day. That's a BAD THING.
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If there isn't a gif of
@ReneeYoungWWE
doing the whale dance in the next 5 minutes then the internet has failed me, because I need it.
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@AuschwitzMuseum
2 years and 2 months old. My sweet God. My daughter, pictured here, watching Sesame Street characters, has the middle name Marceline, and is the exact same age. They all hit me hard. This one, though, hits a little extra. Marceline, we love and remember you.
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@RaxKingIsDead
I want max invisibility. I want to be assigned work, I want to complete work, I want to go home. Ask me to do 5 things, I will do 5. I will not do 6 or 7 or 10. But I also won't do 4. Just ignore me and let me do the job you hired me for. That's it.
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@fayemikah
I think you could tell a fascinating story with Bruce and the Hulk where the Hulk IS a girl from the beginning, and it lets us see into Bruce's mind of how deep down he's always been trans but got bullied and beaten down by his father, so the Hulk represents his true self.
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@dcuworld
Every scene this guy was in, every time they called him Alex, my brain was like "Alex as in Luthor? Luthor?? LUTHORLUTHORLUTHOR!" And they never acknowledged it and I thought it was just my own personal headcanon.
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@postbusters2k16
Pre-Crisis Batman shops for the perfect birthday gift for Superman.
Pre-Crisis Superman builds a crime solving computer to help Batman if for some reason Superman isn’t there to help him.
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@joshtpm
"I don't know if you ever saw this documentary, it came out in the 70's. Apparently this shark was just attacking this town, and the liberal mayor wouldn't do anything about it, even after a bunch of people got eaten. Terrifying stuff, believe me."
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@rachelzegler
I wonder if he'd say the same about having trained weapons masters in charge of firearms or a stunt coordinator spoiling the spontaneity. An IC is no different. All three work towards a common goal: creating a safe environment for the performers.
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@ask_aubry
Pro-tip to guys, from a guy: if you put down other women in front of her, she knows you'll eventually put her down to other women.
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@CookieBot1254
The night scenes in Helms Deep should be a must review for anyone who has to light a dark scene.
Also, how perfect would it have been if their name was “Lensie”? 😂
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@tubbbutter
Imagine a 13 year old boy, whose single mom was not against Seinfeld, seeing this episode. Definitely felt some things.
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@whyangelinawhy
@thelindsayellis
Every baby (especially mine!) needs her elephant. What a needlessly mean mom.
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@SketchesbyBoze
"You read too many books, you use them to escape reality!" - guidance counselor
"He snuck in from recess to read a book!" - teacher
"He does weird hand movements." - teacher
"He cries at fireworks and at loud noises." - teacher
Ah, the 80s.
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@reecetaylor529
@MindUnguent
@Frankenfarts
@iamchrispaezjr
@CultureCrave
@TeamCoco
Thinking this tweet is about his appearance in Taken, Taken 2, Tak3n, T4ken, and Taken: Tokyo Drift, the one where they took his old college roommate's sister's brother in law's cousin.
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@ayobrobro
Other liberal and social democracies are embarrassed for us right now. France and Canada just to name two. They’re seeing “oh, America let a twice impeached president put 3 people on a 9 person court, but their rulings are still considered the law.”
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@joshtpm
As someone who has and continues to struggle with mental health, I wish him nothing but a speedy recovery. Politically we couldn’t be more opposite, but mental health isn’t a joke. Hope he gets the help he needs.
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@DeplorableChoir
These women also enjoyed a good song in their downtime! Somehow I doubt that’s all you’d have in common, though.
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@ScreamMovies
He's different, he's ruthless, he can somehow dodge gun fire from a shotgun all of five feet away! We've abandoned any and all pretense that these movies take place in a realistic world! Come see it, the sixth movie in a franchise is always the best!
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@cmclymer
Damnit I have never ever liked Drops of Jupiter and here I am, in the men’s room of the warehouse where I work, wiping tears away before I go back to the shipping floor. Art is what you need it to be. That, and this thread, and you, are beautiful.
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@stageyrebecca
Can we retroactively remove an award from a show? Like, cashiering but for Tony's where they not only got it wrong, but so wrong that from the future we have judged their wrongness to be akin to an artistic theft. Break the cast, tear the striped polo, etc.
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@joshtpm
Yeah, this isn't a recusal situation. This is a resign in disgrace situation. If they want to work something out where he can say he's resigning because of his health and leave him a little dignity, fine. But he should be gone by the end of the month.
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@dannychun
As someone who had a gun in my face today, I'm 100% agreeing with this. Please politicize my death if it even helps like 1%.
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@fancy_foxtrot
It is cold and dark at 6:30am, and this story literally warmed me up from the inside like a bowl of soup made by your mother on a snowy winter day. I love love stories. Also, brother for the absolute win! That’s a boss move right there.
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@criminalplaza
I feel like this could be called “Twilight Paradox” where Pattinson was super relatable for thinking it was lame but god forbid Kristin not act like Bella is the greatest character in literature.
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@emilykmay
In my entire childhood I think I got spanked three times. Not a paddling, just a single hit. And guess what? I’m 43 and those three times are still some of the most vivid and awful memories I have. I still remember how betraying it felt, to get hit by someone who loved me.
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@BudrykZack
Saw SM & MS on their comedy tour a couple years back. They’re still brilliant and their chemistry together is at this point like an old married couple.
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@clarkgregg
Finally got to see "Trust Me" (thx Starz On Demand). In a word: brilliant. In several words: all the emotion felt so REAL! Wow.
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@RedLReviews
Vader: "Was I fighting a Force Projection that entire time?"
Obi-Wan: "Damn, I should have used Force Projection! Siri, set a reminder to teach Luke about Force Projection!"
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@zipcoderapist
Depends on the car. Nice car, I’m like “feel free to hit me, I could use the money”.
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@whyangelinawhy
@beatonna
This week we switched my 5 month old from sink baths to inflatable duck in a bathtub baths, because she was getting too big for the sink. And I said to my wife "we gave her her last sink bath last night, but didn't realize it until right now." And then we were sad.
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@fayemikah
And through the Hulk he's able to confront that truth about himself, and work through that trauma. I mean, the Hulk protects Bruce, in a sense, so she's facing this world with an authenticity that frightens him. And this leads him to finally embrace and transition.
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@DanWuori
So many memories of putting that tiny hand into that tiny sleeve. And then one day they do it themselves and it's like the baby equivalent of splitting the atom. Being a parent is really just bearing witness to a never ending series of miracles.
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@ProfessorPlague
@borgposting
79. Spent the first 10 years being told by Uncle Ronnie to watch out for commies. When the Wall fell, we all thought "oh...so we're good then?" And the 90s were pretty normal. OJ and BJs. Then, towards the end, everything got dark and stayed dark.
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@sarahhollowell
I love when you learn some of the triggers and can then avert them in the future. Like, I can't take my own medication. I have to put it on the bathroom sink for my child to hand to me. Just one of life's little rules for the time being.
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@We_Get_Along
@Sanchovies
What knowledge of geometry and poetry had to leave my brain to make space for instantly knowing that's GTA San Andreas?
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@ask_aubry
Man, that first paragraph has a LOT of self-assigned traits. Handsome? Funny? Charming? Somehow I doubt it.
The very final line tells the WHOLE story. Because women can tell that everything above that is fake as shit, and he really just wants sex.
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@theereal_one
Let's see:
1. rent/housing
2. car insurance
3. health expenses
4. gas
5. groceries
6. bills (electric, phone, etc)
And I'm sure a dozen more. All one person. That's a struggle.
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@DoctorSouz
@joshtpm
Listening to the below replacement Limbaugh slot guys.
guy 1: "nobody talks about natural immunity. I've had it twice, my co-host has had it twice."
Me: IF YOU'VE HAD IT TWICE THAN YOUR NATURAL IMMUNITY IS BULL$#!T!
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@aubreyhirsch
I do a mix of boy and girl shirts for my three and a half year old daughter, and have for a while. Sometimes a girl wants a button down flannel or a skateboarding dinosaur to go with her flowers and hearts.
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@MaraWilson
Option 1: clone
@RussTamblyn
. Option 2: cast Russ Tamblyn, no one questions why Riff is a few years older. Option 3: just re-release the original, because nothing will ever top it.
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@fasc1nate
He should have just said "kids are going to be like, cool, a squid-looking alien is flying this awesome spaceship, ergo transitive kid property he must be awesome." Because I never thought he was ugly, I just thought, if he's running this thing he must be a badass.
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@C_J_Ray_
@dieworkwear
You’re in a room of people and this guy says “hang on, I’ve got an idea”, you listen, because his tailoring is so perfect.
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@colormejorge
Still, your, shall we say, veiled reference that you would take your own life should escape prove impossible...poor Herr Hansen. Evan.
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@dieworkwear
I’m reading this in a pair of gym shorts I’ve had for at least 8 years and a tshirt I’ve had for 14, which has multiple holes. Luckily I’m only in my kitchen alone but I’m feeling horrified.
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@TrapstarUche
Here’s the easy answer: if Michael Jackson debuted tomorrow and Thriller was a brand new record, it would still be the biggest thing ever. It’s that timeless. Put Billie Jean out for the first time in 2023 and the world would change. There’s no equal to Michael Jackson.
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@alex_shephard
My favorite of theirs is Icky Thump, and the drums are what take it to that epic level. She’s an essential part of the Stripes sound.
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@paigeofourlives
@jeppica04
@shelaygutted
And the little head bobs. And the “oh no! I touched you. You going to get sick?” I’d be like “as a man, I cannot hit you. Is there any woman here who would like to smack this lady into next week?”
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@autogalatea
I text like the collected works of 19th century British literature I read when I was 8 because I was autistic as hell and the modern world made zero sense to me.
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