Jared Cook
@jkimballcook
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Husband & dad. Christian & Latter-day Saint. Lawyer, nerd, cyclist, tinkerer, writer & adventurer. BYU and Minnesota Law grad.
Rochester, NY
Joined November 2009
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@RMFifthCircuit
@LeahLitman
I'm a dutch baby: delicious, puffed up, full of hot air, and easily deflated.
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caramelizing onions up make some soup tonight
DO NOT LISTEN TO RECIPE WRITERS ABOUT CARAMELIZING ONIONS THEY ALL LIE IT TAKES MINIMUM 90 MINUTES
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Folks who defend the college cheaters because they were just doing everything they could to give their kids a good life will condemn in the harshest possible terms people who immigrate without papers to give their kids a good life because that's breaking The Rules.
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in 15 minutes over high heat you can have browned onions but you absolutely will not have caramelized onions
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here we are about 12 minutes in
some recipes tell you it only takes 15 minutes LIARS
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some writers lie by telling you you can cheat by adding sugar or baking soda or whatever to speed it up
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM THEY ARE LIARS
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just go low and slow
put your sliced onions (here I have about three pounds) in heavy skillet or dutch oven with a little melted butter or a combination of butter and olive oil over low heat (I like to season them at this point with salt and pepper but you don't have to)
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"Christianity would be so much better without the teachings of Christ."
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the only “ick” I have ever felt toward a woman is “respickt” (new zealand English for respect)
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@itschappy
It's a very simple soup. I start with about three to three and a half pounds of onions, slice them up, season lightly with salt and pepper, and caramelize them. They are ready when they've basically melted into a rich brown goo but have not burned.
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just let them sit
check on them and stir them every 10-15 minutes or so, but plan on it taking a long time and don't try to rush it
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I can't tell which white people are in their positions because of merit and which are there because of their skin color, but we muddle through.
@arthurwatkins
That’s the problem with affirmative action. White people can’t tell which people of color are there because of their skin color and which are there because of merit.
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hey BYU want to hire me to just read stuff before you put it in the internet and tell you if it's unintentionally perverted?
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I kinda feel like there should be some kind of default rule where after you win 25 cases in a row they should be barred from prosecuting you for practicing without a license
FACT: Kenyan authorities have arrested a fake lawyer, Brian Mwenda, who has falsely been presenting himself as an Advocate of the high court of Kenya.
He argued 26 cases before High Court Judges, Magistrates, and Court of Appeal Judges. He won all the 26 cases before his arrest.
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Brigham Young, when learning of stranded pioneers snowed in and starving on the plains in Wyoming: “Prayer is good, but when baked potatoes and pudding and milk are needed, prayer will not supply their place on this occasion; give every duty its proper time and place.”
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@itschappy
When they're caramelized, I sprinkle them with a tablespoon of two of flour and add a cup or so of red wine (the alcohol cola out but you can use beef broth instead). Let it simmer and thicken a bit, then add some fresh thyme and about two quarts of good beef broth.
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"BYU is very diverse because of all the returned missionaries."
Startups in SF be like "we care about diversity, but we just hire the best people"
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re the BYU volleyball game situation: idk what happened or what investigation might reveal, but it isn't true that there's "no evidence" of racist behavior—the Duke player says she heard someone yelling racist slurs at her. That is evidence.
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the only other thing I have to say about clients wanting an "aggressive" litigator is this:
you may think you want an aggressive litigator but what will actually benefit you is an attorney who is aggressive in substance, not one who has an aggressive style or demeanor 1/
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This right here is why we keep food storage. It's not so you can hoard it from your neighbors; it's so you can share it with your neighbors.
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I only know Kris through Twitter, but if half of us were half as good as they have always been at holding friendship for others, without judgment and without resentment, this would be a much better world
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I'm sorry but every rumor you hear about some weird sex thing at byu is almost certainly false
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@itschappy
I like to make my own broth from beef bones but you can buy it at the store. Just don't use bouillon. Let it simmer over low heat for at least 30 minutes or so. Traditionally, you would ladle it into oven safe bowls, top with roasted French bread and gruyere, and broil it.
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Tonight is the biggest blow to my belief that the united states supreme court is a fundamentally good institutional that applies the law impartially and protects freedom.
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Why are they destroying their own neighborhoods??????
Two major fires in two days caused by target shooting. This is not the time to carelessly shoot into the wildlands folks. This has to stop.
#ffsljc
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There have been times over the past 20 years that I've wanted to remember 9/11. And while I anyways honor the memory of those who were killed I have no stomach this year for idolatrous displays of performative patriotism. 1/
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Tweets I will always like, even if I don't know you at all:
- getting into school
- graduating
- passing the bar
- celebrating being sober
- you or your loved one recovered from injury or illness
- celebrating your religious milestones (baptism/confirmation/ordination)
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Trump-supporting Mormons: the trumpistas were never your friends. They never accepted you or had the least scintilla of respect for your faith; they've been using you and they will turn on you the minute you're no longer useful to them.
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justice alito not catching his clerks' rookie mistake of saying it is perfectly fine for a court to make credibility determinations on summary judgment is deeply embarrassing but not surprising given the court's indifference to actual district court litigation
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From my dad:
"I suspect Christ grew up knowing and understanding that while he escaped the bloodbath those murdered male children were killed because of him. Is it any wonder that as an adult that he spoke and acted so tenderly towards children?"
I never made this connection.
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@itschappy
But I prefer to put the bread on a baking sheet, top with the cheese, and broil it, then then transfer to the full bowls. It's easier than messing with hot bowls of boiling hot soup coming in and out of the oven.
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Jesus literally gives fish away to people in the gospels and not once does he teach any of those people how to fish.
Hannity: "I think that Jesus understands the forgotten men and women the most.
Doesn't mean redistribution. You teach people how to fish. Here, I'll show you how to fish, you can fish all day, you can go get your own food for the rest of your life."
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Rewatching Seinfeld. Man, I really underappreciated George Costanza's style choices.
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Ending your letter to the court "respectfully submitted,"
- boring
- safe
- conventional
Ending your letter "I have spoken."
- interesting
- exciting
- projects the strength of an ancient monarch
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"He's right. Ain't nothin' in the rule book says a dog can't be speaker of the house."
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I've disagree with Mitt Romney many times in the past and I'm sure I'll disagree with him many times more in the future. But I genuinely cannot understand the mindset of a person who claims to think that Donald Trump is a better person than Mitt Romney.
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I'm just saying that if you're going to say that something was mischaracterized, it's going to be a lot more convincing if you provide an accurate description of that thing and say exactly what was true and what and how it was mischaracterized
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Bishop: "Do you follow the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ in your private and public behavior with members of your family and others?"
Me: "Nice try, Bishop, I know my HIPPA rights."
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btw if we're doing masculinity discourse, small-heartedness is a weak, unmanly trait. A man that cannot be moved with emotion at the sight of beauty, love, injustice, or oppression, is stunted and incomplete. A man who mocks a man for crying is telling on himself.
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I know clerkship bonuses have gone up since the 1990s but seriously what kind of a monster lets their 70 year old mother keep waitressing to pay off student loans when they're pulling in a Skadden salary after a SCOTUS clerkship?
My mom worked as a waitress until she was 73 to help pay for our college, even helped with loan repayment. Loan forgiveness just another insult to those who play by the rules.
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@UtSkeeter
Caramelized onions are sweet and not pungent. The water cooks off and they reduce in volume by a lot, and the sugars come out.
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the thing about religious freedom is that it is most frequently threatened by other religious people, not by militant secularists
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"are you a lake powell mormon or a bear lake mormon?"
I'm a lake bonneville mormon
we exist
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A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints saying "I'd prefer that you not refer to me or my church as 'Mormon'" is making a respectful request.
A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints asking "What's a Mormon?" is being stupid.
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president nelson asked us to use the church's full name instead of calling it the mormon church, but he didn't ask us to pretend to be ignorant or pretend to be offended when other people use the word mormon
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you can do this without going to harvard follow me for more money saving tips
One of the best things about going to Harvard is that, for the rest of your life, you are neither intimidated nor impressed by people who went to Harvard.
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what the heck all these people on Twitter saying they've known all these mormon swingers and here I am 41 years old and not knowing even one swinging couple
I guess I just do not give off "I'm a safe person to tell about your swinging" vibes
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"you can't yell fire in a crowded theater" IS NOT THE LAW
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reminder that American-style tacos with ground beef, iceberg lettuce and cheddar cheese, were not invented as a watered-down American imitation of Mexican food, but were invented by Mexican Americans doing their best to recreate Mexican food with the ingredients available
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some LDS on twitter: "Being nice isn't the same as being Christlike. Jesus flipped tables so it's okay for me to be a jerk in defense of my beliefs."
President Oaks last night: “As followers of Christ, we ought to be the friendliest and most considerate of all people anywhere."
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we're going to hear over the next several days and probably weeks a bunch of talk blaming mental health, violent video games, violent music or whatever else to distract from any focus on guns, and I think it's important to remember that the biggest predictor of gun violence is 1/
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A couple thoughts about the First Presidency's explicit pro-vax and pro-mask message to each member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
1/
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not to extend the general conference discourse but no matter how you feel about the people on the "false prophets" list, I feel like we haven't fully appreciated what deranged behavior it is to prepare for conference by making a list of your perceived enemies
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I think you can take it a a reliable principle that good people don't ban books about the holocaust.
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the myth that the revolution was won by scrappy colonists fighting irregular warfare should die
the colonists won because they had a gay german tactical genius who drilled them into a trained, state-of-the-art army, and because they had French aid
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I really appreciate the point Elder Renlund just made that God can make good come from tragedy, but it does not mean that he planned or intended or caused that tragedy.
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I mean, not everything, but he was and is right about a bunch of stuff.
The one I take biggest L on is that he was totally right about Russia and when he said it I laughed and thought he was out of touch.
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Don't defend what is morally indefensible just because people you dislike attack it.
Columbus was recognized by his own contemporaries as a bad, cruel, man. The idea that he is being unfairly maligned by historians who recognize that is presentist.
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Sunday school class member: "Refusing to forgive is like taking poison and hoping the other guy dies. Doesn't work too well."
Teacher: "Maybe not for you, but I've spent years building up an immunity to iocane powder."
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My kid built a Lego guillotine. I think social isolation is starting to take a toll.
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Wilcox. Yikes.
I don't doubt that he has good intentions, but yikes.
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if seeing a black elf/hobbit/dwarf on the screen ruins the illusion for you, but seeing a blond, blue-eyed Jesus doesn't, why is that?
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This is an incredibly bad idea.
JUST IN: Greenwood council members unanimously passed a resolution saying the city will never find its officers acted in bad faith. That effectively shields them from having to face personal financial liability for misconduct on the job
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I'm sorry but all the unironic "how could this happen? all my friends voted for Lyman" tweets are so funny
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thinking about posting (Jared's Version) versions of old briefs where I remove the edits I disagreed with that partners made me make before filing
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Me: we should be more comfortable with our history of folk magic
*Reports of Tim Ballard basing his operation on a psychic claiming to communicate with a book or Mormon prophet*
Me: not like that
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guy who scrupulously avoids swearing but feels no compunction about casual bigotry
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this is why I insisted my wife change her first name to jared to remove separation between us
A listener wrote to ask if it’s a “red flag” that his fiancé doesn’t want to take his last name. No it’s not just a red flag. It’s a dealbreaker. Men, don’t marry women who won’t take your name. That’s a wall of separation she wants to keep between you. It won’t be the only one.
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I try to keep it clean on here for the most part, but what is this racist assholery?
This is from the president of Small Business Consultants of Ohio.
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fact check: you absolutely are allowed to be told that you can't revisit issues already decided in a previous case
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I can respect a difference of opinion about the extent to which undocumented immigration is a problem or even a crisis, but calling it an invasion is just stupid. Immigrants without weapons are not another state waging war against the United States.
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Maybe this is just empty idealism, but one of my most strongly held beliefs is that people in need should be cared for and helped regardless of whether they caused their own problems, and I just can't support relishing another person's suffering because I think it's deserved.
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Look, we don't have to defund the police, we can just fund them with boxtops.
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This is an open letter to from Frank Fox, a longtime BYU professor and co-founder of the BYU American Heritage program (freshman history and poli science classes) asking fellow church members to understand the threat Trumpism poses to America.
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Elder Stevenson: You don't need peach sermons or correct everyone's beliefs. "God doesn't need you to be his sheriff."
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that sucks and it's an insane punishment for what sounds like a minor violation but dude, the second amendment does not apply in the rest of the world and a lot of countries view firearms as actually dangerous
An American dad faces 12 years in prison for having a tiny bit of hunting ammo in his carry on bag in Turks and Caicos.
He could miss his son growing up over this.
Do not visit there until he’s sent home. Let
@TCIPremier
know what you think about this!
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a thing Jesus said (paraphrased): when you feed, clothe, and comfort the hungry, inadequately clothed, and imprisoned, you are doing these things to me, and when you neglect these things, you neglect me
a thing he didn't say: unless they don't deserve it
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There are two kinds of Mormons,* those who reverently tip the sacrament cup into their mouth, and those who toss their heads back like they're doing shots.
*members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
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guy who proclaims that he would die defending the church's (now former) policy to not baptize kids with gay parents because the prophet is never wrong but then leaves the church a few years later when the church supports masks and vaccines
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I know Bro. Wilcox's apology is not going to satisfy everyone, and I'm not going to say that it's perfect and couldn't be improved, but what I think is significant:
- It came swiftly.
- He unequivocally calls it a serious mistake.
- The church news published it this morning.
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Interesting and important comment from Elder Renlund that no simple explanation of Nephi killing Laban is satisfactory.
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