jade 🧚🏼♀️
@jadednature
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tired stripper | ♉️ | DMs answered on OF ↓
Pennsylvania, USA
Joined May 2015
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all gen z do is drink iced coffee, donate to BLM, tip 20%, call out racist relatives, eat hot chip, and radicalize
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hot take: i think customers who say "u can't do this forever" in regards to stripping are projecting their own unhappiness of aging poorly onto me. like sorry u look like a dusty raisin at 40, mike, but i'm still gonna be hot at that age
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as a stripper, it's crazy to learn your coworkers' real names. like wym your government name isn't champagne??
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conversation starters for men at the strip club:
"you're beautiful"
- overused
- unoriginal
- i'm already bored
"here's my credit card info"
- exciting
- sexy
- i'm extremely interested
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my club is closed bc of coronavirus...now who's gonna run a single dollar down my leg and then awkwardly try to stick it in my garter??
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being a SW is crazy bc sometimes u make $300 in 10 mins and sometimes u make $10 in 4 hours
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coworker: hey can u fax this for me
me: sure
fax machine:
_________________
| |
| jolene by |
| dolly parton |
| is the best |
| country song |
| ever written |
|________________|
me: oh shit it's a FACTS machine
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abolish lap dance deals that don't benefit the dancers 2k23
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last night i worked a birthday party for a farmer inside his garage and danced on his tractor...that was the most yeehaw rural stripper shit i've ever done
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i'll never develop a monetary gambling addiction bc i already have one, it's called being a stripper. i just gamble with my time and energy instead
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like this tweet and i'll roast you (just for shits n giggles, no beef)
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no one:
the cheapest, most annoying strip club regular u know:
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i need these tiktok strippers to understand that everyone's financial situation is different. like i consider $400-$600 a good night, given the fact that i live/work in rural PA and pay $550 a month MAX for rent & bills. not everyone makes $1k+ a night nor do they need to!
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tumblr is dead, instagram is dead, twitter is full of ppl who want us dead...can we just make a social media for SWers only??
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i'm like if a stripper rly loved her job, but also hated it and was super amazing at it, but at the same time absolutely terrible at it
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i'm a stripper, of course i say "i'll be right back" and then disappear for the rest of the night
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don't be scared to ask men for money, they're never scared to ask for coochie or whatever else they think they can get from u!! u gotta match their audacity always 💖
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high school class parties were lit. buffalo chicken dip with the tostitos scoops and homemade brownies, washing it all down with mountain dew. hit so different when you were eating it at a desk lol
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ban straight women from strip clubs i'm so serious
My first time in the strip club imma act a damn fool, might bite the bitch butt idk
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BREAKING: burnt out stripper takes time off work only to spend it stressing out about not making any money
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"i'd love to get to know you outside of here"
-a man who has spent <$20 on u at the club
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if you took AP classes in high school, you're probably a depressed college student now
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they always ask
"do you know de wae?"
but they never ask
"do you feel ok?"
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PA is the abbreviation for pennsylvania BUT it also stands for:
P - pls
A - fix the roads
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i'm gonna start posting anti-hustle tweets. stop rising and grinding. be lazy as shit and contribute nothing to society
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Hot stripper FUCKS sleep schedule HARD & gets her REM Cycle absolutely DESTROYED
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strip club clearing out by 12:30 on a friday night...the recession is recessioning
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being called ugly as an insult rly doesn't hit when u literally get paid to be hot lmao
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i'd rather lick the pole than date a strip club bouncer 🤢 they're so easy, not to mention messier than most of the girls!!
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i can't stand a "i don't get dances but all the girls know me and come hang out with me when they want a break" ass mf like ok club groupie
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if you're mad at tom wolf for shutting everything down, you should be furious that congress can't decide whether we deserve $600 or not
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@StarGentlUterus
don't count your money before the night's over or else u won't make any more
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*climbs to the top of mount everest and holds a up megaphone* STRIPPERS ARE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE NICE TO YOU AT THE CLUB. THAT'S LITERALLY THEIR JOB
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telling customers your work schedule is like "so i'm usually here every weekend, except when i'm not"
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the government is $23 trillion dollars in debt and they want me to pay off MY student loans?? lmao worry about yourself boo 💅🏼
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cuntily blowing up the customer restroom at the club bc i wouldn't dare to shit in the dressing room bathroom
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oh my goddd u bitches are so annoying stay out of strip clubs if u have this loser ass mindset
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i love being a stripper (everyone is infatuated with me) (no one truly knows me)
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taking a night off from work is a gateway drug to taking the next night off, then the next night, then-
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ppl who go to the strip club and spend no money deserve nothing but the worst!!
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your gf and everyone else who does this is annoying as fuck and we hate them 🥰
My girlfriend be in the strip club asking the strippers they real name 😂 “I’m not calling you paradise”
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@veggieslutt
eww i've seen this guy on my fyp before and he always gave me slimy gross vibes. he's literally just a club DJ too lolol
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you're in his DMs, i'm farting in the dressing room after i held it in during a VIP room with him. we are not the same
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everyone talks about how stripping causes joint & muscle pain, but what abt hearing loss? working in clubs with loud ass music playing all the time can't be good. sometimes my ears will still be ringing even when i get home
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i dyed my hair black and made $1k last night omggg truly making asian fetishization work for ME 🤑
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i think a firehouse would be the perfect venue for a stripper party bc there's a built-in pole there already
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if i were a man, i'd simply respect all women, not just the ones i found fuckable
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gorgeous gorgeous girls have joints that crack like glow sticks
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men stop asking me what i'm gonna do "when i get older" and worry abt the fact that you're gonna be stuck at that 40+ hrs a week job till you're at least 60 & still won't be guaranteed enough savings to fully retire...mind your own pockets & focus on yourself <3
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stripperwear is kinda funny when u think abt it. like i'm rly wearing a thong bikini, hoop earrings, and 8 inch heels inside a dark building full of strangers
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i'm just gonna say it. str8 couples need to be banned from strip clubs
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so if sex work isn't "real work," i shouldn't have to pay taxes on what i make from it, right?
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this is my favorite tweet on this whole app
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danced for a guy that could only say "god you're beautiful" over and over again for half an hour, it felt like trying to interact with a glitching npc
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mustering up the confidence to hustle at work when you're feeling ugly is a herculean task sometimes
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not saying i peaked in high school, but sitting in bosnic's office as he showed me my own tweets he printed out was a defining moment in my career
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crusty str8 couples stop treating the strip club like your personal sex therapy office/local bar/human petting zoo challenge
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whenever customers complain that no girls have come up & talked to them, i just wanna say "have u considered it's bc you're annoying and/or cheap?"
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how to tell if a song is good
is it on the Cars (2006) soundtrack?
/ \
yes no
| |
it's good it sucks
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not my manager announcing the death of our old club owner (who was also her suger d*ddy) on her snapchat story! literally just text reading "RIP tom" on a black background...i LOLed
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occasionally i think abt the secretary at my hs who came to the club, recorded me dancing onstage, and sent it to several teachers a few yrs ago. i hope she's miserable now and wish her nothing but the worst forever ❤️
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some millennials so pressed abt this, get off twitter and go buy a house or smth lol
all gen z do is drink iced coffee, donate to BLM, tip 20%, call out racist relatives, eat hot chip, and radicalize
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only making money from dances but no rooms is like. it ain't much but it's honest work
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family members will be like "i know a spot" then take u on a guilt trip
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i know twitter will never verify me bc i'm a sex worker who tweets openly about sex work, but...a hoe can dream...
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*giving a guy a lap dance* erm...he's RIGHT behind me, isn't he?
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too ugly for instagram
too smart for facebook
too antisocial for snapchat
just mentally unstable enough for twitter ✨
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like this post and I'll describe your aesthetic based on what I know abt you
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this is not high maintenance. this is like, bare minimum maintenance lmfao
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call me old fashioned, but i was raised to take care of my husband
make his plate every night, wash his clown shoes for him, make sure he’s up for the circus the next morning, always have a clean wig for him to put on, etc.
and that’s exactly wife i will be
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locals be like "get dressed up babe, i'm taking u out to the st. rita's fair 😘"
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"i wanna start stripping so bad, how do i get into it?"
not to sound gatekeep-y, but if u rly can't figure out how to research clubs in your area & set up an audition w one of them by yourself, i don't think you'll enjoy or be successful at stripping. respectfully!
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getting home from the club so late u can hear birds chirping outside is like, i've won...but at what cost?
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