The Liquid Metal Himself
@iam_jerrymoses
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Space bound |Photographer 📸|
Lagos, Nigeria
Joined June 2019
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This is the Saturdayest Wednesday ever.
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I know a water bender when I see one.
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We can banter but let’s not tell lies, abeg.
Nigeria is the best country in the fucking world 🇳🇬🇳🇬🇳🇬🇳🇬🇳🇬🇳🇬🔥🔥
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Lolade, this isn't LinkedIn. You can breathe here.
Telling me not to work is like giving me punishment 🥹
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Man went from being the face of ritualism to being the face of composure. Unreal rebranding in front of our very eyes.
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You guys don’t understand how genius of marketing this is. To be present and relatable to consumers.
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Lil Wayne and Kendrick Lamar.
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Lai Mohammed: After the
#TwitterBan
, they shall attempt to use VPN. We know it drains battery so this is where NEPA come in.
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American: I can't help you right now.
Nigerian: I’m a man of modest income and I always try not to overstretch my luck.
We are not the same.
American: I am rich.
Nigerian: I am unbelievably liquid.
We are not the same.
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Were you there?!!
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Take your woman's advice. She'll style you better than you'll style you.
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Hello, Mondayest Thursday ever. We’ve been expecting you.
This is the Saturdayest Wednesday ever.
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Any small thing, “You have 500mb left”. You people should please.
Buying data is the reason I’m not rich. Airtel is after my bank account. 😭
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Me in a car: These guys just cross the road like they have more than 1 life.
Me walking: Jam me na! Shebi it’s for only you government built this road.
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So long, Spectranet. The wickedness you’ve done is enough.
So long, Airtel. The wickedness you’ve done is enough.
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I love finding new music when I watch movies.
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“First to get to N1000”
Fuel price and exchange rate:
NNPC increases fuel pump price from N537 to N617 per litre.
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So what Shallipopi really meant was your naivety is actually deeper than it appears?
So profound.
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My bank account is in a coma.
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Need this lady to break this record so I can use her name as a verb. Whenever I see a controversial tweet, instead of saying “Cook!” I’d just say “Hilda Baci!”.
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GENDER PRIVILEGES
You can’t have a balanced conversation if you look from one angle. Everybody gets a certain amount of it but then what do you define “privilege” and where does it really matter?
I don’t have to worry about my job being threatened if I get pregnant. Privilege.
You did a lame joke about not being able to purchase washing machine.. someone DM'd you that day and paid for it.. that's what we call female privilege.
Cigar and chaos.
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Found the video of Burna Boy’s “City Boys” sample and it’s sublime. 😮💨
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If I have 27k, that means I have 20k. Can’t really explain it to you.
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Watermelon seeds ruin the consumer experience tbh. I spend more time sorting out the seeds than enjoying the watermelon itself.
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There are some things people say and you just know you can’t trust their judgement in critical matters. This is one of them.
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So long, Airtel. The wickedness you’ve done is enough.
My Spectranet comes tomorrow. Airtel has tried. ✋🏾
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Marketing is what makes users pick Piggyvest over Cowrywise.
Not marketers trying to blow their importance in the tech startup industry out of proportion.
Marketers are important o, but let’s not “over-blow” their importance.
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This is the last time I’ll open my keypad to figure out your jokes. Pack it up.
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This scene in The Harder They Fall…
Cinematic brilliance. ✨
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The holy grail of sitcoms -
1. The Big Bang Theory
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. Friends
In that order.
A truly Legendary intro.
How I Met Your Mother is now on Netflix in the US!
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I just saw Happy Hour in a sachet. We’re in trouble in this country. 😭
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Since Drake and 21 Savage dropped “Her Loss”… Kendrick, where is the joint project with J Cole?
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One time, I was in Owerri and a man was walking towards me. Locked eyes with him and knew instantly that this one wasn't normal but did I budge? No.
As he came closer, I moved to put my phone in my pocket in case of anything.
This man slapped my forehead with his palm! Bam!
I'm an adrenaline junkie. Sometimes, I lock eyes with a mad man and hold his gaze just to see what'll happen.
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Me coming back with “This woman was behind me and this baba was in front of me”.
Nigerians should understand that when you step out of a queue you can't come back
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I don’t think we’ll ever make it as a country. Look, we have people like this, in numbers.
Government doesn't sell rice
Government doesn't sell beans
Government doesn't sell Sugar
Those who are selling it are also the ones complaining about the high cost.
They all waiting for Government to order from above 😂
Ordinary traffic lights, una de obey am?
Clowns 🤡
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Lai Mohammed: How do we take care of this?
Fashola: We cripple the nation's power grid. Reinforce the ban of generators. Increase the price of fuel and make it scarce even if they want to buy.
#TwitterBan
#TwitterSuspendBuharisAccount
#TwitterbaninNigeria
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Oh, this isn’t an excuse for any other country (Ghana) to “kikiki” under my tweet. You need to be a Nigerian to drag Nigeria. You’ve been warned.
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El Nino's dad after seeing his son trending...
I should have named you Bart, cos damn you're a simp son
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How
@BlaqBonez
branded himself to be a such a fun guy online and a rapper you don't fuck with in real life should be studied.
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Lai Mohammed: Good thinking Detective Fash. We'll gag the remaining social media as we have done successfully with our media.
Once we own every media, access to their bank, phone numbers, even IMEI numbers... Operation Dictatorship is completed.
#TwitterBan
#TwitterbaninNigeria
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@TGM_007
The 6 turned to a 9 and I’m a gunslinger
In this shit for the long run, they only taking millimeters
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I don’t have to worry about being sexually propositioned for me to climb the career ladder. Privilege.
People aren’t dismissive of me, saying “Go and marry. Your husband will take care of you”. Privilege.
I can wear shorts to the market and not be harassed. Privilege.
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As a man, education priority is placed on me, culturally. Privilege.
My opinions actually carry a lot of weight when the general family meet. Privilege.
A girl rarely threatens me, or kill me cos I turned her down. Privilege.
I don’t get killed over domestic chores. Privilege.
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Society will overlook my promiscuity but will pounce on a woman for doing the same thing I did. Privilege.
I won’t over analyze someone getting me a washing machine. Are they being just nice? Do they want to sleep with me? Privilege.
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One last thing before I go. Women are killed under the guise of ritualism. Why must it be women’s private parts? The gods don’t like penis? Privilege.
Okay, I’m done.
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People pull out their phones to do videos in concerts… I pull out mine to take pictures!
Wizkid is the greatest!!!
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I don’t know how to explain it but procrastination is part of the creative process.
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I spent minutes looking at this. Like am I posed to eat this in front of people? 😭😂
I had the weirdest looking waffle today. I still laugh whenever I remember it.
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The writer likened alcohol to mud, leaning heavily into the ever relevant slang “my eye don dorti”, and established it with the shots of tequila consumed.
Furthermore, he explored the nexus between marijuana and spirituality.
Finally, he showed vulnerability, measuring his
Omah Lay : I poto poto my eyes ten shots, high rise touch God, I cry offshore
Purple Minions: Profound, Classic, Critical Acclaim, Hall of famer absolute deepest Pen game Everrrr😭😭😭 Gboboyin ti ya wereyyy olorun
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I’m getting tired but I’m sure you get the point.
To you it feels like a privilege. Perhaps it is, but at what cost? What is forgone?
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I don’t have a spending problem. The economy has an economic problem. 🙏🏾
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Me looking for the only person I know in a party:
White blood cell wandering between red blood cells and checking for harmful organisms
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Finally left the NYSC Orientation Camp.
Here's a short thread of beautiful images I took 😊
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Entered the supermarket and all I kept saying was "wow". Like I was paying for shock value too.
Pringles is 5k?! I shall be watching my movies with groundnut now.
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Mo' was blind
I prayed for Mo'
Now, Moses
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This worked on IG. Hope it does here.
Big Wiz = Wizkid 🦅
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When pirates greet each other, it's an aye for an aye.
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My friend came to my family’s house and washed his plate after eating. That’s the last time I’m going to invite him over.
Cos why are you setting unrealistic standards in my house?!
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OJUELEGBA
I’ve always been scared of doing street photography. Lagos doesn’t make it easy. Today, I resolved to try it with my phone at least.
Here’s to baby steps. 🥂
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A car hit the bumper of my bus and ran away. Now, I’ve passed my bus stop and I’m in the middle of a highway chase cos the driver is trying to catch up with him.
This is just a regular Monday in Lagos.
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For those saying “Swamp Bender”, Huu was a master waterbender who specialized in bending the fluids inside the plants of the swamp.
So, swamp bender, yes, but ultimately he was a waterbender. 😂
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Telling your heartbreak story to Twitter and get into an argument here days later.
Then you get hit with "No be you dem take small chops dump? Rest oga."
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Locs progress tweet.
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I understand the joker, like mad. I'd break her out of jail too.
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Me: Knock knock
Her: Who’s there?
Me: Abby
Her: Abby who?
Me: Ah be on the phone… 🎶
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Pringles being the same price as Four Cousins is enough reason to be an alcoholic.
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When Wayne said “I hope you alone like bankruptcy, nigga” -
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This verse from J Cole.
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I’ve got some free time so, okay.
In 1979, women in Northern Nigeria got the right to vote. This was over 20 years after their counterparts in Southern Nigeria did. This was just 45 years ago, not so long.
For perspective, men have been allowed to vote for 97 years.
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“I’ll finally rest and watch the sun rise on a grateful universe.”
- Thanos
I am eager to leave office, I want to focus on my farms — Buhari.
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Someone would knock on the door and answer “It’s me” when you ask who’s there. You open and it’s a human you’ve never met in your life standing at the door.
It’s you who???
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Brands shouldn't go out of character. It confuses consumers. Cos honestly, I thought about Durex first.
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My niece ran away to Asia
.
.
She's Japanese now
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Same energy.
Actually it’s about Jesus Christ teaching me how to walk on water, to trust Him and not in human understanding.
He changed my life. And if you seek Him He will fill you up too.
He is the Lord of Lords.
The word of God, made flesh
I am His sheep. He is my Shepherd.
And I have
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Personally, I'm against the drinking of any family member.
Lagos woman drink 4 cousins twice a month and start thinking they are alcoholics in need of counselling.
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Burna Boy’s Toni-Ann Singh and Solid blends together nicely. Feels like one story woven perfectly into another.
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Call me crazy but I believe chicken has absolutely no place in a pot of soup.
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“Welcome to February, the month of love…”
I would love for you to get out of my sight.
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Buying data is the reason I’m not rich. Airtel is after my bank account. 😭
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My career started this day. I took it, and ran with it. It’s amazing to look back at it now and say God has been good.
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@Aoh_Slimzy
People won’t give you any face time, no matter how good you are if you’re not in their face.
This is the meaning of the whole tweet.
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Taking my laundry to the US just so I can WASH IT IN THE SEA >>>>>>>>>>
Hint: Say words in capital letters slowly 😂
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Teacher: What do you call a well groomed male goose?
My guy: Don't do it... Don't do it Jerry
Me: A propaganda
Class:
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