Turgid Verse
@gullyvuhr
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Following
1,581
Media
2,409
Statuses
27,204
I drink scotch, read poetry, and know things | ENTP | Prior military | Virgo in love | Expert in Data | Outlaw in Peru
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Joined January 2013
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Pinned Tweet
You know you're getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don't like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.
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I am mad I cannot find my thesaurus. Mad. Very mad. Really super mad. So, so mad. Like, unbelievably mad.
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When new parents tell me their baby's dimensions what exactly am I supposed to do with this information?
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@TJMoe28
Do you, in any way, comprehend the irony of you, barely a man, telling women what will make women feel better about being women?
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@pearlythingz
My parents were miserable and abusive because of that misery.
No one works it out for the kids - the kids just see what a relationship should not look like, and are often victims of it.
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@MissSassbox
If you give someone that has felt a lifetime of oppression and abuse a chance to unleash that on you, you're going to lose.
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When cops pull you over they always ask if you know how fast you were going, but never ask if you know how furious you were going.
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@ElijahSchaffer
It's a minor inconvenience for me. I take my seat and don't give it another thought.
She is keenly aware and likely embarrassed. She doesn't need me making it worse and because I was raised to be a decent human being I won't.
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@ValentinaForSOS
Go head and name me a time historically that the people burning books were the good guys.
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@RealJasonNelson
@PressSec
Let me get this right, your complaint is that the President made steak too expensive and so no one should vote for him...because of the price of steak?
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@jk_rowling
You're a writer. You uniquely understand the power of words, including when not to use any.
Pity you keep forgetting that last bit.
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@MattWalshBlog
Jesus was totally known for his hateful behavior. Just hate, hate, hate, that guy. Always preaching about hate each other, and hate your brother, and hate everything you don't like.
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@JoeyMannarinoUS
The irony being you trying to bash someone for using their mouth when all you do is pointlessly run yours.
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I'm at the age where my mind firmly believes I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, and my body possibly died during the civil war.
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@arabatman_
- Incorrect change on bus
- return library books late
- eat a gummy bear from the bulk tub at the supermarket without paying
- Loiter where specifically prohibited to do so.
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@JakeLangJ6
Isn't this one of those "don't commit the crime if you can't handle the time" scenarios you always tell minorities?
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@DexterDaygame
Gandolfini was playing a role as a straight mob boss. Not a notoriously fit crowd.
Tate is playing a role as a closeted gay man. A very notoriously fit, polished, and manicured crowd.
I'm not sure the comparison is quite what you think it is.
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@RealCandaceO
Nuts is thinking a public health issue is a matter of personal choice. It's not. See also: polio, measles, rubella, etc.
The fact it's 2021 and we're still explaining how vaccinations work points to just how hard our educational systems have failed us.
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@Mike_Pence
Hey, remember when your old boss, a Putin apologist, tried to have you murdered -- and then you still backed him?
Good times, good times.
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@matthewmaddock
@Theresa18971744
@petehoekstra
🚨Breaking news 🚨: Putin supporter makes shit up, calls someone a communist with no idea what communism is, film at 11.
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I'm done with dating sites and am now only focusing on Chinese food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly eggrolls.
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Anyone have any tips for peering out your blinds without looking creepy? Struggling with this one a little.
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I appreciate how on twitter people dont let their lack of knowledge on a topic stop them from having absurdly strong opinions on that topic.
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@Logically_JC
@Trump_History45
Worst yet, at least half of his supporters will think it's true.
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Now that we are 10 years into 2024, how is everyone doing?
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Adulting in 2024:
- google how to do literally anything
- break down amazon boxes
- unsubscribe from emails
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@TimRunsHisMouth
I voted for him and I didn't even cosplay draw him into different outfits either.
Almost like he's just a politician I support not an identity.
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@ElijahSchaffer
Instead of asking everyone to dress how you prefer, and pretending your eyes are a precious resource everyone should acknowledge, I humbly suggest the following:
- stay home
- cover your eyes
- do both
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No one told me being an adult is 94% googling how to do shit.
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@faithwillsaveu
@GregoryGenosjan
Yes, 100% positive. The Protestant leaders of the reformation really fucked you guys over in their push to make allegory literal.
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When new parents tell you their baby's birthweight what exactly am I supposed to do with this information?
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@midnightprod84
@skullmandible
The greatest trick religion ever pulled was convincing the simple that he does exist so they could be controlled.
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@SameeraKhan
Turns out you don't need to ban something just because you don't agree with it. Just don't use it.
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@1followernodad
My favorite part in this made up scenario from a guy no one gives two fucks about is how many times I've seen people arguing as if it really happened.
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@usanews0
Will she be introducing a bill that makes murder illegal as well, since the right apparently wants bills for things we already have laws against?
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@Drea_got_banned
The original insider charges were based on a lot less than what Elon is actually known to have done.
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If you surprise tickle me and I flail and kill you, that's technically your fault.
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@HawleyMO
I'm sure these whistleblowers will be real and findable just like all the others.
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@JoeyMannarinoUS
It's not controversial, people are reacting to your overt misogyny.
You're confusing "being a woman" with "being a maid", and pretending that is their sole value. It's offensive. Everyone is free to choose want they want to be, and while that includes caring for your giant
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@Logically_JC
Violence is never the answer. What happened here is wrong. It's also the direct result of MAGA rhetoric.
I want the people involved to stand trial and to be held accountable to the law. Just like I wanted for Trump. I want law and order upheld.
I am not MAGA. Ever.
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@laurenboebert
Yea, don't actually fix anything or do anything -- just get your constituents to boycott products in the name of a word you can't even define.
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@ask_aubry
I agree with this, and it's challenging because men are taught to be persistent -- and the messaging is never filtered through a prism of what to do when it's against what someone else wants and they said no.
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@RonFilipkowski
Remember when Trump made fun of a handicapped person at a rally and they cheered?
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@taylorsschumann
Allowed, yes. Defining of you as a person? Also yes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say believing Nazis were right is a fine foundation for calling someone a bad person.
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I hurt my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing. I am an unexpected burp away from full paralysis.
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I can write in cursive so I'm basically a Founding Father at this point.
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@Mike_Pence
Hey, remember when your old boss tried to have you murdered?
Was this a failure because he did that, or a failure because he didn't succeed? I'm just trying to understand your stance on "record of failure".
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@TheSGTJoker
@noneofyours99
Yes, because if there is one thing a woman needs it's to be told when she can use the bathroom.
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@laurenboebert
Due process, Congressman. You're missing due process. Making a claim is, as you're learning, not the same thing as having evidence to support the claim.
If you'll note the last everything you've ever claimed, and how it's gone nowhere? That would be for this reason.
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Can anyone explain to me why the ninja turtles wear masks?
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@mtgreenee
Oh yea, the prayer thing is totally working on school shootings. Don't you get tired of posturing instead of actually doing anything?
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@RonFilipkowski
The biggest tell on their lies is how far in advance they start making the excuses why Trump lost. He did the same thing in both elections previously, and they were doing the same thing over his debates.
Note maga never focuses on how to make Trump, his persona, or organization
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If you surprise tickle me and I kill you, that's on you.
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I know woman are attracted to men in power, so know that I just paid my electricity bill. In full.
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@7Veritas4
I miss the good old days when I thought he was just the weird, smart dreamer with no business acumen running Tesla.
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@wu_killer_bee
@Staroxvia
If women are doing "0% of the work", the words you're looking for are "unconscious" or "uninterested" or "not enjoying themselves" - I wouldn't advertise this.
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@Cr7Godbrand
@Dreadful4Tymes
Your kid would be better off without your conditional love anyway.
The best thing you have to offer as a parent would be demonstrating how not to act.
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@RonFilipkowski
Hahah and I love how his clearing up basically doubled down on the same sentiment.
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@RonFilipkowski
why does he always have that look on his face that is somewhere between "someone farted" and "they got my drive through burger king order wrong"?
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@Renegade_Sailor
@RyanShead
He wasnt shot and killed raping little boys, Rittenhouse wasn't aware of the the charges when he shot them, and their previous crimes had literally no link to why they were there.
Perhaps you're confused how reality and laws work, but I'm amazed how convenient your beliefs are.
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@BrandonLBradfor
Every human being on the planet does this - we all talk to our audience in a way that our brain perceives as making us relatable.
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@emilykmay
Never had a problem, but then again I am not looking for a slave I can control and tell how to behave. So, maybe that's the difference.
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@tedcruz
Yet no one will testify under oath because of that whole perjury thing. Weird, right?
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@laurenboebert
What pains me to my core isnt your success or your devotion to your values - it's that you're woefully unqualified, and you do nothing but posture against a backdrop of whatever will get you attention and votes.. all at the cost of the people you are supposed to serve.
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@RonFilipkowski
Look, I don't want to fight a civil war. War is never the answer.
I'm just saying as someone who has fought before that if you were ever someone fortunate enough to pick the people you're fighting against that they would look a lot like these people in their capes and costumes.
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Hey girl, are you the airport?
Because I came way too early and now I'm not sure what to do while inside you.
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Protip: when a woman is mad be sure to tell her she's over-reacting. She'll hear you, realize you're right, and instantly calm down.
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