Eugene
@eugeneh84
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Following
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The crumpet man's thinker
Cumbria
Joined November 2010
English Managers as pub regulars:. Scott Parker - after work drinker. Gakked up city boy. Only stopped off for one but 4 pints in and he's putting an order in and seeing who fancies a club later on. Loyal to the mrs but weekends are for the boys. Drinks: Stella/ double rum & coke
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Lads don't wear going out shirts anymore.
A young man carries a woman holding a carton of chips along a street on a night out in Newquay. (2001)
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Not the worst thing to happen to Franz Ferdinand in a car.
Franz Ferdinand’s Alex Kapranos hits out at the RAC after being stranded on the side of a motorway for 15 hours
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It looks like his wig has blown off and landed on the fella behind him
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Sir Jim cramming them in the toilet cubicle when the ticket inspector is coming round to save money.
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Gareth Southgate teaching Jack Grealish the new national anthem
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Me and the boys leaving Aldi after cleaning out the middle aisle
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They'd cause problems up top in League 2.
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It is every British person's dream to work in a canned chicken factory, drink 2% beer at Chilli's and pay $600 to visit their GP. The only thing holding them back is the admin of filling out a visa form.
If Trump really wanted to take out the British government he’d offer any Brit under the age of 40 freedom to work in America. Millions would be booking flights by mid week. The government would collapse before Friday.
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"I don't eat breakfast or lunch. I have what I like to call a mini-dinner 3 times a day"
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When you're having a nice lie-in and some fucker wheels in a suitcase at 11am
Petition to make check in at hotels 11am and check out 3pm not over way round wtfffff.
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Scouse weather forecast.
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When you check the board at Manchester Piccadilly and your train is on platform 14
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"Can't go down Spurs no more. Banned aren't I. Last time I was there for the North London Derby I ended up having a straightener with Aaron Ramsdale. Took his head clean off with a roundhouse kick"
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'They were no longer 4 lads in jeans they were 4 men'
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Captain Tom's daughter wheeling him out for the next Soccer Aid.
A 16-year-old Mexican teenager was murdered. His friends brought his coffin to the place where he always played football and made him score one last goal💙.
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Whoever grassed will get battered.
Chip shop caught serving after hours
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Yer da reading the board in Brewdog before asking them if they sell Fosters
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And the Brit award nominations for the best British male solo artist are.
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'We can't sign Jude Bellingham but we can recreate him in the aggregate with. ". "A James Milner contract extension and Trent in midfield"
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"Any questions?". * hands up *. "That aren't about the boots". * hands down *
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Trying to read an article on a regional news website.
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Shut up Donald and let your son call out Gary Barlow's massive son for a scrap to decide who is the undisputed massive son champion.
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I once lived in a houseshare with a bloke who claimed to have pulled 140 sickies at work in 1 year, and even he did more graft than Reece James.
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"They are supposed to be pulling santa's sleigh but they're busy playing reindeer games. They need to focus on delivering presents, that's their job. Why does Rudolph have a shiny nose? Showboating."
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lol just found out the guy who organised our 7 a side game was charging us all 10 quid (130 quid total) for a pitch that cost 58 quid to rent.
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"Platinum Jubilee to celebrate 70 years of being the Queen? That's her job though, isn't it?"
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When a colleague shows you an 8 minute long YouTube video on your 30 minute lunch break
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No XL Bullies on the Epstein list, I see. Makes you think doesn't it?.
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My taxi driver didn't speak much English but seemed to love English football, so we were just bombing along whilst he named English teams and random players and I nodded or shook my head. Probably in my top 10 conversations.
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Took my girl to her first rave yesterday and said "welcome to my world" and she replied "our world now" and I will remember this night forever
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He should focus on running across Africa.
The main reason this song resonates with so many people isn’t political. It’s because the song is raw and authentic. We are suffocated by artificiality. Everything around us is fake. A guy in the woods pouring his heart over his guitar is real.
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He looks like Old Gil from The Simpsons
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He'd have been fine at the winter olympics.
Couldn't resist adding a cartoon boing to Anthony Ammirati's pole vault. What a way to clip the bar 😵 fair play to the guy.
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Pretty boy Ben White seeing his title dreams destroyed by a ginger and a goth. His natural enemies.
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Americans have started liking this tweet. For reference i'm not referring to some 'Frat boy' with his shirt open over a white tshirt. I'm talking about a Great British long sleeved Ben Sherman shirt that is two sizes too big and drenched in Davidoff Cool Water.
Lads don't wear going out shirts anymore.
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🚨 Erling Haaland's cousin Albert Braut Haaland plays with Norwegian Bran: - 37 matches - 64 goals. He is 18 years old 🔥🔥
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I'd watch the hell out of a documentary series about boozers on old estates
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Official statement from FC Barcelona on Leo Messi's decision to play for Inter Miami.
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The over confident pig making his house out of sticks.
Wolves are useless ahahhaha.
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Lee Anderson has been appointed Secretary of State for blokes who show you 8 year old Facebook memes in the pub
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Met Police issues advice to women to ‘shout or wave a bus down’ if they don’t trust a male officer
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This is going to confuse the fuck out of Lord Sugar.
Do you remember Princess Diana's heroic defending?
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Two creepy estate agents flirting with the student waitress in Slug & Lettuce
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Not to tell your social team how to do their job but i'd probably always use his surname.
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Pretending not to notice a tub of celebrations getting passed round the office
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"You lot out celebrating your a-level results? Youse off to uni then, yeah? Some pointless media degree no doubt. Went to the university of life me. Fancy getting us a pint from your student loan?"
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When you've had 4 pints before the flight and the seatbelt sign finally goes off.
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Martin Lewis when the train ticket inspector comes round.
A Nigerian official fake fainted after he was grilled about missing funds.
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Thought he was presenting I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.
Happening Now: President Biden delivers a statement to the press in Manaus, Brazil.
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The away end just won the postcode lottery.
🔔 Someone’s knocking at the door….
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Tapping this like the This is Anfield sign as I clock in for my shift as an Oompa Loompa
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You can take the lad out of the afters but you can't take the afters out the lad. All these former beak heeds turned entrepeneurs have swapped chatting shit at 5am in some randoms kitchen for a podcast studio.
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Committed to wearing a jumper in the sun because the t-shirt underneath is an old one that's now too small
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The Metty P.
Now we have to look out for undercover Fiat 500’s?!!!!
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Since I was a kid me and my mates have chat about football constantly. At work, in the group chat, on nights out, at afters, as an ice breaker for people you don't know. But we've never once discussed who has won or who will win the Ballon d'Or.
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How's yer auld fella taken the divorce?.
Skateboarders Sky Brown, 15, Lola Tambling, 16, and Andy MacDonald, 50, have all been selected for Team GB at the Paris 2024 Olympics 🛹
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Russian doll having an existential crisis.
All Littler aren’t we?.
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We've been crying out for someone like Jack Grealish since the 00s. We've not had a proper rock star in this country since Mickey Carroll blew his lottery winnings. Stick on the Arctic's first album, spark up in a boozer and crack open a cheeky vimto. Cool Britannia is back.
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* Me scrubbing away for 10 minutes *. The bolognese stain on my tupperware looking back at me:
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Fucking hell. I thought he was in the Kop.
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"When i'm having a barbecue I have what I like to call lots of mini-beers throughout the day"
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Martin Lewis has been quiet about this one. Clearly on the Tim Martin payroll.
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Growing up, our pebble-dash semi was everything to my family – it gave us stability and I believe every family deserves the same. That’s why Labour will get Britain building again, so working people’s aspiration to own their home can be a reality.
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A real 00s feel to this policy. Could see a tabloid front page with the headline 'Jab-ba the gut - tubby scroungers told get a jab or get a job' next to a story about Abi Titmuss stumbling out of a club with Paul Danan.
🚨 NEW: Those who are unemployed and overweight will be given weight loss jabs to help 'get them back to work' as part of a 5 year trial . [@Telegraph].
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"Paint me like one of your Blackpool waltzers".
"Shit I was just doing what I do. He didn't like that. He got what he got." . Maxx is a Raider fr
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It's that time of year again.
Committed to wearing a jumper in the sun because the t-shirt underneath is an old one that's now too small
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