EBITMA
@ebitmom
Followers
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Following
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credit/rx/special situationships | this is all investment advice
Manhattan, NY
Joined June 2021
Looking for a man in finance.94.Poor health.No living relatives.
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I miss standardized testing. Once a year I’d get a piece of paper that told me I was better than 99% of people and I REALLY took that shit for granted.
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I really admire men’s commitment to staying horny in the face of tragedy
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Cute that they invented “chief of staff” so boys could be secretaries too.
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It’s funny and cool when I post hinge screenshots it’s cringe when yall do it. Rules for thee not for me.
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Nothing more beautiful than sharing material non public information with the boys after a long workweek.
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The time I convinced a random guy to jersey swap with me in the middle of the club
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One time I matched w a profile like this and was like, “how about I just date you both and see which one I like better?” And we did an irl challengers thing it was good stuff.
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Flying to a wedding in Cartagena, I had a flight cancelled and rerouted so I’m arriving half a day late and tipsy. I stumble off the plane, find a driver, negotiate a fare (conversationally fluent in Spanish) and hop in. 5 minutes in, the driver asks me if I want any cocaine.
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Finding out all the hinge screenshot posters are 5’8” and deeply unattractive
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Men who wear (well-fitting) Medium shirts are much hotter than men who buy Larges because they’re insecure about buying a smaller size
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He then proceeds to buy two beers and hands me one of them. We chug our beers together and then he delivers me safely to my airbnb. Didn’t have a point to that story, I just felt like sharing. Travel is cool and safer than people realize even if you make bad decisions like me.
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One time when I was an analyst I accidentally dropped acid before a flight from DC to Portugal and ended up seated next to a Goldman Sachs recruiter, she still somehow asked for my email to reach out about opportunities. (I wasn’t in a suit so this probably isn’t relevant).
Business tip;. Whenever you are flying commercial, especially in business/first class, always wear your best business suit & tie combo (business formal). When someone walks on the plane in a great suit, white dress shirt & clean tie, I always think to myself, “I wonder what that
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Deleting the selfie bc I’m getting too many feet dms but these bikini bottoms were the culprit
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I think a key part of the Epstein discourse that we’re ignoring is how sick private jets and islands are. Like if some rich little weirdo I kinda knew offered me a free trip on a private jet to a private island I’m getting on that manifest.
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If you haven’t planned to start a fund with your absolute boys while coked out at 4 am you do not work in finance.
Would anyone like to start a Fund ?.
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Absolutely nothing against this firm but I have never seen a private equity firm with more ridiculous corporate headshots. Why did they do every employee so dirty 😭
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The downside of dating a bunch of hot dumb models people is pretending to enjoy the banter
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Posted one single photo of my face the other day and this guy just started sending me money to pay for my coffee each day? I have had no communication with this person on any other app and don’t know who it is. Like I’m starting to get why Twitter incels resent us so much,
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Compared body counts with the gals at brunch yesterday and nobody else had to scroll down in their notes app list to reach the end
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Yall ever go on a date with someone you instantly know you aren’t interested in but you treat it like a competition to make that person love you anyways . or do I need to unpack that one in therapy.
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I wonder how the men I’ve dated sleep at night knowing they’ll never date a woman with higher standardized test scores or a lower waist to hip ratio than me.
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Tbh I find it hard to believe that therapy is actually better than quality introspection and deep conversation with intelligent high EQ people who know you well.
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@archezander I have a lot of beautiful lasting love in my life luckily! But I’m work on myself right now, so a long-term relationship is not a priority—wouldn’t be fair to the other person. In the meantime I have fun dating! I like to joke/be obnoxious on here but irl I don’t date/talk to.
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@McgrawPhil84577 @bigcontentguy Posting a tweet like this with your face visible is wild lmao.
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I think it’s sweet and chivalrous when a guy offers me a sweater to wear home the next morning after a night together. But the problem is I have bad taste in men and they have good taste in sweaters . So I just choose to never see them again so I can keep the sweater.
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I took my series 79 the DAY they stopped telling you your score after and I was so mad about it.
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One time I went over to a friends house to pregame (they were a couple that wanted to hook up with me) and we ended up playing strip poker. But I was unexpectedly good at poker so I just ended up fully clothed in front of two naked people and I was like ok see you later and left.
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I’ve conducted a very scientific study and concluded that it takes, on average, 4 years for men to forget how awful I am
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Is it normal for attorney generals to have spent more time under investigation than they have actually practicing law ?.
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Men who wear hats like this can’t find a clit I’m sorry.
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I once saw something that said, “if everyone you’d ever slept with were put in a locked room together and told they had to figure out what they had in common to get out, how long do you think it’d take?” And I think about that often.
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Total proceeds from the turtleneck pic + this tweet about it thus far: $744. Men are COOKED lmao.
Posted one single photo of my face the other day and this guy just started sending me money to pay for my coffee each day? I have had no communication with this person on any other app and don’t know who it is. Like I’m starting to get why Twitter incels resent us so much,
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Every single man I know in real life who posts like this online or follows/interacts with this kind of stuff is so incredibly down bad and pathetic in person. More than one of them have cried in front of me over something I did.
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I hate when a guy is named Gregg. How are you going to have a five letter name that’s 60% Gs.
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Thinking about the time a guy I was casually dating/talking to told me he had a date with another girl the following night so I spritzed my perfume on the inside of the pillow so he wouldn’t be able to hide the smell by changing the sheets.
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@MercuriusFilius Threaten to kill myself so they’ll all stick around to be like no don’t kill yourself your so sexy aha.
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None of my Twitter reply guys texted me this. In absolute shambles rn.
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Me: *asks VP about best path forward on edits so I don’t embarrass myself in front of the partner*.VP: good question, you should ask that to the broader email thread (that the partner is on).Me: *asks*.VP: great question ebitma, here’s what I would suggest…
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Do men stalk the way women do? I’m still reading the Venmo transactions of a guy I dated 5 years ago who’s now married with a daughter.
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I don’t really know what ROIC is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.
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My main takeaway from the number of comments who thought this dude sounded credible and intelligent is that I could totally do so much fraud.
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Nothing a man ever says to me will ever match the ego boost I got when I met a really beautiful cool girl at a party and I went to give her my Instagram so we could follow each other and saw that I was already her most recent search.
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I feel like Julia Louis Dreyfus nailed being funny so well that people forgot how hot she is/was. Truly aspirational talent.
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So he pulls a uey and pulls up to this sketchy local liquor store on the side of the highway. Everyone’s staring at Pablito and the little blonde gringa with him. He tries to pick out a $50 dollar bottle of rum and I’m like come on man. So he’s like ok ok and grabs a $25 bottle.
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and pulls an 8 ball from his sun visor and hands it to me. I’m cautious he’s trying to rip me off or something but I’ve got a good rapport going with Pablito and I’ve done enough solo travel to read the vibes so I do a bump.
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Girlhood is randomly gaining 7lbs and counting back to your last creampie to try to figure out if you’re pregnant or if you’ll have to lose the weight the slow way.
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I know like a dozen+ men who I’ve only hung out with a few times and don’t live in the same city as me that text me every few months or so just to tell me they’re thinking about me or something. Is this a thing? Do men have a bunch of women they feel this way about?.
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Might be my most chaotic modeling stance yet but I gotta say it’s giving me energy this evening
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I will never fully understand what a “cap rate” is and I like it that way.
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“No mom, I don’t think it’s COVID, I sound like this because I partied last night”.“You get congested when you party?”. How do I tell her.
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@middlemarketmac Just gonna get out in front of this and admit that I murdered a drifter in cold blood back in 2012.
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The Costco entire lamb has been tempting me for over a year now…one day I will answer her siren call
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It’s like 10 pm at this point and my friends are all out so I need to catch up anyways. Pablito is like, honestly I’m about to stop driving for the night so how about you just buy me a bottle of rum for the bag and the cab fare? And I was like alright bet.
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There’s something to be said for men who can fall in love with a woman via her twitter posts. Not good things but definitely something.
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I genuinely could not physically or psychologically handle voting for a man I’m this horny for. I’d do so much voter fraud. The secret service would get a notice about me.
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The real reason I don’t want to be in a relationship isn’t bc I’m “working on myself” it’s because I love sitting like this when I’m home alone and I don’t want to explain it to another human being.
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