Middle Market Mac
@middlemarketmac
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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Proud coastal elite. Sell side brute. Wegman’s stan.
Manhattan, NY
Joined August 2022
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Pinned Tweet
Me when Goldman is advising the buyside on my deal
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That one dude in your friend group who be ripped and good looking but still find a way to scare the hoes
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Update: he lasted 5 days
Just had an intern send an email to the ENTIRE FIRM about an AI press conference he found interesting 💀
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Associate: “Where did you go? You were supposed to be taking notes on this call.”
Intern: “I went to get a snow cone in Bryant Park but the line at the ice cream truck was longer than I expected.”
💀💀💀
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Sports betting? You mean athletic venture capitalism?
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Just had an intern send an email to the ENTIRE FIRM about an AI press conference he found interesting 💀
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Me after crushing a lamb vindaloo, garlic naan, samosas and washing it down with a Thums Up
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Every summer analyst taking pics the first day of their internship
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This is the investment banking equivalent of having your number retired
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This is worse than being publicly executed
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Hinge profile of the average girl living in West Village:
-sunset pic in Positano wearing a sundress and Cartier bracelet
-works in marketing
-grew up in an insanely wealthy CT suburb
-first prompt:
need a relationship with a good flirt to roast ratio sooooo bad
- tay
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West Village marketing girlfriend
Middle Market PE Principal boyfriend
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My best friend in the city just broke up and I found out his gf went through two years of text messages in our gc before their final fight
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Throwback to the worst Super Bowl party spread of all time
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If I was his MD I’d send him home to change immediately
Jesus fucking Christ this finance bros fit is atrocious.
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My intern tried to order an entire bottle of French Bordeaux for himself at our happy hour hour today
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Banking analysts whenever there are protesters outside of their building
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“Gentrification is bad”
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Some of my brethren down real bad this bonus season
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Rent: $4500
Utilities & Bills: $500
Food & Drinks: $1500
Dave and Busters: $5500
“$200k salary is middle class in nyc” what in the living fuck are u doing every month with $11k after taxes. Skill issue
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Imagine being a startup founder and getting roasted by the head of Y Combinator on your lack of understanding on how investment decisions are made 😂. Probably should’ve paid more attention during those IC meetings at his nepotism-sourced Vista internship
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Some poor analyst in the BofA bullpen is hand spreading comps from the Roman Empire 😂
Bofa has a chart of rates going back to **3000 B.C.**
Says rates are coming off "5000-year lows"
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How she looks at me when I tell her private equity funds buy companies with a combination of debt and equity
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My analyst came in today and said he was woken up by a shooting in his apartment building. I told him to use it as motivation to grind harder on closing deals so he can move to a better neighborhood
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LMAO bro just wanted a reason to post his layflat seat and mediocre watch so he made up a story about being persecuted
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Me taking my Series 7 exam after having been an investment banker for almost a decade
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Some poor BofA ECM analyst out here reading pre-civil war hard copy equity issuances with a magnifying glass
US equity prices since 1825 📈
(BofA's Michael Hartnett)
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MD: “The numbers in this funds flow look way off, wtf is going on here?!”
Me:
Nigerian Official pretends to faint after he is questioned about missing funds
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These mfs really said “Mr. Purple is the best rooftop in LES” 💀
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So downtown Jackson Hole is basically just West Village cosplaying as Yellowstone this week huh?
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A Waffle House in East Village would do unfathomable KPIs
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@HighyieldHarry
That’s why some people ACTUALLY work in the industry while others comment from the cheap seats at their 9-5 cubicles
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Apollo about to send a Jr. Associate to East Rutherford to RIF half of the Jets roster
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“So you’re telling me you sell companies from one private equity fund to another? Kind of sounds like a Ponzi scheme”
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If an $18 smoothie makes you flinch go back to your flyover state, big cities just aren’t for you
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Me every time I walk by a tall blonde in a sundress in Madison Square Park
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Breaking news: finance bros use recreational drugs
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Tell him to apply for Chairman of the Board
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Boy math is not having a dining room table but having an 80 inch TV with a RedZone subscription instead
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The last thing you see before entering Highland Park, Texas
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I was on the undergrad recruiting panel for a major bank and they refused to let our group give an offer to a Korean student from Princeton with a 4.0 GPA because it would result in our team not meeting DEI standards. It’s crazy the stuff said behind closed doors which is
I learned from someone with first person knowledge of the
@Harvard
president search that the committee would not consider a candidate who did not meet the DEI office’s criteria.
The same was likely true for other elite universities doing searches at the same time, creating an
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Lyft CEO to the FP&A analyst who made the typo:
$LYFT in their release said 500bps of EBITDA margin expansion (as a % of GBV) in 2024 and just said on the call it's actually 50bps
Stock went from +65% to +11% 😂
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Would 💯 show her a great time at the Times Square Margaritaville
Princess Olympia of Greece: Crowned the World's Most Eligible Single
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Sports betting? You mean athletic venture capitalism?
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“Who accidentally deleted the entire data room?!”
My summer analyst:
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This is really just the difference between dating a VP vs dating an Analyst
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Me walking through how a change of $10 in depreciation flows through the three financial statements
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This might be one of the most unintentionally hilarious tweets I’ve seen on this app
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Me running into my associate at Equinox at 11am on a workday
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I can’t believe this is the guy Taylor wrote Love Story for
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Annual reminder, if you’re a junior banker trying to flex, don’t tweet out some random MDs personal contact info
This might be one of the most unintentionally hilarious tweets I’ve seen on this app
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wtf is a Capital Management Manager?!
Call me a hater but this guy has never been “locked in”
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I wonder what Gringott’s leveraged finance tombstones look like. Had to be the Goldman of the wizarding world
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First night out in Buenos Aires. Someone (
@itsmarkmoran
) needs to study what’s in the water down here because every woman looks like they stepped straight out of a mid-2000’s Victoria’s Secret catalog
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Suing your former employer and publicly announcing that you’re mentally ill is a great way to get blacklisted from the street
Centerview isn’t really a place you can work at if you have “sleep requirements” - I don’t know the number of times I slept “9 hours” in a night in the 2 years I was there.
This is made pretty clear in advance (by the culture and you’re rewarded by the pay)
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The associate class of every middle market PE group below Mason-Dixon line:
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Newly divorced Industrials MD with an OOO auto-reply for MDW
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European M&A process timelines be like:
-May: kickoff and prep
-June: marketing outreach & IOIs
-July & August: **MANDATORY NATIONAL VACATION**
-September: open data room & LOIs
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I can’t believe Dua Lipa is gonna be the reason my fantasy team wins the championship
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@YoungParikPatel
Ferragamo belt in the office? This isn’t some tacky Miami prop trading shop
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Advice to the summer analysts starting today: DO NOT wear leather sneakers to the office as some sort of effort to look fashionable
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Just opened up the cap table for my current client and I’m speechless
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American Bar is the Cheesecake Factory of West Village
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No second year analyst is as important as this dude acts. Needs to be hazed harder in the bullpen
This is such a good one - let’s hear it FinTwit
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You literally whitewash
@chamath
’s scammer reputation every week on your podcast. Have some self awareness
Excited to read the nytimes redemption profile of the Unabomber next
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What they don’t tell you about investment banking before you start is that it’s 70% graphic design work
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Getting to the final round of a job interview just to get rejected is way more painful than just bombing the first round
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Me in my tiny Manhattan 1 bedroom apartment thinking about the one that got away
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A girl with an allowance is the biggest dating 🚩in nyc
If you’re an adult and your parents pay your rent or otherwise financially support you (IE an allowance) you’re deeply unserious and your opinions don’t matter
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One of the funniest pranks I’ve ever seen was when we convinced a new first year analyst in our bullpen that we had a costume party at work for Halloween. He showed up dressed as a vampire (w/ facepaint) when everyone else was in full suits
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Being on funemployment for your birthday slaps so much harder. Going to Dave and Busters at 11am
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“Have you heard of this spot called The Spaniard? It slaps fr fr no cap”
“Wow, so you’re all interns…? My buddy has a table at Gospel if y’all wanna tag along”
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Making a non-controversial agenda of Thanksgiving dinner discussion topics to avoid any issues. So far I’ve got:
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My cousin (currently getting his MBA): “Forget IB. I could never see myself selling out to the capitalist system. I want a career that creates meaningful impact on people’s lives”
3 weeks later - *signs an offer with Bain & Co.*
Me:🙄
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I can smell the unnecessary life insurance products they’re hocking through my screen
Kids who grew up on Wolf of Wall Street have arrived in corporate America
@BarstoolFinance
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Bill Ackman right now:
JUST IN - Harvard president Claudine Gay resigns, shortest tenure in the University's history — Harvard Crimson
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Absolutely NEED this sweater for day drinking with my prep school buddies in Nantucket
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“Babe I got you something special from the jewelry store”
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