Desiree Burch
@destheray
Followers
28,869
Following
1,195
Media
425
Statuses
9,292
#TooHotToHandle voice @Netflix ; @Taskmaster S12; #Horne SectionTVShow @channel4 ; @sohotheatre #standup @primevideouk ; Profiles In Fatness @Youtube . She/her/hers
London, England
Joined December 2009
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#ปิ่นภักดิ์EP10
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凱旋門賞
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中嶋監督
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ITZY IMAGINARY TRACK
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アルリファー
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ハンターハンター
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アヴァンチュール
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Darnold
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#乃木坂工事中
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Nkunku
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Jefferson
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Thank you
@stormzy
- Cannot tell you the number of times I’ve done shows about racism to have a British audience member say ‘it’s a shame what happens in America’
Sure, but let’s look at some of our local shame just right here... 🙌🏽🤔
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So now, and ONLY now 😉, it’s official.
So excited to be joining
@alandavies1
@GuzKhanOfficial
Morgana Robinson
@VictoriaCoren
on this romp. Everyone who worked on this show is the best, like THE BEST, and I had the time my life helping to make it.
#Taskmaster
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God, I love you
@VictoriaCoren
. You could sell me my own stolen organs back and I'd thank you for it.
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this is the moment i entirely fell in love with
@VictoriaCoren
on the studio day.
#Taskmaster
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Surely this qualifies me for Indefinite Leave to Remain.
#Taskmaster
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.
@taskmaster
S12 may have been the most fun I've ever had on📺& I was definitely a dipsh*t on a # of occasions. Hope you enjoy yourselves as much as we did. Thursday |
@Channel4
| 9PM w/tha homies:
@VictoriaCoren
@alandavies1
@GuzKhanOfficial
#morganaRobinson
@AlexHorne
@gdavies
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Heya friends! Thanks for watching me on
#TheLastLeg
2nite & thanks to the team for being SO SUPPORTIVE!
For those asking, I mentioned two shows—details in the thread 👇🏽.
Will also continue to highlight voices to listen to follow here. Thank you for being part of the fight.
#BLM
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Alright anti-racists. You e been doing some good, hard work this week. Feel like you’ve earned a 90sec LOL break cause it’s worth it and will help give you the juice to keep fighting.
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This is in my forever inspiration box that I just made.
After her surprise Princess Tiana makeover to celebrate her 8th birthday at Disney World, this baby girl (Sydney) was ready for her moment! It’s safe to say she danced like no one was watching! cc
@AnikaNoniRose
#becauseofthemwecan
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I'm telling you, I thought I was such a G by trying the bucket substance first.
#taskmaster
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What is happening Scotland? I have always loved this lady, her determination and style, and I’ll be sad if she goes.
Although she hasn’t clubbed a seal or anything, right? What’s going on?
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Hey
@MhairiBlack
- No presh or anything… but could you please be supreme ruler of everything now?
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One of the most enjoyable recordings I’ve ever done.
@JamesAcaster
and
@EdGambleComedy
- how do I make sure that no matter what the subject, we always wind up talking about food?
P.S. Listeners - I later realised I’m a biter, not a swallower.
You’ll see what I mean...
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The passing of Chadwick Boseman is so f***ing sad and horrible I cant even think straight. Thank you God for letting us have this incredible light in humanity for just a little while. He meant so much.
T'Challa in Black Panther
Jackie Robinson in 42
James Brown in Get on Up
Thurgood Marshall in Marshall
Iconic figures. Iconic roles.
RIP Chadwick Boseman
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That was an unbelievable delight. Man, had I only gotten that bell in the church right so many lifetimes ago… but honestly, I am so excited to be
#teamMorgana
forever!
#MorganaRobinson
#Taskmaster
🎇 Our new Taskmaster champion is Morgana Robinson! 🎇
Weren’t they all terrific though? 👏👏👏👏👏
@GuzKhanOfficial
@Destheray
@VictoriaCoren
@AlanDavies1
@AlexHorne
@GDavies
#Taskmaster
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Hey little bananas—just wanted to say it’s okay if today sucks a bit. Particularly if you’re in some form of covid isolation, or any isolation for that matter, and can’t be with the ones you wish you were with. Or even just cause this day can be a bit shit sometimes. 😘
#JoinIn
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Um, can I,
@taskmaster
? 🙏🏽🤞🏽
Great start for this lineup
#Taskmaster
I do wish we could have
@destheray
every series though - can she be the new al murray that just keeps coming back?
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Why is it impossible to listen to “Fast Car” without crying? F@%#!
What song gets you?
Every. Time.
?
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can we re-imagine all bond films
@VictoriaCoren
style, where James Bond has to spend the latter half of the film getting a cat on a lead to follow him into all of the adventure?
#taskmaster
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🤣🤣🤣
If you can believe it, the reality of doing that was more unhinged than than what you saw. When it started raining halfway through, I unraveled entirely.
#Taskmaster
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Ep 2 of
@taskmaster
is starting up now on
@C4
. Or if you want the week's news,
#LateNightMash
on
@davechannel
at 10pm. If you want some Desiree-free TV tonight… you'll have slightly fewer options.
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.
@GuzKhanOfficial
you utter freak weasel. You did make the most beautiful pattern, to be fair. And there's no one here who didn't enjoy that slap.
#Taskmaster
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i love that
@alandavies1
gave himself chicken bumps and
@VictoriaCoren
gave herself shingles, i think. but all of us should have gotten the damn book out of the caravan.
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Really helpful breakdown of the layers of racism we are addressing. Thanks for sending this forward
@tezilyas
Internalised: ‘God I hope that black guy doesn’t mug me when I walk past... I’ll just clutch my bag tighter in case’
Interpersonal: ‘the Paki shop’
Structural: No BLACKS, no dogs, no IRISH
Institutional: BIPOC get longer prison sentences than white people for identical crimes
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Hey
@daveyblash
- right now we're all watching that episode of
#taskmaster
where I called you and you assumed I was on meth. Watching it back, I understand. I don't know if meth was the drug I would have guessed, but then again, I haven't done meth.
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I just had a burrito from a gas station in California that was better than all the Mexican food I’ve ever had in the U.K. and maybe even NYC too. This happened to me one other time in NOLA with chicken. What is up with the gas station, y’all?
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On a flight, and this bish next to me had the nerve to sneeze like it was 2018.
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A-HEM! 👀🤓
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This is exactly how good I am at pretty much all sports.
.
@destheray
fails to keep a clean sheet, unless you count the one wrapped around the goalposts. ⚽️
@AlexHorne
#Taskmaster
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Man,
@daraobriain
&
@gdavies
on the same series is a zaddy sandwich. Enjoy ya TM freakweasels! Can’t wait for the fanfic
Also can’t wait to see what brilliance
@FernBrady
@SarahMillican75
get up to, but am most excited to see
@munyachawawa
f*** with this format & group! ⚡️💥
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I loved making this so much. And I am so, so weird.
Also,
@brettgoldstein
is a genius and a gem. Listen to his fkin podcast, k?
Episode 164 with
@destheray
is in your ether and it is a smasher!
Contains scenes of an adult nature, unusual jobs and scary films for kids.
Subscribe, RT and please be excellent to each other.
#taskmaster
#toohottohandle
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I only want
#MorganaRobinson
to speak to me in alphabet charades from now on. That was even more beautiful on rewatch… although that inch-pinch gesture only communicates tiny penis to me. Soz.
#Taskmaster
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I can’t believe my closet is devoid of red. Will fix this. Meantime—this is my red hot love for all of you.
Throw that red dress, scarf, lipstick on tonight &
#GiveRacismtheRedCard
. Because no later how you have to engage with this corrosive institution, we all lose out.
#WRD21
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Dear
#Taskmaster
fans. Please behold the immense genius of
@idilsukan
. She helped me to make an utterly overwhelming gift for a friend, & anyone who understands a person’s need to do that is a true artist.
🐾
@gdavies
thought she was barking up the wrong tree, but
@destheray
nailed this week’s prize task by commissioning a portrait of
@GuzKhanOfficial
’s absolute dream dog 🐕👌
#Taskmaster
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The reaches of white supremacy 💘 capitalism and how the subjugation of blackness people is profitable.
I mean, if stock market gains are all about investor confidence, what is it about black deaths that makes big money so confident?
Fox News Displays Graphic Showing Stock Market Gains After Murders Of Black Men
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Hi
@TheO2
&
@justforlaughs
-
Is anyone going to address the unnecessary physical removal of headliner
@thejazzemu
from the
#JFLLondon
show
@stamptown_
this past Friday night?
Yes, the show overran, as they do. Arts venues have a long established history dealing with this (thread)
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If you want to see Tar Baby—which you should, it’s won awards and shit (like a Fringe First)—it’ll be on my YouTube channel (when it FINALLY FINISHES LOADING 🤦🏾♀️)
And there will be a donate button w/funds going to The Bail Project if you like what you see❣️
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okay, so i do actually have a gag reflex, although i realise that everything about that last episode would indicate otherwise… i was just trying to make promises that i had no intention of keeping after marriage… you know, the good old-fashioned way.
#taskmaster
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I wasn’t expecting such a moist cake. Britain, you’ve outdone yourselves.
Not exactly the
#BakeOff
crossover I was hoping for, but I’ll take it 🤷🏾♀️
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Wednesday night I got to host—yes HOST
#LiveAtTheApollo
And just a week shy of 5 years of coming back to this to live in this beautiful, ridiculous country again and again. Truly felt great.
Second best bit of that night was texting my high school BFF that I’d met Dougal. 🤪
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Excited to be on
#thelastleg
tomorrow night. I’ll obviously be talking some about what is happening in America rn (and in terms of white supremacy, THE WORLD) and I’m going to try like hell not to scream and sob but I CANNOT PROMISE ANYTHING!
#blacklivesmatter
#blacktearsmatter
We are so excited to be joined on the show this week by
@HarryHill
@destheray
@reallorraine
and
@AlexHorne
and The
@hornesection
!
Send us your
#IsItOk
tweets!
#TheLastLeg
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I have only just heard about RBG here in the U.K. Audibly, shouting NO! and pacing.
Can the whole usiverse give this life an applause? She literally did everyone’s best. Please rest in peace, or whatever you want.
You were an example of everything we should want to be.
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So
#channel4
, I do enjoy this ad campaign, but also, where the bleep is my bleeping face on the bleeping tube?! Do you know how long I’ve waited for this??
If I don’t see me in a
@taskmaster
ad, how do I know it really happened?
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Please vote. You know
#taskmaster
truly deserves this. 🤓🤩🥸🥳
Then can we find out about the origins and aftermath of this beach trip?
In last ditch attempt to entice you into voting for
#Taskmaster
for the Bruce Forsyth Award at the NTAs, here are some outtakes from Alex and Greg's trip to the seaside!
Last chance to vote here:
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For any and all asking about
#taskmaster
outfits
The 🌈👗=
The hot pink/fuchsia suit and raspberry dress w/pockets:
The green polka dot dress:
The pink rock candy/glitter shoes: 😘
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I just wanted to say, a bunch of you are being really kind to me on Twitter this week and I SOOOOOOO appreciate it. Thanks for building me up, friends. As a thank you, here is my cat dealing with this heat.
Sorry if you’re not into cats. I don’t have cyber cake. 😕
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This man is honestly one of the most generous, supportive people in the business & has helped create opportunities for so many. Am fortunate to call him friend & sad at the loss of him from this post. It simply won’t be the same. Thank you for your service to sanity,
@MrNishKumar
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Know it’s only Friday, but it might as well be
#Caturday
-
TBH, this is probably the most innocent bit in my show, Desiree Burch:Unf*ckable—directed by Sarah Chew
@sohotheatre
and now streaming on
@primevideouk
Please consider giving 5 stars and then having a watch❣️😘
#comedy
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Same.
I will never forget this chart for as long as I live.
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I wilI be recording my first official comedy special- Unf*ckable - on Monday July 5th at 5 & 8 PM at the
@sohotheatre
!
Tickets are free to this taping via the tweet below
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So much love for everything and everyone contained in this tweet. miss you + be seeing you!
#Taskmaster
Well here we go. The end. Here’s to the lovely cast, the laughs and the lakes of hand sanitiser that made it all possible. Stay safe. Stay laughy.
#c4
#taskmaster
#s12
#final
#9pm
#all4
#alandavies
#desireeburch
#guzkhan
#morganarobinson
#victoriacorenmitchell
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Such an important thread—I’d love especially my British followers to read as I realise many might not even know where Tulsa is, much less what happened there 100 years ago. A story that flies in the face of so much racist whataboutism & speaks directly to things happening today.
On the 100th Anniversary of the Tulsa Massacre, let's acknowledge that what happened in Greenwood was not a spontaneous eruption of hatred.
That's the narrative that America likes to portray but what happened on May 31, 1921, is an example of systemic racism.
A thread
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.
@daveyblash
is everything. get you a best friend that is your other half.
Find a friend who has a deep-and-meaningful with you the way Dave has a deep-and-meaningful with Desiree. 👫
#friendshipgoals
#Taskmaster
@Destheray
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Alright sun. We done high-fived in the same place 44 times. What we getting up to this time around?
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Hey fam. Just checking in. Anyone else in UK feel like utter garbage today? (I mean, more than usual)
Always feel affected by pressure shifts when weather changes, and with the stormy weather... I feel like a 12 year old sat on my head whacking it with an iron all night.
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All I want for Christmas (and the New Year) is for people who can get pregnant have bodily autonomy❣️
Right now a matching gift doubles anything you give!
I'm stepping up to help Planned Parenthood Action Fund hold out-of-touch lawmakers accountable. !
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Britain! It premieres 2nite, Jan 26th @ 9. I'm in America atm so I can't even watch it. Please tell me what happens? Also, it's my birthday, so please only tell me nice things!
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Had an utterly dreamy time working with the incredible
@Kathbum
@richardosman
, Ian Hislop and Paul Merton in this. A joy and honour. Have a watch tonight!
Katherine Ryan hosts Have I Got News For You this week. Richard Osman and Desiree Burch join Ian & Paul. BBC1, 9pm.
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Dear
@EleanorMorton
- I’ve just discovered Craig and I would very much love if Craig could write my autobiography and deliver my eulogy. Thank you. 🙏🏽
If you haven't seen them, here's every one of Craig's tours guides so far. Why does he have so many jobs? Does he keep getting fired? That, my friends, is up to you
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How white-centred is this guy’s worldview that he thinks the black community gives AF about Game of Thrones?
“Taking the knee” began in 2016 with American athletes refusing to stand for US national anthem. They were protesting police brutality and racism. But
@DominicRaab
thinks it comes from Game of Thrones!!!
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@RuckerAj
@IsabelOakeshott
Also, the concept that thin is healthy is not only new, it was started in response to the anti blackness of the slave trade and has its roots in racism, so get your $%*+ sorted
@IsabelOakeshott
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I love how all the folks who have been guessing the lineup (for months!👀) could always make out 4/5 but never got to
@VictoriaCoren
—it’s like her poker face extends through time, space and the internet.
The
#Taskmaster
series 12 line up is here!
@AlanDavies1
,
@GuzKhanOfficial
, Desiree Burch (
@destheray
), Morgana Robinson &
@VictoriaCoren
are next up to face the Taskmaster
@GDavies
and his assistant Little
@AlexHorne
!
Coming soon to
@Channel4
.
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I think I would have to accept
@alandavies1
proposal because it came with a dowry and a cooling sinus opener.
#taskmaster
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Hey Y'all. While I was stuck in ATL on my route to NYC b/c of the 'bomb cyclone', my first LIVE AT THE APOLLO appearance aired! There is now a youtube link so it's watchable everywhere.
And if you want to know of future appearances:
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i mean, a West Country Spaghetti Western! C'MON! That is some arty sh!%
@GuzKhanOfficial
#taskmaster
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And then there are those days in everyone’s life when you know that watching a Sandra Bullock movie is the only thing that’s gonna get you through.
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Since pretty much no one is having a real birthday this year, I think we all get to say we’re a year younger than we are in 2021 if we want to. Agreed? Cool.
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I got to host
@liveattheapollo
people. I hate to brag, but it was pretty sick...
🥳💫💥💃🏽🤩
Exciting announcement that
@jessicafostekew
and
@destheray
will be appearing on the new series of Live at the Apollo
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I really hope one day I can be well off enough to afford to retire to an almond orchard and start a company called Dee’s Nuts.
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"all i feel is moist… i don't feel anything bumping."
gonna go ahead and leave that here.
#taskmaster
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Desiree’s Coming Early is here:
It’s a heady cocktail of psychedelics and systemic racism with laughs along the way. It’s £4 to stream until Wednesday and some of those funds will directly support my black-ass life
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For the Oscars being so white a few years ago, they just got real black…and I, for one, am not disappointed.
#Oscars
#WillAndChris
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Stop apologising. Start packing.
Boris Johnson apologizes for attending Downing Street party during lockdown - CNN
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Sad day all around, but on the real tho, I’m more cut up about DMX.
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@EdGambleComedy
@OffMenuOfficial
@JamesAcaster
Sometimes fame is performing at Apollo/Palladium/being on a Late-Nite chat show, but honestly, it’s talking about your love of ice cream sandwiches and sad lactose-intolerance on
@OffMenuOfficial
and having
@benandjerrysUK
mail you vouchers for dairy-freedom❣️🤩 Thanks team!🍦🍪
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Hey
@kemahbob
❣️
Just curious how many of your British white friends have reached out, just checking in to let you know how much they love/are there for you
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Lead a panel with absolute ledge
@rachelparris
this morning. Talked about headlines with audience to realise none of us understand Brexit. Then walked through the Valley of the Shadow of luxury beauty products at the
#StylistLive
event and feared no overdraft.
#GoodDay
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Dear
@1Judilove
-
Thank you for being the kind of sister who puts a sister’s t*tty back where it’s supposed to be.
#openbar
#nohometraining
#thegirlthatgotaway
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F-ing genius.
Once saw Peter Capaldi at a BBC Scotland thing. He got a free wine, did one full circuit of the room without talking to anyone, handed the wine to someone on the way out and left.
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Girl, I came to rock this banana suit.
Find out what else happens backstage with
@jimmycarr
@seannwalsh
&
@Kathbum
on Backstage with Katherine Ryan, coming to
@primevideouk
in 2022❤️🔥
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Hey
@richardosman
- attractive guy across from me reading your book (& watching vids) on my misbegotten train journey.
Feel free to use that for your next book jacket.
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Hey y’all! My Comedy Central Live comes out on Friday. I am sweaty as hell because I’m a big bitch who works hard. Please check it out
@ComedyCentralUK
#ComedyCentralLive
Do not miss the brilliant
@destheray
onComedy Central Live this Friday at 10pm.
#ComedyCentralLive
@ComedyCentralUK
. ✨
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I made it the F home! & only 3ish hours later than I anticipated. The upshot is that there were lovely people working the railways, wedged in the corridor of the train who were nice & all of you who kept my spirits up throughout. So thanks 2all… possibly even those stupid trees.
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More people protested in a foreign country than went to his inauguration in his own.
#dumptrump
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